


Road Trip 8: Southern Detour

by EnthusiasticFish



Series: Road Trip [8]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Drama, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 01:48:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 115,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30048093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnthusiasticFish/pseuds/EnthusiasticFish
Summary: After circumstances force a change in plans, Tim and Tony decide to go on a road trip down to Florida. It's supposed to be just a road trip, just fun. It isn't. It never is.
Series: Road Trip [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2150025
Comments: 8
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick note for all readers. I started writing this story back in October, long before any of the pandemic stuff, so please note that this is not happening in a COVID-19 world.
> 
> Also, this is the most recently-written story for this series. I'm working on part 9 right now.

**Southern Detour  
** by Enthusiastic Fish

The really happy person is the one who can enjoy the scenery, even when they have to take a detour. ~ James Jeans

**Chapter 1**

Tony walked into the hospital, thinking that this was the worst kind of driving he ever did.

Full of worry for someone else.

In this case, Delilah had called and he had taken off to get to the hospital (after making sure Jo was okay with it, of course). Over four hours to fret about it in the car, not daring to call and get more info while driving because he was worrying about the fact that Tim was in the hospital and had been for at least a few days.

He got directions to Tim's room and hurried there.

Delilah was out in the hallway and she smiled when she saw him, although she was clearly worried, too.

"Tony, I didn't realize you were going to come _today_. You could have waited until the weekend," she said.

"No, I couldn't," Tony said. "What's going on?"

Delilah sighed and gestured for Tony to sit down. He did, although he wanted to see Tim. She rolled over beside him and he could see the strain she'd been under.

"At the beginning of last week..."

"Last week?" Tony repeated. "Why–?"

"Tony, please. Let me just tell you."

"Sorry."

"Last week, Esther got the flu. I mean the real influenza. You know she's always had a little weaker immune system than Evelyn, but it's the summertime. We just didn't even think about the flu being a problem. She came home from a little day camp they had and she wasn't feeling well. By the evening, she was running a high fever and she was so lethargic that we were scared. Tim took her to the doctor right away and he said she had influenza. He told us to give her some acetaminophen and to watch her to make sure that she didn't develop any breathing problems. That's what leads to children going to bed one night and being dead in the morning."

"The doctor said _that_?" Tony asked, startled.

"No. But we read between the lines and that's what he meant."

"And?"

"And we decided that one of us would stay up with her until she started feeling better, just to make sure that nothing happened. We asked her which of us she wanted to stay with her."

"And she picked Tim," Tony said, smiling.

Delilah smiled, too. "Yes, of course. You know, we'd never planned on that becoming reality, that I had a twin and Tim had a twin, but it's what happened. Esther has always been more of a daddy's girl. So Tim sat up with her for the next couple of nights. She never got a lot worse, but we were worried, and she just wanted her daddy to make her feel better."

"And Tim would never say no, no matter what," Tony said.

Delilah nodded. "He took the first day off, but he insisted that he was fine the next day, even though he stayed up with her again...and checked on her multiple times even after she was starting to feel better."

"And she's okay?"

"You'd never know she was sick now. She bounced back really fast like kids do."

"So what happened, then?" Tony asked.

"At the end of the week, Tim said that he wasn't feeling very good and that he was going to go to bed early and try to catch up on all the sleep he hadn't been getting while Esther was sick. We thought that was all it was. I told him I'd get the kids to bed and he just went and was asleep in seconds. I didn't think anything of it. I got all the kids to bed and then I went to bed. Tim was asleep. I figured a good night of sleep and he'd be fine the next morning. ...that's not what happened."

"What happened?" Tony asked for the fourth time.

"I woke up in the middle of the night because I was hot. I rolled over and Tim was lying there, breathing irregularly. He was hot to the touch and when I woke him up, he said he hurt all over. He was barely coherent. I was so afraid, and I had to call for an ambulance to come and get him because I couldn't get him even to sit up. Tony, I've never been so afraid in my life. Tim was so weak and so hot. They took him to the hospital and he ended up with pneumonia."

"Why was it so bad?" Tony asked. "I wouldn't have thought Tim would get hit so hard."

"Who knows? The doctor thinks that it was a lot of things. You know that Tim is always a little more stressed than he should be. It's just how he operates now. Then, with him being the one taking care of Esther, he was right with her all the time and not getting enough sleep. He probably wasn't getting enough to eat, either, but I can't always police that part, even though I try. It just was that combination and he was worn out and rundown. He had no ability left to fight it off after being so thoroughly exposed and it took him down hard."

"Okay, so how is he?"

"He's on the recovery side, but he's really weak. They won't let him out until he's stronger."

Tony nodded. Then, he took a breath.

"So... why didn't you tell me sooner? I could have been here."

For the first time, Delilah's eyes filled with tears.

"Because I was so scared that my husband was going to die that I couldn't think of anything else besides Tim and our kids. People like Tim aren't supposed to die of the flu! It's supposed to wear them out for a few days and then everything is normal. It's not supposed to turn into pneumonia! ...but with Tim... it did. My brain didn't have room for anything else, Tony. I didn't even call our parents until... just a couple of days ago. In fact, Tim's parents are home with the kids right now. I've been here with him as much as I could, but we didn't want to risk the kids getting sick. So none of them have even been able to see their daddy for days. Tommy keeps asking when he can come and..." She tried to smile. "I've been a little stressed out, Tony."

Tony leaned over and hugged her tightly.

"I'm sorry, Delilah. I just wish I'd been here to help."

Delilah laughed through her tears.

"If it makes you feel any better, Tim woke up this morning and asked where you were. He basically said the same thing you did. So I promised to call you and... here you are. Way sooner than I expected."

"So can I go and see him or is he still off limits?"

"You can go and see him. He'd like that, I think."

"Okay. I'll be back."

He squeezed Delilah's hand and then walked over to Tim's room and stepped inside. Instantly, he could see just how ill Tim had been. He was pale. He had some oxygen supplement. He was on an I.V. There was even a heart monitor. It had been bad.

"Hey, Tim," he said softly.

Tim's eyes opened lazily and he smiled. He put the bed up so he could look at Tony and while he didn't look great, his eyes were clear and aware.

"Hey, Tony," he said, his voice raspy and weak. "How was the drive?"

"Long. Traffic was bad and there was construction like there always is. You look terrible."

"Yeah, I'm sure. I've felt better," Tim said.

He wheezed a little and Tony could tell it was supposed to be a laugh.

"You know what, Tony?"

"What?"

"I could use a road trip."

"Right now?"

"Well, maybe not right _now_."

"I don't think you're going to be ready for Banff even in a month. We were going to go hiking."

Another wheezy laugh and Tim lay his head back so he could look at the ceiling.

"Probably not." He just breathed for a few seconds. "Maybe we'll put that off for a little while. Go somewhere else."

Tony sat down by the bed, trying to talk like usual and not let Tim's obvious debility affect him too much.

"Have you thought about where?"

"Well... remember how...Tommy was wanting to do that space camp down in Florida and we weren't sure about letting him go by himself?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you get Daniel to go?"

Tony started to smile as he saw what Tim was getting at.

"I don't know. He hasn't really done much with astronomy, but... maybe, especially if it was part of a road trip. He's actually been bringing it up himself, and I wanted him to go while he thinks he can."

"Sounds good," Tim said.

"So where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. South. We've never really gone that direction without... going west first. So maybe we could just drive down the coast and see stuff down that way, drop off... Tommy and Daniel at the camp, go see some stuff and then..."

"Pick them up," Tony said when Tim seemed to be running out of breath again. "We could do that. Will you have the time off after all this?"

"Sick days... not personal days," Tim said. "I've got the time."

"I'm okay with this."

"Good. Then, I'll let you plan it because..." Another breath. "...because I'm really tired, believe it or not."

"Oh, come on. You've just been laying around. Why would you be tired?" Tony asked, forcing it a little bit.

Tim smiled. Then, he sobered.

"This scared me, Tony. I wasn't... ready for it at all."

"I'm sure. Seems like it scared everyone. It scared me and I only found out this morning."

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Not your fault."

"Thanks for coming."

"Anytime."

"I know."

"And now, I'm going to go and hang out with your wife."

Tim smiled. "I'll bet she'd like that. Tommy will... be happy, too. I miss him. Tell him that, okay? Tell the girls, too. I really miss them and I can't wait to come home again."

"Will do."

"Okay. Get out of here and let me sleep."

Tony leaned over and slugged Tim gently on the shoulder.

"Get better, Tim. That's all you have to do."

"Okay."

Tim's eyes closed and he was asleep again before Tony left.

Tony went out and smiled at Delilah.

"I see why you were scared."

"Yeah."

"But he's really getting better?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Then, I'll start planning the road trip."

Delilah just blinked at him for a second. Then, she laughed.

"Oh, that figures. First day he's coherent and he just wants a vacation."

Tony grinned. "Took me by surprise. He wants to take Tommy and Daniel down to the space camp."

"Oh, yeah. That would actually be great. That'll give him time to get better, but I thought you were going to do Banff for the next one."

"We'll just call it a bit of a detour."

"Yeah. Opposite direction detour."

"Yep. Doesn't matter. We'll still have fun."

Delilah reached out and took Tony's hand and held it tightly.

"Thank you so much, Tony. For everything."

"Hey, what's family for? Now, can I have dinner at your place?"

"Of course."

"Great. I'll pass along Tim's message to the kids and get some downtime before heading out."

"Tonight?"

"Yeah. I have to get home. Some of us have to work," he said, smiling.

"Thank you for coming. I know it's a pain to drive."

"Nope. Not when it's family."

"Thank you anyway," Delilah said.

Tony just grinned. He was still worried about Tim, but thinking of a road trip would give him something else to distract him from any worries.

And it would be fun. That would be enough.

They had a month to prepare.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Now, Tim, I don't want you trying to do anything yet," Delilah said, severely. "Just because they let you come home doesn't mean you're better."

Tim laughed tiredly.

"Delilah, I'll be lucky if I can stay awake long enough to say hi to the kids when we get home. Don't worry."

"I will worry because I don't believe you for even a second."

"Well, you should. I'm surprised that you didn't call Tony and have him come and pick us up."

Delilah smiled. "I wanted you to come home to your family. Just us."

Tim smiled back and kissed her quickly.

"I'm sorry to be so much trouble."

"I'll only be mad if I find out you intentionally _tried_ to get the flu."

"Definitely not."

"Good."

They got home and then went inside.

"Daddy!"

As usual, Esther was the first one to see Tim come in and she ran at him excitedly.

"Daddy!"

No matter how fast she ran, though, Tommy was the one to get to Tim first. And Tommy was hugging Tim around the waist.

"You're home, Dad!" Tommy said.

Tim hugged him back.

"Yes, I am."

Then, Evelyn and Esther were hugging his legs. Tim looked at Delilah and she smiled.

"Okay, kids. You need to let Dad sit down. He's still getting better."

Instantly, Tommy let him go and looked at Tim with concern.

"You're not okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine, Tommy," Tim said. "But I am still tired."

Tommy started pulling at Evelyn and Esther.

"Let Daddy sit down," Tommy said.

"It's okay," Tim said. He walked over to the couch and sat down, feeling tired out with the minor exertion.

Then, Evelyn and Esther climbed onto his lap and hugged him again. Tim looked at Tommy and smiled.

"I'm okay, Tommy," he said.

"Are you sure, Dad?"

"Yeah. I'm sure," Tim said. Then, he hugged Esther and Evelyn. "In fact, how about I read a story now that I'm here?"

"I pick!"

"I pick!"

The twins shouted out at the exact same time.

"Okay, if they're short, you can each pick one."

The twins leapt off Tim's lap and ran for their bedroom.

"Tommy, will you come and help me get dinner?" Delilah asked.

Tommy looked like he wanted to protest, but he nodded. Tim slugged him gently on the arm as he walked by.

"I'm not going anywhere," Tim said. "The twins will be in bed before you."

Tommy did smile that time and nodded again.

"Pick me out a good plate, Tommy."

Tommy laughed and perked up. He still liked picking out the dishware for meals, but it was a little more mature, now. He usually picked them out on the basis of what he thought each person deserved that day. It had led to some interesting choices in the past, but luckily, he usually wasn't allowed to do it when he was in a bad mood.

The twins came running back in with their favorite books. Tim let them both snuggle up to him on the couch and he read to them, thinking about how wonderful it was to be home with his family. It was still frightening how sick he'd been, but disregarding that part, he could just enjoy reading to his girls.

He was halfway through the second book when he noticed Delilah and Tommy watching him. He just smiled and went back to the book. It wasn't a long one.

"'On Saturday, he ate through one piece of chocolate cake, one ice cream cone, one pickle...'"

"I don't like pickles," Esther said, scrunching up her face.

"I don't like pickles, too," Evelyn said, copying Esther.

"The caterpillar likes them," Tim said. "'...one slice of Swiss cheese...'"

"But Daddy, the cheese already has holes!" Esther said, pointing.

"He went through a part that didn't have holes."

"Oh."

"'...one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake...'"

"I love cupcakes!" Evelyn said. "I want a cupcake!"

"Not today, Evelyn."

"Okay."

"'...and one slice of watermelon. That night he had a stomachache!'"

Tim kept reading, although he had to crane his neck as both Evelyn and Esther leaned over the book, pointing to the caterpillar and almost blocking his view of the words. He almost had them memorized, but the girls had them memorized better than he did and if he skipped, they'd say something. But finally, they were at the end.

"'Then, he nibbled a hole in the cocoon, pushed his way out and...'"

Tim paused and then, the three of them said the last line together.

"'He became a beautiful butterfly! The end!'"

The twins clapped and then Tim looked up at Delilah.

"Okay. Dinner is ready. Let's go," she said.

Tim gently pushed Evelyn and Esther off the couch and they ran into the kitchen giggling. Then, Tim started to get up, but Delilah stopped him.

"Tim, you don't have to do everything tonight," she said softly.

Tim cupped his hand on her cheek.

"My family is the most important and best thing in my life," he said. "I'm doing everything I can handle doing because I _want_ to, not because I think I have to. And the only other thing I _need_ to do tonight is talk to Tommy."

"He can wait."

"Yeah, but he shouldn't have to. The girls got me before dinner. He can have me after. Just for a while. Then, I'll go to bed."

"Okay."

Tim stood up and walked carefully into the kitchen.

"What are we having?"

"Soup!" Esther said.

"Sounds great."

Tim sat down in his usual spot, and this time, Tommy claimed the seat beside him. Esther usually got to it first, but because Tommy set the table, he got to choose where his plate went. Everyone else's plates could change, but Tommy's was always the same one. He had made it in school the year before and he loved that he'd made his own plate. That was always his. He was proud of it.

...which was why Tim was surprised to notice that Tommy had put his plate in Tim's usual seat.

"Tommy, you gave me the wrong plate," Tim said. "Are you sitting here?"

"No, Dad. I want you to use it today."

Tim felt unaccountably touched and he squeezed Tommy's shoulders.

"I'm honored."

The soup was simple and Tim was glad of it. He hadn't eaten very complex stuff in the hospital and it was good to ease back into normal food.

Tommy cleaned up under Delilah's watchful eye and the girls didn't protest about getting ready for bed. Tim figured that Delilah must have prepped them for his first day back. They let Tommy stay up about half an hour later than the twins, mostly so that he could feel like he was the older brother. They still wanted him to get plenty of sleep, so they didn't let him stay up _too_ late, not even in the summer.

Tim could admit that he was really tired and wanted to go to bed, but he knew that Tommy needed some of his time tonight. It was better to do it and then go to bed.

"Dad?"

Tim looked over and smiled.

"Hey, Tommy."

"Are you tired?"

"Yes, but I want to talk to you, first."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Come on over."

Tommy walked over and sat down, looking far older than his nine years. Tim knew why. He had never seen his dad really sick. He had never seen his dad need to go to the hospital. This had been scary, and he needed some reassurance.

"Did you get scared when I was sick?" Tim asked.

Tommy nodded.

"I'm sorry, Tommy. I was scared, too."

"You were?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I've never been sick like that before. I didn't know how it felt. I was so happy that I was feeling better."

"Are you better?"

"Not completely. Not yet, but I'm getting better and now that I'm home, I just need to rest and I'll get better. Promise."

"Okay."

"Now, more importantly, did you see Tony when he came to visit?"

Tommy nodded.

"Well, while he was visiting me, we decided that we need to do a road trip this summer before school starts. How do you feel about that?"

"Where would we go?" Tommy asked, looking surprised, but there was a growing expression of delight.

"Maybe... down to Florida?"

Tommy's eyes widened.

"When the space camp is?"

"Yeah."

"I could go to the space camp?"

"Yeah," Tim said, smiling.

"But Mom said that I couldn't."

"Well, here's the thing. Tony said that Daniel would go, too. So you wouldn't be there by yourself. So we'd drop you two off at the space camp and then pick you up when it's over. What do you think?"

"Can _you_ do it, Daddy?" Tommy asked, looking concerned again.

"Yes. It won't be for another couple of weeks and I'll be a lot better by then."

"What will you do when I'm at camp?"

"Tony and I will go around and see some places, but it'll just be simple stuff. Nothing big. What do you think? Do you want to go?"

"And Daniel would be there, too?"

"Yep."

Tommy began to smile.

"Do you want to go, Tommy?"

"Yes!"

"Good. Then, we'll be going."

Tommy gave him a big hug and looked like he was going to start dancing, he was so excited. He didn't do that anymore, but he looked like he might want to. Actually, Tim could identify with the feeling. He loved the idea of the space camp (and was privately jealous since he hadn't been able to do it when he was Tommy's age) and he had been thrilled that Tommy wanted to do it.

Then, Tommy hugged him again and went off to tell Delilah. Tim watched him go and sighed. He would be glad when he had his energy back again. He didn't like being so tired.

But he had promised Delilah that he would go to bed, so he forced himself to get up and go into his bedroom. He slowly got himself ready and then climbed into bed and lay down, feeling exhausted by the process.

Delilah came in a little bit later.

"You should have waited until tomorrow to tell Tommy about the trip," she said. "He's still bouncing off the walls."

"Well, I'd rather have him bouncing off the walls than afraid for me," Tim said. "Give him something to look forward to instead of something to dread."

Delilah rolled over to his side of the bed and she felt his forehead.

"I'm not feverish. Just tired," Tim said.

"Good."

She kissed him and then leaned back.

"This scared all of us, Tim."

"I know."

"So don't push it."

"I won't. In fact, if you stop talking to me, I'll go to sleep right now."

"Ha. I love you."

"I love you, too," Tim said. Then, he closed his eyes and fell asleep before Delilah could say anything else.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"You still want to do it?" Jo asked. "Will Tim really be ready? I mean, he only got home from the hospital today."

Tony examined the recipe he was trying out, focusing mostly on that. He'd never made beef rouladen before and since both Grace and Daniel were on this kick of complaining every time he made Italian food, he was doing German tonight because he'd never done anything German before and so he knew they wouldn't know what it was.

"Tony, are you listening?"

"Yeah, Jo. I'm listening. Tim will be ready. We're not going to Banff for that reason."

"But still..."

Tony looked up from the recipe.

"Are you worried about Tim or about Daniel?"

Jo looked a little guilty.

"Come on, Jo. You can admit it," Tony said, smiling.

Finally, she laughed a little and nodded.

"This is going to be the first time he'll be somewhere without Grace for more than a day. It'll be a full week and _you_ won't even be there the whole time. ...and we're still getting Ivan adjusted and..."

Tony reached over and kissed Jo on the cheek.

"Look, Daniel wants to do this. I don't know if I want my son to start being an astronomy nerd, but this is something he's really taken to, something different from what Grace does. It's _his_. The best thing _we_ can do is encourage him to try it. We can make sure that Grace isn't going to feel abandoned, and we can make sure that there is a way for Daniel to contact me if he decides it's not going to work."

Jo looked a little flustered. "When did you become so calm and collected?"

Tony chuckled and went back to his recipe.

"When you forced me to see a shrink for over a year. He shrunk my head and now, I'm great."

Jo punched his arm lightly.

"Very funny." Then, she hugged him around the waist. "Whatever it is, thank you for getting me back on track. It's this whole staying-at-home thing. I'm still not used to it. I _like_ it, but I'm not used to it."

Tony looked up again.

"I'm glad you were willing."

"For Ivan's sake..."

As if he'd heard his name, Ivan came into the kitchen.

"Supper yet?" he asked.

"Not yet, Ivan," Tony said. "I'm just getting started."

"No Italian?"

"Oh, no. Not you, too!" Tony said in the tone that he knew Ivan would understand. He sometimes couldn't understand the context of what was being said, but he was very sensitive to tone. He knew the emotion instinctively and reacted to that more than the words.

This time, he heard the joke, even if he didn't get it, and he laughed loudly as he always did.

"No Italian," Tony said. "German."

"German? Is that good?"

"I hope so. Never tried it before, so no one can complain."

Ivan laughed again and let Jo lead him out of the room. They'd had Ivan for a year now and it was starting to get easier. Grace and Daniel doted on him, and Ivan doted on Sam to the extent that Sam let him. His glasses only helped him so much, and he still had a few meltdowns every month, mostly when he could tell that other people were upset. He didn't know how to deal with it, so he freaked out. He needed someone available pretty much all the time as he eased into this new stable life. Jo had decided that she would quit her job to be at home with him and at school part of the day to help out. He was learning Braille and listened to audio books all the time. He was really sweet, but it had taken quite some time to get into any semblance of a routine with him, and even Jo had admitted that they shouldn't try to add to their family any more than they had. Grace and Daniel were fourteen going on fifteen. Ivan was eleven, and Sam was three. They hadn't completely ruled out more kids, but Jo agreed that they wouldn't do any more fostering, at least not for the foreseeable future. Ivan's adoption hadn't gone through yet, but they were sure that they'd be getting it soon.

"Tony? You need any help?" Daniel asked.

"Sure. You can chop up an onion for me."

"An onion?" Daniel asked with distaste. "It'll get all over my hands."

Tony looked at him and then lifted his hand and rubbed his index finger and his thumb together.

"Do you know what this is?" he asked.

"What?"

"It's the world's smallest violin playing 'My Heart Bleeds for You.'"

Daniel looked confused. "Huh?"

"It means, I'm not sympathetic. You can chop an onion. Besides, toothpaste will get the smell off your hands."

"It will?"

"Yep. Done it myself."

"You wash your hands with toothpaste?"

"Sometimes. Like when I've chopped an onion."

"Huh."

"You still want to help?" Tony asked.

Daniel looked like he was reconsidering, but then, he smiled.

"Yes."

"Good."

He walked over and took the onion and a knife and began chopping. Tony started laying out the thinly-sliced steaks so that he could roll them.

"You ready for the trip?" he asked.

"Yes." Then, Daniel looked at him. "I don't have to hang out with Tommy the whole time, do I?"

"Nope. From what I know, there's a different camp for the younger kids. You'll be in the same place, but doing different things."

"Oh."

Daniel looked a little uncertain. This was a really big step for him. He still had some anxiety and they were trying to get him to step away from his twin sister and embrace his own interests, trusting that the people he cared about wouldn't leave him when he wasn't looking.

"But you'll still be in the same place. So I'll bet you'll see Tommy still."

Daniel nodded but seemed less sure.

"Daniel, you want to do this?"

"Yes! I really do. I want to do it."

Tony smiled.

"Then, you'll have to take a little step into something you don't know will be good right off the bat. You might get nervous. You might even get a little scared, but I promise that if you try to have fun, you'll probably succeed." Then, he smiled mischievously. "And you can make Tim jealous."

"What?" Daniel asked, smiling a little himself.

"Tim is a total astronomy nerd. He'll be so jealous that you got to do this. He'll probably ask you as many questions as Tommy usually asks."

Daniel laughed at that. He and Grace had babysat for Tim and Delilah once and when they got back, Daniel had asked if Tommy ever stopped asking questions. The answer, of course, was rarely. But Tommy also looked up to Daniel because he was older and that meant he knew more, which was true in a lot of ways, but it was good for Daniel to have someone thinking he was a person to admire. It made him more confident.

"It's not really the astronomy as much as the rockets," Daniel admitted. "I don't care as much as about the star stuff."

"Doesn't matter. Tim will love it all."

"Will he be okay? You said he was really sick."

"Yeah, he will. He won't be quite as peppy as he usually is, probably, but he'll be fine," Tony said, hoping that he was right. He hadn't been able to go up to visit for a while. "In fact, how would you feel about going over there this weekend and going over our road trip plans?"

"Just you and me?"

"Yep. Sound good?"

"Yes!" Daniel said, and then remembered he wasn't supposed to be so excited about hanging out with his adoptive dad and he tried to be cool about it as he went back to chopping the onions.

Tony suppressed a smile.

"All right, we'll plan on it."

This was looking to be better and better as far as Tony was concerned. Good for everyone involved.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Will Grace be okay?" Daniel asked as they got close to DC.

Tony smiled. It had suddenly registered for Grace that Daniel was going to be gone for a whole week. She still had a hard time admitting that she would miss someone, so instead, she complained about the guys getting to do everything and the girls always had to stay at home. Since she and Jo had gone on more than one day trip together and they were planning a big family trip once Ivan's adoption went through, her complaints had fallen on deaf ears and she had given Daniel the cold shoulder that morning.

"She's fine, Daniel."

"I don't like it when she gets mad."

"I know. I don't, either, but she has to learn sometime," Tony said. "This is good for her. When we get back, she'll be happy to see us."

"Are you sure?"

"As sure as I can be," Tony said.

Daniel looked at him with that expression he sometimes got when he looked far too old for his fifteen years.

"How sure is that?"

Tony reached over and squeezed his shoulder.

"I'll wait until we get home to tell you."

Daniel laughed.

"Are you ready for Tommy?" Tony asked.

"I don't know. Will he keep asking me questions I don't know the answers to?"

"Probably. You're cool, Daniel. You're a bigger kid and Tommy thinks you're amazing. He's going to be thrilled that you're going, too."

Tony could tell that Daniel liked that. The reality of Tommy hanging on him wasn't as good, but the idea that someone, not family, really wanted to be with him was great.

"Can I tell him to shut up sometimes?"

"Maybe not like that, but right now, you can tell him to ask his dad if you don't know or if you just want to get away from him. Tim might not know either, but he'll be able to deal with it."

"I don't get why Tim does. Can't he just tell Tommy to knock it off?"

"No, he can't," Tony said. "Because Tim would never say that to his kids. He would rather deal with annoying questions than have them afraid to ask."

Daniel was quiet for a few minutes. This was always iffy territory, but both Daniel _and_ Grace were getting better with it.

"He loves them," Daniel said softly.

"Yeah," Tony said.

Then, he hesitated. He didn't always feel as comfortable expressing himself, but Daniel and Grace had needed him to, and so he worked on it. After years of neglect and abuse, they needed someone to show them the opposite...and as Jo had told him more than once, it couldn't just be her.

"Just like I love you," Tony said, trying not to sound stupid.

"Even when we're annoying?" Daniel asked.

Tony grinned. "Even then. But you don't have to test me on that one."

Daniel laughed and relaxed. So did Tony. Another minefield successfully traversed.

They got up to Tim's house and parked on the street. Instantly, the front door opened and Tommy ran out.

"Tony! Daniel! You're here!"

He ran to meet them and hugged Tony first and then began to pull on Daniel's hand.

"I want to see what you're going to be doing at the space camp, Daniel! I'm in the kid group, but you'll be with the bigger kids and they get to do more, Dad said!"

Daniel looked at Tony who just laughed.

"Don't yank his arm out of his socket, Tommy. Daniel can walk. He knows where to go."

Tommy did let Daniel go, but he walked right beside him, almost like a puppy, excited to see this big kid who talked to him. Tommy hadn't started growing much yet, either, and Daniel was growing like a weed. So the difference in height, age and maturity were all apparent.

"Where's your dad?" Tony asked.

"In the backyard," Tommy said and his excitement was tempered a little.

"Something wrong?" Daniel asked.

"Dad still gets tired easy. He says he's better, but..." For just a moment Tommy's lower lip quivered.

Daniel looked worried that there might be tears. Tony just forced himself to smile.

"Don't worry, Tommy. Your dad is getting better and do you know what else?"

"What?"

"While you guys are at the camp, I'm going to take him to the beach and let him lay around. That will help him get better, too. So don't worry about it."

"Really?"

"Yep."

Tommy brightened, although Tony could still see the worry. He hoped that this was just Tommy unsure about seeing his dad so different and not that Tim really was having a hard time recovering.

"Where's your mom?" Tony asked.

"Mom took Evelyn and Esther to the store. They're going clothes shopping," Tommy said, wrinkling his nose.

Tony laughed.

"Good thing you're here then. Let's go bug your dad."

Tommy ran off ahead of them. Then, Tony noticed Daniel looking at him in something akin to awe.

"What?"

"How did you get so good at that?"

"At what?"

"Making Tommy not worry. I thought he was going to cry."

"So did I."

"How did you do that?"

"He's a little kid and it's easy to get him to think about other things, especially since I think that he's just worried because he's suddenly seeing that his dad can get sick. If Tim wasn't getting better, I'm sure Delilah would have told me."

"Huh."

Daniel didn't say anything else, but Tony sensed that he was impressed. They went to the back and Tim was lying out on a chair in the sun, looking very relaxed. Still pale, but relaxed.

"Hey, Tim. Getting a tan before our trip?" Tony asked.

Tim squinted at him and smiled.

"I was wearing sunglasses before, and Delilah pointed out that I'd be giving myself a very strange tan line." He sat up. "Hey, Daniel. Nice to see you."

"Hi."

Daniel was a little uncomfortable. He hadn't seen Tim sick or weak before, either, and it was weird.

Tim smiled as if he knew exactly what Daniel was thinking.

"Have a seat, you guys. Tommy's getting some lemonade, and I hope you don't mind if he tries to get at every little thing you'll be doing at the space camp," Tim said.

"He already said something about that," Daniel said.

"I'm sure he did. Well, feel free to fend him off if you need to, but he'd love to be able to talk about this with someone else who will be there. He hasn't admitted it, but I think he's a little nervous about going and he's glad that you'll be there, too."

Daniel glanced at Tony who just shrugged. He hadn't told Tim to say anything, although he had told Tim about Daniel being a little nervous about the trip. Tim could draw his own conclusions.

Tommy came out, carefully carrying a tray with lemonade. He set it down on the table by Tim's chair, looking relieved that he hadn't dropped it. Then, he ran over to Daniel.

"Can you show me what the big kids get to do, Daniel? Dad said I could use the computer to look at it."

Tommy looked so hopeful that Tony knew even Daniel couldn't resist it.

"Okay, sure."

Tommy's smile was a mile wide and he led Daniel inside, talking all the while. Tim watched him go and then grinned at Tony.

"This has been so good for Tommy," he said. "He's been worried about me, and this has given him something to be happy about."

"Is he right to be worried?" Tony asked.

Tim smiled easily and shook his head. "No. I'm getting better. I'm actually going to go to work on Monday. Not all day, but just to start easing back into it. In fact, Weston is already in protection mode and he won't let me do too much, not that I'm tempted to anyway."

"So...what gives?"

"With what?"

"Why did you get so sick?"

Tim shrugged. "Don't know. Just lucky, I guess. That's why I'm not pushing it. I just want to get back to all the parts of my life as I can."

"So what do you think we'll do with our time while Tommy and Daniel are at the space camp?"

"Nothing too strenuous. Delilah would kill me," Tim said. "But I know there are some places where you can check out springs and stuff on a boat and see a lot. Maybe we could drive down to Key West and stand on the end of the United States."

"Will we have time for something like that?"

"I don't know, but we have five days while the boys are at the camp."

"True. I'm thinking two days to get down there so we don't have to rush. Then, we have five days...but probably less than that since we have to make sure we're there to pick the boys up on the last day. Then, we can head north again."

"By a different route," Tim added, smiling.

"Of course," Tony said, with a grin.

"Sounds like a start, anyway. Maybe by then, I'll be able to do something besides sit around."

"I was thinking we'd spend some time on the beaches."

"Yeah, but they'll be crowded at this time of year," Tim said.

"I'll bet we can find some that aren't. There are always places that are less crowded. And I think you could use the relaxation."

"I've been sitting around for days now, Tony," Tim said.

"I didn't say sitting around. I said relaxation."

"Uh-huh."

"You'll see."

"Well, one thing I do want to see is the Everglades. I've never been to Florida before. And I _don't_ want to go to Disney World."

"I don't want to _pay_ to go to Disney World. It's way expensive."

"I'm sure it is, and I'm not in the mood to pay for it...or have you pay for it, either."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Probie."

"Ha. Now, I have to ask the question," Tim said.

"What question?"

"Whatever happened to the guy who insisted that we couldn't plan anything because it wasn't a real road trip if it wasn't spontaneous?"

Tony laughed and actually sighed a little.

"He had to grow up sometime. And now, he has kids who need structure."

Tim seemed to catch the change in tone.

"Regrets?" he asked.

Tony did smile. "I've had a few."

Tim laughed. "Really, Tony."

Tony shook his head. "No big ones. The stuff I've given up has been replaced by better things. The only reason a person can live without any plan is because there's no one else to plan for, and... well, you're the one who showed me that I don't really want that."

It was Tim's turn to shake his head. "I might have reminded you when you forgot, but you already knew that."

Then, the door opened.

"Dad, can't I do the older camp with Daniel? It's a lot cooler than mine. He gets to do SCUBA diving!" Tommy said.

Tim laughed. "Are you fifteen, Tommy?"

"No."

"How old are you?"

Tommy gave a long-suffering sigh. "Nine."

"Exactly. You get to do a lot of the same things, just at different levels. And if this works out, maybe you can go back again another year."

"Really?"

"No promises and definitely not _next_ year, but maybe."

Tommy mouthed _wow_ as he considered the idea of going back more than once. He went back into the house.

As soon as he was gone, Tim chuckled.

"Figures that Tommy would find a reason to be upset about going to a space camp."

"You're jealous, aren't you," Tony said.

Tim grinned. "Of course."

"There are adult programs, too."

"No. I'm just going to live vicariously through my son...and through yours, too."

Tony laughed. "I warned Daniel about that."

"I won't ask as many questions as Tommy," Tim said, grinning.

"I doubt that."

"Cross my heart," Tim said.

"Okay, Tim. I want you to level with me," Tony said, suddenly feeling serious again.

"Yeah?"

"Are you really okay? I know you. You push yourself beyond what you think you can handle because you think you have to. This is a vacation, nothing serious. Not even Tommy and Daniel will be hurt if you can't do it. They'll be disappointed but not hurt. So are you really going to be okay in a couple of weeks to do this?"

Tim smiled, but it was a different sort of smile. Tony couldn't figure out exactly what expression it was, but it was different.

"Yes, Tony. I know I scared everyone with this illness. I scared myself." He looked out at the yard. "I went to bed feeling really tired and woke up feeling like I could barely move. It was like all my energy was sucked out of me, leaving me limp. When Delilah woke me up, I barely could talk to her. It was like the world was separated from me by thick cotton. I couldn't hear, couldn't see, couldn't touch. It was bizarre and terrifying at the same time. I was scared. And I don't want to go through that again." He looked back at Tony. "I am okay, and I'm getting better every day. I'm not trying to pretend. I'm not doing this out of any sense of obligation. I want to get better, and I know I won't if I push it. So please, trust me a little. I'm not suggesting hikes on this trip. I'm not suggesting anything strenuous _because_ I know I won't be ready for that yet. I want this trip because I think it will be fun. It will be good for Tommy and apparently for Daniel, too. And it's been awhile since our last trip and I've missed doing it. I want to go on a road trip this summer, no matter where it is. So I'll accept being mostly a passenger. I'll accept having to take it easy... just so that I can go on a road trip with my best friend. ...and my brother."

As he always was, Tony was touched by the continued reminder of how Tim thought of him. He reached over and squeezed Tim's shoulder.

"And with that emotional blackmail, how could I possibly refuse?"

Tim grinned mischievously.

"Why do you think I said it?"

They both laughed and toasted each other with their lemonades.

"Well, how would you feel about getting something for lunch?" Tony asked, now determined to trust Tim's feeling about what he could handle.

And to his credit, Tim did give it real consideration before nodding.

"Nothing too wild. Just simple."

"Sure. Let's tear the boys away from the computer and get going."

Tony stood up and put out his hand. Tim took it and let Tony help him up. He was a little dismayed to note that Tim did actually seem to be needing the help, but when he started walking, while he wasn't very energetic, he was walking normally.

Then, Tim noticed the scrutiny.

"I've been walking around for days, Tony. I can handle it."

"Can you handle Tommy is the better question," Tony said.

"Oh, I can do that. I'll just tell him he can't jump on me so he has to jump on you instead."

Tony laughed and put an arm around Tim's shoulders.

"No way, man. I can't handle that anymore. I'm getting too old."

"Wimp," Tim said.

"Whatever, McSicky. Hey, guys. We're going out for lunch!" he called. "Get off the computer!"

There were cheers from both boys and Tony was glad to hear it. Anytime he got to see Tim being a dad was great...and anytime he got to see Daniel being a normal kid was better.

Just a couple of weeks to go.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Okay, Tim, are you sure about this?" Maren asked. "I mean, you've only been back at work for a couple of weeks. I mean, you could have died!"

Tim smiled. "Maren, I'm not going on a ten-day trek into the Amazon. We're going down to Florida. Tony has said he's going to force me to relax on a beach for at least one of the days, but even beyond that, we're not doing anything strenuous. Besides, I'm feeling a lot better than I was. If my stamina isn't quite up to par, it's getting there. I'm just worried about leaving you guys again so soon after I got back. I've been in and out way too much lately."

"Well, don't worry about that," Weston said. "We're big kids. We tied our own shoes this morning and everything. ...well, _most_ of us did."

There was a pointed look at Maren who curled her sandal-clad feet under her chair.

"Just until the sunburn heals a little bit!" she protested. "The socks rub."

"Seriously, though, Tim," Sarah said, getting back on topic, "It hasn't been that long since you were sick, plus..." She stopped and they all were awkwardly silent for a few seconds.

Tim cleared his throat.

"I'm fine, Sarah. I appreciate the concern. I really do, but I'm fine, and after another week, I'll be even better. So...if you all don't mind me abandoning you once again, I'll be on my way home."

"Go for it," Maren said. "And send us a picture of you relaxing on the beach. I won't believe it unless there's evidence."

"You think I don't know how to relax?"

"Nope. You're never relaxed. No offense."

"Sorry, Tim, but she's right," Weston said. "I can't picture you relaxing on the beach. So we need documentation of this singular event."

Tim rolled eyes.

"I'll do that. See you next week."

They all waved and then Tim walked out of the building, but he wasn't surprised when Weston followed him. He turned around.

"Weston, I know everyone was worried about me, but I'm fine."

"Tim, I know you think we're mothering you, but that's not it. Even before you got sick..."

Tim shrugged uncomfortably.

"I got through it. No meltdowns."

"But it was close."

"Weston, I know that you worry about me, and I even appreciate it sometimes, but I'm not going to make more of that than needs to be made, okay? And now that I'm back to my usual form mentally, even if I'm not physically yet, I can say that I don't need the constant reminder, okay?"

"Okay, okay. Have fun on your trip," Weston said.

Tim smiled. "I will. We really are going to the beach at least one day."

"Because _you_ want to or because Tony has decided that you _should_ want to?"

Tim's smile widened to a grin. "Mostly the latter, but I _will_ be relaxing on a beach. You'll see."

"Maybe. I'll believe it when I see it. Enjoy yourself."

"That I can do."

Tim got in his car and headed home.

Privately, he could admit that a full day, even mostly at his desk, tired him out more than he liked. His doctor had cautioned him about doing too much too soon and Tim had tried to take that to heart, but it was hard being held back by his physical health. Most of his problems in the past had been mental, not physical, and it was very different having his body not working right rather than his mind. Probably, he had gone back to work a little too soon, but he wanted to demonstrate his commitment to his job when he was about to take some more time off, even if it made him feel a little guilty for doing it.

However, even though Weston had berated him a little for coming back instead of just taking an extended leave and using that time to fully recover, he had been determined to do his job until his trip started.

...and it would start tomorrow. Tim could honestly say that he was excited about it.

He got home and walked inside.

"Daddy's home!" Esther shouted out.

Tim saw the twins come running in to meet him and he knelt down. He knew that he'd be a little shaky lifting them both up like he usually did. Esther got to him first as she always did, but Evelyn was close behind. He hugged them both tightly as usual and enjoyed seeing his daughters happy about him coming home.

"What did you two do today?" he asked.

"Come and see, Daddy," Evelyn said, pulling him.

"Yes! Come and see! It's... cool!" Esther said, trying out the word she'd heard Tommy saying lately.

Tim laughed and let them pull him into his bedroom. He had expected theirs so he wasn't sure what was coming. He could hear Delilah laughing from the kitchen, so that prepared him.

Sort of.

"Surprise!" Esther and Evelyn said together.

Tim looked at his bed and there was an...outfit laid out beside his bag.

"Mommy let us help you pack, and we bought you clothes to wear on your trip!"

Tim couldn't suppress the laughter at what was displayed for him.

There was a pair of horrendously pink Bermuda shorts, an equally horrendously purple Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses, and blue flip flops.

"Oh... wow, girls. Thank you."

"We picked them! Mommy bought them, but we picked them!" Evelyn said.

"I can see that," Tim said, mentally deciding that he was going to get Delilah back for this somehow. "I'm flattered."

"I expect to see a picture of you wearing this, Tim," Delilah said from behind him.

He turned around and raised an eyebrow.

"I don't see how I could do anything else," he said.

Delilah's eyes were twinkling with mischief.

"How much help did you give them?" he asked.

"Only the sizes. I wanted to make sure they would fit," Delilah said, starting to laugh.

"Thank you. I'm so glad to know that they'll fit me. Where's Tommy?"

"In his room. He already busted a gut laughing when we brought them home."

The twins were still dancing around excitedly at the surprise, and Tim couldn't possibly disappoint them. Tim walked over to Delilah and leaned over to kiss her.

"I'm not wearing this in public, I hope you know," he said in a low voice.

"I'd pay good money to see you do just that," she said, almost giggling.

"No amount of money would be enough." Then, he straightened. "Okay, out of the bedroom while I change my clothes before dinner!"

Evelyn and Esther ran out of the room giggling, leaving Tim and Delilah alone.

"Delilah..." he said.

She grinned. "I promise. I didn't even suggest it. It was entirely their idea."

"And you just _had_ to go along with it?"

"Yes, I did. Make sure you pack those and take one picture on your trip in them. I don't care if it's just in your hotel room somewhere. Wear them once."

"I will, but Tony will never let me live it down, you know."

"I know."

Tim sighed and sat down on the bed.

"How was your day?" Delilah asked.

"Tiring. I'm tired of being tired, but it is getting better. It's just taking too long."

"This will be good for you, then. You still have enough saved up for Christmas?"

Tim nodded. "I made sure of that. Luckily, I've had sick days carry over from other years, so I didn't have to use any personal days while I was sick. HR isn't happy about my taking more time off now, but I don't care."

"I don't know if I've ever heard you say _don't care_ in conjunction with HR."

"Let's just say that my illness changed my perspective a little bit."

Then, as he had feared, Delilah got a little serious. She rolled over closer to him.

"Are you going to tell Tony?"

"Not if I can help it, but I might not be able to avoid it."

"Just remember how upset you were that he didn't tell you his dad had died."

"I remember, but this is different, and it's not about wanting to spare him grief. It's about me selfishly wanting to spare myself some grief. He'll start worrying about me again and that will make him prod more than I want him to. Tony can't let things like that ride anymore. Even when he should."

"Maybe he shouldn't. Tim, I don't think you would have been so sick if it hadn't been for..."

"Delilah, we can't know that," Tim said, interrupting her. "Not even Dr. Bourning can say that. I just got run down and the timing was bad for it. That's all."

"Maybe. I don't want to fight about it, but just don't lie to Tony, okay?"

"I won't. Now, let me change my clothes and what's for dinner?" he said all in one breath, smiling a little.

Delilah smiled back.

"It's a surprise."

"Better than this one, I hope," he said, pointing to the bed.

"Much."

"Okay."

Delilah left the room, and Tim lay back on the bed to stare at the ceiling. It wasn't that he didn't think there might be something to Delilah's thought, but he had got through this illness. He had got through the chaos that came before and he _hadn't_ had a meltdown. It had been close, but he'd managed to push through without turning into that person he hated. He didn't want to have people focusing on the problems instead of what he counted as a definite success.

He just wanted things to be simple, even if that was generally impossible.

Then, he looked over at the clothes the twins had picked out for him and he started to grin. He got up and began to take off his work clothes.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony decided to take a half day to make sure that Grace and Daniel were _both_ prepared for the upcoming departure. Better to head any problems off at the pass than to have them explode without warning.

They could still do that, of course, but it was better this way.

"So what are you going to do on your trip, Boss?" Bowman asked.

"Nothing too exciting," Tony said.

"Oh, come on. You're not getting old are you?" Wilkes asked, impudently.

"Of course, I am," Tony said, suppressing a grimace. "But Tim's getting over a pretty serious illness, and so we have to tone it down a little for his sake."

"That makes more sense. Where are you going?"

"Florida."

"Yeah, but that's a big state," Bowman said. "Where in Florida?"

"Tim wants to see the Everglades, and he mentioned wanting to go and stand at the point that's furthest south in Key West."

"Oh, yeah. I've been there," Bowman said. "It'll be packed this time of year."

"I'm sure. Worth going?"

"Of course, but you may want to try and sneak in first thing in the morning rather than get there in the afternoon."

"Good point. Is it a long drive?" Tony asked.

"From where?" Wilkes asked, ready with his phone. He loved this kind of thing.

"Cape Canaveral. That's where we're dropping Daniel and Tommy off for the camp."

"That shouldn't be more than seven hours or so," Bowman said. "Maybe eight or nine if you get really bad traffic. But you could take it easy and do..."

"Five hours and fifty-five minutes!" Wilkes said, interrupting.

Bowman scoffed. "I don't care what Google just told you. You're not doing that drive in six hours in the height of summer. _But_ , before I was so rudely interrupted..."

Wilkes just stuck out his tongue while Bowman rolled his eyes.

"...if you divided it up into two days, you could do the Everglades either going in or going out because they're down in that area, too."

"Good idea," Tony said. "Thanks. Don't destroy anything while I'm gone. If I hear anything negative about you two over the next week..."

"Yes, mother dear," Wilkes said. "We wouldn't want to ruin your reputation, Boss. We'll be good."

"Maybe with Bowman here to rein you in," Tony said.

Then, he grabbed his bag and headed for the door.

"Remember that Chaz will be watching!"

Bowman and Wilkes both laughed, although it was no idle threat. Tony knew that Chaz _would_ tell him if his team spent all their time goofing off. And he wasn't too worried anyway, so he gave them one last wave and headed out.

But once he got into his car, he paused for a moment. It wasn't Wilkes' comment about his getting old but the idea that he really had changed that much. Most of his life, Tony had been the happy-go-lucky guy. He was everybody's friend because he was laid back and he didn't sweat the small stuff. He didn't sweat most of the big stuff, either. He just went with the flow. He was a joker. Shallow but friendly. And now...

His life was almost unrecognizable. It wasn't that he hated the changes. He had been honest when Tim had asked him about regrets...but at the same time, he felt as though he had lost something of himself over the last few years. Even Jo had noticed when she'd asked about how calm and collected he'd become.

But what did that mean? Who was Tony DiNozzo nowadays? He was a husband, a father, a special agent, a team lead. He was the person who...

He was the person who made plans, and that was something he'd never been before.

And he wasn't sure he liked it.

But it was something he _had_ to be, at least to some degree. After all the years of chaos that Daniel and Grace had gone through, they needed the security of a schedule. They needed to know that there were plans in place, that they had somewhere to live, somewhere to be and people would be there for them. To a lesser extent, Ivan needed the same thing, but it was less about a schedule and more about stability. As long as people seemed happy, Ivan was happy.

_But what about me? Am I happy?_

And right at this moment, Tony wasn't sure. To a large degree, yes, he was. But at the same time, there was a bit of a yearning for the simpler days when he _didn't_ have those family ties. It had been a lot easier when it was only him.

He sighed and shoved all that to side for the moment. He had to get home and be happy with his life.

...and Ivan was sure to notice if he wasn't.

He put the car in gear and drove home.

Grace was sitting morosely on the front steps when he got there, and Tony knew why. Nothing she'd done had got the desired result. She was a little afraid and a lot sulky. It was funny in a way. Daniel had been the most fretful when they first got the twins. He had clung to Grace all the time, afraid that she would be gone if he ever looked away from her. Now, Daniel was coming into his own and it was Grace who was afraid... afraid that she'd lose her brother because he didn't need her as desperately.

Tony wasn't sure he wanted to deal with Grace like this, but Jo had probably sent her out to wait for him to get home and that meant it was his job this time.

He took a breath and got out of the car. Then, he walked over and sat down by her.

"What are you doing out here, Grace?" he asked.

"Jo made me come outside," Grace said, sounding only sulky for the moment.

"Why?"

"She said I was trying to make Daniel feel guilty for going on the trip without me."

Grace was staring very hard at the ground.

"And?"

"And what?"

"Was she right?"

Grace didn't answer.

"So I guess she was," Tony said.

Still no response.

"We'll be back, Grace. You don't have to be afraid of Daniel leaving. You don't lose him because he does other things."

"I'm not afraid," Grace said, still staring at the ground.

"Your brother will _always_ be your brother," Tony said. "You can't change that. Nothing can."

No response. Tony stifled a sigh. He didn't want Daniel to leave with Grace mad at him. It would mar the trip, even if just a little bit. There was no reason to have that happen... unless Grace insisted on it. He decided to push her a bit.

"Do you _want_ to hurt your brother, Grace?"

"I'm not hurting him!" Grace protested, looking up.

"You're trying to. Aren't you?" Tony asked.

No response. Her eyes went back to the ground.

"Grace, Daniel loves you and it hurts him when you do this. If you keep it up, you'll drive him away. Is that what you want?"

"No," Grace mumbled.

"Then, knock it off."

She looked up again.

"What?"

"You heard me. Knock it off. Do you love your brother?"

"Yes."

"Then, act like it. If you treat him like this every time you don't get your way, what that says is that you don't love him. You want to control him. Daniel doesn't feel loved right now. He feels hated."

There was a long pause, and then, finally, Grace started crying. Tony had known that was what she had wanted to do, but it took a bit of probing to get her to admit it. It was only when she actually showed her true feelings that he could comfort her.

Now, Tony put an arm around her shoulders and was relieved when she leaned on him and hugged him back. For a little while, he just let her cry. Then, as she started to calm down, he chanced talking again.

"Grace, you'll never lose your brother unless _you_ drive him away. Eventually, you and Daniel will grow up, go to school, maybe get married and you won't always be together, but you don't lose family unless you force them to go...and sometimes, not even then."

"H-How do you know?" Grace asked.

Tony smiled and forced her to sit up and look at him.

"Because no matter what I've done in the last few years, I've never driven Tim away."

"He's not your family."

"Yes, he is, Grace. Tim _is_ my family, just like you're my family. I don't have any other kind of family but the one I've made, and I've screwed up with my family before, but I haven't lost them, and I try really hard not to because I don't want to lose my family. I don't want to lose Jo or Sam or Tim... or you or Daniel or Ivan. I don't want to lose any of you."

Grace sniffled a little bit, but he could tell that she was hearing him.

"Now, can you go inside and just be happy that Daniel gets to do this thing? And trust that he'll still come back and he'll still love you?"

Grace wiped her eyes and nodded.

"Good. Let's go."

They stood up and went into the house. Jo gave Tony a relieved look as she navigated between Sam playing with his toys and Ivan trying to help Sam play. Grace looked at Tony and he gave her a little shove in the direction of the room Daniel and Ivan now shared.

"Tony! I'm playing with Sam!" Ivan declared.

"I can see that," Tony said and walked over.

"Daddy!" Sam said.

Tony smiled and picked up Sam when he ran over. Then, he carried him back over to where Ivan was and ruffled Ivan's thick, curly hair.

"Don't mess with the 'do!" Ivan protested.

Tony laughed. "Where in the world did you hear that?"

"On TV!"

"Of course. Do you even _have_ a 'do, Ivan?"

Ivan shrugged. He didn't know, of course. Jo just laughed.

"Grace?" she asked.

"Better," Tony said, succinctly.

He set Sam down on the floor and Sam began to play with the blocks Tim and Delilah had given him for Christmas (with a note saying that they _wouldn't_ give Sam a drum...yet).

"Thank you," Jo said.

"Can I build a tower, Sam?" Ivan asked.

"Build towers!" Sam said happily.

Ivan started painstakingly trying to stack blocks he could only vaguely see. He actually did a pretty good job of it, all things considered, and Tony had become amazed at Sam's patience. He _let_ Ivan build the tower. He didn't knock it over instantly as Tommy had when he was young. Ivan was never fast at this stuff, and toddlers didn't often have much patience, but there was something about Sam. He was willing to wait...at least, he was when Ivan was doing it.

For a little while, Jo and Tony just watched as Ivan would build a tower and then let Sam knock it down. Then, Grace and Daniel came out and they wanted to play a game, but one that Ivan could play, too. So they got out the Braille Uno cards. Sam sat with Jo and mostly spoiled her hand by telling everyone what colors she had.

As they played, Tony looked at his family. Three foster kids (two adopted) who were each unique challenges, one toddler, and his wife. He'd always wanted a family, but this was in a form unlike anything he could have imagined.

And yet, right at this moment, he didn't even care. All the challenges, all the struggles disappeared in the simple act of playing a card game that they could all enjoy.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Later that night, Tony was getting his stuff all packed for the trip. Because of Tim's illness, he and Daniel were going to get up early and backtrack to D.C. to pick up Tim and Tommy and then, they'd head down toward Florida. They planned on getting as close to Florida as they could the first day and then get to the space camp at Cape Canaveral as early as they could so that Tommy and Daniel wouldn't be late for registration.

As he was finishing up, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw that he had a message from Tim. He opened it and started laughing.

Tim was dressed in the most ridiculous outfit Tony had ever seen. Pink shorts, purple shirt, blue flip flops and sunglasses. He'd also dug out his bucket hat from the Grand Canyon and he was posing with Tommy who was dressed much more sedately. The entire McGee clan was obviously laughing, even though Delilah must be the one with the camera. The twins looked like they were over the moon, Tommy looked ready to dissolve into giggles and Tim just looked ridiculous, but there was a big smile on his face. Then, Tony read the message.

_The girls picked out an outfit for me to wear on the trip. And before you ask, I will NOT be wearing it out of the hotel room. See you tomorrow._

Tony laughed again, glad that Tim was ready for the vacation.

Then, suddenly, a strange feeling washed over him. Tim looked ready to be silly and have fun...and Tony was mostly worrying about whether or not everything would work out the way it should.

When had that reversal happened?

Still, he didn't want Tim to know about his ambivalent feeling and so he replied quickly.

_I'll get you outside in that getup somehow. Just you wait. See you._

Then, he sent it and sighed.

"Tony? Something wrong?"

He looked up and smiled at Jo.

"No. Just thinking."

"About what? You didn't seem very happy."

Jo came over and sat down.

"Is it Grace?"

"No. That was to be expected."

"I'm sorry I dumped her on you, but she was..."

"It's fine," Tony said.

"Tony, what's wrong?"

He sighed again.

"I've changed, Jo. A lot."

"Yeah, you have. Everyone tends to. What's wrong with that?"

"I don't know. When did I become the responsible one?"

Then, he looked at Jo and was surprised at her smile. She kissed him on the cheek.

"When you knew you had to be... no sooner."

"I don't know. I feel like... like I've lost something."

"Have you?" Jo asked. "I still see my husband who can be a goofball, but knows when he shouldn't be. But do _you_ think you have?"

Tony sighed once more and knew that Jo, for all her usual insight, wasn't getting this. Maybe it was because she'd always seen him in a more responsible mode. She had no experience with his previous lifestyle.

So he fudged.

"Wilkes suggested that I was getting old today. Maybe that's just getting to me."

"No mid-life crises, okay?" Jo asked. "At least, not until we get Grace and Daniel out of the house."

That did make Tony laugh.

"Ha. Then, Ivan will take their place and by the time Ivan is done, it'll be Sam's turn."

"Then, no mid-life crisis for you," Jo said. "Do you need anything?"

"Nope. I think I've got it all. You ready for this?"

"I think so. I hope Ivan really gets it, but with Grace here, she'll help. It'll give her something else to focus on."

"Good idea. All right. Is it my turn to read Sam a story?"

"Yep, and Ivan wants to listen in."

"Of course he does."

Tony got up and then leaned over and kissed Jo on the lips.

"I love you."

"Good. Because I love you, too," she said.

Then, Tony went and sat down with his three-year-old and his eleven-year-old and read _Good night, Moon._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Tony."

The whisper was almost inaudible.

"Tony, is it time to leave yet?"

Tony yawned and cracked open his eyes.

"Tony, wake up."

Tony opened his eyes more and there was Daniel crouched on the floor, fully-dressed and wide awake.

"What time is it, Daniel?" he asked.

"Almost four. We have to drive back up to D.C. We need a good start."

Tony sighed and rolled over to Jo.

"I think it's time for me to get up," he whispered.

"Good. Get out of bed and have fun," Jo mumbled. "Call me."

Tony laughed softly and rolled back to Daniel.

"Okay. Get your stuff and I'll get ready to go. We'll grab something for breakfast on our way, okay?"

"Okay," Daniel said. He got up and left the room.

Tony yawned again and sat up in bed, rubbing his face. He hadn't really planned on leaving this early. Oh, well. If Daniel was actually excited to go, he would go with it. He got ready as quickly as he could and went into Sam's room. He was asleep and Tony was suddenly struck by the fact that Sam wouldn't really understand that his dad would be gone for a long period of time. He didn't want to wake Sam up, though. That wouldn't help, but he decided that he'd make sure that they called home so that he could talk to his little boy.

Then, it was out to the main room. Daniel was sitting there.

And so was Grace. She was hugging Daniel good-bye. There were times when it was easy to forget the struggles that the twins had grown up with. The times they acted like normal teens, but this was when it was impossible to forget. Saying good-bye was scary for them. Good-bye could be permanent. It usually meant something bad was about to happen, and so learning that good-bye could be temporary and a sign of something good was necessary...but so difficult.

"Ready to go?" Tony asked, keeping it light and simple.

Daniel looked up and nodded. He hugged Grace once more and then stood up with his bag.

"I'm ready."

"Good. Let's go."

Tony walked over to Grace and silently offered a hug. He knew she sometimes didn't want that, but this time, she did. She stood up and hugged him tightly.

"Come back," she whispered.

"Promise," Tony whispered back.

Grace let him go and then smiled and held up her pinky. Tony laughed and held up his own pinky and shook hers.

"Pinky swear. Now, go back to bed and sleep like normal people are at this hour."

"Okay."

Grace went back to her room, but she didn't step inside until Tony and Daniel opened the front door and left.

"Will Grace be okay?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah. Will you?"

"Yes," Daniel said with determination.

"Good. Let's get this show on the road, then."

They put their bags in the car and started on their way up to D.C.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Dad, when will they be here?" Tommy asked for the millionth time.

"Soon, Tommy," Tim said.

Tommy had been up at the crack of dawn and Tim had been only a little bit behind him. He was excited for this trip. Not in the same way that Tommy was, but his brush with death had made Tim more eager for these moments. He didn't want to squander any time that he didn't have to.

Now, both of them were waiting for Tony and Daniel to arrive. Tim was pretending to be reading a book.

Tommy was looking out the window.

"You're not fooling me, Tim," Delilah whispered in his ear.

Tim jumped and looked at her sheepishly.

"Am I fooling Tommy?" he asked.

"He's not paying any attention to you."

"Ha."

"Daddy, when are you going?" Esther asked.

"As soon as Tony gets here," Tim said.

"Is that soon?"

"Yes. It is."

"When will you be back?"

"In a little over a week. Remember the calendar we made?"

"Yes."

"When all those days are crossed out, then, it will be time for me to come home."

"Can I cross them out now?" Esther asked, sounding a little mournful.

"Nope. One each day, and then, Tommy and I will be home again."

Esther climbed onto his lap.

"You're not going away to be sick?" she asked.

Tim hugged her tightly. "No. Tommy is going to the space camp with Daniel and Tony and I are going to relax for a few days. Then, when I get back, Grandma Fielding is going to take you and Evelyn on a little trip."

Esther considered that. Then, she looked up.

"Can Jo and Grace come with us?"

"I don't know, but that's a great idea, Esther. While we're gone, you can have Mommy call Jo and see what she thinks."

Esther clapped excitedly and ran off to tell Evelyn.

"A girls' vacation?" Delilah asked.

"Well, if you and Jo want to do it. You know the twins will want to."

"They want to do everything until it actually happens. Then, they change their minds."

"And when we make them do it anyway, they love it," Tim said.

"Dad, they're here!" Tommy said, suddenly.

He ran for the door.

"Already?" Tim asked. "I didn't think Tony would get here for another hour. He told me what time they were going to leave."

"I guess he's as excited as you are," Delilah said.

Tim smiled, but then, he thought about Tony's sudden melancholy when he and Daniel had come to visit.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. Maybe nothing," Tim said. "Tony seemed a little down the last time he was here. Something about changing... I don't know."

"Dad! Come on!" Tommy said from the door.

Tim laughed. "Tommy, relax. Let Tony and Daniel have a little bit of a break from the car before we get going. They're early as it is."

He set aside his book and stood up, still feeling that edge of weakness but determined not to let it stop him from enjoying himself. Delilah grabbed his hand.

"Don't overdo it, okay? Even if I'm overreacting right now, just don't do too much. Have fun, but take it easy."

Tim kissed her. He could choose to find this concern irritating, but he just tried to accept it as she meant it.

"That's my plan."

"Good. Then, have fun."

"Will do."

Tim walked over to the front door and smiled when he saw Tommy walking back to the house with Tony and Daniel.

"Hey, guys," he said. "You're here earlier than I thought."

"Daniel woke up early and woke _me_ up early, so we just decided to start early, too."

"Tommy and I have been up for a while, too. We're ready to go when you are."

"Well, I need a bathroom break and some time to stretch my legs. Then, we can get going."

"Need any breakfast?" Tim asked.

"We got doughnuts on the way," Daniel said.

"Then, you probably need breakfast," Delilah said, sliding into hostess mode. "We still have pancakes left over from breakfast if you'd like to have some. Tim always makes way too many."

"Do we ever throw pancakes away?" Tim asked.

"No."

"Then, I always make the right amount."

"Ha. Only because we have three kids who love them and will eat them cold."

"But you can't deny that they get eaten," Tim said, grinning.

"Okay, okay. We'll have some pancakes," Tony said.

"Good. Come on back," Delilah said.

Tony shooed Daniel back toward the kitchen, while Tommy eagerly went with him. Tim could see that Tommy was bursting to ask questions, but Tim had told him to take it easy with the questions and give Daniel a little bit of space.

Then, as Tim had feared, Tony caught his arm to slow him down for a moment.

"Are you okay, Tim?"

Tim stifled a sigh and smiled.

"I'm _fine_ , Tony. No hiking on this trip for me, but I'm fine. Just relax and have fun. That's what I'm going to do."

"Will you?" Tony asked.

"If you _let_ me," Tim replied. Then, he walked ahead into the kitchen.

Daniel had already sat at the table with a stack of pancakes and was happily devouring them.

"I guess they pass muster," Tim said.

Daniel paused long enough to give him a thumbs up. Then, he went back to eating.

"I'd better have some then," Tony said. He sat down and pulled a couple of pancakes onto a plate.

"So how far are you guys going to go today?" Delilah asked.

"As close to Florida as we can get so we don't have to get up early tomorrow," Tim said.

"And then, we'll be at the camp by the afternoon!" Tommy said, forgetting that he had said he wouldn't get too loud about it.

"Tommy, let's get our stuff in the car while Tony and Daniel are eating, okay?" Tim suggested.

"Okay!"

Tommy ran out of the kitchen to his bedroom.

"I think he's about to explode with excitement," Tony said.

"He's already exploded three or four times," Tim said, grinning. "I love it."

"I know you do."

"Dad, where's your bag?" Tommy shouted.

"In my room, Tommy. I'll get it," Tim said. He started out of the kitchen.

"I got it!"

Tim came into the main room and saw Tommy trying to lug both bags at once. He smiled and walked over.

"Tommy, I'll get it."

"No, Dad. I will."

Tim saw more than just excitement for a moment. He put his hand on Tommy's shoulder.

"Tommy, I can carry my bag. I'm okay."

"Mom keeps saying that you shouldn't do too much," he said.

"I know, but she didn't mean carrying my bag. She meant running around too much, and I won't do that."

Tommy was quiet for a few seconds.

"I want to go on this trip, Dad. With you."

Tim knelt down so he could look Tommy in the eye.

"And we're going. I promise. Tommy, I know that my getting sick scared you, but it's okay. I'm better now. I'm not going to get sick again... not like that, anyway. We're going to have fun and you're going to get to the camp. I promise."

Tommy put down the bags and hugged Tim.

"Now, let's both take the bags out to the car and then we can tell Tony and Daniel that they're being slow," Tim said and smiled.

Tommy started to smile, too. They went out to the car together and stowed their bags. Then, they went back inside together and back to the kitchen.

"Okay, we're burning daylight," Tim said.

Daniel almost started to stand up, but Tony just laughed.

"Ha. No way," he said. "You offered breakfast and we're eating it. Too late, and you make good pancakes. So we're finishing them off before we leave. So there."

And he stuffed a huge forkful into his mouth just to prove it. Tim laughed.

"Can I have another pancake, Dad?" Tommy asked.

"So I have no support in this?"

Tommy shook his head.

Tim faked a melodramatic sigh and gestured.

"Take a pancake."

Tommy took a pancake off the stack and just started eating it plain. Then, Evelyn and Esther came in.

"I want a pancake, too!" Evelyn said.

"Me, too!" Esther chimed in.

"Look what you've started," Delilah said.

"You're the one who offered," Tim said, unrepentantly.

Both Evelyn and Esther got a pancake which they also ate plain. Tim didn't cook very often, so he liked seeing that he could make something successfully. He knew that his kids wouldn't mince words if they didn't like it.

Finally, Tony and Daniel finished their breakfast.

"Better than doughnuts?" Tim asked.

"A lot better," Daniel said.

"We'll clean up," Delilah said. "You guys get on your way. And call when you stop for the night, Tim."

"I will."

"And I'll remind him when he forgets," Tony said.

"I won't forget!" Tim protested.

"Wanna bet?" Tony asked.

Tim paused and then, smiled. "Yes. Yes, I do, actually."

"What are the stakes, then?" Tony asked.

"Loser buys dinner," Tim said. "And Tommy and Daniel can be our witnesses."

"You don't trust me?"

"Not when money is involved, I don't."

"Okay, okay, boys," Delilah said. "No matter how it happens, make sure you call me and have fun."

"Will do," Tony said. "Okay, gang. Let's roll out."

Tony and Daniel got their bathroom break, but then, with one last hug of Evelyn and Esther and a last kiss for Delilah, Tim and Tommy took leave of their family and the four left the house. They got into the car and Tim was impressed that Daniel got into the back seat with Tommy without any comment or protest.

Tim got in the front with Tony and didn't say anything about it.

"Everybody ready?" Tony asked. "Seatbelts on?"

"Yes!" Tommy said, almost shouting, unable to repress his excitement.

"Then, off we go!"

They pulled out of the driveway and the trip began.

The first couple of hours weren't particularly exciting or eventful. They were driving over ground they all knew well and that Tony and Daniel had already gone over that morning. It might have become tedious, too, because Tommy seemed like he wanted to say something but didn't dare. Tim had warned him to take it easy on Daniel and let him just have fun, too, but Tommy seemed to be afraid to talk at all which wasn't what Tim had meant. Tony was giving Tim looks, but Tim wasn't sure how to address it without making Daniel feel awkward or obligated to talk.

Finally, Daniel looked at Tommy. The fifteen-year-old and the nine-year-old. They knew each other, but not as well as their fathers did.

"You can talk to me, Tommy," Daniel said.

"Dad said I shouldn't talk your ears off," Tommy said, looking down at his feet for a moment.

Proving that he'd lived with Tony for far too long already, Daniel smiled and got Tommy's attention. Then, he tugged at his ears.

"I think they're pretty firmly attached," he said.

Tommy started to smile and laughed.

"What if your ears fall off?" he asked. "That would be gross!"

Daniel grinned. "I'll get prosthetic ones instead."

"What's a... prosthetic?" Tommy asked, carefully repeating the word.

"A fake that looks real."

"Do they make fake ears?" Tommy asked.

"I have no idea. Do they, Tony?"

"I don't know," Tony said. "Tim?"

"I know they make them as costumes, but ears to replace real ears? I don't see why not, but I don't know," Tim said. He pulled out his phone and searched. "Yep. They do. Well, everybody wants prosthetic foreheads, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised about ears."

"Huh?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah, huh?" Tony asked.

Tim grinned.

"Tommy knows."

Tommy laughed. "Everybody wants to wear prosthetic foreheads on their real heads!" he sang out. "I didn't know that was the same word. The song is weird."

"Wait. This is a real song?" Tony asked, incredulously.

"Oh, yes. They Might Be Giants. 'Everybody Wants a Rock to Wind a Piece of String Around.'"

"This is a real song?" Tony repeated.

"Yes. You don't believe me? Tommy knows it."

"You could tell him anything," Tony said. "I don't believe it."

"Wanna bet?" Tim asked with a smile.

"No. I want you to play me this supposed song."

"Okay. You asked for it."

Tim got his phone and plugged it into the car. Within seconds, there was a song playing. Tim and Tommy sang along with gusto.

"'Where was I? I forgot  
The point that I was making  
I said if I was smart that I would  
Save up for a piece of string  
And a rock to wind the string around.'"

They continued singing along as Daniel stared at them in surprise. Tony was surprised, too, but not because they were singing, just because he couldn't believe there was actually a song with these lyrics. And finally, the prosthetic forehead part came.

"'If I were a carpenter I'd  
Hammer on my piglet, I'd  
Collect the seven dollars and I'd  
Buy a big prosthetic forehead  
And wear it on my real head  
Everybody wants prosthetic  
Foreheads on their real heads  
Everybody wants prosthetic  
Foreheads on their real heads.'"

Tony laughed.

"Okay, I believe you now," he said as the song ended. "Are all their songs like this?"

"Most of them," Tim said. "Want to listen to the whole album?"

"What's the album?"

"Flood."

"That's it?"

"Yep."

"What are some of the other songs?"

"'Your Racist Friend', 'Whistlin' in the Dark', 'Minimum Wage'... that one is under a minute."

"The whole song?"

"Yep."

"And there are even shorter ones on the Apollo 18 album," Tommy chimed in. "Some are less than thirty seconds!"

"Why?" Daniel asked.

"Why not?" Tim answered. "Want to try them out?"

"I guess we have to," Tony said. "What do you think, Daniel?"

"I guess..."

"You'll love them," Tim said, laughing.

"Okay, okay. Set it going. Let's hear it."

And so for the next hour, they listened to They Might Be Giant's 1990 album, entitled Flood, Tim and Tommy singing along, Tony and Daniel just trying to decide what they thought.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The decision was that Tony and Daniel didn't know if they really _liked_ They Might Be Giants, but they didn't _dis_ like They Might Be Giants. Tim decided that he'd accept that, even as Tommy kept trying to convince Daniel to love the music.

"It's really weird, though, Tommy," Daniel said. "I mean, some of the songs didn't even seem like songs."

"That's why they're fun, Daniel!" Tommy said. "They're so silly but they're still songs. You should hear the one called 'Why Does the Sun Shine?'. It's fun, too, and Dad says that the science is right!"

"Does music have to have right science?"

"If it's going to have science, it should be right," Tommy said.

Tim suppressed a laugh and he saw Tony smiling, too.

As they drove, Tim was on the lookout for their first unplanned stop. It wasn't a real road trip without that. In fact, he was so determined that he pulled out his phone and started searching as they approached Richmond, Virginia. It would be nice to stop and stretch their legs. There'd been plenty of traffic to slow them down, and they could also get some gas.

Then, he saw it.

"Tony, we've got to go to the Grand Kugel," he said.

"What is _that_?" Tony asked.

"A big sphere made out of granite sitting on a layer of water and you can turn it just by touching it."

"Just how big is this sphere?" Tony asked.

"Nine feet in diameter according to this."

"No way."

"Yes way," Tim retorted with a grin. "It's science! In fact, it's right outside the science museum in Richmond. I won't insist that we go inside, but we have to have an unplanned stop, don't we?"

Tony looked over at him and smiled.

"Of course we do. Okay, Probie. Get us there."

Tim checked.

"Okay, watch for exit 78. It should be coming up soon."

Once they got off the interstate, Tim gave directions to the museum. There were some spots right in front of it, but they were all full. However, there was a large lot to the side of the building and there were plenty of spots.

"You want me to drop you guys off while I park?" Tony asked.

"Nope," Tim said, keeping his voice light, even while he gave Tony a look. He knew what Tony was thinking. "By the time you got over here, we'd be done looking at it. So go and park and we'll all walk over together."

"Okay," Tony said, but he glanced at Tim without saying anything else. Tim was glad that he didn't say anything else. He didn't want Tony pointing out Tim's need for full recovery when Tommy was still a little worried about his dad.

Tony found a place relatively close to the building and they all got out to walk over to the Grand Kugel.

When they got close enough to see it, Tommy looked at Tim hopefully.

"Dad, can I?" he asked.

Tim grinned and gestured.

"Go ahead."

Instantly, Tommy took off running.

"Come on, Daniel!" he shouted back.

Daniel glanced at Tony who just smiled.

"Are you going to let a nine-year-old beat you over there?" he asked.

Daniel laughed and started running, too, leaving Tony and Tim to come more slowly behind them.

"Hanging out with Tommy will probably be good for Daniel," Tony said. "He's seeing how to have fun."

"He gets to have fun with you all the time," Tim said.

"Yeah, but it's different when it's another kid, even if Tommy's a lot younger. Daniel spends most of his time with kids like him, who have a lot of baggage. Tommy has fun in a different way."

Tim looked at Tony as they walked, and he just didn't see Tony having a lot of fun. He was worrying too much. He tried to think of how to broach the subject without sounding critical.

"It's a big ball," Tony said after a moment.

Tim laughed. "Yep. I don't think you should try to dribble it."

Tony laughed, too, but almost out of surprise. "I wouldn't dream of it. ...well, maybe I would. Dream of it. Maybe tonight."

"Dad, look!" Tommy said. "Look at how I can push it!"

Tim quickened his pace a little bit, hoping that Tony wouldn't try to slow him down. He felt good right now, and he was confident that this would only make him feel even better.

"Show me," he said as he got closer.

Tommy was leaning pretty hard against the granite sphere, but he was definitely moving it.

"See? It's moving!"

Tim pulled out his camera and took some pictures of Tommy pushing the large ball. He also took a video of it to send to Delilah.

"It's your turn, Dad," Tommy said.

"Daniel, did you get a chance?" Tim asked.

"Oh, I don't..."

"Yeah, you should do it, too. I'll start giving Tommy a science lesson while you show off for Tony." Tim looked at Tommy. "Do you know why you can move the ball? It weighs thousands of tons. It's the largest kugel in the world."

"What's a kugel?" Daniel asked as he started to push the ball around.

Tim grinned at Tony. "A kugel is a fountain with a ball set in a basin with water flowing around it. There are lots of them around the world, but this one is the biggest."

"So why can I move it?" Tommy asked.

"Think about it," Tim said, noting that Daniel was listening, too. "If the ball was just sitting on the ground by itself, do you think you could move it?"

"No!" Tommy said. "It's too heavy!"

"That's right. It's something like 50,000 pounds," Tim said.

"Oh, it's because there's no friction, right?" Daniel asked.

"Very good," Tim said.

"The water takes away the friction," Tommy said, following along.

"How do they keep the water flowing through here, though?" Daniel asked. "Wouldn't the weight of the ball plug it up?"

"High water pressure, I'd imagine," Tim said. "Just enough to push a really thin film of it between the basin and the ball."

Tommy went back to the ball and looked at it. Then, he turned to Tim.

"And then, the water gets recycled over and over," he said.

"Exactly."

Tim looked at Tony who hadn't said a word during this exchange. He hoped that Tony wasn't upset that he was interacting with Daniel more at this moment than Tony was.

"Okay, Daniel, you and Tony push the ball and I'll get a picture. Then, you can get Tommy and me."

"Sure, okay," Daniel said.

Tony went over normally enough. He and Daniel both tried to push it in opposite directions, Tony acting like he was pushing as hard as he could and Daniel probably _really_ pushing as hard as he could. Tim took a few pictures. Then, they switched. Tim reached out with one finger to move the ball, and Tommy copied him.

"Oh, we need to get a picture with all of us, here," Tim said. He started looking around. There was no one else at the display right at that moment...but there were benches.

"We can get a picture of all of us somewhere else, Tim," Tony said.

"Nope. Here. At our first stop," Tim said. He hurried over to one of the benches and set up his camera on a timer. "Okay, everyone get in front of the ball."

Tim looked through his viewfinder. Everyone could be seen. He set the timer and ran back to the ball.

"Smile everyone!" he said.

They all held smiles for rather longer than was quite natural and then Tim went back to check it.

"Aha!" he said. "I got it. Anything else here?"

"I think that's it," Tony said. "We're not going in the science museum."

"Awww," Tommy whined, mostly on principle.

Tim just chuckled at his antics.

"Okay. We can get gas before we head out. You want me to drive for a couple of hours?" he asked.

"Nah. I got it right now. I'll let you take over later when I need a nap."

"A nap? Yeah, right," Tim said, smiling. "It won't be that quiet in the car."

"Doesn't need to be. I can sleep anywhere."

"We need to get some snacks," Tommy said, interrupting.

"Yeah," Daniel agreed.

"We've got snacks," Tony said.

"Boring snacks," Daniel said. "We need licorice."

"Licorice?" Tim asked. "Why that?"

"That's just what you need to have when you stop to get gas. The chocolate licorice at the gas station," Daniel said.

"I guess we can probably oblige," Tim said. "Let's go."

They headed back to the car. Tommy didn't run ahead this time since he couldn't get into the car until Tony unlocked it anyway.

"Well, now, the road trip has officially begun," Tim said.

"It has?" Daniel asked.

"Your..." Tim stopped. None of the kids Tony and Jo had adopted had called them Dad and Mom. He didn't know if it was a deliberate choice, but he didn't want to put any pressure on them by calling Tony a title they weren't wanting to use. So he quickly tried to fix it.

"Tony has always said that a road trip isn't a road trip unless it starts with an unplanned stop," he said.

"Why?" Daniel asked.

"Because the ideal road trip is completely spontaneous. No plans, no deadlines, nothing," Tony said. "But we never could really do that."

"We always had work or... other things," Tim said. "So instead, an unplanned stop."

"But you suggested it, Dad," Tommy said.

"But not in advance," Tim said with a smile. "I saw it as we were coming up to Richmond. Unplanned."

They reached the car and got in.

"How many do you have to have for it to be unplanned?" Daniel asked.

"Just one," Tim said when Tony didn't answer. "I still remember on one of our road trips, we were looking for the world's largest skateboard and we couldn't find it. Then, as we were driving to the world's largest Dixie cup, we saw a drug store shaped like a giant mortar and pestle."

"What's a mortar and pestle?" Tommy asked.

"A dish and a stone weight for breaking up seeds, mostly for spices. We stopped to take pictures and Tony said that the reason we couldn't find the skateboard was because we needed to have an unplanned stop."

Tommy and Daniel both laughed and then, Tony started the car and they drove to the gas station. Tim sent Tommy and Daniel in to buy some snacks and then he looked at Tony.

"What's going on, Tony? You don't... seem very happy," Tim said. "I didn't want to ask with Tommy and Daniel around, but..."

Tony shrugged and shook his head. "I'm fine. I was letting you answer the science questions."

"Did it bother you that I was distracting Daniel with answering Tommy's question?"

Tony did laugh at that. Not in the same way, but still, he laughed.

"No. Didn't even cross my mind. I'm fine, Tim. I think I need this road trip, too. Don't worry about me."

"I am. This isn't like you, Tony," Tim said. He smiled a little, although he still felt concerned. "I'm not usually the peppiest of the two of us."

"Maybe I just need more sleep."

"I really can drive."

"Nah. Give me another hour or so. Then, I'll turn it over to you."

"Okay, but driving isn't strenuous, so you don't need to feel like you have to do all the driving on the trip."

"I know that."

Then, Daniel and Tommy came out with a surprising amount of junk food. Tim didn't think he'd given them enough money for all that, but it appeared that Daniel was good at picking out the cheaper stuff, although he did have his chocolate licorice.

"Is there something significant about the licorice?" Tim asked.

"Not as far as I know. We're still finding things that take us by surprise, though," Tony said. "Did you two buy out the store?"

"Nope, but look at everything we got," Tommy said.

"It should last us at least a day," Tim said. "Maybe."

"We'll have to keep most of that in the front seat so that we don't have to explain to Delilah and Jo why you guys didn't eat anything nutritious when you were with us," Tony said, smiling.

"I can eat anything, Tony," Daniel said.

"I know that, but _will_ you is the question."

Tony finished filling the tank and then, they piled back into the car. Tony let Daniel pick the music this time (Tony had told Daniel not to bring any of his more raucous stuff just because of Tommy which Tim appreciated.). To Tim's surprise, Daniel chose an instrumental CD: John Williams Greatest Hits. As the strains of _Star Wars_ began to fill the car, Tim grinned.

"Great choice, Daniel," he said. "I love _Star Wars_."

"Of course you do," Tony said.

"I mostly just like the music," Daniel said.

"Nothing wrong with that," Tim said. "Perfect choice for where we're headed."

"Dad, we're not _really_ going out into space, you know," Tommy said.

Tony chuckled at the didactic tone.

"I'm aware of that, Tommy," Tim said. "Well, the only thing that could make this better would be if it was snowing."

"Huh? I don't want it to _snow_ ," Daniel said. "It's summer!"

"But if it was snowing and it was dark, we could turn on the headlights and feel like we were going through hyperspace," Tim said.

"And then get in an accident because we couldn't see what was coming at us," Tony said in a deliberate deadpan.

"Ha. I'm just happy with the choice," Tim said. "Better than 'Route 66' anyway."

"Hey, you love it, even if you never did give in and sing along."

"Dad sings that song all the time!" Tommy volunteered from the back.

"Oh _does_ he?" Tony asked, staring hard at Tim for a moment.

Tim just grinned unrepentantly.

"Yeah, he told Mom that he still can't get it out of his head. He said it'll be in his head for the rest of his life."

"And you never told me," Tony said.

"Nope."

"I'm hurt."

"Yeah, right," Tim said.

"I want some licorice," Daniel said. "Let's open that first!"

"Okay."

Tim pulled it out and opened the bag. He took one for himself, let Tony grab a couple and then passed the bag back to Tommy and Daniel who each took three. Tim thought about restricting how much Tommy could take, but for the moment, he decided to let him choose.

"Okay, bag back up here, guys," Tony said. "Otherwise, we'll be out of licorice in ten miles."

Daniel groaned good-naturedly and handed the bag back up to the front.

Then, there was a brief period of silence as everyone enjoyed John Williams.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Tony suppressed a sigh. He knew he wasn't hiding his feelings very well right now, but he also knew that he didn't want Daniel thinking about that. The last thing he wanted was for his son to start worrying that he was a burden again. Grace and Daniel had been treated that way for far too long. They had been a burden that no one wanted to carry, not even their own family. The only reason Ivan hadn't been treated that way for the same amount of time was that he was younger and his disabilities had led to his complete abandonment sooner. Even when Grace and Daniel had been repeatedly in and out of foster care, Ivan had pretty much been in it the whole time.

Tim had made a pointed observation. Since when was Tony the one who needed cheering up? Since when was he the one down in the dumps?

Nothing was making sense...including his own feelings. It might actually be nice to talk to Tim about it during their trip...maybe. Tim had a way of saying things in a way that Tony just couldn't ignore or deny. Was that good or bad? Tony didn't know.

"Tony, this might be the time for you to take a nap," Tim said suddenly.

"Huh?"

"The early start finally slowed them down," Tim said, grinning and looking into the back of the car.

Tony glanced in the rearview mirror. Sure enough, both Daniel and Tommy were asleep. How long that would last was another matter, but it might be that Tim was right.

"I don't know if we can switch drivers without waking them up," he said.

"Just slow down gradually, open the doors quietly and don't slam them. We can do it," Tim said. "You said you got up really early. I'm still going to bed really early. I'm ready to drive for a while. You can relax."

Tony looked over at Tim for a moment and raised an eyebrow. Tim simply returned the gesture.

"I know how to drive, Tony, and I'm not sick anymore."

A rest area was coming up, and so, Tony took it, slowing down as gradually as he could so that there was no jolt. He pulled into a parking spot that would allow him to pulled straight through instead of having to back up and put the car in park, leaving the engine running. Then, he and Tim had the quietest switch off ever. They said nothing, sneaking in and out of the car and switching sides as quickly and silently as they could. Then, Tim put the car back in gear and sped up very very gradually.

"Success," he said, softly, as they got back up to highway speeds. "Now, if you need a nap, take a nap. You may not get another chance...at least, not until we drop the boys off."

"What makes you think I'm tired?" Tony asked, smiling.

Tim smiled back. "You agreed to switch off. Since you're still thinking of me as an invalid, you wouldn't have done it if you didn't need to."

"Feeling your oats today, Tim?" Tony asked.

"Nope. In the words of Travis Tritt, 'it's a great day to be alive.' I'm in a good mood and I'm happy. So if you need a nap, take a nap and I'm good with John Williams as my soundtrack for a while. I won't even wake anyone up by singing along."

"You listen to Travis Tritt? I thought you hated country music. I still remember how vehement you were about 'Boot Scootin' Boogie.'"

Tim laughed. "I do hate country music, but you can't hate that song. It's too peppy. It's simply impossible not to like it."

"I'll bet some people manage it."

"The people with no joy in their souls. However, 'Boot Scootin' Boogie' is still of the devil," Tim said and then laughed quietly.

Tony laughed, too, and shook his head. Then, he reclined the seat a little bit and closed his eyes. He couldn't deny that having a break from driving was a good thing. Four hours up to Tim's place and then another three hours, even with breaks, was a long drive, and he had been up quite early. So even an hour nap would be welcome.

He heard Tim humming softly along with the "Imperial March" and he smiled. Tim really did seem happy.

_So why can't I be that way right now?_

He tried to push the thought away and sleep.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim glanced over at Tony as he fell asleep. There was something wrong, something going on that Tim just didn't know. He could understand not wanting to let the kids know about it, but still... It was a little worrying to see Tony so consistently serious. Tony had always been full of goofy fun on these trips, even when Tim found it annoying. But so far, he hadn't been. Oh, he'd smiled and joked a little, but there was something missing from it, and Tim didn't like that. He hoped that Tony would open up on the days they had during the space camp.

What bothered Tim even more was that he had no idea how long whatever was wrong had been wrong. His illness had occupied far too much of his time, and he and Tony hadn't done anything together for a few months. Was this a new thing that had only arisen in the last few weeks or had it been a long-standing problem that Tony had been struggling with and Tim just had no idea?

Tim _really_ hoped it wasn't the latter. Not only would he feel a little guilty for not noticing, but he'd be a little annoyed that Tony hadn't told him. Of course, Tony could (and probably would) turn that same annoyance back on him if and when he found out what had happened just before Tim's illness. However, Tim's reasons were completely different from anything Tony might accuse him of, and he'd explain it if it came up (if Tony let him get a word in between the berating he would likely engage in). ...but he wasn't going to volunteer it.

But all of that was secondary to whatever it was that was bothering Tony enough that it seemed to have dampened his spirits more than a little. Tim wasn't used to seeing that, wasn't used to seeing _Tony_ that way. It wasn't that he was always happy. Tim knew, better than most, that Tony wasn't, but he usually was able to be happy in the moment. In fact, he was much better at it than Tim himself was. He'd always had this ability to set everything aside and just enjoy himself.

As he drove, he thought about what might be the cause. Tony had chosen to keep most of what he'd discussed with his therapist private, and Tim had tried to respect that, sympathizing with not wanting to share everything he thought and felt. In fact, Tim didn't even know if Tony was still going. He'd cut back to once a month the last time Tim had asked about it. So he didn't think it was related to Tony's dad...but was that all they talked about?

Was it his family? Was the weight too heavy for him? Tim knew that Tony loved every one of the kids they had, from Daniel on down to Sam. He loved them, but were they wearing him out? He knew they were hard. Daniel and Grace were getting easier, but it was a still a challenge and Tony had said himself that there were still things they were learning about them. Ivan had physical as well as mental problems which meant that it might be even harder. What if he had to live with them permanently? And then, Sam was growing up in the midst of all of that. Was that the problem?

What if it was something else, something really serious that Tony had chosen to hide? There was no denying that Tony had done it before. What if it was something like cancer? Tim had no idea how he could help with that, except by being there...which he would be more than willing to do.

_Please, don't be something like cancer._

Then, unbidden, Tim's latent insecurity reared its head.

What if it wasn't actually about Tony at all but was about Tim? After all, this road trip had been Tim's idea, not Tony's. What if Tony hadn't want to do it but had agreed because Tim had been so sick when the suggestion had been made? It had been a few years since the last road trip. What if Tony had been trying to end them and Tim was the one keeping them going?

It was silly, but Tim couldn't help thinking it. He tried not to dwell on that possibility too much because he knew it was the least likely.

He _hoped_ it was.

Maybe he was just reading too much into it. Maybe it wasn't something serious at all, just minor and Tim was blowing it out of proportion.

No, that much really didn't seem right. Tim was sure that whatever it was wasn't simple.

"Dad?"

Glad for the interruption to his rather bleak thoughts, Tim looked in the rearview mirror to see Tommy's eyes open although he was still yawning.

"Hey, Tommy. Have a nice nap?"

"Where are we?"

"North Carolina, just getting close to Fayetteville."

"Where's that?" Tommy asked with a big yawn.

Tim laughed a little. "The southern part of North Carolina. We'll be in South Carolina soon."

"How far are we going today?"

"I'm not sure. Probably another four hours or so. Why don't you see if you can figure out how far that would be?"

"How?"

"Well, what do you need to know?" Tim asked.

Tommy thought about it. Tim could see he was trying and he liked to see it. He loved that his son was interested in figuring things out.

Then, he looked at Tim again.

"How fast we're going?"

"Very good. We're going 70 miles per hour."

"For four more hours?"

"Yep."

"So... four times seventy."

"Very good, Tommy. What's four times seven?"

"Twenty-eight!"

"So then, you can add a zero onto the end."

"Two hundred and eighty!"

"So we can go about 280 miles from where we are now...if the traffic keeps moving well."

"What are you doing?" Daniel asked, sounding sleepy.

"Figuring out how far we'll go today before we stop," Tommy said.

"Not too loud. Let's let Tony sleep," Tim said.

"Oops," Tommy said.

"How far?" Daniel asked.

"About four more hours, probably. Tommy just figured that means about 280 more miles. We're close to Fayetteville, North Carolina. How much further do you think we'll go?"

"Does it matter?" Daniel asked.

Tim smiled. "I don't know. Does it?"

Daniel's brow furrowed.

"Don't let him trick you, Daniel," Tony mumbled without opening his eyes. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does," Tommy protested. "It tells us where we get to stop and eat dinner!"

"You're right. That's very important," Tony said. "I stand corrected."

"Couldn't you just get out your phone and type in your question?" Daniel asked.

"Oh, don't get him started," Tony said, still with his eyes closed, but he smiled a little.

"What if my phone was wrong?" Tim asked.

"Why would it be?"

"Why assume that it's right?"

"Come on, Tim. He's fifteen. Don't make him start questioning everything just yet."

Tim laughed. "Okay, okay. Just think about one thing, Daniel. What if your phone stopped working and you were lost? What would you do without your phone?"

"Use someone else's?" Daniel suggested.

"What if the cell tower was down and everyone's phones were not working?"

"Then, you get to use the atlas," Tommy said, oblivious to the more serious conversation.

"But only if you know how. These are skills we shouldn't forget just because there's a tool that makes it possible to find an answer without thinking."

There was a moment of silence as Daniel considered what Tim said.

...and then, Tony interjected again.

"But Tim just wants an excuse to fuel his need to figure things out by hand. It makes him feel smart," he said.

"Does he need an excuse?" Daniel asked, brow furrowing.

"Nope. I just do it anyway," Tim said.

"I think you're pretty smart," Daniel said. "I don't get half of the things you say."

Tim laughed. "Join the club, Daniel."

"I'm a card-carrying member," Tony said.

"I get what you say, Dad," Tommy said, loyally.

"Thanks, Tommy," Tim said.

He reached back his hand and Tommy gave him five.

Finally, Tony opened his eyes and sat up.

"Sorry, we woke you," Tim said.

"No problem. You said we're by Fayettesville?"

"Just passed it."

"Four more hours?"

"I think so. More or less."

Tony looked at Tim and then back at Daniel... and pulled out his phone.

"So, Tommy, what did you figure out?" Tony asked.

"We can go 280 miles in 4 hours," Tommy announced, proudly.

"So... 280 miles from Fayettesville," Tony said. "That'll put us in southern Georgia. Not quite to Florida. We'll have to get up early tomorrow if we stop before we get to Florida."

"Registration doesn't start until ten and the activities don't start before noon anyway," Tim said. "We'll have time to get down there."

"What do you think, boys?" Tony asked. "Do you want to go later today or get up early tomorrow?"

"How early?" Daniel asked.

"Say by seven at the latest," Tony said.

"Oh, that's easy. We can do that," he said. "I'm tired of being in the car."

"We'll take our time on the way back," Tim said. "I've had some ideas of places to stop when we're not in a rush."

"Where, Dad?" Tommy asked, eagerly.

"It's a surprise. For now, you can just look forward to the camp."

That started Tommy talking about the camp again, and Tim was glad. He hadn't meant to get serious himself, especially not with Daniel. It was one thing to quiz Tony. He shouldn't be quizzing Tony's son.

"You okay to keep driving for a little while?" Tony asked.

"Will you be able to sleep tonight if you sleep a ton here?" Tim asked.

"It'll be fine. No worries."

"Licorice, please," Daniel said.

Tim handed the bag back to them. Tommy got the same number of pieces as Daniel did (two).

"Okay. New CD."

"Tony's turn," Daniel said, before Tommy could swallow his mouthful of licorice and try to pick.

Tony sat forward and checked through his CDs. He chose Frank Sinatra's greatest hits and put it in.

"Nice choice," Tim said.

"Good. Now, I'm going to sleep a little more. Just don't shout in my ear and I'll be fine."

Tony leaned back the seat and let his eyes close again. Tommy pulled out a sketchbook and started to draw. Then, he looked at Daniel.

"Do you want to draw, too?" he asked.

Tim was happy to hear the offer. Daniel probably wouldn't realize that it was special, but Tommy had been ecstatic to get the sketchbook and he used it very carefully.

"Sure. What are you drawing?"

"A rocket!"

Daniel smiled.

"That's what I'll draw, too."

For a few minutes, there was studious silence, but every so often, Tommy would ask a question.

"How does a rocket turn in space, Dad?"

"Thrusters."

"What's a thruster?"

Tim still loved it, and Daniel didn't complain. It kept Tim awake while Tony slept, and it just happened to be on one of his most favorite subjects.

He was still a little worried about Tony, but the happiness from the backseat was bracing and he was ready for whatever came their way.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

They'd be stopping soon and Tony was awake, but he was pretending to be asleep. He just wasn't in the mood for conversation at the moment, but he was enjoying hearing the conversations the others were having. Tommy still loved asking questions and he did, and Tim still tried to answer them, except when he decided that Tommy needed to figure it out for himself.

But then, there was a sudden question that took Tony by surprise. He almost opened his eyes, but kept them closed, waiting to see what would happen.

"Daniel, why do you look so different from me?" Tommy asked.

"I'm older, Tommy," Daniel said. "And we're not related."

"No. Your skin is darker. I have friends who have dark skin, too. But I don't. Why?"

"I'm black, Tommy. You're white," Daniel said, sounding a little uncomfortable.

"But why?"

"Tommy, it's about our genes," Tim said, jumping in.

Tony was relieved. He didn't want Daniel pushed to answer a question like that, and he knew that Tim could answer it.

"Why?" Tommy asked again.

"Our skin color, our hair color, even our eyes all have a color because of something called melanin."

"What's melanin?" Daniel asked.

"It's a naturally-occurring pigment. The more of it you have, the darker your hair or skin or eyes will be. I don't have much and so I have lighter skin, green eyes and blond hair. Tommy, you got your mom's darker hair, but you still have lighter eyes and lighter skin. Daniel, you got more of the melanin and so you have darker skin, brown eyes, and darker hair. Melanin is why you don't tend to get sunburned and why I do."

"Really?" Tommy asked. "I hate getting sunburned. It hurts. Once I even got blisters."

"That's because our skin doesn't block the sun as well as Daniel's skin."

"So why are we different, then?" Tommy asked.

"Daniel, do you know?"

"Well, I know that my genes decide what I look like. I learned about it in biology. So we've got different genes."

"Exactly. I don't know when the skin pigment changed, but about 10,000 years ago, there was likely a mutation. It used to be that pretty much all humans had brown eyes and darker hair. But there was a mutation that caused someone to be born with less melanin and that mutation survived. Most of the people in that tribe migrated north to... Do you know where, Daniel?" Tim asked.

"I don't know... Sweden?" Daniel suggested.

Tony could tell he was totally guessing.

"Exactly. There are some places in Sweden where the population is 95 percent blond hair and blue eyes. Because of this mutation. So Tommy and I are mutants."

Tommy started laughing. "Yay! I'm a mutant!"

Tony decided that was his cue to wake up...while it was still a light conversation. Tommy was innocent enough that he didn't know how charged that kind of question could be, and Tim had done a good job of keeping it focused on the science, but the wrong question now could upset that balance and lead to other issues. Tony knew he was good at being distracting. He yawned and stretched dramatically, interrupting the conversation.

"How much further do we have?" he asked.

"I'm guessing about an hour," Tim said. "Daniel found a place called Darien, in the southern part of Georgia and it has some hotels we can choose from. Then, we'll get up and be on our way first thing tomorrow morning."

"Sounds good. Do you need a break from driving?" Tony asked.

"Nope. I'm doing fine...unless you don't trust me," Tim said, smiling.

"I trust you. But I don't trust you to get a good hotel."

"Hey, I've got lots of good ones!" Tim said.

Tony grinned and pulled out his phone.

"Darien?"

"Yep."

"Okay, guys," Tony said. "Let's find a good place to stay the night while Tim is driving."

"Is it going to be a fancy one?" Tommy asked.

"Well, I don't know about _fancy_ ," Tony said.

"Definitely _not_ fancy," Tim interjected.

"Just drive, Dad," Tony said.

Tim stuck out his tongue at Tony and kept driving. Tony did a quick search and pulled up some hotels.

"Tim, you're not allowed to voice an opinion."

"Hey! I'm paying for half of this! I get an opinion."

"Well, your opinion is coming last then," Tony said. "Tommy and Daniel get to say first."

"Why?"

"You're way too persuasive," Tony said. "People listen to you and believe you."

Tim raised an eyebrow at him, clearly trying to find some hidden meaning. Tony just grinned again and went back to his phone.

"Just remember who was all for spending an arm and a leg on a hotel room and who wasn't," Tim said.

"Exactly my point," Tony said without looking up.

"Tony, we're not spending an arm and a leg on a hotel room."

"We won't. That would be gross. We'll just spend money."

Tommy and Daniel both started laughing. Tony always enjoyed hearing any of his kids laugh. Daniel didn't do it nearly enough.

"Very funny. I still reserve veto rights if you go overboard."

"We won't."

"Yeah, right."

Tony purposely picked a few luxury hotels and winked at Tommy and Daniel as he read off the prices. Going along with him, Tommy and Daniel cheered as Tim emphatically rejected the choices.

"Okay, okay, I'll be serious," Tony said. "How about this one, you two?"

"Two bedrooms? In a hotel?" Daniel asked. "Do they really do that?"

"We had one on our trip before!" Tommy said, excitedly. "I remember."

"That's right, we did," Tony said.

"How much and what kind of bedrooms?" Tim asked.

Tony read the description silently. "Actually, this might be perfect. One of the rooms just has a king bed in it and the other has two queens. Daniel is way too tall now to share a bed. So you and Tommy could take the king and we'll take the queens."

"How much?" Tim asked.

"Dad, you're last to talk! Tony said so," Tommy interjected.

"And?" Tim asked.

"I don't mind," Daniel said. "It'll be nice having a big bed to myself."

"Tommy?" Tony asked.

"Yes!"

"Tim?" Tony asked. "You can talk now."

"Price?" Tim asked.

"One fifty."

"For all four of us?"

"Yep. They have a deal that kids under 17 are free."

"Okay, that doesn't sound too bad."

"Good. It's a little bit further south than Darien, but still close."

"Okay. What about dinner?" Tim asked.

"You trust Daniel and Tommy to use your phone?" Tony asked.

"Hmmm..." Tim said.

"I'll be careful, Dad!" Tommy said.

"Okay. Remember that we don't want to have to drive a long way to get to it from our hotel. It needs to be close, in the same area as where we'll stay."

Tim pulled out his phone and passed it back. Instantly, Tony watched as Daniel and Tommy began searching for somewhere to eat.

"Try getting a place in Brunswick," Tony said. "That's where the hotel is."

They started looking and pointing out various places on Tim's phone.

"You're taking a big risk that we'll end up at McDonald's," Tim said in a low voice. "And I doubt they'll have lobster rolls down here."

Tony laughed. "We can nix the Golden Arches if we need to, but Daniel is actually pretty adventurous when it comes to food. And you know that Tommy will be persuaded by something Daniel wants."

"Depends on how out there it is. Tommy isn't very adventurous with food. He is with other things but not food."

"What's indigo, Daniel?" Tommy asked.

"It's a color. Kind of like purple, I think," Daniel said.

"What does indigo have to do with where we're going to eat?" Tony asked.

"It's the name of a place that Daniel wants to try," Tommy said.

"What's it called?" Tim asked.

"Indigo Coastal Shanty," Tommy said. "What's a shanty?"

"A rundown house," Tony said.

"Oh... well, maybe we shouldn't go there, then," Tommy said.

Daniel laughed. "They're just trying to sound cool. I'll bet they can't really be in a shanty."

"Is it a seafood place?" Tim asked.

"Well, there's fish," Daniel said, "but there are other things, too. Something that's _jerked_?"

"That's a type of cooking," Tony said. "Spicy."

"Oh. You've never done it before?"

"Nope. I've never tried jerked chicken or fish. I've eaten it but never cooked it."

"Oh."

"Let me see the menu," Tony said.

Tommy handed him the phone and he looked. It actually seemed like it could be a fun little place.

"Prices aren't too bad, and there's even the option of Tommy getting chicken nuggets, although they don't call it that."

"Okay, I'm game," Tim said.

"Good. So let's get there. I'm tired of being in the car and I want to eat."

Then, Tim got a triumphant grin on his face.

"What?"

"And I'll call Delilah when we get to the hotel. _So_ Tony DiNozzo, that means, _you_ buy dinner."

"You haven't done it yet."

"I will."

"Licorice!" Daniel announced.

Tony groaned but handed the bag into the back.

"It's almost gone," Tim said.

"I know. That's the problem," Tony said, but he was still feeling pretty good at the moment, so he laughed. "I wanted more of it."

Tim laughed, too, and Tony was struck anew with how relaxed and carefree Tim was acting. _Was_ it an act? Could Tim have really reached the point where he actually _could_ relax? Tony was a little skeptical, but at the same time, he liked seeing Tim enjoying himself, too. So he'd accept it.

For now.

The rest of the drive to Brunswick was uneventful. When they got there, the gas tank was plenty low, so they filled up and then found the hotel and dropped off their bags. Tim made a point of calling Delilah and Tony had to admit that he'd lost the bet. Then, it was off to the restaurant. When they got to it, it really did look like a shanty from the outside.

But they got in and got a table and then started looking at the menu. Tommy looked a little perplexed, and Tony decided that Tim and Delilah were not doing a good job of introducing him to new foods. He knew that Tim and Delilah tried new restaurants and enjoyed it, but Tommy didn't appear to be that way.

"I don't know what this stuff is," Tommy said.

"It's food," Tony said.

Tim laughed.

"Tommy, there's a place that has a kids menu," he said, pointing to it.

"Are you getting that, Daniel?" Tommy asked.

"I'm not a kid," Daniel said. "I want to try something I've never had."

"What if you don't like it?" Tommy asked.

"I'll get some fries, too."

"What are you getting?"

"The jerked tostadas," Daniel said.

"What's a tostada?" Tommy asked.

"I don't know," Daniel said.

"It's like a tortilla that's been baked," Tim said.

Tommy went back to looking at the menu. Then, he looked at Tim.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"What's okra?"

"It's a vegetable."

"So is it like french fries?"

Tim looked up. "What?"

"I can get fried okra as a side. Is that like french fries?"

"I don't know. I've never had fried okra," Tim said. "Tony?"

"I don't know if I've had fried okra, either. It'll be crispy like fries. I don't know if it will taste like fries."

"Do you want to try that?" Tim asked.

Tommy nodded seriously. "I want chicken fingers and fried okra."

"Okay. That works."

"What are you getting, Dad?"

"I think I'll do the curry. Tony?"

"Oh, I was going to get that. Well, I can't get the same thing as you. Got to try something else. Hmmm... I'll get the Raj burger and some sweet potato fries. We also need to get some hummus."

They gave their orders and Tommy started talking about the space camp as they waited. He talked about what they'd get to do, would their beds be comfortable, how many kids would be in each room. He asked Daniel's opinion on each question, but he was still talking a _lot_. Tony knew that Tim didn't mind, and since Tommy was trying to keep Daniel involved in the conversation, he didn't mind, either.

When the food came, Tommy tentatively tried the fried okra...and didn't like it. So Tony let him try one of his sweet potato fries. Tommy _really_ like those, so he and Tony switched since Tony actually liked the fried okra.

After dinner, they headed back to the hotel. Tommy and Daniel went to the pool and swam for a while, but then, Tim decided that Tommy needed to get to bed. He declared that he was going to be a spoilsport and make him get his sleep. There were some complaints, but Tommy was too obedient to protest for long. Instead, he and Tim disappeared into their bedroom and the light went out pretty quickly. Tony knew that Tim still got tired too easily, and so he'd likely wanted to go to bed himself.

"Well, Daniel, how was the first day?" Tony asked.

Daniel grinned. "It was good."

"Are you ready for tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Remember that you can call if there's a problem, but try to solve it yourself first. Then, call me. And you can always call. If there's a big problem, Tim and I will come back early."

"I can do it."

"I know you can, and you can have fun, too."

"Thanks, Tony."

"You're welcome. Let's go to bed. Even if I slept in the car, I'm still tired since you woke me up _way_ earlier than you should have."

Daniel laughed and they went to bed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Tim woke up early, as he had started doing because he went to bed so early. He lay there for a few minutes without moving, just enjoying the feeling of stillness and quiet. He also enjoyed the fact that he _was_ waking up early. That meant that he was recovering enough that he didn't need to sleep so much.

He heard a long deep breath and rolled over to see Tommy sleeping soundly. At some point, Tommy would start growing and there would no longer be room for them to share a hotel bed, even a king. But for now, it worked. Tim loved seeing his son asleep. There was a repose in sleep that he just savored.

But right now, Tim was ready to get up and do something, even if that something was simply reading. So he carefully slid over to the side of the bed and got up. He grabbed his tablet and slipped out of the room. In the main room of the suite, he could sit comfortably on the couch and read for a while, enjoying the silence. It was only five-thirty.

He opened his tablet and was about to pull up a book, but then, he stopped and smiled a little. Instead, he went to the photos. He opened up a folder that he almost never opened and looked at the photos from the first road trip he and Tony had taken together and from the fifth one. He had put them in the same folder because they were both depressing.

And yet, he still kept them. Delilah had seen them once and asked why he had these unnecessary reminders of the worst times of his life. Tony had asked the same question.

He couldn't explain it, but there was a reason for it. He really didn't have the words for it. But while they were sad indications of where he had been... they didn't represent where he was at the present time.

And that mattered.

Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by the door to the other room opening. He looked up, expecting Tony and saw Daniel instead. He smiled.

"You're up early, Daniel," he said.

"Oh... I didn't know you'd be up, Tim," Daniel said. Then, he grinned. "Tony needs more sleep than I do."

Tim laughed softly. "You can tease him about getting old when he wakes up."

Daniel laughed, too, but then, he seemed to feel a little awkward. Tim didn't blame him. They rarely spoke to each other without being with everyone else. Tim was an adult. Daniel was a teenager. But then, Tim decided to take the opportunity to ask a question.

"Daniel, did Tommy's question yesterday bother you? Or my answer?"

For a moment, Daniel looked confused, as if he'd forgotten, then, Tim saw the realization dawn on him.

"Oh... no. I'm... glad you were there to answer. I didn't know what to say. I know Tommy doesn't mean anything by it but..."

"Yeah," Tim said, when Daniel didn't go on. "It's more complicated than Tommy realizes yet."

"How do you do it, though? It's like Tommy can't ask a question that you don't know the answer to."

"Oh, I don't always know the answer, Daniel," Tim said, shaking his head.

"But you know how to answer Tommy's questions."

"He's my son. I know what he's looking for. It's not all the answers. It's just enough that he learns something. If he learns something he didn't know, Tommy's pretty much satisfied. Not always, but most of the time."

Then, suddenly, Daniel got an earnest expression on his face. He sat down on the chair by the sofa.

"Can _I_ ask you a question?"

"Sure," Tim said.

"You've known Tony for a long time, right?"

Tim smiled and nodded. "Longer than you've been alive, Daniel. We weren't always friends like we are now, but I've known him for quite a while."

"Well... When Tony and Jo took us in..." He stopped, seeming unsure of what to say.

"What is it, Daniel?" Tim asked when he didn't go on.

"Things were real bad for me and Grace when we went to live with Tony and Jo. It was the fifteenth time we'd been back in foster care. I know. I counted."

And when Daniel said he counted, you knew it was accurate. Tim just nodded silently, encouraging him to go on.

"We didn't believe them when they said they wanted us to stay with them. People said that all the time. They never meant it. The worst times were when Grace and me got split up. Then, we had no one, not even each other. It was real bad."

Tim nodded again.

"That's not what it's like anymore. We have a family. A real family, but..." Daniel stopped again, looking uncomfortable.

"Yes?" Tim asked.

"Do you think Tony would mind if I called him _Dad_?" he asked all in a rush.

Tim was so surprised by the question that he didn't even know what to say. He didn't know why Daniel was asking _him_ of all people.

"Uh... I can't... imagine that he would."

"But do you _know_ that?" Daniel asked.

"No, I can't say that I do. We've never talked about that, but I would think he'd like it. Tony doesn't have a lot of family, either, you know."

"But maybe he feels like Grace and me felt... that we didn't want that kind of family."

Tim could see that if he couldn't be absolutely certain, Daniel wouldn't dare go that route. He was unsure about it himself, but it was almost like he was asking if Tony would like a particular gift, one that would require a sacrifice on his part. He didn't want to do it if it wouldn't be appreciated, but if it would, he wanted to give that gift.

"Okay, Daniel, Tony and I will have five days while you and Tommy are at the space camp. I'll ask him, and I'll make sure that he doesn't feel like he has to do something about it if he doesn't want to. How does that sound?"

"You think you could? I don't want him to feel like he has to."

"I'm good at talking about things," Tim said with a gentle smile. "Tony and I always talk about a lot of different subjects when we're on these road trips. It would be easy to bring it up. ...He talks about you guys a lot, you know."

"I don't know... maybe..."

"You think about it and let me know before we drop you guys off. All you have to do is say yes or no and I'll get it."

"Okay."

Then, Daniel bounced to his feet and went into the bathroom.

Tim sat where he was. He was sure that Tony would love for Daniel to call him _Dad_ , but he admitted that he could be wrong. Well, he was sure he could find out from Tony without explicitly saying that Daniel was wondering...although even if he did need to say that much, Tony would get it and he wouldn't say anything to Daniel about it. Tim had the feeling there would be a lot of conversations on this trip about things of varying significance. This could be one of them. He wasn't sure why he felt that way, but it seemed like there was a full bag of conversations that needed to be had on the trip. There was something in the air.

All thoughts of reading were forgotten, although he was still holding his tablet in his hand. He heard the shower go on and he leaned back on the couch.

The road trips were never just road trips. The closest they'd come was the second one. But even that hadn't been just a road trip.

Would they ever be? Maybe not. Maybe it just couldn't be that way.

...but sometimes, Tim wished that it could.

He sighed, but then, quickly smiled when the bedroom door opened again and Tony came out.

"Daniel's in the shower?"

"Yeah. What's with the early wake-up?" Tim asked.

"Hey, you were up before me."

"But I went to bed first."

"I didn't almost die a few weeks ago," Tony returned.

"I was sick, not dying."

"Uh-huh," Tony said, dubiously. "Besides, we have to get up early anyway. So what's the deal?"

Tim held up his tablet.

"You interrupted my reading."

"Ha. I'll bet you weren't reading anything. You were probably playing some new game and you don't want anyone to know about it."

Tim laughed. "I can promise that it wasn't that. I can't promise that I made any progress in my book."

"What's the book?" Tony asked.

"You don't think I'm really reading anything, do you."

"Nope."

Glad that he'd already closed the folder with the pictures, Tim opened up his tablet.

"See?"

" _Deep Simplicity_ ," Tony read. "What is that? Some kind of self-help book?"

"No. It's about chaos theory."

"Of course it is," Tony said, no longer interested.

Tim was inwardly relieved that he knew Tony well enough to know what would make him prod and what wouldn't. A science book wouldn't.

"So, breakfast downstairs?"

"Sounds fine to me," Tim said. "That'll be sufficient."

"Okay. I like the idea of going down to Key West. So I think we should start heading down that way as soon as we drop the boys off. It's the farthest away, and the Everglades are down that way, too."

"Fine by me. I have only one requirement," Tim said.

"What's that?"

"You take a picture of me out on the beach, relaxing. My team doesn't believe I'm capable of it," Tim said, smiling.

Tony smiled, too, but Tim didn't think his heart was in it.

"I don't believe it, either."

"Well, I'll just have to prove all of you wrong. You find me a beach and I'll relax on it."

Tony laughed and then turned to the bathroom as Daniel came out.

"About time, Daniel," Tony said.

"You were sleeping," Daniel said. "Doesn't count."

"It counts if I say it does. You were being slow."

Daniel laughed and went back into the bedroom while Tony went into the bathroom. Tim got up, knowing that nothing else quiet would be happening today. He walked back into the other bedroom and smiled at Tommy still sleeping. He walked over and sat down by his son and shook him gently.

"Tommy, time to wake up."

"Huh?" Tommy mumbled.

"Tommy, you need to get up. Remember that you'll get to the space camp today. We need to drive the rest of the way down to Florida."

As he had thought, Tommy perked up at the mention of the space camp, although he was still groggy. Tim urged him up and walking around. By the time he got Tommy out of the bedroom, Tony was out of the bathroom and so Tim let Tommy go in before him, thinking that he should have showered when he woke up early instead of anything else.

But eventually, he got his turn and he showered quickly. Then, they all went down to the continental breakfast. Tim made sure that Tommy got something semi-healthy, noting that Tony just let Daniel pick his own breakfast, although at fifteen, Tim could admit that Daniel was probably adept at it. In fact, Daniel picked a wide range of items, including fruit, cereal, eggs, waffles and other things.

"Daniel is going through a growth spurt, I think," Tony said.

"How tall are you going to be, Daniel?" Tommy asked, sounding awed. "You're already tall!"

"I don't know," Daniel said.

"He'll be taller than me," Tony said.

"Is that from your genes, too?"

"Yep," Daniel said. "I know that one."

Tim gave him a thumbs up.

"Eat if you're hungry," he said. "It's a free breakfast...or at least, it's included in our room stay. ...besides, maybe you'll only get freeze-dried ice cream and Tang while you're at the camp."

Daniel looked slightly worried for about a second before Tony started laughing.

"They wouldn't dare," Tony said.

Tim laughed, too. "Actually, they only ever used the freeze-dried ice cream on one mission and even the astronauts hated it, so they stopped...and started selling it in tourist shops."

Daniel grinned, although he looked a little relieved, too. Tommy hadn't even really been paying attention. He was eating his breakfast without a care in the world. Tim hoped that he'd enjoy himself. It would be the first time he'd ever been away from home for so long...and without family. However, Tim wasn't mentioning any of that. He wanted Tommy to have fun, not to start worrying.

...as his father would be...just a little bit.

After breakfast, they gathered up all their luggage and packed it back into the car and Tony started them off on the three-hour drive to the Kennedy Space Center and the camp nearby.

Tommy got more and more excited the closer they got to their destination. Even Daniel was asking questions as they headed down the coast. Tim just enjoyed the chance to gush about a topic he really enjoyed. If Tony didn't contribute much, Tim could see that he was enjoying himself, too.

Finally, the signs began directing them to the Space Coast, and Tim helped navigate to the camp. Then, there were plenty of cars to follow as it seemed like the entire world was taking their kids to space camp. Eventually, they got to an overflowing parking lot, found a spot that might be legitimate parking and got out of the car.

"There are... a lot of people here," Daniel said, sounding a little less excited and more nervous.

And suddenly, Tommy stepped in. Tim didn't know if Tommy was actually aware of the need to do something for Daniel, but he grabbed Daniel's arm.

"Isn't it so cool, Daniel? All these kids want to study space like we do! I'll bet we have so much fun! Look at how many friends we can make! What if some of them are from other countries? We could have pen pals! Space pen pals! That would be so neat." He looked around some more and then pointed. "That's where they're all going. That must be where we go, too!"

He started pulling on Daniel's arm and then grabbed Tim's hand and pulled on him, too. He didn't try to run ahead, but his eyes were nearly popping out of their sockets as he tried to take in all the stimuli around him.

Daniel actually seemed to relax a little bit and let Tommy pull him along. They went and joined a fairly long line of people who were also checking in. Tim and Tony decided to divide and conquer in the hopes of getting through faster and so got in two different lines. It took a while, but they got through and got all the information and checked Daniel and Tommy in.

Then, it was time to say their good-byes.

"Have a great time, Tommy," Tim said. "I can't wait to hear about how it goes. Tony and I will be back to watch the graduation at the end of the week."

Tommy grinned. "I get to graduate!"

"As long as you obey the rules and do what you're supposed to. ...and I know you will."

Tommy gave him a high five and then a big hug. Tim listened as Tony said his good-byes to Daniel.

"Remember that you might need to adjust a little bit. That's normal. If you really need to, you have the phone we got so you can call, but try not to. Just have fun," Tony said.

Daniel nodded, still looking a little intimidated, but also trying to enjoy himself. He met Tim's eyes for just a moment and nodded again. Tim smiled, understanding what he was meaning. Then, Daniel took a deep breath and looked at Tommy.

"Okay, Tommy. You ready to get to our groups?"

"Yes! You think I can sneak into yours?"

Tim and Tony both tried not to laugh at little Tommy thinking he could sneak in with the older kids... next to Daniel who was already almost six feet tall.

"I don't think so, but I'll see you at meal times and probably during parts of the day, too."

"Okay. Let's go! Bye, Dad!" Tommy said and waved.

"Bye, Tommy. Bye, Daniel!"

Tony waved, too. Then, they watched as their two boys walked off and joined the crowds of kids.

"Well? Ready?" Tony asked.

"Yeah. I think so. Nothing to do here but stand around. You think Daniel will be okay?"

"I think so. He _wants_ to be here and that helps. It'll be hard, but he'll enjoy it."

They turned and headed back toward the car. Tony slung his arm around Tim's shoulders.

"Well, Tim, let's get on the road, shall we?"

"Sounds like a great idea."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"We should be able to get all the way down to Key West today if you want to," Tony said, after they'd been driving for a couple of hours. "Then, we could see the southern point in the morning and get out of Dodge."

"Do _you_ want to?" Tim asked, glancing over for a moment.

Tony smiled. "You're the one who wants to go there, Tim. What do you think?"

"Well, if we go as far south as we're going to go, then we can work our way back up taking as much time as we have," Tim said.

"Very true. And if we suddenly run out of time, we can skip stuff. No way can we miss the graduation."

"I'm right with you there."

"Good," Tony said and pulled out his phone. "Bowman said there was no way we'd do the drive in six hours in the middle of the summer, but we have quite a while before it's too late to drive and we've made good time so far."

"Agreed. ...but would you mind doing the driving on the bridges between the keys?"

"Why?" Tony asked, furrowing his brow.

"Honestly, it makes me a little nervous. I've heard people can get disoriented while driving on the really long bridges. You're a better driver than I am."

"You're just trying to get out of it," Tony said.

"Yes, I am...because I think you'd be better."

"Ha. Fine. I'll do it, but only because I like you and I wouldn't like you to drive off the edge of the bridge."

Tim laughed. "I would like me to do that, either."

"But if we're doing this, we're getting a _good_ hotel room in Key West."

"Tony..." Tim began.

"Nope. No arguments, Tim."

"Tony, Key West will already be crazy expensive in the middle of the summer."

"Yep. So we might as well just give in and spend."

"That's not what the inevitable conclusion is!"

"It's only for one night this time, Tim! We don't have to do it every night, but in Key West, we've got to!"

"Why?"

"Because... I said so," Tony said.

"Not good enough," Tim said.

"Because..." And then, suddenly, the mood changed very abruptly. "...because I _need_ to."

"What?" Tim asked, looking at Tony again.

Tony looked a little embarrassed.

"Keep your eyes on the road, Probie," Tony said, almost mumbling.

"Tony, what are you talking about? Why would you _need_ to spend an exorbitant amount of money on a hotel room?"

"Long story, and not while you're driving."

"You're going to tell me?" Tim asked, feeling more surprised that he'd like to admit.

"I think I need to... Maybe it'll help."

Tim was surprised. He had thought that getting Tony to talk about whatever was eating him would take more effort than that. Maybe Tony really _had_ changed after all the stuff with his dad.

But he didn't want to put this off. If Tony could drop into the doldrums that quickly, he wanted to be able to help...somehow. He started looking for somewhere they could pull off the road quickly.

And talk.

After a few minutes (during which time Tony said nothing but kept looking at his phone), Tim saw signs for Coral Cove Park. He decided that was good enough and he took the exit.

"Where are we going?" Tony asked.

"Coral Cove Park."

"What's there?"

"I have no idea."

"Then, why are we going?"

Tim looked over at Tony again.

"So you can talk."

Tony actually smiled a little.

"It's not that desperate, Tim."

"I don't care. If you need to talk, we're going to talk. We have five days. I'm not worried about missing anything."

"Okay...but how about the Southernmost Point Guest House?" Tony asked.

"Huh?"

"In Key West. Looks like it's right next to the southernmost point. We could walk over there first thing in the morning. Don't even have to do any driving except for into and out of Key West."

"How much?" Tim asked, trying to focus on the hotel when he was worrying about Tony.

"Four hundred for a room with two queen beds."

"Just for the one night?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Good. I'll reserve it now so you can't change your mind."

Tim rolled his eyes. He would never get used to how Tony could flit from serious to flippant in seconds. He focused on getting to the park. It turned out to be a little ways off I-95, but it was right on the coast. In fact, it was a beach on a barrier island. Their first beach on the trip. The funny thing was that when they first got into the parking lot, the beach was completely hidden from view. However, the trails all went the same direction, so it was easy to guess where to go.

He parked the car and they both got out and started walking slowly toward the beach without talking. Once they got through the trees, there it was. The ocean spreading out in front of them. There was sand, but there were also some rocky areas, and Tony wandered over toward the rocks. There were a few people on the beach but not many.

Finally, Tony sat down, still in the sand, but looking at some rocks where the waves were breaking. Tim sat down beside him.

He waited.

Tony said nothing.

"Tony, what's going on?"

"Nothing really," Tony said.

"Oh, come on. You're being way too serious for it to be nothing."

Tony sighed. "That's the thing. It _is_ serious, but it _should_ be nothing."

"I don't get it," Tim said. "Tony, I've felt like there was something going on when you came over to my house before the trip. You've been really serious. It's like you're not even enjoying yourself." He hesitated. "...did you not want to come?"

Tony sighed again and looked at him.

"No, Tim. That's not what it is. You didn't make some kind of mistake. I can see you thinking it, so stop it. That's not what's going on."

"Then, what is? Because I can see that _something_ is."

Tony leaned over and took off his shoes. He started digging his toes into the sand. Tim shrugged and followed suit.

And again, he waited.

Tony stared out at the ocean for a while and then sighed for a third time.

"This is going to sound wrong and I know it will, but just give me a chance to try and explain it, okay?"

"Okay."

"It started a few months ago. I talked to Jo about it a little bit, but..." Tony suddenly turned toward Tim. "You know what I was like. You didn't even like me back then."

"You mean when we first started working together?"

"Yeah."

"No, I didn't. Not much."

"I know. Because of the way I lived. When you thought you shot Benedict, I came over to help, but my method was to force you to deal with it like I would have, meaning go and party and pretend it never happened. I don't make any real connections. Life is simple and... no strings attached. I could move every few years and it didn't matter because there was no one to care. I had friends but that was all and I didn't mind replacing them every time I moved."

"Yeah," Tim said.

"And now, I'm a father. I have to worry about my kids. I have to be responsible at work. I have to take care of my family. I have strings. I have connections. Life is complicated."

"I know," Tim said. "You told me that was what life was like before."

"Yeah, I did."

Tony looked out at the ocean again.

"Tony... are you saying you regret it?"

"No."

"So this is the part that you know sounds wrong?"

Tony laughed a little. "Yeah."

Silence again. Tim wondered if he was failing to be helpful, but he was still not sure he understood what was going on.

So he waited some more.

"Sometimes... Sometimes, I don't even recognize myself anymore. Who am I? Have I changed so much that I'm not the same person that I was? I talked to Jo, but she never knew me the way I was. She met me when I had already changed a lot. She doesn't understand what I'm saying." Tony looked at Tim again. "But you've known me longer. You've known me when all I cared about was the next hot chick. Am I unrecognizable? Am I different person?" Tony managed a weak smile. "And don't say anything about a mid-life crisis."

Tim smiled back, but inside, he was worried. He didn't know how to answer Tony's questions. He hadn't ever thought about Tony having changed a lot. ...not until the last few weeks. Tony had simply matured. He was still Tony but just with a bit more depth to him.

"Tony... what is it that you don't recognize?" Tim asked, playing for time more than anything.

"Where's the guy I was?"

"Do you really want to _be_ that guy?" Tim asked. "I mean, you said it yourself. You didn't have any connections to people. You didn't have any responsibilities, but you didn't have a family, either. And that's something you told me you always wanted. And that's what you've got right now."

"And I like that. I do," Tony said.

"Tony... until the last little bit, you didn't seem like a different person to me. You're just more mature than you used to be. ...but the last few weeks, you've seemed... different. And that's not about being married or having a family...unless that's what's getting to you. Before this road trip, even when you had some problems you were worrying about, you always managed to set them aside and just have fun, even if they came up again later. This time... you aren't doing that. Is it just this stuff that's making the difference or are you feeling burned out?"

"I don't get burned out," Tony said quickly. "Never have, never will."

"Maybe you didn't when you didn't care about things, but you do now," Tim said. "And there are a lot of things on your plate. You have Grace and Daniel who need you. You have Ivan who will be needing you and Jo long-term. You have Sam who can't be forgotten in the midst of everyone else. You have Jo who you've told me is still trying to negotiate being a stay-at-home mom. Plus, you've got your job. Tony, you're doing a lot. ...and I know you'll hate me saying it, but you've also got me as a friend and I put stress on you sometimes."

"Tim..." Tony said, sounding frustrated.

"I'm serious, Tony," Tim said. "I'm not trying to say you should cut me loose. In fact... I really hope you don't, but I can be a major source of stress. I even got Delilah to admit that once. You've got a lot of things going on. And if you can't even set them aside on this trip, then, maybe it's no surprise you're wondering about being the guy with no strings. That guy wouldn't be worried about whether or not his son could handle being at camp. He wouldn't be wondering about how far Ivan will get. He wouldn't be worried about his daughter still struggling to express herself in a healthy way. ...but you also wouldn't have any of them."

"Yeah."

"So... here's the question: Do you want to go back to that?"

"Not really."

"Then, you know what?"

"I need to get over it?" Tony asked.

Tim laughed. "Well, yeah, probably, but that's not what I was going to say."

"What were you going to say?"

"I was going to say that you need to ask for help carrying the load when you feel it like that. You can ask Jo. You can ask me. Heck, you could even ask Chaz...if you didn't mind everyone else knowing."

Tony laughed a little. "Chaz wouldn't tell if I told him not to."

"But really, Tony, you don't have to do all that alone. You didn't have to deal with your dad dying all alone. You didn't have to deal with _me_ all alone. And I know you feel more stressed because you're afraid of being the kind of dad _your_ dad was."

Tony looked at him.

"And you're not," Tim said firmly. "Not at all. No one who watches you with your kids for two seconds would ever mistake you for what your dad was."

"You liked him well enough."

"The first time. The more I knew of him, the less appealing he was. All style and no substance. And you're not like that. You told me that your dad didn't care. That's not you, not even a little bit. You might even care too much sometimes."

"Is there such a thing?" Tony asked.

"I don't know. I'm probably not the best guy to ask...or the best guy to be telling you how to deal with stress in a healthy way."

Tony laughed a little. "Probably not."

There was a pause.

And then, Tony looked at him. "Could you try anyway?"

Tim could see that there _was_ something behind all this. Maybe Tony didn't know himself, but that didn't make it any less real, any less valid. The problem Tim was having was having no clue how to deal with it. He wanted to help, but he didn't know how.

"Well, pretending it doesn't exist doesn't usually help," Tim said.

"I'm not doing that," Tony said. "I just don't know what to do about it, and Jo is usually great with this stuff, but she doesn't get it, either."

"Okay, let me see if I can say what you're saying."

"Sure. Don't make it sound worse than it is, though," Tony said, only half joking.

"Right. So you're kind of missing the way your life used to be, but you do like the way your life is now, and you can't figure out how to make those two feelings make sense. Is that at all right?"

"Somewhat," Tony said.

Tim thought that Tony might seem a little disappointed. He felt bad about that. After all the times Tony had helped him, he should be able to reciprocate.

"Tony... are you afraid?"

"Afraid of what?" Tony asked.

"I don't know, but all this... it makes sense if you're a little afraid of how different things are. You said once before that you weren't sure about being a parent just because you didn't really get a good example of it. Maybe I'm wrong."

"Maybe. I don't know," Tony said. "But that's part of my problem, too. I can't even explain it to myself, let alone anyone else."

"Well, we have five days. We can keep thinking," Tim said, trying to be optimistic, although he had a sinking feeling he hadn't done anything to help. He had to do something better than he'd done.

"Yeah. For now, let's see if I can set it aside and have some fun," Tony said.

"Okay."

Tony put his shoes back on and then stood up. Tim put his shoes on and then suppressed a grimace as Tony offered him a hand to stand. The only thing worse than Tony _thinking_ he needed a hand was that he actually _did_ need it.

"I'll drive," Tony said.

"It's only been a couple of hours. You drove us all the way down to the space camp," Tim protested.

"It's all right, Tim. I'd rather get my mind off this stuff, anyway. You're not completely recovered and don't think I've forgotten that."

"I'd rather you did," Tim muttered.

"Tim, it's okay to need time to get better."

"And I'm taking it," Tim said. "But I'm not as weak you seem to think I am, Tony. ...as _everyone_ seems to think I am."

"You're just weak enough, Tim," Tony said, as they walked back to the car. "That's all. Come on. We'll have lots of time for beaches on this trip. We're in the Sunshine State!"

Tim could tell that Tony was forcing his jocularity, but he would accept it...until he could figure out something useful.

Maybe he could call Ducky...


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Things were quiet in the car for a while after they got back on the road. Tony couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that Tim didn't have the answer. Logically, he knew that springing this on Tim when he didn't even really understand it himself was not the best situation for expecting Tim to solve his problem. Logically, he knew that. It was just that he'd hoped that Tim would somehow magically understand what the issue actually was and fix it...or at least tell Tony how _he_ could fix it.

Oh, well. At least he could say that he was _trying_ to talk about it. That was something. It might not be much, but he was trying.

Tim had got out the atlas and his phone and had been looking at whatever, but after a few minutes, he'd started drooping and he was now mostly dozing, possibly asleep, his phone loose in his hand and the atlas only prevented from sliding to the floor by the dashboard. That was all right. No matter how much Tim resisted needing the extra help, he did need it, and quite frankly, while Tony had denied it, Tim was right that he was difficult to have as a friend sometimes. At least this time, he'd just been sick. Seriously sick, but still just sick.

So that meant he could ruminate on his own problems...which he didn't really want to do.

But Tim had a point. Tony had always been able to set those things aside and have fun in the moment, even if he couldn't solve his own problems. For the first time in years, he thought about that time when he had tried to bring Ziva back, that time when he had still thought he loved her. He had failed and it had really been hard to admit it. It had been hard to come back to NCIS and know that, in spite of everything he'd done, she had never come back, had rejected his attempt. What he had wanted for her had not been what she wanted for herself. It had been hard.

...but he had jumped at the chance to have a road trip with Tim and have fun. He had been able to set all the stuff with Ziva aside most of the time and just have fun.

_Why can't I do that now?_

He had been honest with Tim. He loved his family and the last thing he wanted was to give them up. He didn't particularly want to go back to the lifestyle he'd had before.

_But am I just pretending to be different than I was?_

Suddenly, Tim's head flopped forward and he jerked awake. He looked around blearily for a moment and then blinked a few times.

"Nice nap?" Tony asked.

Tim laughed a little. "Didn't even know I'd fallen asleep. I was just looking to see if there was anything we should stop at on our way to Key West."

"We're not stopping anywhere, remember? We'll make stops on our way back. No stopping, except for gas."

"Right, right, but maybe there'd be something really special," Tim said.

"Nothing would be that special."

"Fine. You just want to get to our luxury hotel."

"It's not luxury. Just nice."

"Yeah, whatever. Where are we?" Tim asked.

"Almost to Miami."

"We don't have to go _into_ Miami, do we?" Tim asked. "That traffic has got to be a nightmare."

"I don't think so. I think we can drive around it."

Tim picked up the atlas again and started checking.

"It's a toll road."

"That's okay. I know the Florida Turnpike is down through here."

Tim kept checking carefully with the atlas, not his phone. Tony smiled. He still liked that Tim did this on the road trips. He seemed to enjoy figuring it out himself. No matter what he claimed, Tony knew that it wasn't about practicality. It was about personal enjoyment.

"Okay, get off I-95 as soon as you can, then. We might as well get to the turnpike now. The closer we get to Miami, the worse it will be, I'm sure."

Tony could agree with that, and so he watched for an exit. Luckily (or not so much), the traffic was heavy and they weren't going particularly fast. He saw an off-ramp leading to I-595, and he started weaving through the cars to get off.

"Okay, Tim. I'm getting off onto I-595."

Tim nodded and found the place.

"Okay, this is going to be tricky. You're not staying on I-595 very long, but there are like five different roads all coming together here and a lot of exits to different places. You watch for signs. At 441, you should see somewhere to get off 595 and eventually onto the turnpike."

Tony didn't like the sound of that, but he knew that this wasn't somewhere either of them were familiar with. Plus, they hadn't planned this part in advance at all and Tim was guessing somewhat. They'd just have to do their best. They had time to get it wrong.

"There! There! Take that one!" Tim suddenly shouted, pointing ahead.

Tony saw the exit.

"I don't see the turnpike and it's not 441."

"You need this one. You'll see it. Take the exit, Tony!"

Obediently, Tony managed to move over in time to get on the off-ramp. Then, just a few seconds later, he saw a sign for the turnpike, just as Tim had said.

"I see it."

"Good."

It was a mass of roads converging and diverging, and Tony breathed an audible sigh of relief when he was finally successfully on the Florida Turnpike, heading south once more.

"We made it," Tim said.

"Just barely."

"That counts."

"That was a terrible idea. You should have told me to take a different exit. Not that one."

"I've never been here before," Tim said. "I didn't know how bad it was going to be. You chose the exit, not me. I just worked with what I had."

"I haven't been here either. Well, not right at this particular place. I've been to Miami."

"Of course you have," Tim said, looking at the atlas again. "Just stay on the turnpike now. There's an extension we'll need to get on, but it's still the turnpike."

"Okay."

Tony continued driving.

"So, when you see a place to head toward Homestead, that's where we get off," Tim said after a few minutes.

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay."

They both watched and the transition to the Ronald Reagan Turnpike was much simpler. They continued on down, not really talking much for the moment. Tim had gone back to the atlas, but Tony's mind was on the fact that he was starting to feel a little hungry. It was a welcome distraction from his other problems and one that he could be happy to focus on for a while...since he could fairly easily solve this issue.

"We need food, Probie," he said.

"We still have some licorice," Tim said, smiling at the atlas.

"That might be enough for a teenager, but it's definitely not enough for me."

"Okay, okay. I'll see what I can find."

"Nothing big or fancy. Just something... good."

Tim actually pulled out his phone and started doing some checking.

"Oh, how would you feel about just getting a milkshake or smoothie?" Tim asked.

"That doesn't sound very impressive," Tony said. "It doesn't need to be fancy, but it should be... more filling than a smoothie."

"It's called Robert Is Here. It's a fruit stand. They sell salsa and stuff like that, too. Maybe we could get some tortilla chips or something and eat that, too."

"The name is good... okay. How hard is it to get to the place?"

"Take an exit off the toll road and then drive down one street. No turns."

"Okay. It had better be worth it."

"It has good reviews."

"Ha. We'll see," Tony said.

Tim just laughed and started watching for the exit. The directions were as easy as he had claimed they would be, which Tony was glad of. When they reached their destination, they saw something much larger than a fruit stand, and it was bustling with activity. Well, as far as a fruit stand went, that was a good sign. Lots of people meant lots of turnover, no fruit sitting around to rot.

They walked over to the counter to get in line. They were just here to get a smoothie and maybe some salsa. They weren't going to be planning on getting anything more than that. The fresh fruit would likely be amazing, but they were on the move, not grocery shopping.

"Okay, what do you want? The sign says we can mix up to three fruits together," Tim said. "Do you want to go exotic or normal?"

"Got to be a _little_ exotic. We're in Florida," Tony said.

"Florida is not exotic."

"But the fruit is," Tony said and found that he could smile without feeling like he was faking it.

Tim just shook his head and looked at the sign listing the available flavors. Tony did the same. He'd never had a dragon fruit before or a jackfruit. Sure. Why not? That worked. They got up to the front of the line and ordered.

"I'll have a passion fruit and tamarind smoothie," Tim said.

"Good job, Probie," Tony said. "I'll have a dragon fruit and jackfruit smoothie. And I'll pay."

"You sure?" Tim asked.

"Positive. You can buy the salsa."

Tim laughed and nodded. They got their smoothies and then went over to buy some salsa and chips. Tony let Tim choose the salsa and he picked a roasted red pepper salsa. Tony approved. They got their chips and then found a place to eat the chips and drink their smoothies.

"Well?" Tim asked. "How is yours?"

"Not bad," Tony said. "I should have got a stronger flavor, though. But I guess it's good to have something subtle. The salsa isn't at all."

Tim smiled. "Nope. Mine is good. I've never had tamarind before, but it's a nice sweet and sour addition, and I knew I liked passion fruit."

"Hey, you're supposed to try something new!"

"I did," Tim said patiently. "Tamarind. Never had it before. I liked it."

"Cheater," Tony muttered.

Tim laughed. "You just wish you'd thought of it, yourself. I like the salsa. What do you think?"

"I like it, too. That was a good choice."

Tony saw Tim give him a sidelong glance, as if he was wondering if he should bring up their previous conversation again, but Tony was just as happy to ignore it for a while.

"So I think I can drive all the way to Key West," he said, knowing that would get Tim's mind on something else.

"You don't have to, Tony," Tim said. "I can handle driving."

"So can I. You've done some driving today."

"Not very much. You've done most of it, by far."

"It's okay, Tim," Tony said. "We're not rushing back. We can take our time. Besides, you want me to drive over the keys. It's only a couple of hours left. We'll be fine."

"I can drive, Tony."

"I know you can. I'll let you drive us through the Everglades...as long as you don't get us eaten by a crocodile."

"Alligator," Tim said.

"What's the difference?"

"The shape of the snout, the placement of the teeth. Gators are mostly freshwater. Crocs are mostly..."

"Shoes," Tony interrupted.

Tim laughed and rolled his eyes.

"It's true!" Tony said.

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is! Crocs are shoes. Prove me wrong."

"Crocodiles are mostly saltwater," Tim said, ignoring Tony's declaration. "They're related but they're not the same."

"Of course you know that."

Tim nodded with satisfaction.

"I can't eat all these chips. We should just take them with us and get going," he said.

"Sure, okay. Sounds good. This was a good stop, Tim. I approve."

"I'm glad. You sure you don't want me to drive?"

"Positive. You'll drive plenty on this trip. Don't worry."

"Okay, okay. Let's go."

They got back into the car, but Tim did place the salsa where they could still get at it, and they did continue to snack on the chips as they drove along. Tim was taking pictures out the window, occasionally rolling it down so that he could get a better shot. Tony was enjoying the scenery as well. He had to admit that it was nice to just look out and enjoy what there was to see without any complications. He was _trying_ not to think about complications. They still came up in his head, but he was trying.

The water was sometimes obscured by plants, but then, they'd see it right up against the road almost, and they weren't even on the bridges yet.

"Lake...SURPRISE!" Tim said, suddenly.

"Huh?"

"That's what this body of water is called. Lake Surprise."

"Nice. You definitely surprised me."

"Oh... I have the perfect song!" Tim said.

" _You_ have picked out a song for us? When does this happen?"

"Not often, I admit," Tim said, "but this one is so obvious that you'll get it right away. Just a second."

Tim got on his phone and then plugged it into the car sound system and Tony laughed when he heard the unmistakable strains of the Beach Boys playing.

"'Kokomo'!" Tim said. "'Off the Florida Keys. There's a place called Kokomo.'"

"You know that's not a real place, don't you," Tony said.

"Oh, really? I just assumed it was. All the other places they mention are real," Tim said. "Why have just one place that isn't?"

"Maybe to get the rhythm right. I don't know."

"Huh." Tim seemed stumped for a moment, but then, he shrugged. "Oh, well. I still like the song and it's still perfect. 'We'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow.' That's exactly what we're doing, too."

Tim was irrepressible at the moment, and Tony didn't have it in him to cut Tim down, even though there was a part of him that didn't _want_ Tim being so happy and carefree. He'd been deathly ill only a few weeks ago. He shouldn't be so... happy.

When they got to the longer bridges, Tony could see what Tim meant. It was a little disconcerting to have this long bridge with just water on both sides and know that you were driving, not over a river but over the ocean. They pulled off in a few places just to take pictures of the water. They both posed and got someone to take their picture, too. They stopped specifically at the Number 5 Bridge. The water was beautiful, but it was a little intimidating and Tony wouldn't admit it, but he was glad for the break.

When they got to the next long bridge, Tim looked at Tony.

"Are you okay with this, Tony?" he asked. "I didn't want to do it, but this is really amazing for me, and I don't want you just being tense."

"I'm a little tense, but it's okay. One of us has to do it."

"Yeah, but..."

"I'll take a break after we got off this bridge. The next pullout. It's fine."

They continued on, and then, they got to the Seven-Mile Bridge, one of the longest bridges in the world.

"It really is just a long bridge," Tim said. "Wow."

"Yeah. Impressive."

Tim started taking pictures again, but he also took a few of Tony driving.

As small as it was, Tony breathed a quiet sigh of relief when they got to Little Duck Key. This wasn't the hardest driving he'd ever done, but there was a special addition of tension knowing that they'd be driving into the sea if they went off the road.

"I didn't realize there were so many little islands," Tim said. "I've heard of the big ones, but all of these little ones..."

"I hadn't either. I'm just glad they're there," Tony said. "Otherwise, the bridge would be even longer."

"Right. I'll bet there wouldn't have been a bridge if it had to be much longer than the seven miles."

"You're probably right."

It was quiet as they continued on. None of the other bridges were even close to as long as the Seven-Mile Bridge, so it wasn't quite as tense for Tony.

"You know, Tony..."

"What?"

"Maybe... if it's possible, we should stay two nights in Key West," Tim said.

"Huh? You didn't want to pay for the room for more than a night."

"Yeah, but there's got to be cool stuff to see in Key West, and we have the time. Instead of rushing in and rushing out, maybe we could take a page from the Beach Boys and slow down a little."

Tony glanced over. Tim was grinning, but he was serious, too.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Well, if we can. I don't know if the place we're staying will have room. Just a thought."

Tony thought about it. He knew there were beaches and lots of restaurants. It would be nice to have some time just to sit around, and the weather even looked perfect.

"It sounds like a good one to me. If we can, let's do it."

"Good."

Another 45 minutes finally brought them to Key West where the traffic more than doubled. Tim began actively navigating now that there was more than one road to drive on.

Finally, in the late afternoon, they got to the Southernmost Point Guest House.

And Tony was ready for a nice relaxing day in Key West.

Maybe he could even really relax.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

They parked the car and then grabbed their bags and headed into the house. It was a grand house, and even Tim could (privately) admit that this would be a nice stay based on first impressions. They went in to the counter to check in, and Tim listened with half an ear as Tony asked if they could extend their stay by one night. He wasn't sure whether or not he was really glad when the hostess said that they'd had a last-minute cancellation the next day and so they could indeed stay one extra night. It was going to be expensive.

...but maybe worth it.

They got the keys to the Frangipani room. Tim liked the name, even if he didn't really know what it was.

When they got into their room, Tim watched as Tony flopped down on one of the beds and closed his eyes.

"Why did you let me drive so much, Tim?" he asked.

"I offered to drive. More than once," Tim said.

"You weren't persistent enough. I'm tired."

"Well, it's too early for dinner right now. You could take a nap. I'll call home and report that we made it and the boys made it, too."

"I'm not _that_ tired," Tony said, opening his eyes.

"Well, you already smashed the swan," Tim pointed out. "And you didn't even notice it."

"Huh?"

Tim pointed at the other bed and the towel which has been elaborately folded into the shape of a swan. Then, Tony reached underneath him and pulled out a now-smashed swan.

"Ah, poor thing," he said.

Tim laughed. "See? You didn't even notice. Take a nap, Tony. I'll go sit out on the balcony and enjoy the view. You can stare at the inside of your eyelids for a while."

"You'd better not go anywhere without me, Probie," Tony said, waggling his finger at him.

Tim smiled. "No intention. Just out to the balcony. No further."

Tony flopped back down onto the bed.

"Okay. I'm tired."

He closed his eyes and Tim smiled as it appeared that Tony genuinely was going to sleep. Good. He really had felt bad when it became apparent just how much driving over the ocean Tony had to do...and he was still going to ask Tony to drive back over the bridges, but this time, Tony wouldn't be doing all the driving during the day. He would drive over and then Tim would take the wheel and drive them through the Everglades. Tony had already said that, but Tim would make sure it really happened.

However, for the moment, he wouldn't disturb Tony's nap. He grabbed his phone and really did step out onto the balcony. It was a lovely view. Lush greenery, the sparkle of the ocean in the background. He was quite happy with this place to sit and enjoy himself.

He dialed home.

" _Where are you, Tim?"_ Delilah asked by way of greeting.

"Key West, at our hotel. We're going to stay here a couple of nights and then start making our way back. Any calls from Tommy?"

" _Nope. How was he when you dropped them off?"_

"Giddy with excitement. Just like I would have been."

Delilah laughed. _"And the thing is that I know you mean right now, not when you were his age."_

"Darn right," Tim said, grinning. "How are the girls doing?"

" _Esther keeps asking if crossing out the days will mean you're back home. Evelyn seems to have taken it in stride."_

"No surprise there."

" _But both of them miss both of you. And so do I. How are you feeling?"_

"Just fine, but we've only been in the car today, and Tony insisted on doing most of the driving. He's taking a nap."

" _Tony? Napping? He must be tired."_

"Yeah, the drive to Key West is amazing to see but stressful to drive."

" _And you didn't want to do it, I'm sure."_

"Very much no."

" _So what are you going to do in Key West? Model your new clothes?"_

"Ha. Very _very_ much no. I think we'll mostly just relax. There's no reason to stress about anything here. It's just beaches and food as far as I'm concerned."

" _Well, enjoy yourself but don't bankrupt us, please, honey."_

Tim laughed. "The hotel is expensive, but I won't bankrupt us. Tony is paying for half."

" _He'd better. Have fun."_

"Will do. Love you. Bye."

" _Bye."_

Tim hung up and then leaned back in the chair on the balcony for a while. It really was nice just to relax and not have to worry about anything. He'd had another moment like this once before, sitting out on the balcony in Los Angeles, just looking out at the ocean and cherishing a time without any demands on him. It had been just before the end of the trip, just before the twins were born. As he had told Tony then, it had been a relief, but at the same time how tragic if that had been all his life contained.

Now, he wasn't thinking so much about the escape as just the enjoyment.

And then, his mind went back to Tony, now slumbering away in the room. He hadn't been doing that, and normally he did. Still, Tim wasn't sure about calling Ducky. It seemed kind of silly to need help with this. At the same time, however, he felt like Tony was expecting him to be able to do something and so far he really hadn't.

Ducky would know what to do. He always seemed to, anyway.

Tim looked back into the room and Tony was definitely asleep. Now or never. Tim pulled out his phone again and dialed Ducky's number before he could talk himself out of it.

The phone rang a couple of times and Tim almost lost his courage and hung up. He didn't know why this made him so nervous, but for some reason, it really did. Maybe because he'd never done it before.

" _Hello, this is Dr. Mallard."_

"Hey, Ducky," Tim said.

" _Timothy! I must admit I'm surprised to hear from you on your vacation time. How is it going? Where are you?"_

"It's going good. We're in Key West. You ever been?"

" _Yes, once. Many years ago. I'm sure it's changed significantly since I visited."_

"Well, this place we're in was definitely there. It was built near the beginning of the 20th century."

" _Ah, yes. Not even I am that old."_

Tim laughed. Ducky was definitely getting old at this point, but he was still so energetic that it was easy to forget it.

" _You're sounding much better since your recent brush with death."_

"I was just sick, Ducky," Tim said. "It wasn't that big a deal."

There was a soft chuckle on the other end of the line.

" _I'm not surprised to hear you say that, Timothy. You do try to avoid anything that might bring you into the focus of others' concern."_

"Huh?"

" _I mean that you try to_ not _be in need of that kind of attention. It's understandable given some of your history, but there's no shame in admitting that you were in dire straits and needed some attention."_

"That's not it. It just wasn't that serious," Tim said, almost mumbling.

" _I wasn't trying to make you embarrassed, Timothy. I was just pointing it out."_

Tim was ready to say he was done chatting, but he couldn't. He still wanted to be able to do something and he still felt helpless to do it.

" _Was there a particular reason you called, Timothy? I'm surprised that you haven't awkwardly tried to hang up at this point."_

Tim managed to laugh a little at Ducky basically saying the same thing he was thinking.

"Yeah... but I'm sure it's going to sound stupid."

" _I'm sure it won't. What is it?"_

Tim thought about how to put it so it made sense. It was clear enough in his brain, but translating that to actual words...

"I... I want to help Tony, but I don't have the slightest idea of what to do...and you _always_ know what to do," he blurted out.

" _Help? What's wrong with him?"_ Ducky asked, sounding concerned.

"Well... the last little while, mostly while we were getting ready for this trip, Tony just seemed to be preoccupied and not really very happy. He always shrugged it off, but while we were driving, Tony said something that confused me and so we stopped and talked for a while, but I couldn't help him with it and I think he expected me to and was disappointed when I couldn't, but I just have no idea of what to do."

" _What did he say?"_

"A bunch of stuff, like he doesn't know who he is anymore, that he's changed too much, but has he really changed at all, but he doesn't want to give up his family, but they're putting a lot of stress on him. I suggested that maybe he was just burned out by everything he had on his plate."

" _Possible, certainly."_

"But he said no. He said that he doesn't get burned out." Tim sighed. "Ducky, Tony has helped me so many times. He's probably literally saved me from myself. ..and now, he's trying to get my help and I don't know what I do. I want to help, but I'm just... I feel stupid."

" _No need for that, Timothy. Anthony's struggles are not the same as yours, and the solution is not the same as your solution. If you think Anthony always knew what to do, then, let me tell you that he called me quite frequently, asking for help. Reaching out to others for assistance is not a sign of stupidity, but of wisdom. I'm not sure I know the answer, either."_

"You always know the answer."

Ducky chuckled. _"I'm flattered that you would think so, but it's definitely not true. There were times when Anthony called me that I told him I was only guessing. That is what I will tell you now. I'm more than willing to guess, but the one thing that I agree with you on is that Anthony very likely_ is _burned out."_

"He said that doesn't happen to him."

" _An arrogant statement, really. Is anyone truly fully immune? Regardless, even if true, it's one based on his previous lifestyle, not his current one. Anthony used to live a life that_ was _generally carefree. He didn't need to worry about anyone but himself and so, no, he didn't get burned out. He had easy escapes. He doesn't have that anymore. He has a family he cherishes, but that family is fraught with challenges."_

"And he's told me before that he's afraid of becoming the kind of father he had. I've told him there's no risk of that but... I don't think he believes me."

" _Indeed, that is very likely an added stress. I know that Anthony has long valued the family you have offered him, but even that can't entirely make up for an unstable childhood. His mother died when he was young and from all I've known, his father may as well have. It can occasionally be difficult to get Anthony to take on responsibilities, but once he does, he doesn't let them go. He has taken on a family. He will not relinquish that family, not easily. In point of fact, if burnout is truly the issue here, then, it is actually most likely his family that is the source, not his work. His work is consistent and familiar. I know he feels comfortable in that position."_

"What do I do, Ducky? I haven't... I'm usually one of his sources of stress, and I don't think I've done anything to help him."

" _You have, lad. I don't even have to speak to Anthony to be able to tell you that."_

"No, I haven't," Tim said with some frustration. "Even Tony was disappointed that I didn't have any way to help him. He didn't say that, but I could see it."

" _Then, both of you are missing the point. Not that I'm surprised. You expect far too much of yourself, Timothy. You always have, and I think some of that may have spilled over onto Anthony. You are giving him an outlet, someplace safe where he can reveal his struggles. That is extremely important if someone is having problems as you say he is. Burnout is solved by relieving the stress. This vacation is getting him away from the source of stress for a little while_ and _it is allowing him to speak of it without fear of rejection or offense. You_ are _helping, but if your vacation has only just started, you can hardly expect to see instant effects. It takes time...and Anthony has the time. That is a good thing. If you feel able, then, very likely, the best thing you can do is provide a listening ear. You can't solve his problems, as I have told Anthony about you. You can help him solve his own problems. You know him very well at this point. Trust your instincts."_

"I don't," Tim said after a moment.

" _You don't what?"_

"Trust my instincts."

" _You should."_

"No, I shouldn't," Tim said. "My instincts hurt my family, hurt Tony, and could have led to me completely falling apart. ...and there are some days that I still struggle with that stuff, Ducky. I try not to let Tony know. I've put enough on him for a lifetime, but..."

" _Timothy,"_ Ducky said, interrupting, _"your instincts are fine. Those moments you are referring to were not you following your instincts, not based on what I've heard from you, from Jethro and from Anthony. Your suppression of your instinct to ask for help was the main culprit. You wanted help from Jethro and he never gave it and in your mental state at the time, that was the signal for you to not do what you knew you should."_

Tim hesitated. "How is he? Do you see him much?"

If Ducky was surprised at the question, he didn't show it.

" _Occasionally. I have tried to get him to admit when he needs companionship, but it may be a losing battle, I admit. I know he's taken his latest boat out and is sailing south. He's been gone for a week or two. I at least got him to promise to let me know when he got back."_

"South? Like here?"

" _I don't know that he has a particular destination. I wouldn't worry about it."_

"I'll try not to."

" _I know of your continued difficulty with Jethro, and I don't blame you for avoiding him as much as you can, but if you try not to be afraid of the contact, it will likely make things easier for you."_

"Easy to say."

" _Difficult to do. I'm aware of that. However, to get back to Anthony, I will reiterate. Trust yourself. You understand more than you give yourself credit for. If you think of ways to bring it up, then, do so, but don't force it. That's my only caution. Anthony would benefit from talking out his problems, but if he refuses, you will not help by forcing him into it."_

"Okay. Thanks, Ducky."

" _On the contrary, I'm flattered that you both think of me as an authority and I have done my best to live up to that level of trust."_

"You have. Always."

" _Thank you, Timothy. Now, whether you want to hear it or not, I will suggest that you not stress yourself out too much. You are still recovering from a very serious illness, and wearing yourself out will not help you and it will not help Anthony."_

"I hear you."

" _Good. I'm always happy to hear from you, Timothy. Don't feel you have to hide or that you're bothering me. You aren't."_

"Thanks," Tim said. He would swear that Ducky could read minds. How could he have known that Tim was about to apologize for taking up his time?

" _Have a lovely time. Good-bye."_

"Thanks. Bye."

Tim hung up and put his phone away. That hadn't been the most relaxing conversation, but he was glad to get Ducky's perspective on things. He really did trust Ducky. Actually, Daniel's question might feed into this whole thing better than Tim had thought it would initially. It might lead to more conversations.

He'd have to see.

For now, he was going to try to relax out on the balcony and wait for Tony to wake up.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Tim sat out on the balcony for another hour before he heard movement from inside the room. At this point, he was feeling very relaxed and was nearly dozing, a fact that both irritated him and made him feel pretty good. So even though he figured Tony was probably awake, he chose to just lie where he was and wait.

"Hey, Tim, you sleeping, too?"

Tim opened his eyes easily enough and looked up at Tony.

"Nope. Just relaxing. What time is it now?"

"After six, you want to find a place to get dinner?"

Tim took a deep breath and stretched as he sat up.

"Sure. Sounds great. I told Delilah that this stop would be about food and relaxing."

"Sounds good to me," Tony said and sat down on the other chair.

They both pulled out their phones and started looking.

"Let's find something in walking distance," Tim said. "I don't want to have to drive in Key West any more than is necessary."

"How far is walking distance for you?" Tony asked.

"Far enough," Tim said, unwilling to give a definitive answer.

There was silence as they both looked.

"Ambrosia Japanese House?" Tony asked.

"Sushi?" Tim asked.

"Yeah."

"Nah," Tim said, without looking up. "Not in the mood for sushi."

"The Tipsy Rooster?"

Tim looked up in surprise. "What?"

"That's what it's called."

"A bar?"

"Yeah," Tony said. "I wasn't serious. I just like the name."

Tim laughed and looked back down. "Ana's Cuban Café?"

"Nah. That'll be sandwiches. I want something more... special."

"You mean more expensive."

"Special."

"Uh-huh," Tim said. "Oh, I know where we should get lunch tomorrow."

"Where? And why not dinner tonight?"

"Because it's not open right now. The Lobster Shack. Says they have great lobster rolls. We should compare. North vs. South. ...vs. McDonald's." Tim grinned.

Tony laughed. "That's a travesty of a comparison, but I agree. Sounds like a plan. Oh, how about this? Southernmost Beach Café. Looks like it's right next door, or at least just down the block from here. I'll bet that'll be real close."

"What do they have?"

"Mostly seafood, but steak, too."

"Okay. Let's do it," Tim said.

"You okay to walk?" Tony asked.

"Tony, please. You said it's right across the road. I can handle it," Tim said. "Let's go and hope we can get in."

"Okay, okay."

They grabbed their keys and headed out of the guest house. Tim thought that Tony might be a little huffy, and he knew that he'd overreacted to Tony's concern. Maybe it was just Ducky's observation that he'd had a brush with death. It wasn't that Tim didn't know how serious it had been. He genuinely _could_ have died. He just didn't want people thinking only about that. It always seemed to be that they focused on the bad stuff, his illness, how long he'd been sick, not on the fact that he'd recovered. It was that way with everything.

But Tony had enough on his plate without starting to worry about Tim's mental state. He stifled a sigh.

"Sorry for being snippy," he said as they walked down the sidewalk.

"Well, why are you being that way?" Tony asked. "You were really sick, Tim. Why are you just expecting everyone to forget that?"

"I'm not!" Tim said. He stopped for a moment so that Tony was forced to look at him. "I just wish everyone would remember the good part."

"Good part?" Tony asked.

"Yeah... that I got better," Tim said. "I _was_ sick. It _was_ serious. It's not now. I just wish that was part of what people remembered... instead of the bad stuff." He sighed and started walking again.

"We know you got better, Tim," Tony said. "Everyone is glad you did."

"Yeah, but no one ever talks about that. Only that I was sick and they treat me like I still am."

Tony put an arm around Tim's shoulders.

"Are you fully-recovered yet?"

"No, but I'm fine!"

"But you're not fully-recovered," Tony said.

Tim didn't answer.

"That's why I'm asking, Tim. It's not because I've forgotten that you got better, but the last thing I want is to push you too hard when you're supposed to be on vacation. So you want to walk around? Good. I do, too, but I'm going to ask if it's too far even if it's probably not. Just in case."

Tim stifled another sigh. Tony wasn't really hearing him, but he wasn't going to get any more specific than he had been because he knew Tony would ask.

"Now, I think, since we're walking, we both need something good to drink at this place," Tony said. "Help us unwind. I think we're both stressed enough."

"I'm not getting drunk, Tony," Tim said, raising an eyebrow.

"Neither am I. I haven't for a lot of years now," Tony said. "One drink is not drunk."

Tim smiled grudgingly. "Depends on how big it is."

Tony chuckled. "It won't be that big. Come on."

They walked into the bustling restaurant. There were a lot of people, and they ended up waiting for nearly half an hour before they got a seat, but eventually, they were seated out on the veranda, looking over the ocean (and occasionally glancing at the menu).

"Wow. This place must be good if it's this busy on a weeknight," Tim said.

"It's the middle of the summer," Tony said. "Tourist season. Everywhere will be busy. No matter what day of the week it is."

"Well, I'm glad we're not here on a weekend, then. I'll bet it would be ten times worse. Do you want to get a starter?"

"Prosciutto flatbread?" Tony suggested.

"Sure. What are you getting to drink?"

"I think I'm going to try this Iguana Bait draft beer. Never heard of it before. You?"

"I don't know. I'm think I'll try a zinfandel."

"Not very adventurous."

"I don't want to get one of the cocktails. I'm not really a big fan of hard liquor, and beer isn't really my thing either."

"Well, it's cheaper than most of the cocktails."

"That, too."

"What are you going get?" Tony asked.

"Man, this place is expensive," Tim said. "When you said café, I wasn't thinking it would be this much."

"Don't worry. It's just money. You'll be fine," Tony said.

Tim looked at him.

"Do you really think that way?"

Tony smiled. "After all the road trips we've been on, you need to ask?"

"But do you really think that way? It's just money? I've never thought of money like that," Tim said.

"I grew up with a lot of money, Tim," Tony said, shrugging. "I learned pretty early on that money wasn't going to make me happy."

Tim smiled suddenly. "So what's the explanation for always sticking me with the lunch bill then?"

"Never pay for lunch if you don't have to, of course," Tony said, grinning. "Have you learned nothing from me?"

"I guess not. I didn't realize that was all you were trying to teach me."

"Ha. Very funny. Now, what are you going to get? Don't worry about the prices. We don't have to spend like this every meal. This is our splurge."

"I don't know. What are _you_ getting?"

"I'm going to get the whole yellowtail with the herb panko macadamia crust. Sounds interesting."

"I wonder what the catch of the day is," Tim said, looking at the menu. "And what it would cost."

"Well, you could ask. ...and then, have an instant backup in case you don't want it."

Tim laughed. "Okay."

He looked at the menu some more and decided that, if he didn't get the catch of the day, he'd get the fish fry.

When the waiter came to take their order, Tim asked about the catch of the day. It was red grouper which he'd never had before, so he ordered that. Since they were cooked to order and the restaurant was busy, they had some time to wait. It was clear that they wouldn't be getting out of the restaurant quickly. Since they didn't have any real plans for the evening, it wasn't a big deal.

They got their appetizer and started snacking on it, and Tim decided to start priming the pump on Daniel's behalf. If he was right that Tony was burned out and if Ducky was right that it was his family, Tim didn't want to ask about the hard stuff right now, but he needed to get on the subject so he didn't just lay it on Tony without warning.

"So have you guys thought about college for Grace and Daniel yet?" Tim asked.

Tony smiled. "We have a few years before we need to worry about that. Thank goodness."

"Does Grace have any subjects she's really interested in?"

Tony leaned back to think about it.

"She's getting As in all her classes, but she hasn't really said she likes anything in particular. Daniel hasn't really, either. This space camp was the first time he said he wanted to do something even somewhat related to school...outside of school."

"I guess they're only fifteen. They have time to figure it out. I didn't realize that Grace was getting straight As, though."

"Yeah," Tony said, smiling. "She's really smart. She claims she doesn't care, but she's really smart. So...how long do you think the space thing will last with Tommy?"

Tim laughed. "I don't know. Probably about as long as it takes for him to stop caring about what I like."

"Tommy won't ever stop that," Tony said. "He might stop wanting to be called Tommy at some point."

"Yeah. He's trying not to say Daddy or Mommy anymore, although it slips out sometimes. He's trying so hard to be the big brother."

"And you don't know anything about that, do you," Tony said.

"Of course not," Tim said, with a grin. "I wouldn't know anything about that feeling at all."

They were interrupted by their food coming. Tim wasn't used to eating whole fish, but Tony didn't seem thrown off by it at all. At least, unlike the lobster, Tim knew what to do. They spent a few minutes just eating and enjoying the meal, but then, Tony started them talking again, although he changed the subject.

"So how long is Weston going to stay on your team? He's got enough experience to have his own, doesn't he?"

"Definitely," Tim said, "But I hope I don't lose him anytime soon. In spite of the fact that he gets way too protective on occasion, I've really liked having him on my team. He hasn't said he wants to move up, but maybe he's like you and just likes where he is without letting things change."

"Hey!"

"You admitted it," Tim said. "Weston hasn't, but you did, and I haven't forgotten, so there."

Tony rolled his eyes.

"Well, there's nothing wrong with liking where you are," he said.

"Of course not," Tim said. "But besides that, with both Maren and Sarah on my team, I'd be outnumbered if Weston left."

Tony laughed. "You wouldn't have anything to worry about. You always got along with the women on our team."

"Except Abby," Tim said, feeling a little bit of a pall thinking about her.

"She still giving you problems?" Tony asked. "I thought she was over that."

"No, it's just that it's still awkward. I don't think we can ever really get over the Gibbs bridge. She still resents that he's gone and it keeps some strain. It's _better_ , but it's not really good. I just don't think it ever will be."

"Sorry about that. Didn't mean to bring it up."

"You didn't. I did. I'm good at that," Tim said, ruefully. "So I'm going to stop with it and put the focus back on my food. The grouper is really good."

"Not very subtle, Tim," Tony said.

"I wasn't trying to be. I was trying to be obvious."

"Well, you succeeded."

"Good." Tim picked up his glass of wine. "I'll drink to that."

Tony clinked his glass against Tim's and they both went back to eating. The food was really good. As far as Tim was concerned, the only negative was that there were no dessert options. They finished their meal, paid and then headed out.

"This is going to sound silly," Tim said, "but I want dessert."

Tony laughed. "You're asking to spend more money?"

"No, but I don't think they'll give us dessert for free, so I think we'll have to pay," Tim said with a grin.

"Well, let's see if there's anything close by."

They both pulled out their phones.

"There's a bakery a tenth of a mile that way," Tim said, pointing. "Oh, the menu says they have key lime pie. We can't leave Key West without eating something key lime."

"Couldn't agree more. Let's go."

They walked slowly down the street, not in a hurry, weaving in and out of the various groups of people also out enjoying the evening.

"There sure are a lot of people here," Tim said. "I feel like this is more than just tourists."

"So what does it feel like?"

"I don't know. Just different than regular tourism."

"Uh-huh," Tony said. "Well, there's the bakery. Let's get our pie."

They went in and there were so many people in the place that they decided to take the pie to go and then walked back to the guest house to eat it. It was delicious, of course. They both ate every bite of their slice.

"Now, I'm full to bursting," Tony said.

"Me, too. Seems pretty much perfect," Tim said. "And now that I'm headed toward a food coma, I think I'll get ready for bed."

"What do you want to do tomorrow?" Tony asked.

"I don't know. I'm sure we'll think of something. Right now, all I want is to sleep... but without crushing the swan."

Tim walked over and carefully picked up the folded swan and then set it neatly on a chair. He went into the bathroom to get ready for bed and he evaluated how he felt.

Happy. Content. When he could set aside all his many worries, he was genuinely happy, and right now, he was just feeling good. It was a perfect note to end the day on.

Tony was talking to Jo on the phone when he came out, and he was smiling.

"Long call?" Tim asked.

Tony just shrugged, so Tim got into bed and lay down. He was tired and fell asleep in seconds.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony watched as Tim apparently had no trouble falling asleep. He felt a little envious, really.

" _No calls from Daniel?"_

"Not yet," he said. "Maybe he'll really make it all the way through."

" _I hope so. He started well."_

"I think Tommy will help, even if he only sees him at meal times."

" _Tommy is so happy that he makes everyone feel happier,"_ Jo said, laughing. _"Sam is starting to wonder where you are. Ivan is wondering when you're coming back, and Grace is actually trying not to mope. I told her that I appreciated it."_

"Good. It'll be Sunday before we're back, you know."

" _I know. That's fine. We'll make it...but I don't want you to think you aren't missed. You are. Every day."_

"I love you," Tony said.

" _And I love you. So have a wonderful time and come back to me later."_

"Will do."

They talked for a little while longer and then Tony said good-bye and hung up. He got ready for bed quickly and then lay there. The prospect of going back to all the complications wasn't as appealing as hiding out in Key West was. ...but he would never want to lose his family.

_Can't I have anything without some kind of contradiction?_

Scoffing at himself, Tony rolled over and tried to get to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Tim woke up when the sunlight hit him in the face. He smiled and stretched. While he didn't like that he hadn't yet physically recovered from his illness, he didn't mind sleeping through the night without waking up. It was far too rare in his life at the best of times. If he could find something good about being sick, the sleep was something. It probably wouldn't last, but he'd take it while it did. He delayed opening his eyes for a while, just wanting to enjoy the feeling of no rush, no pressure, just relaxation. He didn't hear any movement from Tony, so he must be asleep, Tim figured.

After an unknown period, Tim finally opened his eyes and rolled over to look at Tony.

He was asleep. Tim smiled, but he hoped that it didn't mean that Tony had struggled with getting to sleep, merely that he was taking advantage of the vacation time.

He checked the time and it was after seven-thirty. Well, they weren't doing anything important today, so that didn't matter. Tomorrow, they'd want to get out of Key West relatively early to avoid the traffic as much as possible, but for now, it was fine.

Finally, Tim sat up in bed. It looked like a beautiful, perfect day. They could get breakfast here and then, maybe, go to the beach and relax. They might want to do _something_ later on, but not for now.

He wanted to let Tony sleep if he needed it, but Tim decided he was bored with sitting in bed and so he got up as quietly as possible and crept into the bathroom, pausing only to gently pat his swan on the head, grinning to himself. The door was impossible to close silently, so he just made it as quiet as he could. Then, he proceeded to get ready for the day.

When he came out, Tony was sitting up in bed, flipping through channels. However, Tony instantly turned off the TV.

"So what do you want to do today?" he asked.

"You can get ready, first," Tim said. "I can wait. We're not in a rush."

"We can also talk about it now. I'm not in a rush, either."

Tim laughed. "Fine. There are two things I want to do today and one thing I need to do."

"What do you _need_ to do?" Tony asked, furrowing his brow. "What could you possible _need_ to do on Key West?"

"First, I need to have you take a picture of me wearing that hideous outfit Esther and Evelyn picked out for me. I'm not leaving the hotel room in it, but I promised that I'd wear it once on the trip. I'm going to have you take a picture so that I can send it to them and then put it away forever."

Tony laughed. "Oh, come on, Tim! You have to wear it on the beach!"

"No. I'm not doing that. I'll take the picture of myself if I have to, but I'm not wearing it in public. So you take it or don't. That won't change whether or not I wear it outside of this room."

"Fine, fine. I'll take the picture, but let's wait until later to do that, okay?"

"Okay."

"What else?"

"I want to go and sit on the beach for a while. Relax."

"Because no one believes that you can?" Tony asked.

"Partly," Tim admitted. "But also because I really haven't ever just sat around on a beach. I've always been doing something. So I want to relax and enjoy the fact that this is a vacation with no requirements for the time being."

"You've never sat around on a beach? You're kidding," Tony said.

"Nope. I've always been doing something." Then, Tim paused. "...but if you have something _you_ want to do, it shouldn't be all about..."

"Tim, please, don't start that again. I'm fine with sitting on the beach. Not all day, mind you, but for a little while in the morning, I'm fine with it. I promised Tommy I'd get you out on a beach. So it's fine. Then, we can decide what else to do, get our lobster rolls for lunch and enjoy the rest of our day."

"Sounds good."

"Good, now, I'll get ready and we can get breakfast and then go before the beaches get too crowded. Oh, and get our picture at the southernmost point."

"Of course," Tim said.

Tony didn't linger in the bathroom, and neither of them were interested in lingering over breakfast, either. They got the complimentary beach towels, directions to the nearest beach and headed out. It was a slight diversion, but they had to go to the Southernmost Point first. They took turns posing in front of the buoy, and while it wasn't too busy just yet, there were still people around and Tim got someone to take their picture together in front of the buoy. Then, they headed off to the South Beach.

The beach wasn't huge, just a relatively narrow strip of sand, but that was just fine to Tim. It was the perfect place to lay down and relax.

"Hey, Tim, look at this sign," Tony said, pointing.

There was a sign painted blue and purple with the rules on it.

"No moonshine, huh," Tim said. "I guess I shouldn't have brought my portable still with me."

Tony laughed. "Tennessee Williams swam on this beach. How special."

"You don't sound very sincere," Tim said.

"'I do my best work here,'" Tony read. "Well, we're not working, but we can still do our best relaxing."

"Exactly, and I see a space where we can set down our towels, unless you want to rent an umbrella."

"Depends on how long we stay," Tony said. "Let's just lay on the sand for now. It looks pretty clean."

"Fine by me."

They walked over to an unclaimed spot and lay down on the towels. Tim pulled off his shoes and stretched out to feel the sun and the sand. The ocean wasn't particularly rough and the sound of the waves moving in and out was pleasant. He closed his eyes and lay there without moving for a moment. Then, he opened his eyes and sat up to take some pictures of the area. He didn't stand, just sat. Then, he lay down again and took some pictures of his viewpoint.

"What are you doing?" Tony asked.

"Documenting," Tim said, smiling. "I'm getting this from every angle."

"That doesn't seem very relaxing."

"It is. I love doing this. So I'm relaxed."

"Okay, didn't you spend time in San Diego? How could you not have relaxed on a beach before?"

"Because we never went to the beach to relax," Tim said. "We went to play. It was never calm enough to be relaxing, although I think Mom and Dad were plenty relaxed on the rare times that I wasn't running around wanting to know about this or that thing I saw on the beach. Think about it, Tony. Did _you_ relax on the beach as a kid?"

"Well, not as a kid."

"Well, then, there you go. When I got older, I just didn't go to the beach much. I mean, I guess MIT is close to the ocean, but still... I was in college."

"And too busy studying, I get it. So what about now? Do you guys never go to the beach?"

Tim shrugged. "Not as often. We have to get Delilah there and there aren't many beaches that are really very wheelchair accessible. I've taken the kids a couple of times by myself and we've gone as a family, but it's not a priority."

"Sorry," Tony said.

"No, it's fine. It's just one of those things, but the beach isn't a place I come to much. Only on vacations. Really, I've been to more beaches with you than with anyone else."

Tony laughed. "That's sad."

Tim grinned. "You're telling me."

Tony grinned back and then lay down again. For a while, they lay on the towels, occasionally talking, but really just enjoying the downtime. But then, Tim realized that he hadn't yet documented his relaxation. He sat up.

"Tony, take my picture," he said.

"Doing what?" Tony asked, still with his eyes closed.

"Relaxing. My team said they wouldn't believe it unless they could see it so..." Tim trailed off as he saw something impossible.

"So what?" Tony asked.

Tim was so shocked that he swore in a whisper.

"Tim? What's wrong?" Tony asked, sitting up.

Tim pointed. It was like his brain had disconnected. Tony turned and Tim could see his shock, too. At least that meant he hadn't known.

Tim wanted to hide. He wanted to close his eyes, lay down and pretend he hadn't seen, but he couldn't. All he could do was stare.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"Boss," Tony said.

It seemed impossible, but there was Gibbs, walking across the sand.

It was obvious the moment that Gibbs noticed them. He came to a complete stop and stared at them. He even looked surprised for a moment before his expression became carefully blank.

So he hadn't known, either.

All three of them were frozen in place. The last time they'd all been in the same place at the same time, Tim had screamed at Gibbs, thrown an empty bottle at his wall and then nearly had a breakdown. While Tony knew that Tim and Gibbs had talked once and that he and Gibbs had talked more often, having all three of them in the same place at the same time felt like tempting fate.

It was the granddaddy of all coincidences. Those coincidences that Gibbs had always claimed not to believe in. How else could they explain this but by coincidence? Tony hadn't known. Tim clearly hadn't known. Gibbs clearly hadn't known.

For a long moment, none of them moved. Each waiting for the other to do something.

And no one did anything.

Then, suddenly, Gibbs seemed almost to square his shoulders and he started walking again.

Toward them.

Tony could see Tim tensing up.

So much for relaxation. In fact, they should have known better than to intentionally try to find somewhere to relax. That was just begging fate to throw a monkeywrench into the works.

Tim swore again, and Tony grabbed his arm.

"It's okay, Tim," he said in a low voice.

"Speak for yourself. I'm leaving," Tim said.

He made a move to stand, but Tony tightened his grip on Tim's arm.

"No. Just stay. You'll feel stupid if you try to run away."

"But I'll be away. I can be embarrassed away," Tim said, almost whispering.

"Just wait."

Then, Tim looked at him, and Tony knew what the next question would be.

"I didn't know he'd be here, Tim. I would have said something. I promise. I learned my lesson last time."

Then, Gibbs reached them and there was no time for anything else. He loomed over the two of them, looking weirdly casual. His hair was a little shaggy and he was scruffy. Had it been that long since he'd talked to Gibbs last? Tony was surprised because he could have sworn that Gibbs was still clean-shaven the last time they'd talked.

"Gibbs... what are you doing here?" Tony asked, when the awkward silence began screaming into the air between them.

"Sailing expo," Gibbs said, tersely. "Brought my boat down. Started sailing a couple weeks ago. You?"

"Road trip," Tony said. "Started a few days ago."

Gibbs might have almost smiled. He didn't smile, but he almost did. There was a certain feeling almost of irony in that he had sailed and they had driven and they had both ended up in the same place when none of them would have wanted it. Then, Gibbs looked at Tim who still seemed frozen between wanting to run and wanting to close his eyes and pretend Gibbs wasn't there.

"I heard about your last case," Gibbs said, a little gruffly, even looking a little uncertain about mentioning it.

Tony looked at Tim at that, feeling his brow furrow, and he saw Tim suppress a wince. Ah, something he'd been hiding and hadn't wanted Tony to know about.

But Tim just nodded.

"It turn out okay? Didn't hear that part."

Tim nodded again.

"Good. I'm glad."

"Th-thanks," Tim stammered.

Another awkward silence began screaming between them. Tony knew that, at this moment, as he had been in Gibbs' house a few years ago, he was rather extraneous, but he wasn't leaving Tim to deal with Gibbs alone, unless Tim himself said so.

And, in a move that was surprising and yet amazingly easy to see coming at the same time, Gibbs knelt down in the sand.

"Can we talk for a minute?" he asked Tim.

Tim glanced at Tony for a split second, looked at Gibbs, looked out at the ocean and then back at Gibbs.

His refusal was screaming almost as loud as the awkward silence had been.

But then, with obvious reluctance, he nodded.

"Yeah."

 _That's my cue,_ Tony thought.

"Well, I'll go and get something from the tiki hut over here. You want anything, Tim?"

Tim just shrugged.

"That's easy," Tony said. He squeezed Tim's arm once and then stood up and walked away, out of earshot...but still within view. He'd let Gibbs have his say if he wanted it, but he wasn't going to let Tim face it if he couldn't. He'd been so much better over the last few years that it was easy to forget how much trouble he'd had...and still had on occasion.

It was why Tim was a hard friend sometimes, but at least, this time, it wasn't his fault at all. He would _never_ have chosen this, not in a million years.

Tony walked to the tiki hut and got a fruit juice. Then, he found a little bit of shade to stand under and watch.

As he did, he wondered what case Gibbs had referred to that would have Tim not wanting Tony to know about it. He wanted to call Delilah and ask her, but he was going to wait and see what came of this conversation and, if Tim wasn't too overwhelmed, he'd ask him. At this moment, Tony didn't know whether to be angry or worried or just resigned.

So he just had to wait and see what happened.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Tim didn't know what to say. And for some reason, it seemed weird for Gibbs to be kneeling in the sand, sitting on his level. Tim didn't want to stand up, but having Gibbs there was just odd, and Tim didn't want him here. While he had sent the message saying that Gibbs didn't need to blame himself for what had happened, Tim had absolutely zero desire to see, still less to _talk_ to Gibbs.

For about a minute, there was only silence, and Tim had no intention of breaking it himself. Gibbs had been the one who wanted to talk, not Tim.

"Tony didn't know about the case," Gibbs said, finally.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I didn't want _anyone_ to know who didn't already."

"You should tell him."

"I'll have to now," Tim said, feeling resentful. "Thanks a lot. Who told you?"

"Not Ducky or Tony," Gibbs said.

"I know that," Tim said, irritably. "I didn't tell either of them. I guess Ducky might still have found out, but who told you?"

"There are still a few people willing to talk to me," Gibbs said. "Doesn't matter who."

"Does to me."

"No, it doesn't. It's just a distraction," Gibbs said. "How long did it last?"

"A little over a week," Tim said, not willing to admit that he knew down to the hour how long the case had lasted. He had felt every moment as if it had lasted forever. He looked away from Gibbs, out to the ocean. Gibbs didn't seem to mind.

"Why your team? Why not someone else? Can't imagine Vance would have insisted."

"He came to us. I don't know if it was because of all the publicity about... before," Tim said, trying hard _not_ to remember. It was hard, though. Gibbs pretty much triggered all that horror just by being there. He couldn't think of Gibbs without thinking of that horrible moment.

"How did it end?"

"When it all came out... you know he still tried to justify it," Tim said, feeling the surging anger that had come along with the end of the case. It loosened his tongue more than he would have thought. "I hadn't slept for a week, trying to do it all, trying to get through it without the same result as before, and when we found out that... that he had _lied_ about everything. I had to walk away from him. I couldn't stay there. He was still talking and I walked away mid-sentence. If I had stayed... I would have..."

"Punched him out?" Gibbs asked, pointedly.

Tim glanced over and could see the small scar that remained from where he had hit Gibbs before.

"I wouldn't have been able to stop with one punch this time," he said. "I'd have beat him to a bloody pulp...and maybe not stopped then."

"You weren't sleeping?"

"No. Not much. Couldn't."

"Nightmares?" Gibbs asked.

Tim looked over at Gibbs, feeling weirded out by Gibbs asking questions that could be construed as concern.

"Why are you asking?"

"I know it hit too close for comfort. How bad?"

"I made it," Tim said, looking back at the ocean. "I made it through. Only barely, but I did. Why are you asking? Why are you acting like you care?"

"I do care."

"Why? Why now?"

"Because this wouldn't have been more than frustrating if it hadn't been for me."

"It wasn't just you. It was everything."

"No. It was me. Everything else would have been tolerable if I'd done my job."

Tim couldn't help but look at Gibbs again, search for some kind of falsity in what he was saying, some measure of insincerity.

He saw nothing like that. Gibbs seemed to mean it.

Then, he shook his head.

"No. Everything _wouldn't_ have been tolerable. Seeing Allison Jenkins get killed would never have..."

For the first time in a while, he could hear her voice in his head again.

_Please, don't let him kill me!_

His eyes closed, involuntarily. He knew he was supposed to keep them open when the flashbacks hit him to keep him more connected to the present, but he always closed his eyes to hide from what he could see. He couldn't help it.

A hand on his arm and he was shaken a little.

"Open your eyes. Breathe through it."

Tim tried to listen, even though it was _Gibbs_ saying it. He got his eyes open, looking at the ocean, _not_ Gibbs, trying to let that moment go. It wasn't as bad as it used to be, but it was still bad enough.

"You wouldn't have had to see it if I'd done my job," Gibbs said. "You wouldn't have to fight it still, if I'd done my job. And _this_ case wouldn't have been so hard on you if I had done my job. You would never have been in that room. And I'm sorry that I put you there."

"I know that should matter to me," Tim said. "I can even believe that you mean it. But I'm sorry. It doesn't. All the apologies in the world can't take that moment away. It doesn't make it better. It doesn't even mean anything to me that you're admitting you screwed up. It should, but it doesn't, Gibbs. I'm even in a state now where I can wish that it did. It just doesn't. I can't forgive you for that. It..." Tim looked at Gibbs one more time. "It changed me too much, Gibbs, and not for the better. I am _not_ a better person for what I went through. I can't blame it all on you. Some of it is completely my fault, but what you did not only hurt me, but it put me in a position where I hurt the people I care about."

Tim looked back at the ocean for a third time, still talking, even though he didn't know why he was revealing this much to Gibbs of all people.

"I'm a much worse person than I was. And that can't change. There's damage that's... permanent, just as permanent as if I'd had some kind physical disfiguration. That's why I can't forgive you, Gibbs. It's not because of what you did to me, but because of what I've done to others when I couldn't think clearly enough to know what I doing to them or how to stop. I hurt my family, Gibbs. And they forgive me, but I can't forgive myself for it."

There was a long silence, and Tim waited for Gibbs to leave without another word. He felt he'd said too much and he wanted to stop talking. And he expected that Gibbs felt the same way since he'd been uncommonly talkative.

Gibbs didn't leave.

"You're wrong, Tim."

"About what?"

"You're not permanently disfigured. You're not a worse person. Maybe there's some damage that's permanent, but a physical deformity wouldn't make you a worse person than you were. You gave me what you could, and it's more than I deserved."

"What?"

Then, Gibbs managed to shock him and overwhelm him at the time...and not in a bad way.

He pulled out his wallet, opened it up, and took out a picture. He handed it to Tim who took it only reluctantly.

It was the picture of the twins he'd sent to Gibbs almost five years ago.

"You still have this?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because it means something to me. I don't have much of that anymore."

"And what does it mean?" Tim asked.

Gibbs took the photo back and returned it to his wallet. "It means that the one man who had no reason ever to let go of hating me, who should have just let me continue blaming myself for everything, tried to let me let some of it go. It means that he's a much better man than I am, and that I'm in his debt."

Tim shook his head.

"Yes. And no, no one told me to do this. I should have said it before and I didn't."

"Gibbs..."

"Just listen, Tim. You think of me whatever you want. I know I deserve it. I don't deserve to have you forgive me for what I did, but you need to stop thinking of yourself that way. You're not a worse person than you were. You're not a terrible person. Terrible things happened, and that affected you. I know that, but stop thinking that you're worse than you were. You're not. Everything I know about you is that you care about your family and you do your best to take care of them and your friends. You do your job and you watch out for your team." Gibbs took a breath. "I didn't do that. You weren't on my team anymore, but I should have paid attention to what you needed and I didn't. So hate me, but don't hate yourself."

Then, Gibbs stood up, brushed off the sand and walked away. Tim tried to think of something to say, but he couldn't. So he just sat there, trying to figure out how he felt.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony saw Gibbs finally stand up and walk away from Tim who didn't make a move to follow. No big surprise there. Gibbs walked over to him.

"Don't be too mad," Gibbs said.

"What would I have to be mad about?" Tony asked.

"McGee didn't tell you about the case. He will if you ask, but give him a chance to explain."

Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Just give him a chance," Gibbs said.

"Believe in coincidences now, Boss?" Tony asked.

Gibbs smiled. "Nope. Had to happen. Can't believe you didn't notice the expo."

"Not really why we came," Tony said.

"There are signs for it," Gibbs pointed out.

"Weren't looking for them. Besides, what are the odds? Wouldn't think it was your kind of thing anyway."

Gibbs shrugged. "Don't have much on my plate. They have a special part on using hand tools. I'll be part of an exhibition tomorrow."

"We're heading out in the morning," Tony said.

"Probably for the best," Gibbs said.

"Yeah."

There was an awkward silence.

"He's not going to forgive me, DiNozzo. Don't keep hoping for something he can't give. And shouldn't give, either."

Tony didn't say anything about what he wanted. Gibbs knew, even though Tony had never said. He knew what Tony wanted.

Tony wanted to be able to support both of them again. He hated having to give up one, and it wasn't that he didn't want to support Tim. He really did, and he knew that, if he had to choose, it was Tim who had to get the support, not Gibbs, but at the same time, Tony knew that Gibbs needed the support, too. While Tim had never said anything about whether or not Tony should keep in contact with Gibbs, because the division had been so acrimonious, it was easy to avoid any conflict by keeping more or less separate.

"You're looking pretty scruffy, Gibbs," Tony said, finally.

Gibbs smiled a little. "Didn't bring any shaving stuff on the boat. It's been a couple of weeks."

Tony hesitated and then just decided to ask.

"Where are you staying?"

"The marina on the other side of the island."

"We're just about a block from here."

"I'll stay away from this part for dinner," Gibbs said.

"Boss, I'm sorry."

"What for?" Gibbs asked, with his trademark eyebrow raise. "You're not the one who screwed up. I did that. This situation is my fault, not yours and not Tim's, and I have to accept it. Anything that might get better depends on McGee and me, not you. How are the kids?"

"Good."

"Going to have any more?"

"Not right now," Tony said. "Even Jo admits that four is pushing our limits."

Then, Tony could tell the limited conversation was over. With Tim still sitting on the beach, staring out at the ocean, deliberately _not_ looking back, it was too awkward to have an extended conversation. Gibbs could obviously tell as well. He didn't say another word, just gave Tony a quick pat on the back and then walked away, leaving the beach without a backward glance.

Tony watched him leave, still regretting that strain even as he knew that it was probably asking more than he should to say that Tim should let it go. He wouldn't even suggest it. He just wished it was possible.

He looked back at Tim.

So much for a day of relaxation. Could they have any worse luck?

But he still wanted to know what was going on with the case, why Gibbs was so concerned and why in the world Tim hadn't ever seen fit to mention it.

He bought another fruit juice for himself and one for Tim as well. Then, he walked back and sat down on his towel.

Mutely, he handed the juice over to Tim who accepted it just as mutely. For a few minutes, they simply sat silently, drinking their juice and staring at the ocean.

"I know you're going to ask," Tim said, softly. "I'm not going to be relaxed for a long while yet. If you want to ask, go ahead."

Tony paused, but there was really no question what Tim meant.

"What case was Gibbs asking about?"

Tim looked at him bleakly.

"A kidnapping case."

"Oh."

Tony didn't know what else to say.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"Kidnapping?" Tony asked.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't tell anyone who didn't have to know. Not Ducky, not Jimmy, no one. Only my team and Delilah, and I wouldn't have told them if I could have avoided it somehow."

"Why?"

"I didn't want to deal with it."

"Well, tell me now," Tony said, feeling a little irked. A lot irked.

Tim looked at him for a moment and then he turned to look at the ocean again. He sighed.

"When did it start?" Tony asked after a moment.

"A couple of weeks before I got sick."

Tony started to get an idea about the timing, but he didn't want to say that yet. Tim would use anything off topic as a way to change the subject.

"What happened?"

Another sigh, but then, Tim started talking.

"He was a commander in the Navy. He came to us to get our help. His daughter had been kidnapped by her boyfriend, and he was afraid that... that her boyfriend would kill her, said that he was irrational and had made threats before. He said that he had tried to warn his daughter about him but that she was in a rebellious stage and refused to listen."

"How come it wasn't in the news?"

Tim laughed a little.

"He said he wanted to keep it quiet. He was afraid of what the boyfriend would do if he felt cornered. We agreed to that and we started investigating. None of us were happy about it. We were all worried."

"Because of Admiral Jenkins," Tony said, purposely not using his wife's name.

Tim laughed again, with that same humorless sound.

"Because of _Allison_ Jenkins, Tony," he said, sounding annoyed. "At first, everything seemed to point to what the commander said. The boyfriend was a little older than the daughter. She was just barely eighteen. He was in college. He'd been a wild kid in school, caused a lot of trouble. I was so afraid of what we were going to find." The annoyance was gone, and Tim almost seemed to be not talking to Tony. "I would go home every night, determined not to take it with me, but I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes... That's why I had to tell Delilah. She saw me up in the night, pacing. Day after day, we worked almost from sunrise to sunset, trying to find them before it was too late. It was all I could think about. It was like my worst memory brought back to life. I couldn't face another Allison Jenkins. But I wasn't going to let this ruin me this time. Even as I got only one or two hours of sleep every night, even as I forgot to eat because I was so focused on the case..." Tim took a few deep breaths. "I wasn't going to let it do to me what it did before. My team was worried, both about the case and about me. Delilah was worried about me, but I was going to make it."

"What happened?" Tony asked, no longer angry in the face of Tim's obvious distress.

Tim actually started laughing. Not a single humorless chuckle, but actual laughter that seemed downright painful. Tony reached out and grabbed Tim's shoulder.

"Tim."

The laughter stopped abruptly.

"What happened was that we found them. ...or rather, they found us. A week of searching and suddenly, they walked into NCIS. Together. One of their friends had contacted them and told them what was going on, asking about what we had been saying, what we'd been asking them. And they came to us. We were about to arrest the boyfriend, but the daughter wouldn't let us." Tim looked at him, his expression bleak. "Can you see what I'm saying, Tony?"

"Maybe," Tony said. "Tell me."

"He hadn't kidnapped her. They'd run off. Together. To get married. Because her dad wouldn't let them be together, because he didn't like the kid. Do you see now?"

"I'm starting to," Tony said.

Tim looked both enraged and incredibly upset.

"The commander had made the whole thing up. She'd sent him a message and he'd hidden it. She'd told him about what they were doing. She showed us the email she'd sent. They were getting married so that he couldn't stop them from being together. They had already planned out where they were going to live and everything. The commander had _used_ me. He had played on what had happened before. He'd _used_ all of that pain... and he'd done it just to stop his daughter from eloping." Tim let out an incredulous laugh. "We let them go. I guess they're probably married by now. When we pulled the commander into interrogation, he tried to justify it. He said that, even if this young man hadn't actually kidnapped her, he would ruin her life eventually. It would be just as bad as if he'd taken her by force." Tim's hands clenched into fists. "It was all I could do not to beat his face in for what he'd done. It was all I could do not to start _screaming_ at him for what he'd put me through. Instead, I left the room. He was still trying to justify it as I walked out. I left him to Weston to take care of. I walked out of the room, out of the building and got in my car. I sat there in my car and screamed at the top of my lungs. Then, I sat there for a while until I was calm enough to go back inside. He's in big trouble with the Navy for making a false accusation. There will probably be some kind of trial, but if he doesn't get a dishonorable discharge, he'll definitely be demoted. All that because he didn't like his daughter's boyfriend."

Tim seemed drained by telling the story. He let out a long, weary sigh and rubbed his hands over his head.

"Esther got sick the very next day," Tim said, almost in a whisper.

And for Tony, a lot of the things that Delilah had said suddenly took on new meaning. She'd said he was worn out and run down. She'd said he was stressed. He'd just assumed she meant because of Esther being sick, but now, he was seeing that it was more. Tim had been pushed to the limits and then, when he'd been pushed further, by illness, his body just couldn't take it and he'd shut down.

"That was the real reason you wanted the road trip, wasn't it," Tony said. "It wasn't about being sick."

"It wasn't _only_ about being sick," Tim said. "That was definitely part of it."

"Okay, so what I don't understand is why didn't you tell me? You almost fell apart, you were stressing about something that could have pushed you too far, you were afraid and overworked... why didn't you tell me that you were struggling so much?"

And then, suddenly, Tim was angry at him. Tony didn't know where the anger came from, but he could see it in Tim's eyes.

"That's why I didn't tell you, Tony!" he said, loudly. "That's why I didn't tell anyone! I'm so sick of it!"

Tim got to his feet and began to walk toward the ocean. Tony noticed they were getting some attention. He got up and ran to catch up to Tim.

"Hey, Tim. Calm down. People are staring. ...and I'm guessing you don't want that much scrutiny, since you never do."

Tim stopped and even smiled very slightly.

"You know what? I'm giving up on relaxing on the beach today. Let's try again some other time. I'm ready to go back to our room for a little while."

Tim walked back to their towels, put on his shoes, grabbed the towel and started walking away from the beach. Tony couldn't help but regret this major down note on their vacation. He wanted a break, but it sounded like Tim really could use the break, too.

If only they hadn't seen Gibbs. They both had been starting to relax and then Gibbs showed up. He may not believe in coincidences, but Tony did. And it was a granddaddy of a coincidence that they had all shown up on the same tiny beach at the same time. Tony sighed and grabbed his shoes and towel and followed after.

Tim didn't stop walking until he got into their room. Tony followed silently. Then, Tim walked out to the balcony and sat down with a long sigh. Tony walked out and sat down, too.

"What did you mean, Tim? I don't get why you're so mad."

"I know," Tim said, still sounding bitter. "No one does. It's why I didn't want to talk about it. It had nothing to do with protecting you... and everything to do with protecting myself. It's just like when I was sick. No one sees the success. They only see the problems and I'm tired of it."

"What are you talking about, Tim?" Tony asked, confused.

"Yes, it was hard, but don't you see how much more success there was?" Tim asked, looking earnest. "I _didn't_ fall apart. I _didn't_ hurt my family. I _didn't_ have to face that again. I made it, Tony. I had to deal with something that nearly ruined me before and I did! I didn't do the best job of it, but I did it! And no one sees it. Not one person has said anything about how much better I am. It's all about how bad it was. All Delilah can see is the possibility that the case contributed to how bad my flu was."

"She's probably right."

"No one knows that."

"Maybe not, but she's still probably right."

"Whether she is or not, it's still just one more time when I succeeded and no one seems to have noticed. All they see is the situation, not what I did right. And I'm just sick of it, Tony! I don't want everything in my life defined by my breakdown. I'm stronger than I was. I'm better than I was. No one can see it." Tim leaned forward and stared at the floor. "All they see is what I was. And I knew you would, too. So I didn't say anything."

Tony took a deep breath and considered what Tim was saying. He wanted to say that Tim was being ridiculous, that it wasn't about that, that being concerned for Tim's health (both physical and mental) was not a commentary on whether or not he'd recovered. He wanted to say all that, but what he was seeing in Tim was that he couldn't see it any other way. He saw what he'd managed to do to be a major success and it was being treated as a failure in his eyes. Even if that wasn't how anyone was thinking, it was what _Tim_ was thinking.

He didn't really want to deal with this, but at the same time, it was necessary. This subject had come up, not because of Tim saying anything but because of Gibbs and then because Tony couldn't let it pass without comment. It wasn't Tim's fault that it had come up.

Tony reached over and squeezed Tim's shoulder.

"Tim, I know that's how you're seeing it, but no one else is thinking that way. You know that, right?"

"All I wanted was one person to congratulate me on _not_ breaking down."

"You know how weird that would sound?"

To Tim's credit, he did smile a little. He wouldn't make eye contact, but he smiled.

"Yeah, I know, but I would have appreciated it, especially when I was trying so hard _not_ to break down. I was trying so hard to keep myself from falling apart. Even if Delilah's right and I did get that sick because of the case, I still made it through without... without getting trapped in that echo chamber again."

"I'm glad you did."

"So am I." Tim looked up. "I never want to hurt anyone again like I did. And I know what you're going to say, but it doesn't matter. I still worry about that, and I don't want it to happen again. Never again."

"It won't."

"You can't know that... but it _didn't_ happen this time."

"And I'm glad," Tony said again.

"So am I," Tim said again.

Silence fell.

"But I didn't get to relax on the beach," Tim said.

"Yeah." Tony hesitated. "Can I ask what you and Gibbs talked about?"

"Maybe."

"What did you talk about?"

"Stuff."

Tony laughed a little.

"What stuff?"

Tim was silent for a little while longer.

"I told him that I can't forgive him because... because I am a worse person than I was because of what happened. I can't forgive him for what that led to me doing to the people I care most about. He said I can't think of myself that way."

"He's right," Tony said. "You're not worse."

"That's what Gibbs said, but I feel like I am. I feel like I'm still fighting against that worse person and that's what I can't let go."

"Tim... I can't tell you to forgive Gibbs. What he did... if you decide you can't, I can't say anything about that, but Gibbs is right. You can't keep thinking that you're a worse person than you used to be. Even if you have to struggle a bit sometimes, you're still a good person." Tony hesitated again and then just decided to say it. "And maybe if you can forgive yourself, you could forgive Gibbs, too."

No response to that, but Tony didn't need one at the moment. He just wanted to let Tim hear it. Just once. Tony wouldn't ever be able to give up on Gibbs completely, but Tim's assessment of him before, that Gibbs was alone, had really struck Tony more than he had thought possible. He hadn't been able to forget it. And he didn't want to leave Gibbs in that situation. He felt that it was possible that Gibbs was isolating himself in punishment since he'd never get that punishment any other way.

"Tim, I'm sorry all this came up today."

"Me, too. I didn't want my problems to take over yet again."

"That's not why I'm sorry."

"It's why _I'm_ sorry."

"Big surprise. I'm sorry because you've been so happy on this trip and I'm sorry to see you lose that, even temporarily."

"Me, too."

"So... it's not really late enough for lunch yet. Do you want to do something before we go to get our lobster rolls at lunch? Something to let us relax?"

"I don't think relaxing is going to happen today. At all," Tim said.

"Gibbs is staying in the marina on the north side of Key West. He said he'd make sure he stayed up there until we left tomorrow to make sure we didn't run into each other again."

At that, Tim suddenly got a strange look on his face. Tony couldn't even identify it. It was gone quickly, but it had been there.

"I still don't think I'm going to relax today. Maybe, I should just..."

"No, Tim. You're not going to hide yourself because you think you're going to drag me down. I can drag myself down if I want to. For today, we'll just work on getting through this bump and then, you can get back to cheering me up tomorrow."

Tim glanced at him and couldn't help but smile, although it was a sad one.

"Okay," he said, not with much enthusiasm, true, but he agreed.

"Good. Now, we have probably an hour before the Lobster Shack will be open. What do you want to do?"

"I saw a sign for a butterfly conservatory," Tim said. "What do you think about that? It's close by."

That didn't sound particularly exciting, but Tony could see that Tim was _trying_ to break out of his doldrums. So he just nodded.

"Sure. Let's go. You okay for it?"

"Yeah," Tim said, without any fire.

Tony walked over to him, pulled Tim to his feet and slung an arm around his shoulders.

"This isn't the end of the world, Tim. Let's just go and try to have fun, okay?"

"Okay."

They left the room and Tony hoped that this was only a temporary slump.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Tim didn't want to go anywhere or do anything, but he could recognize that it was more a reaction to the stress of talking to Gibbs and telling Tony about the case than it was out of a genuine desire to stay in the room.

But at the same time, he just didn't want to be in stressful crowds at the moment. How busy would a butterfly conservatory be? He wouldn't think it could possibly be too bad, but he really had no idea. He didn't really know why he had suggested it. Normally, going to look at butterflies would not be his first choice. Oh, well.

They walked out of the guest house and found their way to the conservatory.

"So... why here?" Tony asked.

"I figured it'd be quiet and not busy...and it's close. That's all," Tim said. He just couldn't muster up any enthusiasm at the moment. All the fun on the trip had been (hopefully temporarily) been sucked away and he felt drained.

"Tim," Tony began.

"I'm sorry, Tony. Right now, I can't be... anything good. I just..." Tim sighed. "We don't have to go here."

"Nope. We're here already. We're going in, and if it's a dud, I'll say it's your fault and we move on."

Tim tried to smile. He knew that Tony was trying to help him, that he felt bad about how things had turned out today so far. Tim didn't blame him for it, but he hated getting pulled back into those feelings from before, and he had, first by Gibbs, and then by recounting the case to Tony. This would always be a hard memory for him.

"Let's go and fork over the fifteen bucks it costs. These had better be amazing butterflies," Tony said.

"Okay."

They went in and paid and then went into the conservatory. There were a few families already in there, but as Tim had hoped, there weren't too many people and it was quiet except for the sound of some of the kids laughing and talking.

Tim didn't mind that kind of noise.

It was like walking through a garden. It was too obviously designed to be a natural forest, but there were indeed a number of butterflies fluttering around them. There were also flamingos and other birds, but it was the butterflies that genuinely caught Tim's attention. He wasn't really an expert. In fact, while he knew that there was a variety of butterfly that mimicked the markings of a monarch, he had no idea how the markings might be different.

_I probably couldn't tell the difference between a butterfly and a moth._

They walked around a little bit, not really talking. Tim couldn't think of anything to say, and he figured Tony wasn't really all that happy, either. He thought about suggesting that they declare this a failure and just go. Then, as he bent over to look at a vibrant blue butterfly that had landed on a flower, it suddenly fluttered its wings and landed right on Tim's nose. He was surprised and he almost batted it away, but he managed to overcome that instinct.

"Tony, look," he said, softly, trying not to startle the butterfly that now seemed to be using his nose as an exercise platform. It was gently moving its wings back and forth.

Tim was trying to focus on the butterfly, but his eyes kept crossing.

Then, he heard Tony laughing and he looked around the butterfly.

"You look ridiculous, Tim," Tony said, and he was genuinely smiling.

Tim couldn't help it, he smiled, too. How could he stay serious with a blue butterfly settled on his nose?

"I didn't _tell_ it to do this," he said.

Then, the butterfly fluttered its wings again and took off, leaving Tim to rub his nose where it had been sitting.

"Did you get a picture?" Tim asked.

"Of course I got a picture!" Tony said. "How could I not?"

And somehow, in that one silly moment, Tim felt a little better. It wasn't that he was back to how he'd been that morning, but he couldn't help but feel a little lighter. Then, there was a giggle and they both looked toward the sound.

The same blue butterfly had now landed on the nose of a little girl, about five years old. Her mother was trying to keep her from touching the delicate wings while taking a picture at the same time. Tony looked at Tim and they both laughed. Neither of them actually said anything about it, but as they kept walking through the conservatory, the silence was an easy one.

The butterflies peacefully flitting around was genuinely relaxing. At least, Tim thought so. He didn't really feel completely relaxed, but he didn't feel like his stomach was as tied up in knots as it had been after telling Tony about the case. It was actually the first time he'd spelled everything out.

Tim had to admit, though, that walking around like this, after all the stress, was making him a little tired.

Trying not to show it, he walked over to a bench and sat down to have a rest.

"Oh, Tim. You've got wings!" Tony said.

"Huh?"

"Look!"

Tim looked around and realized that the bench he was sitting on was actually shaped like a butterfly, giving the illusion of wings. He smiled.

"Well, you need a picture," Tony said. "Pose!"

"Looks like I already am," Tim said.

"Then, sit primly."

"Primly?"

"Just sit there, Tim!"

Tim shrugged and did as he was told.

"Well, you have to be a butterfly, too, Tony," he said.

"I'm more of a stink bug," Tony said, grinning.

"Nope. Butterfly. Sit."

"How about a bumblebee? They're pollinators," Tony said.

"Nope. Butterfly. Sit," Tim repeated.

"Fine, fine."

They switched places and Tony reclined backwards while Tim took his picture. Then, they kept walking. After getting through the conservatory, it was time to visit the gift shop. Of course. This being a different type of stop than they usually did, the souvenirs were a little different as well. There were a lot of colorful items (all butterfly-themed, of course), a lot of jewelry,

"I think Grace needs something from here," Tony said, heading over to the jewelry.

Tim thought that Esther and Evelyn would love one of the butterfly-shaped pillows. He walked over to that display and spent some time picking out what colors they would each like best. There was no picking a favorite color at the moment because that changed nearly every day, and they were as apt to change to match each other's favorite as anything. Then, he thought of the outfit they'd chosen for him, and he decided to get butterflies that matched it. It helped that one of the colors was the same as the butterfly that had landed on his nose. Then, he could say something about that when he gave them the pillows.

Then, he decided to buy some t-shirts for Jimmy and Breena and their kids.

"Oh, I have to buy this!" Tony said, holding up a butterfly keychain. "For Jo!"

"Why?" Tim asked.

"Because when we were first dating and you and I went on Route 66, she was disappointed that I didn't buy her a keychain. I've never actually fixed that. So I will this time," Tony said.

Tim smiled. "Whatever works for you. Are you going to buy anything for your team here?"

Tony laughed suddenly. "Oh, they'll be so impressed if they get butterfly presents. I'm going to do it."

He started looking through the cheaper tourist stuff.

"What about you?" he asked.

"Well, I'm going to get Maren a pin. She collects them. Sarah likes lanyards for some reason."

"With Maren being your computer geek, I'd think it'd be opposite," Tony said.

"Geeks aren't the only people who wear lanyards, Tony," Tim said.

"They're the only ones who flaunt them."

"Well, you're wrong about that, too. Sarah is my lanyard collector. Weston... this isn't really his kind of place. I'm going to look at the Everglades. For Tommy and Delilah, too."

Tim watched as Tony continued to look around. It had always interested him that Tony seemed to love gift shops so much. He always like going into them. He always liked buying souvenirs. It was something that really seemed to make him happy. He enjoyed picking things out for people and he enjoyed just looking at the stuff.

If Tim was honest, he found it almost childlike, although he'd never tell Tony that. For some reason, he liked seeing that Tony enjoyed something so simple.

"Okay, I'm ready to spend my money."

"What did you get for Grace?" Tim asked.

Tony held up a beautiful necklace with a single butterfly charm.

"That's nice. I'll bet she loves it."

"Hope so. It's not a cheap thing."

Then, Tony looked at his watch.

"Okay. What do you say we take our stuff back to our room and then get our lobster roll?"

"Works for me," Tim said.

Slowly, he was regaining his equilibrium, even if he couldn't honestly say he was back to normal yet.

And he was feeling a little tired, but he wasn't going to miss out on the lobster roll. He actually genuinely wanted to taste the Key West version of a lobster roll, not that he really thought he could accurately compare it to something he had years before.

That didn't matter. He was just glad that he was feeling something besides regret and anger and anxiety again. He took a deep breath and didn't say anything about his internal conversation.

Instead, they dropped their stuff off, and Tim waited for Tony to ask if he could make it to the Lobster Shack.

And he didn't. Tim was shocked, but Tony didn't. He just stowed his purchases in his suitcase and then waited for Tim to do the same. There wasn't a lot of conversation happening still, but it wasn't as strained as it had been.

So they left the guest house and walked over to the Lobster Shack. There were already a few people there, but it wasn't too crowded just yet.

"What are you going to get?" Tony asked. "The traditional roll?"

"Of course not," Tim said, almost able to sound normal. "We're in Key West. We have to get the Key West roll."

"Absolutely right," the girl at the counter said with a smile.

"Okay, okay," Tony said.

"We tried a lobster roll in Maine a few years ago," Tim said as they prepared to order. "We're going to compare."

"Ours is better."

Tim smiled. "It smells great."

"Two Key West lobster rolls, then?" she asked.

"Yes. A side of slaw, and what do you want to drink?" Tony asked.

"Just a soda. It's too early for anything else," Tim said.

And he didn't really feel like indulging in alcohol after the stress of the morning. While it might help temporarily, it wouldn't long term.

They put in their order and gave their name and then sat down to wait.

"Feeling any better?" Tony asked, finally.

"Yeah."

"All better?" he asked.

Tim smiled a little. "No."

"But somewhat?"

"Yeah."

"I'll take it. You sure you don't want to go back to the beach today?"

Tim shook his head. Ridiculous as it might be, the Key West beach was now tainted by what he'd had to recount and remember there.

"We'll see other beaches. Not here."

"Okay."

They sat for a bit until their orders were up. Then, they got it and walked over to a small table outside the shack. As they did, they passed a human-sized lobster board with a space to stick their heads through.

"We're getting our picture here after we eat, Tim," Tony said.

"Okay."

They sat down and tried the lobster roll.

"Well?" Tony asked.

"It's good," Tim said.

"As good as the one in Maine?"

"Probably."

"Probably?"

"It's been years, Tony," Tim said. "And it was the first... or second lobster roll I'd ever had. I don't remember exactly what it was like."

"Well, it's different. It's a different kind of lobster _and_ it has the key lime juice."

"I like it. I liked the one in Maine. I don't know the difference... except that it's probably better than McDonald's," Tim said, smiling.

"Probably? It's definitely better than McDonald's and don't you forget it," Tony said.

He emphasized his feeling by taking a large bite of his roll.

Tim just smiled and ate his own. It really was good and he liked the tang of the lime juice. All in all, he considered it a successful lunch. Enough that he didn't protest about putting his head through a hole to be a large lobster. Tony did the same.

Then, they started back toward the guest house. Tim was feeling tired and in need of a nap, but he didn't like the idea of making Tony just sit around because he couldn't do as much. And he knew that Tony probably secretly wanted to escape from Tim's momentary depression even if he'd never admit it.

It wasn't far back to the guest house, only a block, but before they got there Tim blurted out something he wouldn't have even dreamed he'd say.

"You should go and see Gibbs while we're here."

If Tim had suddenly sprouted wings, Tony couldn't have looked more shocked. So much so that Tim almost could laugh. Not quite, but almost. In fact, Tony stopped walking and stared at him, not even saying a word.

"I mean it. You should go. I know you probably wanted to talk to him more earlier, and you probably want to see his boat. You know where he's staying. I don't want to go, but you should."

Finally, Tony seemed to shake off his utter shock.

"Tim, I can see Gibbs anytime. This is our road trip."

"I know you _can_ , but I also am pretty sure you _don't_ ," Tim said. "You said before that you have to be on my side, but that you can't think of Gibbs the way I do. You probably feel guilty if you sympathize with him. I'm not going to dictate what you do with your time, Tony. If you don't tell me, I won't ask. And I know that you want to talk to Gibbs since you know exactly where he is right now."

"Not exactly."

"Pretty much," Tim said. The more he spoke, the more sure he felt about it, and so he pushed harder. "Tony, I'm feeling tired. I want to take a nap, even though I don't want to need to. I'm not going to be doing anything. You don't want to have to sit around doing nothing while I get my energy back. Go and talk to Gibbs."

Tim started walking again, knowing that Tony would have to follow just to keep up and try to find some reason why he shouldn't go.

"Tim, I didn't know Gibbs was going to be here," Tony said after he'd caught up.

"I know that. You said it already. I don't think you're lying. It was just a coincidence. But since he is, you can take advantage of it."

Tony grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Tim, I don't know why you're insisting on this, but you don't have to. I won't think any less of you."

"That's not why I'm doing it. It just makes the most sense, all things considered. You went along with the butterfly conservatory."

"I liked that."

"So did I, but you probably didn't really want to go to it. You did because it was my suggestion. Tony, I'm going to sleep and rest." Tim forced himself to smile. "You keep pushing me to do that anyway. Why are you resisting it now when it's _my_ suggestion?"

Tony gave a lopsided smile.

"I don't take your suggestions _ever_ , Probie."

"Well, try it this time. Let me sleep. You go talk to Gibbs. Then, we can decide if we'll see anything else on Key West before dinner."

Tim could see that Tony was tempted. While the illogical part of him resented it, he really did think that this was what Tony wanted to do and it would be wrong of him to let Tony not do something he wanted just because of Tim's lingering problems.

Tim started walking again. Tony didn't follow him this time. Tim paused at the entrance to the guest house and looked back.

"Go on, Tony. Otherwise, I'll be rested before you get there."

Tony's smile was a strange one, but he finally nodded.

"You're okay?"

"Yeah. I'm okay."

Then, Tim turned and continued on into the guest house. He peeked back once and saw Tony walking down the street. A part of him felt a much stronger pang than he would have expected, but he suppressed that and went into their shared room.

He sat down on the bed in the quiet for a few minutes and then pulled out his phone and started some soft music playing.

He had an ulterior motive for encouraging Tony to leave. He was sure that nightmares were in his future and if he could nap now and get them out while he was alone, maybe he wouldn't disturb Tony with them tonight.

It was worth a shot.

Tim lay down on the bed and tried to sleep.

...and tried not to think about what Tony and Gibbs would talk about.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Tim lay on the bed for over half an hour without being able to sleep. He was tired, yes, but he couldn't sleep. He just lay there. Then, finally, he decided to call home. Delilah wouldn't be happy about what had happened, but he had promised her that he wouldn't keep important things from her, especially when it was related to his mental health.

Maybe it would even make him feel better.

He turned off the music on his phone and called home.

" _Tim, I'm surprised to hear from you in the middle of the day!"_ Delilah said.

"Yeah, you probably won't be happy about it," Tim said.

" _What happened?"_

"First, are Evelyn and Esther napping? I could use some cheering up."

" _Tim, what's going on?"_ Delilah asked, but then, her voice became muffled. _"Esther! Evelyn! Come and talk to your daddy on the phone!"_

Tim could hear the squeals.

" _They're coming."_

"I can hear that," Tim said. He loved his girls and he was glad that they were excited to talk to him.

Then, they were there, clamoring to talk to him.

"Hey, girls. Are you having fun with your mom?" he asked.

That unleashed a torrent of babbling. He could only understand about one word in ten, but then, he could hear what he wanted most.

" _I love you, Daddy! Are you having fun?"_ Esther asked.

"Yes, I am, Esther," Tim said. "I got you some presents."

" _Yea! Presents!"_ Evelyn shouted. _"What are they?"_

"You'll have to wait and see, but you'll love them. And I love you both."

" _Okay girls. Go and play. I'm going to talk to your Daddy for a little bit."_

" _Bye, Daddy! Love you!"_

"I love you, too."

Then, the squeals resumed as they ran off laughing. Tim felt lighter for it, even if it didn't last as he knew it couldn't completely when Delilah was going to want to know at least something about his current problem.

" _Okay, Tim. Tell me. I thought everything was going well."_

"It was. Until this morning. Guess who we saw out on the beach."

" _It can't be someone good if it ruined your day."_

"Who says it ruined my day?"

" _I do. I can hear it in your voice. Just tell me, Tim."_

"Gibbs."

" _What?! What in the world was he doing there?"_

"He sailed in. He didn't know we were here. We didn't know he was here. ...and I don't think any of us were happy about it."

" _Are you sure about that?"_

Tim smiled a little even if she couldn't see him. "Delilah, I might not like Gibbs, but it's extreme to think that he'd set sail two weeks ago knowing that we'd be in Key West when _we_ didn't know we'd be in Key West, and for the purpose of tracking me down. He knows where I live and where I work."

There was a silence.

" _I know, Tim. After what he did to you... I just can't think anything good about him."_

"I know. ...and he'd heard about the case. He asked me, and Tony heard."

" _And did you tell Tony?"_

"Yeah."

" _And?"_

"He reacted like I thought he would."

" _Tim, I know you don't want to hear it because I've said it before, but no one is even implying that you're weak because we worried about you. We want to help because we care about you and we worry when you're struggling. I felt the same way about you when you had the flu and you were so sick. It wasn't because you had somehow failed a test by getting sick. I was worried because I love you and I don't want to lose you."_

"I know."

" _You say that, but I don't think you really do. But more importantly, are you okay?"_

"Yeah. Not any better than that, but I am okay."

" _Where's Tony? He must not be right there if you're just admitting it."_

Tim didn't want to tell Delilah that he'd sent Tony to talk to Gibbs. Delilah was more angry at Gibbs than he was at this point, and she might resent Tony for doing what Tim had told him to do.

...so he lied. He didn't like lying to his wife, but he genuinely wanted to protect Tony from Delilah's wrath.

"I wanted to take a nap, so I sent him out to explore."

" _Explore what?"_

"Key West. I didn't want him to feel like he had to sit around and do nothing while I rested, and so he's out and about. I don't know where. I told him that if he found something really cool, he had to let me know."

" _Tim, Tony wouldn't have minded waiting for you."_

"I know that, but I didn't _want_ him to wait for me. Doesn't what I want matter at all?"

" _Of course it does, but you don't always worry about what you want... so I have to do it for you."_

"Uh-huh."

" _Tim, were you really tired or did you just want to be alone?"_

"Yes," Tim said succinctly.

Delilah laughed a little.

" _Okay, I can take the hint, but Tim, I'm glad you called to tell me. Do you think you'll be more than okay?"_

"Yeah. It's just that... I don't like remembering, and... seeing Gibbs, telling Tony about the case... it made me remember more than I wanted."

There was a pause.

" _Tim, I know you'll hate me asking you this, but would you please promise me something?"_

"What?"

" _I know what you're carefully not saying. You think you'll have nightmares again, don't you."_

Tim thought about denying it but decided that one lie to his wife was more than enough.

"Yeah."

" _Then, please, promise me that you'll let Tony help you if they do come. Don't try to get through them alone. They don't come very often anymore, but they're bad when they do. Please?"_

Tim didn't want to make that promise. Of all the things he _didn't_ want to do ever again in his lifetime, asking Tony to help with his mental health was extremely high on the list. Tony had already done too much for him in that respect.

" _Tim, I know you don't want to, but please. For me, if nothing else?"_

"If he notices... I won't promise more than that. If I can keep it to myself, I'm not waking him up."

" _Okay. I won't push for more, then,"_ Delilah said, although she sighed. _"I'll let you rest."_

"I love you," Tim said.

" _I love you, too. Take care of yourself."_

"I will. Bye."

" _Bye."_

Tim hung up and then lay down again.

He wasn't sleepy at all.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony walked toward the marina, positive that Gibbs would stay there until he and Tim left Key West, just to make sure that they didn't run into him again. As he walked, he thought about why Tim would insist on this when he must know that Tony wouldn't begrudge him his desire to keep away from his former boss.

If he was honest, Tony could admit that he didn't know what he and Gibbs would talk about. After all, Gibbs wasn't exactly known for being chatty in the best of times. Still, Tony could also admit that he missed working with Gibbs at times because he did like him, and all the time spent working together meant that there wasn't a struggle to converse. Gibbs was just there. Now, he had to make the effort, and it was much more of an effort than it needed to be because Gibbs often acted like he didn't want Tony around at all.

And Tony knew it was an act. No matter what else, he knew that much because he knew Gibbs far too well.

He arrived at the marina and was surprised by how many sailboats were docked there, but then, there was an expo going on. Specifically dedicated to sailing.

Finding Gibbs' boat might be harder than he thought it was.

Tony started walking along the marina, but there were a lot of boats.

Finally, he walked over to one sailboat where there was someone aboard.

"Hey! Can you help me out?" Tony called.

"Depends on what you want!" the man shouted back.

"I'm looking for a friend of mine. He told me he was here at the marina but I didn't realize how many boats were here."

"Don't know everyone on a boat here, you know."

"I'm sure of that, but his sailboat was made with hand tools. He's participating in the expo."

"Oh, I know who you mean. His boat's just down that way," he said, pointing further down the dock.

"Thanks."

Tony kept walking and, sure enough, he saw a sailboat that was unmistakably Gibbs' work. He walked over.

"Ahoy, the boat!" he called.

Gibbs came up from below and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Permission to come aboard, Boss?"

Gibbs smiled a little and gestured. Tony climbed up onto the deck. Gibbs disappeared for a moment and came out with a cup of coffee. He handed it to Tony.

"Too early to drink yet."

Tony smiled and took a sip. It was the good stuff.

"So you packed coffee instead of a razor?"

"I need it more," Gibbs said. "What are you doing here?"

"Tim told me to come."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow.

"I'm serious."

"What did he say?"

"He said I should come and talk to you because he was tired and wanted to take a nap."

Gibbs was silent for a moment.

"Did you talk about his case?"

"Yeah. He didn't want to, but he did."

"Probably why he's tired. Did I ruin his day?"

Tony smiled. "Only temporarily. He was feeling better."

"Good."

"How did you know about it? I know he didn't tell anyone he didn't have to tell."

"There are people willing to talk to me."

"Who?"

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "I'm not telling you. I wouldn't tell McGee, either. No reason to get someone else in trouble."

"Okay. So how long did it take you to come down here?"

"Couple of weeks. Took the intercoastal waterway. Don't have much I need to do. I can take the time."

"Does it bother you? Having the time?" Tony asked.

"Sometimes. Not always."

Tony nodded and sipped at the coffee.

"How long will you keep it up, Gibbs?" he asked.

"Keep what up?" Gibbs asked.

"This self-imposed isolation. I know you like time to yourself, but that's not what you're doing."

Gibbs just gave him a _look_. It was the same look he had given countless times when they were both at Headquarters. No head slap, but he would have been asking for one a few years ago. Even though the conversation was nothing they would have talked about then, for a moment, Tony felt like they were back in the bullpen, staring at each other across the desks. Tony actually smiled at the feeling of going back to that much easier time.

"Come on, Boss. You and I both know what you're doing. I even have suspicions of why, but let's not pretend."

 _That_ would have been worth a head slap.

"How's Ivan doing?" Gibbs said, changing the subject very obviously.

"Better every day that he knows he has us and isn't going to lose us. It's still hard, probably always will be, but he's doing well."

"Is he going to lose any more of his vision?"

"The doctors don't think so. It seems to be simply a lack of development before he was born, not something that will be progressively worse. He'll never see well, but he shouldn't go completely blind."

"Anything I can do?"

"Maybe sometime, you could take him out on this boat. I think he'd love the feeling of sailing, even if he can't see all the things there are around him."

"I could do that."

"Anytime...when he's not in school."

Gibbs smiled and looked out at the marina.

"You doing okay?" he asked.

Tony responded with his own eyebrow raise.

"Got a lot to deal with. Might be a bit stressful."

Tony shrugged.

"That's what having a good life leads to sometimes. I wouldn't give it up."

"Neither would I."

Tony looked over at Gibbs. And again, he remembered what Tim had said to him about Gibbs. He was alone, and while it was easier, it wasn't better.

"Gibbs... this might make you irritated at me, but don't you want more out of your life than what you have right now?"

Gibbs looked at him without expression.

"I know you can't have what you really want, but you could have something."

"Like what?"

"Like people who care about you, people who want you in their lives. I don't think Tim would say you have to be alone."

Gibbs sighed and kept his gaze on the marina.

"He doesn't."

"...but?"

"But it doesn't mean that I don't still deserve it."

Tony let out a laugh, but it wasn't because he was amused.

"Man, you two are _way_ too alike. Even when you admit that there's no reason for what's going on, you _still_ insist that it has to be that way. You don't want it. Tim doesn't think you deserve it. Then, _why_ , Boss?"

"Because it's not time yet."

"Time for what?"

Finally, Gibbs turned and looked at him.

"My wife and child were killed by a drug dealer, DiNozzo. I know exactly how it feels to lose my wife. My decision made someone else feel the exact same way. When I can let that go, maybe then, it will be time. But I can't. What I did to Tim is one thing. What I did to Admiral Jenkins is another. I couldn't have stayed at NCIS even if I hadn't been forced out. I could never have kept working knowing what I'd done. Can't change it. Can't go back, but that doesn't mean I have to go forward. I can't. Not yet."

"Admiral Jenkins remarried. Tim said he seems happy. He's moving forward," Tony said.

Gibbs shrugged. "I'm not him." Another pause. "Your other kids doing okay?"

Tony accepted the subject change again. Tim was definitely much better at it.

"Yeah. Daniel's at the space camp with Tommy. Grace is getting better about trusting that good-bye doesn't mean forever. You should see how patient Sam is with Ivan. You'd think he was more than three. It's like he knows that Ivan needs the extra time. He's normal with the rest of us, but with Ivan... Once Ivan's adoption goes through, we're going to take a family trip somewhere. Haven't decided where just yet, but it'll be something we do together, something special."

"Good. You deserve it."

"Thanks, Boss," Tony said and then asked a question of his own. "So how did you find out about this expo thing? I can't imagine you just doing it and just knowing about it."

Gibbs shrugged. "Some guys saw my boat, asked me about it and told me I should join the expo. Seemed like a good idea, so I did it."

"Having fun?"

"So far."

And then, Tony could tell that the conversation was over.

"Thanks for the coffee, Gibbs," he said, finishing it off.

"Thanks for coming," Gibbs said.

And because the trite phrase was not something Gibbs just said, Tony knew he meant it. He smiled and stood up.

"Good luck showing off your boat."

Gibbs smiled slightly and tipped his cup. Tony climbed off the boat and started back down Duval Street, toward the guest house. As he walked, he thought about where Gibbs was at. He wasn't as far down as Tim had been, but Tim had been pretty much as low as it was possible to be. But Gibbs wasn't even really trying to get out.

But the one thing that made Tony hopeful was that Gibbs had said it wasn't time _yet_. Maybe it would be someday, but since he'd agreed to take Ivan out, Tony made a note to hound him until he did, but Gibbs was good with kids, always had been, so he probably would follow through on that.

Would Tim ask about this conversation? Tony would say not, but sometimes, Tim did the unexpected. He'd just have to play it by ear.

The biggest question now was whether or not Tim was recovered from the morning. Tony would be surprised, but since he'd already been doing better before, maybe there was hope.

That was all he could do right now, but he really wanted this to be a happier event than it had been. He really didn't need to get pulled down, but he had to keep reminding himself that this bump in the road wasn't anyone's fault. It had just happened.

The guest house was in view and Tony decided just to try to make things as light as they could be.

That would be the only option...and maybe it would even work.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Tim was still laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling when he heard the key in the lock, signaling Tony's return. Not wanting him to realize that Tim hadn't slept at all in the time he'd been gone, Tim rolled away from the door and closed his eyes.

The door opened.

"Hey, Tim. You awake?"

Tim rolled back over and opened his eyes.

"Yeah."

He sat up and stretched.

"Have a nice time?" he asked.

"Yeah."

Tony didn't elaborate, and Tim didn't ask him to.

"How much sleep did you get?"

"Not much," Tim said, admitting to that while avoiding saying everything. "But I rested. Called home."

"How are things going?"

"The girls were excited that they'll get presents," Tim said, smiling. "They cheered me up."

"So do you want to do anything else today?"

"Can you think of anything?" Tim asked.

"Well, I heard some people talking when I was walking back. The cemetery is supposed to be interesting."

"The cemetery?"

"Yeah. Some of the graves are supposed to be funny."

"Funny?" Tim repeated.

"Are you going to repeat everything I say?" Tony asked.

"Everything you say?" Tim repeated, grinning.

Tony rolled his eyes and smacked Tim on the shoulder.

"Okay," Tim said. "Where is it?"

"Just a few blocks away, I think. I saw a sign for it while I was walking. You rested up?"

"Sure," Tim said.

He wasn't sure about going to stare at graves, but really, how long could they actually stay there? He could handle it.

"All right. Let me go to the bathroom quick and we'll be off," Tony said.

"Okay."

Tim watched as Tony went into the bathroom. He sighed. He was annoyed at himself, at Gibbs, at the whole situation. He hated that this had ruined his day, that his attempts to be upbeat were so lackluster when he'd started the trip feeling so happy. He didn't even know _why_ it had dragged him down so far. He was trying not to be upset, but he still was, and that did not bode well for tonight. He couldn't imagine that he wasn't going to have a nightmare or two, but they didn't always have him waking people up, and if he could possibly avoid it, he wasn't going to let Tony know. He didn't always succeed in keeping quiet, but sometimes he did.

Maybe they could just have an enjoyable afternoon and things wouldn't go as badly as he feared they would.

Tony came back out.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Yeah. Let's go."

They left the room and Tim let Tony lead them, but Tony kept glancing at Tim, as if he wanted to say something or wanted Tim to say something. But Tim was determined not to talk about Gibbs, not anymore today. If he could avoid it, not at all on this trip. Let Gibbs and everything related to him stay in the past where it belonged. Dr. Bourning had occasionally brought him up in their sessions, but Tim avoided the topic as much as possible.

"Tim..." Tony began.

"Is that it over there?" Tim asked, pointing ahead of them.

Tony looked.

"I think so. Let's check it out."

"Okay."

They walked over and it was indeed the Key West Cemetery, but it could have been in New Orleans with all the above-ground mausoleums. To Tim's surprise, there were quite a few people milling about and they weren't there for a funeral.

"Man, there are a lot of graves here," Tony said.

Tim nodded. "Yeah."

Then, Tony walked over to a mausoleum and started laughing. Tim thought that seemed a little insensitive.

"Tim, come and look at this!" Tony said, gesturing.

Tim walked over.

"Read the epitaph!"

Tim did. Then, he read it again.

And he laughed.

"'Pearl Roberts. I told you I was sick.' What is this?" Tim asked. "Is it for real?"

"It's a real grave," Tony said. "Or at least a real mausoleum."

"Yeah, it is. Look at this one. 'So long and thanks for all the fish.' A scifi fan."

"That's a scifi quote?" Tony asked. "Since when?"

" _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ by Douglas Adams. It's a series. Oh, and this one, too," Tim said, pointing. "'GROK – Look it up.' That's Robert Heinlein's _Stranger in a Strange Land._ "

"You _would_ know that," Tony said. "Well, McScifi, stand there and get your picture taken."

Tim found that he really could smile as he pointed to the Douglas Adams quote. Then, he turned back to look at some more, and he grinned.

"This one's for you, Tony," he said.

Tony leaned over to read it.

"'If you're reading this, you desperately need a hobby.'"

"This stop was _your_ idea," Tim said.

Tony laughed and posed by the epitaph.

After that, they walked through the rest of the cemetery. It seemed like there were graves in every square inch of space. Tony read that there were over 60,000 graves in the cemetery and that it was only designed for 15,000.

"Man, talk about owning a tiny plot," Tim said, referring to another epitaph they'd read before ( _I always dreamed of owning a small place in Key West._ ).

"Yeah, they're squeezed in here, that's for sure, and more still will be."

"Look at that," Tim said. "'Gloria M. Russell. I'm just resting my eyes.'"

Tony laughed and took a picture.

They ended up walking through the cemetery for about an hour all together, but then, as Tim had figured, they were done.

Even though they weren't quite as affected by Gibbs' sudden appearance as they had been that morning, there was still a bit of a pall cast over the day, so instead of finding something else to do, they walked back to the room and hung out for a while. Tony called home to talk to Jo and then also his kids. Tim laid back and tried to relax. After that, they decided to get an early dinner at a nearby café.

But then, Tim finally had to give in to his all-day lethargy, as irritated as that made him. He was really tired and still more upset about Gibbs than he should be. So he decided to go to bed early in the hopes that the next day would be better. He didn't know how Tony felt, but he was hoping that, at the very least, he could actually sleep through the night.

He turned off the light, although Tony stayed up later than he did to watch TV. The soft sounds helped lull Tim to sleep.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony woke up very suddenly. It was still dark, so it definitely wasn't time to get up.

What had awakened him?

Then, he heard a sound. Heavy breathing. Since it wasn't him doing it, there was only one other option.

"Tim?" he called out softly.

There was no response.

Tony sat up in bed. He could see the silhouette that indicated Tim was sitting up in bed as well.

"Tim, what's up?"

The response to that question was not what he expected.

Tim swore feelingly, albeit in a whisper, but still didn't respond to him.

"Tim, what's going on?" Tony asked.

"Nothing, Tony," Tim said, finally speaking, but his voice was so soft that it was almost inaudible. "Go back to sleep."

Unlike the first time Tony had discovered Tim awake at night in a bad state, there was no power outage. Tony leaned over and flipped on the lamp by his bed and turned to look at Tim.

Tim was sitting on his bed, with his head in his hands, his face hidden from view. He was shaking. Tony suppressed a sigh. He should have known. With Tim forced to recount his case and forced to remember what had happened with Gibbs, he should have realized that Tim might not be able to deal with it. He didn't want to deal with it himself, but he recognized that Tim might need some help. He got up and walked over to Tim's bed and sat down beside him.

"Tim, talk to me."

"No," Tim said. "It's just a nightmare. It's nothing important. Just go back to bed, Tony."

Tony did sigh that time. The other problem Tim had: not wanting help from others...especially Tony.

"Tim... Can't you just once accept that you need help, that you might need help on occasion in the long term and stop being such an idiot?"

"I'm not... an idiot," Tim said. "I don't need help with this. It's just... a nightmare. That's all. I'm very familiar with them. It'll pass. I don't need any help."

"Tim, needing help doesn't make you weak or stupid. What makes you weak and stupid is refusing help when it's offered! It's hiding something hard for you from me so that you can pretend it's not a big deal when it is! I _know_ that it's a big deal, Tim. Stop pretending that I'm some kind of outside observer when I'm not!"

Tim was nearly quivering with tension, but somehow, Tony could tell that any overture at the moment would be unwelcome. Tim still hadn't lifted his head, and Tony could guess why.

There was a long silence...except for Tim's breathing which still wasn't quite controlled.

Then, Tim swore again and sat up. His eyes were bloodshot and red from the tears he'd been trying not to shed.

"I don't..." he stopped for a few seconds.

And the floodgates opened all at once.

"I hate _being_ like this, Tony!" he said finally. "I don't want to have help with something that's so... so _stupid_. It's been years. I've had therapy for years. It hasn't gone away. It's a nightmare. That's all it is, but it's never just that. You have so much going on and you need this break. And today ruined it. Today, it became all about me again, and I didn't want that. I didn't want to _need_ that. I didn't want to need your help because I've had to have it way too many times, and I was... I was... I really was happy, Tony. Being sick and everything was terrible, but I was feeling happy, and now, I'm not. And it's stupid. And I hate it, and I was just trying to keep quiet so that I didn't have to need your help. But I couldn't." Then, all the strange anger vanished and he slumped down, dropping his head into his hands again. "I'm sorry."

Now, Tony put an arm around Tim's shoulders.

"Tim, today wasn't your fault. It was no one's fault. It just happened. I could tell you were trying to keep things going well and being fun, and I appreciate it, even if it wasn't completely successful. I'm not mad about today. It couldn't be helped. But I am mad at you. I'm ticked off that you would hide something from me because you didn't want to need any help. Tim, that makes no sense and it's completely unnecessary."

Tim was still tense and shaking. The dream must have been bad, probably made worse by how hard he'd obviously tried to suppress it.

"Was the dream about your last case or the other one?"

Tim forced out a laugh.

"Yes."

"You want to talk about it?"

"No. Not even a little bit."

"How often does this happen?"

"Not often. Sometimes."

"Is it always like this?"

"No. Sometimes, I can keep quiet."

"Is it always like this?" Tony asked again, knowing that Tim would follow his meaning.

"Most of the time, not always," Tim said.

"Do you wake Delilah up?"

"Most of the time. She made me promise to get help if it happened tonight."

"Then, why didn't you wake me up and ask?"

"I said I'd only ask if I couldn't keep quiet, that I wouldn't wake you up if I could keep myself from making any noise."

"Tim, you're irritating me," Tony said.

Another forced laugh.

"If you had just gone back to sleep, you wouldn't need to be irritated."

"Well, I didn't, and I'm awake. So you didn't keep quiet. Ask me for help, Tim."

There was another silence.

"Come on, Tim. I'm already awake, and I can see that you need help. Ask me."

"Don't need to."

"Yes, you do. Ask."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

Tony knew why Tim was resisting. He felt far too strongly the guilt of all the weight he'd put on Tony before, of all he'd put on his family. He'd never managed to get over that, no matter how much he'd been told that it was all right. He just wanted Tim to give in and actually ask instead of Tony forcing him. ...and yes, he was still kind of forcing Tim in a way, but only forcing him to ask for help, not forcing the help on him in the first place.

"Come on, Tim. Just ask for once in your life."

"No."

"Do it, you moron."

"No. Just go back to bed, Tony."

"No. I'm going to sit here and hound you to do what you promised Delilah you would do. Three little words. Two if you phrased it right. You can do it."

Another silence.

"Tim, it's not all about you, and it hasn't been for a long time. You're not on the verge of falling apart. I'm not either. You just need help tonight, not every minute. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to _need_ help. Everyone does. And really, you're being a little hypocritical if you don't because you told me that it was okay to need help sometimes. And you were right."

Another silence. This time, Tony let it lengthen out because he half-suspected that one of the things Tim needed was the talking to break through whatever he'd dreamed. In the silence, he'd fall back on what he'd dreamed without any outlet.

Then, _finally_ , Tim sighed and spoke, his voice shaking.

"I need help, Tony," he whispered.

"Happy to do it," Tony said.

"No, you aren't," Tim said. "I know you aren't. I know you get tired of this. And if you deny it, I'll know you're lying because _I_ get tired of it. There's no way that you don't, too."

Tony suppressed a grimace because, yes, he did. He didn't blame Tim for his struggle, but it was hard when it spilled over onto other people. Tim knew it. That was the worst part. He _knew_ how hard it could be for other people to help him, and he wanted it to be easier for them. He didn't want to be the source of struggle for others. He just couldn't avoid it, at least a little bit.

Tony tried to think of something to say, when suddenly, he was inspired. Where the thought came from, he'd never know, but he remembered something, a picture he'd taken when they were in Acadia on their last road trip.

"Tim, I want to show you something, and I know you'll think it's weird, but I want you to see it because this is what I think of when I think of what you're dealing with. Yeah, it's hard, and it's tiring, but I just want you to look at this, okay?"

"Okay."

Tony grabbed his phone and got into the pictures. He found the picture he'd taken and the quote he'd added to it. Then, he forced Tim to sit up again.

"Look at this," he ordered.

Tim did and it shocked a laugh out of him that didn't sound forced and painful.

"What is this?" Tim asked.

"I took this picture when we were on Cadillac Mountain. I thought it looked like one of those inspirational posters and then I decided what your attribute would be and the quote to go along with it."

Tim looked at him, seeming almost normal.

"You made me into an inspirational poster?"

"Yes. Read the quote, Tim. Out loud."

"Why?"

"Because I said so. Do it!"

"'Courage doesn't always roar, sometimes it's the quiet voice at the end of the day whispering I will try again tomorrow.' Mary Anne Schumacher."

"That's you, Tim," Tony said. "You've had a _lot_ of hard things, and most of them weren't even physical which makes them harder. There was all that stuff with Dearing. Then, Allison Jenkins. Then, this last case. Just being a team lead in general and being responsible for your team. And you add into that the stress of the twins, being the great dad you are... Tim, you have a fight most people don't, and you do it without people even knowing most of the time. Asking for help is not a bad thing, and yeah, sometimes, it's hard helping you, but I really am happy to do it...because I like seeing you happy more than anything else you could be. So I don't care that it's..." Tony paused and looked at the clock. "...almost two a.m. I care that you're struggling because of what happened today and I want to help make that a little easier for you. Let me. ...and just try again tomorrow."

Tim was still staring at the picture on Tony's phone. He smiled a little and even let out a brief chuckle.

"You know... when you were dealing your dad dying, all I could think was that whatever I did wouldn't be enough to help you," Tim said. "That I'd screw up anything I tried. Ever since I saw Allison Jenkins get killed and all that came after it... all I can see is all the times I messed up. What makes this worse than those other times is that I shouldn't be..."

"Yes, you should. Tim, this is a hiccup in our trip. But it's okay. You may always have this issue, but it's not like it ruined any other day, and you tried not to let it ruin this day."

"Yeah, but I failed... at least, for me. My day was ruined." Tim looked up from the picture. "I could hear her again, Tony. It was the first time in... in months that I could hear her. 'Please, don't let him kill me.' And it put me right back there again."

"But you got out. You're not in there now, are you?"

"No."

"See? That's better. Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah."

"See? That's better, too!"

Tim smiled again. The smile was still weak, but it was an easier one.

"I'm sorry, Tony. Even when I try to make things easier..."

"The problem is that you don't see that if you make them easier for yourself, you'll probably make them easier for us, too. Just keep that in mind. It'll be better."

"Maybe."

"Definitely."

Tim shook his head and sighed.

"I just get so sick of this. The longer I go without it, the worse it is when I feel it again."

"What was in your dream?" Tony asked.

"A combination of the other case and this last one. I'd rather not go into any details."

"So what will help you get back to sleep?"

"I don't really want to."

"I know, but you need to. You're doing some of the driving tomorrow."

Another small smile.

"Will you trust me?"

"Yes, I will. I trust you, Tim."

"Would some music bother you?"

"Soft?"

"Yeah. I have some New Age ambient music that helps me sometimes."

"New Age?"

"It's only New Age because it didn't exist before."

Tony laughed, glad that Tim was lightening up a little bit.

"Well, I don't think it'll bother me. So turn it on and lay down and relax. Let yourself relax and sleep."

Tim handed Tony back his phone and then pulled out his tablet and started some music playing. It was soft and simple, almost like a musical white noise. Tony didn't mind it at all. He turned off the light and got back into bed.

"Did it help?" he asked softly as Tim lay down.

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Anytime, Tim. And I mean it."

"I know you do."

Tony hoped that the next morning would be brighter than this night had become. Thankfully, he was still tired enough that, after a few minutes, he could feel himself relaxing. He was still a little irked that Tim was hiding stuff like that from him, but at least, he felt like he understood a little better why he did.

Tomorrow would be better than today had been. It would.

With that thought, Tony eventually drifted off to sleep, hoping that Tim would do the same.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

The light hit him in the eyes, waking Tony up from a very sound sleep. He sat up quickly and looked over at Tim's bed.

Tim was asleep. So asleep that he wasn't even snoring. Was it possible? Was Tim actually awake?

"Tim?" Tony whispered.

Not even a twitch. Good. Tony was glad to see that Tim really had gone to sleep. His tablet was still playing the New Age music he'd started before. It was a little early, but Tony wanted to call Ducky and talk to him for a moment. It wasn't that Tim had revealed anything shocking, but with Gibbs suddenly appearing, Tony wanted to have an outside view of everything that had happened, including his own place in this chaos.

So he got up and grabbed his phone and then snuck out to the balcony. It was still early enough that there was very little noise outside.

...not so early that Ducky would be asleep.

He dialed and then leaned back and closed the door to the balcony so he didn't wake Tim up.

" _Good morning, Anthony! It's rather early to be calling while on your vacation, isn't it? How is Key West?"_

Tony was surprised. "How did you know we were here? Did you talk to Gibbs?"

" _Oh, dear. Jethro is there? And after I assured Timothy that he didn't need to worry."_

"What are you talking about, Ducky?"

" _Timothy called me the other day and was telling me about your trip. I told him that Jethro was sailing south but I didn't know where he was headed in particular. The odds seemed astronomically against your being in the same place at the same time."_

"There's a sailing expo going on in Key West right now. He's showing his latest boat."

" _Ah. I had no idea that Jethro had any interest along that line. Certainly, he makes his boats and they are very well-done, but I didn't know he wanted to show them off."_

"Neither did I."

" _Well, I am sorry for my lack of anticipation. What can I do for you, Anthony?"_

"I have to ask you something first. Did you know about Tim's last case before he got sick?"

" _No. Was there something significant?"_

"Yeah. It was a kidnapping case, and it turned out to be faked, but it took a week to find that out. Tim admitted that he was really stressed out by it, couldn't sleep and didn't really take good care of himself."

" _That would do a lot to explain something that had confused me."_

"How sick he got?"

" _Yes. Since Timothy is young and generally healthy, it seemed odd that he would be so drastically affected, although it does happen. That kind of stress and his physical response to it would go a long way to explaining his illness."_

"He doesn't want to admit that."

" _That does not surprise me in the least."_

"And it ticks me off that he's so reluctant to ask me for help. I know what he's gone through. I know it all. Why not let me help?"

" _For the same reason as always. He knows he's leaned on you so much and he knows that it's hard. Anthony, you know why."_

"Yeah, but it's ridiculous! I want to help!"

" _And he doesn't want you to."_

"But he needs it."

" _Yes, and he knows he does, but this is hard for him, Anthony. Timothy does not lean. He has learned to keep things to himself and to deal with it all on his own. That he can admit to needing help at all is a step forward, no matter how small. There simply will be times when he wants to be normal and so will pretend he is. If it's serious, you can push it. If not, perhaps it would be best to let him try."_

"So he can nearly die of the flu?"

There was a soft chuckle. _"Anthony, please. You know that's not what I meant, and you certainly don't have to take my advice, but try to remember that Timothy is an adult and can make his own choices, even if you don't agree with him. Delilah keeps her eye on him as well."_

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry."

" _No apology necessary in this case. You're under some pressure yourself. So what can I do for you?"_

"Well, it's about Gibbs...and Tim. Seeing Gibbs... Tim had a bad night after, and it ruined the day for him."

" _Yes, it is unfortunate that you had this experience when trying to relax and have fun. Even on his best days, Jethro is not particularly relaxing."_

Tony laughed a little. "No, he's not. Never has been. But... do you think there's anything I can do to... make it better for them?"

" _I'm not sure, quite honestly. Timothy has shown little interest in forgiving Jethro and Jethro has not put forth the effort required to persuade Timothy to think otherwise. What little he's done has come too late. I don't envy your position being stuck between two people you care about, but in the end, the best thing you can do is be there as you can."_

"Be there for whom?" Tony asked.

" _Whoever needs you. Like I said, this is not an enviable position because at times both do, but I would wager that neither has suggested you have to give up on the other?"_

"No."

" _Then, don't...unless you feel it's necessary, of course. This is one of those times when there is no easy solution and perhaps no solution at all. What Jethro did was wrong in every sense. Timothy's reaction could have been fatal had it not been stopped. To ask Timothy to forgive may be too much. But it may be much more to ask Jethro to forgive himself. He knows the pain he caused."_

"He's punishing himself, Ducky."

" _I know."_

"I hate that it's like this."

" _As do I. But in the midst of caring for others, don't forget yourself. You need your own escape from the stress, and placing yourself in the middle of these two men is putting yourself between a rock and a hard place."_

"Yeah, I know," Tony said with a sigh. "We were having fun, Ducky. Before Gibbs turned up, we were having fun. Tim was really enjoying himself but..."

" _It was a setback, but I think that it needn't be permanent. If you let it, I think it can be only temporary. If you don't mind my suggestion, I would say that you should let today be as easy as it can be. No difficult discussions unless they come up naturally. No harping on the past. Just try to live in the present for a while. Enjoy the road trip."_

"They're never just road trips."

" _No, they're not... and that's a good thing."_

"Is it? I think it'd be nice to have things be simple and easy for once."

" _Yes, it would, but with few exceptions both of you have fun while also addressing problems of varying degrees of difficulty. Your road trips lift both of you higher than you'd be otherwise. What better time can two friends spend together than in making each other better than they were before?"_

"Maybe."

Another soft chuckle. _"Don't worry, Anthony. I do believe that you can weather this current storm. It's not as large or as destructive as you think it is. Let today be easy and I think you'll be amazed at how well it goes."_

"I'll try it."

" _Good lad. Now, I have not yet had my breakfast and so I'm going to take my leave and I'd suggest that you both have a good breakfast yourselves. Enjoy your day and be safe."_

"Thanks, Ducky."

" _Anytime, Anthony."_

"Bye."

" _Good-bye."_

Tony hung up and thought about what Ducky had said. While he was still irked about Tim's reticence, he could admit that he knew Tim was like this already. It wasn't new information.

He just wanted it to be different.

But an easy day? That sounded great to him. If only they could manage it. The nice thing was that he knew Tim would want that, too. So they'd just have to get out of Key West and head for the Everglades since Tim had wanted to see them. Then, they could decide what else to see and where else to stop on their way back up to pick up the boys.

Tony stood up and walked back into the hotel room. Tim was starting to stir, although he wasn't yet awake.

"Tim?"

Tim's eyes opened lazily and then closed.

Tony smiled and decided to start getting ready for the day and let Tim wake up more gradually. The fact that he _was_ waking up gradually was a good thing. So he went into the bathroom. When he came out, Tim was sitting up in bed.

"How are you feeling?" Tony asked.

Tim looked a little embarrassed.

"None of that. I was just asking," Tony said.

Now, Tim shrugged. "Okay."

Tony sat down and looked at Tim.

"Let's let today be easy," he said.

"What do you mean?" Tim asked.

"I mean that yesterday pretty much sucked. It was hard and not all that great. So today is easy. We're going to the Everglades and looking around there and then we'll see where else we want to go on our way back up to get the boys. Nothing big. Just simple stuff. Nothing troubling. Nothing problematic. Sound good?"

"Yeah. Do you think we actually can?" Tim asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," Tony said firmly. "Gibbs will still be here on Key West and we're just going to have fun...somewhere else."

"I'm sorry that I ruined this for you," Tim said.

"No, don't start that," Tony said. "You didn't ruin anything. It was just the way that things happened. Coincidence and it sucked, but it's not your fault."

"Last night was, though," Tim said, although he sounded resigned and Tony wasn't sure why.

"No."

"Yes, Tony. Please, stop letting me off the hook for things that really are my fault. Can't you let me take the blame for anything?"

Then, Tim got up abruptly and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Tony felt a little flummoxed. Of all the things Tim might have to get upset about, this was not even on the list.

...but then, he thought back and remembered that Tim had been a little upset about that before. They had talked about it, but...

Tony sighed. Easy day. Couldn't it just be easy for once?

A few minutes later, Tim came out of the bathroom, and to Tony's surprise, he sat down, facing Tony, and started talking.

"Tony, I know you're afraid of how I'll react to things. I know you worry about me more than you need to, but there _are_ things I did to myself. There are things I've done to you, and I would rather you just acknowledge that than be afraid to, simply because you think it'll push me too far. Last night, it was my fault that things were hard because I let myself get into that mind set again. You can say all you want that there are reasons for it, and maybe there are, but I still did it, and I still made it harder for you." Tim sighed. "I don't like getting help. I don't like _needing_ help. It's happened too many times. Last night, I did, but I tried not to. And I was so focused on not wanting to have help that I couldn't see that it would have been better to let you help me through it. By the light of day, I know it was a mistake. So do you." He actually smiled a little. "You called me a moron. You _know_ I was wrong. So let me be wrong."

What was the most surprising was that Tim was completely calm during his speech. There was no emotional overload at all. It was just Tim trying to tell him something that he thought was important.

"So... what do you think is the right reaction, then?" Tony asked.

Tim's smile widened. "Calling me a moron seems warranted."

Tony tried to stay serious, but he couldn't. He smiled.

"What I'm trying to say, Tony, is that even when I'm shaky, I'm still okay enough that you can call me out for being stupid...and you don't have to worry that it'll be too far." Then, Tim sighed again. "That's what I was trying to say about this last case. It was awful. It really was...but I was okay at the end. I got through something that was really hard and I was okay. If it wasn't for the fact that I have kids who get sick, I probably would have recovered after a weekend. I just lucked out that my daughter got the flu, and it was really serious. I wish I hadn't had that. If I hadn't, then, maybe everyone else could have seen that I was okay, too."

For no reason that he could really articulate, Tony suddenly felt like he got what Tim was saying. It wasn't like he was really saying things differently than he had before. Maybe it was just because Tim was so much calmer than he had been. Maybe it was because Tony himself was calmer. Whatever it was, Tony was suddenly much less worried about Tim than he had been... and less irritated. Would that last? Maybe not, but he'd take it.

"Okay," he said.

"What?" Tim asked, looking confused.

Tony smiled. "Okay. I hear what you're saying, Tim. I think I might even understand it."

"Really?"

Tim looked so surprised and so normal that Tony laughed.

"Yeah. Even I can figure things out on occasion, Tim."

Tim laughed, a little self-consciously.

"So are you ready for an easy day?" Tony asked.

"If we can manage it," Tim said. "We're not very good at making things easy."

"Then, it'll be a grand experiment, and we can use the Everglades as our testing ground. ...unless you want to stay here longer," Tony said, knowing that Tim wouldn't, not with Gibbs there.

"No," Tim said, emphatically.

"Okay. Let's pack up, get our breakfast and get outta Dodge."

"Okay."

Tony still felt that it was too bad that their fun stop in Key West had been brought down and, for Tim, tainted by Gibbs' appearance. Hopefully, later, Tim could still look back and enjoy the other things that had happened.

For now, though, all Tony wanted was to get on the move so that they could enjoy this day and let it be easy. Just one easy day, that was all he wanted.

They both ate quickly ate breakfast, checked out and then, Tony started the drive back over all the bridges that would take them to mainland Florida and the Everglades.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Tim hoped that Tony's acceptance of what he said lasted. He wasn't sure it would, but he was happy to take it for what it was and hope for an improvement.

Right now, with Tony driving them back over the bridges, Tim was ostensibly looking at what there was to do in the Everglades, but his mind was mostly on what had happened in Key West. If there was one thing he definitely agreed with Tony on, it was that yesterday had been terrible. Even the small moments of enjoyment had not managed to make it good. At least not as far as Tim was concerned. A small part of him wanted to ask Tony what he had talked to Gibbs about, but most of him was happy to avoid any mention of him.

But as he continued to stare at his phone and the atlas, his mind kept going back to what Tony might have talked about with Gibbs. Had they talked about Tim? Had they kept it to neutral topics? Did Tony regret leaving Gibbs in Key West when he was obviously miserable? Tim could see it. He knew it. He knew that Gibbs was trying to make up for what he'd done before, but even though Tim knew he was expending effort that he didn't normally use when it came to Tim, it just wasn't enough.

"Tim?"

Tim didn't know what it would take for him to think it was enough, but he knew that he hadn't seen it yet.

"Yo, Tim!"

Tim jumped and looked up.

"What?"

"Tell me how much longer it will take to get off these bridges," Tony said, with a tone that told Tim he was trying not to ask about what Tim was thinking. "I'm ready to be done with them, no matter how cool it is."

Tim checked where they were.

"It's about sixteen miles to Key Largo and that will mean we're almost back to mainland Florida."

"Good."

The silence that followed was a little awkward, but Tim _really_ didn't want to share what was occupying his thoughts because a big part of the problem was whether or not he wanted to know what Tony had talked to Gibbs about and telling Tony would kind of defeat the purpose.

And today was supposed to be easy.

"So, what is there to see in the Everglades? Alligators?"

"Maybe, but I was thinking we could do an airboat tour, if you didn't mind. It takes you through the Everglades and you can see a lot of it that you can't see by car."

"People do that?"

Tim nodded. "There are a lot of different companies that do these tours. All of them are close to the park and some are inside the park, right off the main highway."

"Nice. Which one looks best of the ones inside?"

"Well, I don't know, but the Coopertown one does have a restaurant onsite and a gift shop," Tim said, smiling a little, knowing how Tony would feel about that.

"Sounds great. How much are the tours?"

"Uh... twenty-three bucks for the shortest trip."

"A little pricy, but okay. I've never been on an airboat."

"Neither have I."

"Good. Then, it'll be a new experience all around...and a gift shop."

Tim found that he could laugh.

"Is that enough to get you off the bridges?" he asked.

"Maybe," Tony said, but he smiled, too.

Both of them were slowly relaxing. Maybe this would work out after all.

However, as they neared the mainland, Tim prepared to do battle. He'd put Tony through a lot of stressful situations in the last couple of days, not the least of which was driving over the bridges between Key West and mainland Florida. Tony would definitely be needing a break from driving, and Tim knew he could do it. He wasn't tired. He wasn't sick. He could drive the car.

"We should gas up once we get back to the mainland," Tim said. "I'm sure there aren't a lot of gas stations in the park."

"Sounds good. I could use some time out of the car, actually."

"Okay."

Inside, Tim was celebrating because with Tony out of the driver's seat, it would be easy enough to argue for the switch. He hoped it wouldn't be a big deal, but Tony would still likely be feeling far too protective.

After they got back to the mainland, Tony breathed a sigh of relief and they drove to Homestead to get gas.

"There's a station," Tim said, pointing to one on the right side of the road.

Tony nodded and turned off.

"I'll get this one," Tim said.

"Okay." Tony parked at a pump and then went into the gas station to use the restroom, leaving the keys in the car in case Tim needed to move it after filling up. Tim filled up as quickly as he could and then moved the car and took the keys with him. He went into the gas station and used the restroom himself and then he came out and found Tony looking at the treats.

"Have you had enough chocolate licorice?" Tim asked.

Tony looked up, a little startled, and smiled.

"Yeah. I was thinking we could branch out a little bit."

Tim grabbed a package of Oreos and then got some water. Tony got some chips and fruit snacks of all things. Tim saw it and raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, they're actually pretty good. Sam loves them," Tony said. "And I need some water, too."

Tim laughed and pointed to the display. Tony ignored the laughter and grabbed his own water. Then, they went to the counter to pay for their treats and back out to the car.

"Okay, Tony," Tim said. "My turn to drive."

"I can go further. It wasn't really that far, you know," Tony said.

Tim sighed inwardly, but he was also determined to keep it light and not serious.

"Not far, but it was over the bridges, and you did them both directions. I told you I'd drive once we got back over to the mainland. Here we are. I'm driving. I'm not sick. Even if I was, driving is not strenuous activity. I'm driving." Then, Tim grinned and held up the keys. "Besides, I've got the keys and the car is locked."

"Tim, you're being childish."

"And you're being stupid. I'm not saying I'll drive the whole rest of the trip, but I can drive. I said I would. It's time. So get in the car on the passenger side and we can get going."

Tim walked over to the driver's side and unlocked the doors.

"Are you coming?"

Tony rolled his eyes, and he seemed to be just a little irritated. Still, he did get into the car on the passenger side and they pulled out.

But the awkwardness was back, and Tim hated it being there.

"Tony, I'm just trying to do my part and I knew you'd try to keep it up. If you need a break, it's fine." Then, Tim smiled. "You don't have to do everything yourself, you know."

Now, Tony raised his eyebrows.

"Speaking from experience?" he asked.

"Yep," Tim said, determined not to get angry this time. "Since I know it so well, you should listen to me."

"Uh-huh."

"Now, do you want to go to the visitor center first or the air boat?" Tim asked, trying to move on.

"Which is closer to us right now?" Tony asked, seeming to agree to drop the matter for the moment.

"I think the visitor center," Tim said. "But you might want to check."

"You said Coopertown?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Well, it's further north. There's a road that goes through the park from one visitor center to another one. If we go there first, we can drive through the parts that the road reaches and then do the airboat later. What do you think?" Tony asked.

"Sounds fine with me. Directions?"

"Watch for a right turn so you can stay on highway 9336."

"Okay."

There was some awkward silence in the car again. So it would be better to acknowledge it.

"I can't do much for you, Tony," Tim said. "But I can give you a break from the driving that I know made you tense. Let me do that much. I want to make something easier." He didn't bring up the other stress since that was _not_ easy stress, not in any sense of the word, but he could mention the driving stress.

There was a sigh. Tim glanced over and saw Tony looking a little sheepish.

"Yeah, I know. You know me. When I'm not trying to make things as easy as I can, I'm trying to make them as hard as I can."

"You wanted today to be easy, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Then, let it be," Tim said. "It'll probably work better."

"Probably. Well, let's see what the visitor center has to tell us."

"Sounds good."

Tim got them into the park where they paid for the entrance and then they headed for the Ernest F. Coe Visitor Center. There a lot of people there and they didn't get a parking spot close to the building, but that was okay as far as Tim was concerned. It wasn't _that_ far.

They got out of the car and started for the building.

"We should have come earlier," Tony said.

"It's the summer. Everyone is on vacation right now. It would always be busy except when it's closed," Tim said.

Tony smiled. "Why did we choose to go on a vacation to a popular destination at the height of summer travel?"

"Because I was deathly ill and asked you to," Tim said, trying to see if Tony would accept a joke about his illness. "You should have known better than to listen to me."

There was a moment when Tim was sure that Tony was going to lecture him about being too flippant (which was weird for Tim to contemplate), but then, he gave a lopsided smile.

"Yeah, what was I thinking that the first time I ever listened to you would lead to this?"

"I don't know," Tim said, "but I'm disappointed in you, Tony."

Tony laughed and pushed Tim forward.

"Whatever. Get inside the building, Probie."

Tim grinned, feeling relieved. "Yes, sir."

They went into the visitor center and navigated through all the crowds, reading about the establishment of the park, picking up maps of the park, looking at the displays. Then, of course, into the gift shop. It wasn't huge, but it had some things to look at. Tony didn't even seem interested in buying anything. Tim wanted to wait and see what else there was. They'd be coming back this way. If the Flamingo Visitor Center didn't have a gift shop, they could always come back.

"Oh, look. Insect repellant," Tony said, looking at a large display of it. "You think we need some?"

"Yes, you do."

Tim turned at the voice and saw one of the park rangers smiling at them.

"If you have to ask the question, then, yes. It's the middle of the summer and the bugs can get pretty bad. You're asking to be eaten alive if you don't have some mosquito repellant."

"Then, we'll get some," Tim said.

"Good idea."

"Hey, any good short walks in the park?" Tim asked.

"How short?" the ranger asked.

"Tim's just getting over a serious illness," Tony said, jumping in.

"A month ago," Tim added, with a sideways glance at Tony.

"Under a mile?"

"Yeah," Tim said.

"There are a few. You should stop at the Mahogany Hammock. It's only about half a mile, round trip, and there's a boardwalk the entire way."

"What's the hammock?" Tony asked.

"It's just a densely-wooded area, but it's a beautiful look at what the Everglades has. You'll likely have quite a few people on it at this time of day, but it's worth a stop."

"Thanks," Tim said.

"You should also take a look at the West Lake Trail. It's about half a mile and the boardwalk goes out over the water so you can look at the mangroves that are so common around here."

"Sounds cool," Tony said. "Thanks. I won't even complain about buying bug spray."

The ranger laughed and left them to their purchase.

"You want to buy anything else here?" Tim asked.

"Nah. For now, let's just go with the bug stuff."

They waited in a long line to pay for it and then headed back to the car. Tim got in the driver's seat and was impressed that Tony didn't say anything against it. Then, they began driving west, following the road that led to the Flamingo Visitor Center.

Tim hoped that they would be able to have fun here.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

"Hey, what's that?" Tony asked, pointing at a sign pointing to the left.

"Royal Palm. Anhinga Trail..."

"Gumbo Limbo Trail. Want to check it out?" Tony asked.

"Sure, why not," Tim said.

He shifted over to turn left as the road came up. They started down the road as Tony began looking at the map.

"I don't think we'll want to do the Anhinga Trail," he said.

"Why not?"

"We might get eaten by alligators."

"What?" Tim asked, laughing a little.

Tony grinned. "It says that you can see gators on the trail. We might get eaten...and you know that we're not supposed to feed the wildlife."

Tim laughed again. "If we got eaten, I think they'd have a hard time fining us for it. What's Royal Palm?"

"Another visitor center."

"Another one? We just left one. Weird that they're so close together."

"Maybe too many people got eaten and so they moved it and only stupid people follow the signs," Tony said.

Tim smacked him on the shoulder. "Oh, knock it off. We have to see alligators once on this trip...but preferably from a safe distance."

Tony was relieved that Tim didn't press him on the distance of the hike. It was only about a mile, but if Tim wanted to do the other two hikes, Tony just wasn't sure about how many hikes in one day Tim could handle at this point. He knew that Tim wanted to prove he was okay, but pushing himself too far wasn't the right way to do that. This was going to be the first day that they'd actually be doing things all day long, and he wasn't sure Tim would really be up for that.

Still, for now, he'd try to keep that to himself.

_This is not very relaxing. I really thought it was going to be. So much for that._

He suppressed a sigh. The selfish part of him really regretted Gibbs showing up because it meant that Tim's problems had come to the fore again, and Tony had been harboring some hope that Tim could figure this out for him...but he was sure it had been forgotten. It wasn't even that he blamed Tim for it. Tim hadn't wanted this to happen, but the plain fact of the matter was that, when Tim's problems came up, they tended to take over everything. It was one of the difficulties in being his friend...which Tim was far too conscious of so Tony tried not to bring it up.

"You know... this isn't really what I expected," Tim said.

"What do you mean?" Tony asked, covering his distraction quickly.

"Well, I just don't think I had the right image of the Everglades in my head. I really just thought it would all be marshy and I definitely didn't think about being able to drive through it. This just looks like a forest. A tropical forest, but a forest."

"I'll bet we'll find some marshland," Tony said.

"I'm sure we will, but this is just not what I was thinking of."

Tim didn't sound disappointed. He was just making an observation and so Tony tried not to prod at it.

"I mean, look at this," he said, pointing out as the trees thinned and then almost disappeared. "It looks like a prairie."

"Except for the palm trees," Tony said.

"Yeah, except for the palm trees. It's so... flat."

"Disappointed?" Tony asked.

Tim looked at him and smiled.

"Nope."

Then, they were back into the trees and, almost before they knew it, they were at the Royal Palm Visitor Center. There weren't as many people here as at the other visitor center, but they were far from the only ones present. However, Tim parked the car and they got out.

...and then, promptly reached for the bug spray and doused each other in it. Tim actually fished out his old-man hat from the Grand Canyon.

"I didn't realize that you brought that with you," Tony said.

Tim grinned. "Got to play my role as the old fuddy duddy, and it does a good job of protecting my ears. I never get sunburned now."

Tony laughed.

They walked over to the visitor center, but it was a lot smaller than the Ernest F. Coe center. People were walking around, looking at signs and displays. Tim and Tony took a meandering route to a small pond right beside the building.

They leaned over and looked at the pond.

Then, Tim grabbed Tony's arm and pointed out.

"Look!" he said, his voice soft.

"What?"

"Look! ...before anyone else notices and comes over here to take pictures," Tim said, almost in a whisper.

Tony followed Tim's pointing finger and then his eyes widened.

There, in the pond was an alligator. Just one and it wasn't huge, but it was still an alligator. Only its head was above the water, but the shape was unmistakable.

It was a gator.

They both started taking pictures. They managed to get a picture of the alligator and each of them with the alligator in the background. That attracted the attention of other tourists and they started to come over. Since they'd got their own pictures already, Tim was willing enough to point it out. The cameras and phones came out as the other tourists started taking pictures as well. Tim and Tony eased out of the crowd and then headed toward the gift shop.

It wasn't really a conscious decision, but every time he saw one, Tony wanted to go inside and see what was there, even if he didn't end up buying anything. As they walked in, Tim didn't say anything, but Tony saw him smile and then quickly cover it up when he realized Tony was looking at him.

As they looked around, Tony decided to get his team some t-shirts here. After all, maybe they'd find other cool things to buy elsewhere, but these were still good. So why wait?

"I'm going to get something here," he said.

"Okay. I'll look for Weston, too."

"Oh, let's get shirts for Daniel and Tommy," Tony suggested.

"Yeah, we should get the same shirt and see if we can make them wear them at the same time," Tim said.

He instantly turned to the racks of t-shirts and starting searching. Tony grinned and then felt a little pang as it appeared that Tim was ready to set things aside and have fun while he was still worrying.

When had that become the norm?

_And why is it that I want to complain that Tim isn't bringing it up again?_

Tony stifled a sigh and looked at the shirts himself, trying to let himself just enjoy something he always liked: looking at souvenirs.

He found a couple that he decided to buy for his team. Then, he started looking for something to get for Daniel and Tommy. It had to be silly. He found a couple of options but they weren't quite right.

"Tony, how about this?" Tim said.

Tony looked up and, in spite of his mental chaos, he grinned. Tim was holding up a t-shirt that was black with a few small bright stripes and then the words _Skunk Ape_ written above a silhouette of a Bigfoot-like character.

"Does it come in their sizes?" Tony asked.

"I think so. I know it comes in Tommy's size, but I don't know what Daniel wears. He's tall, but he's skinny."

"Yeah, I know," Tony said. He walked over to the rack and searched through it and then smiled when he found one that would fit Daniel, too.

"Excellent," Tim said. "Hey, let's buy one for us, too. We can get a picture of all of us wearing it." He turned back to the rack and almost instantly seemed to find two more of the t-shirt.

"You'll wear something labeling you as a skunk ape, but you won't wear that lovely outfit your daughters got you?" Tony asked, trying to be light-hearted.

"Colors are darker on this one," Tim said without missing a beat.

"Uh-huh. Well, let's get these and we'll all be skunk apes together."

They made their purchases and then it was back to the car to head for the Mahogany Hammock.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

It was so painfully awkward and Tim felt like an idiot for not knowing how to make things better. He was trying, but he was sure that Tony could tell he was just pretending to have set everything aside.

Maybe it wasn't the best way for this to go. Tony seemed determined to leave it all behind, and if Tim could really relax, maybe it would work, but he felt stupid and unaware of what he could do to fix things.

Maybe, he should just try to get Tony to talk about what was bothering him... but then, Ducky had suggested that Tony needed a break from all that.

What to do.

If anything.

"Is it any better now?" Tony asked, interrupting Tim's thoughts.

"Huh? Is what any better?"

"The Everglades."

Tim looked out the windshield.

"It looks like a tropical forest to me," Tim said. "How far to the mahogany thing?"

"Just a few more miles," Tony said. "Now, I know you'll be irritated and I know it's not a long hike, but..."

"I'm sure I'll be fine, Tony," Tim said. "It's a half mile, not a jungle safari across Panama."

"Panama?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"It doesn't have to be a safari to wear you out," Tony said.

"I'll be _fine_ ," Tim said. "I want to see the mahogany thing."

"Yeah, right. You want to see it so much that you don't even know the name of the trail," Tony said.

Tim laughed. "I know mahogany is part of it."

"Hammock."

"Oh, right. And it doesn't actually mean a hammock. ...but I've never seen a mahogany tree. So this will be cool."

"Or hot as the case may be," Tony said.

"Huh?"

"It's the middle of summer, the middle of the day and we're in Florida. It won't be cool. It'll be hot."

Tim grinned. "Of course."

"Okay, I'll stop bugging you about it, but if you're worn out tonight, it's not my fault."

"I'd never blame you for that," Tim said, feeling unaccountably serious about that.

"I know."

The silence fell again and continued until they turned off toward the Mahogany Hammock hike.

"We're in a prairie again," Tim said, trying to break the silence. "I'm not seeing forest."

"You're just impatient," Tony said.

"Sure, but I'm also still wondering about the ecology of this place. It's so different."

"Just enjoy it. Stop wondering."

"Tony, that _is_ how I enjoy things," Tim said. "Wondering."

"Yeah, I know," Tony said.

But he still seemed strangely resentful. Tim wasn't sure how to take that. Things seemed to be going on a weird rollercoaster of being normal and then _really_ not and then back to normal again. In fact, Tim felt that this was turning into a worse part of the trip than Key West. He just wished he understood why.

He tried to focus on the trail they were going to. It could be fun. It should be interesting. He didn't know what was going on and why things were feeling so much worse than they before. He wanted to talk about it, but he didn't know if Tony _didn't_ want to talk about it. So he was just mentally fidgeting and wondering what to do.

When they arrived, a few cars were leaving and they were somehow the only people there. Tim couldn't believe it. He was sure it wouldn't last very long.

Maybe long enough.

He parked and they both got out.

"Are you ready?" Tim asked. "There's the forest...surrounded by prairie."

"And your swamp," Tony pointed out.

There was indeed some very swampy ground, which explained the boardwalk that marked the trail.

"So swamps instead of prairies. Still seems weird," Tim said. "I wonder if all that stuff I thought was prairie is swamp. But it's still strange to me."

"You can have forests and prairies near each other, Tim. It doesn't have to be anything weird."

"It is to me! That's all that matters," Tim said.

He strode on ahead to the trailhead, but he thought he heard some muttering behind him.

They started to follow the trail, and for a few minutes, at least, they were both seemingly able to relax. As they focused their attention on the trees and birds and lizards. Tim was really impressed by the mahogany trees. They were genuinely spectacular. One large tree actually leaned over the boardwalk. There were so many trees that they were constantly in shade which was nice in the heat of the day. It wasn't cool, really, but it wasn't so oppressively hot.

"Look at this one. It's the oldest living mahogany tree in the country," Tim said, reading the plaque.

"Well, pose by it," Tony said. "We have to document for posterity."

Tim did and then they switched so that they could both be in the picture. They continued the loop. It really was as if they'd suddenly stepped into a thick jungle. Trees, vines, other plants, and wildlife appeared occasionally, mostly birds, but they saw some lizards, too. No alligators, but the birds were chirping even when they couldn't see them.

Tim stopped to look more closely at one of the mahogany trees. He really wanted to know how it was that this large stand of trees could have such a definite border, surrounded by prairie or swamp. These weren't little scrubby bushes. They were hardwoods. They were really big, but the trees themselves were more fascinating than he had really thought they would be.

"Tim, come on," Tony said. "That's the fifth tree you've stared at. How different can it be from the last four?"

"Just a minute, Tony," Tim said. "It's interesting."

There was a moment of silence and then it was broken.

By Tony.

"You know what, Tim? I am sick and tired of everything being about you! Maybe you could take a minute and think about someone else for once!"

Tim straightened quickly and turned to Tony, surprised and hurt. Of all the things Tony could have said at that moment, this wasn't even on the list in Tim's mind. It had come out of nowhere. It was like Tony had been having a completely separate conversation in his head and he just said the last bit out loud. When Tim had been stewing about whether or not to say something about Tony's problems, he felt that this was entirely uncalled for...but he didn't know what to say. They stood there, staring at each other. Tony even seemed a little surprised himself at what he'd said.

But he didn't take it back.

Neither of them spoke to each other. They just stood there. Tim was trying to think of what he should say, if there was anything he _could_ say to...fix whatever had suddenly gone so horribly wrong. He was wondering if he should be upset, hurt, angry, all of the above or none of the above.

Tony looked like he was ready to say something.

And then, they heard a large group of people talking.

Tim took a quick breath and started walking toward Tony. He walked past him and headed back toward the parking lot. No matter what else was said, he knew he didn't want an audience for it. He looked back once and Tony wasn't following.

Well, he'd have to eventually. Tim decided to keep walking. Maybe by the time Tony caught up, he'd know what to say... because he had no clue right now.

He smiled as he passed a group of people apparently on a ranger-guided tour. He waved and continued across the boardwalk, away from the hammock as he did, he heard the ranger talking.

"Now, these hammocks are special places. You'll notice how it looks like there's just a random group of trees plunked down in the middle of a swamp and you might be wondering why there's this thick growth of hardwood trees like this. Well, this hammock and others are places where the ground level is just a few inches higher than the land around it. The Everglades are mostly flat and a few inches can mean the difference between being constantly underwater and being mostly dry. All around the hammock is the sawgrass prairie that is frequently wet as you can see and it makes a kind of moat which protects the hammock and allows for a lot of wildlife to find resources as well. Now, as we walk further into the hammock, you'll see..."

The voice faded as the group continued and Tim was even able to smile to himself. He had got his answer and he was gratified to know he was right. This _was_ different. It was significant.

Then, he kept walking until he got back to the parking lot. He walked over to a bench and sat down to wait.

After a few minutes, Tony came into view. He looked at Tim and walked over to him to sit beside him on the bench.

Neither of them spoke. Neither of them looked at each other.

Finally, Tim took a deep breath and let it out.

"I'm sorry, Tony," he said.

Silence again.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Tony was busily berating himself when Tim apologized. He was so surprised that he couldn't even think of how to respond. Tim had no reason to apologize right now. Tony knew he was the one who needed to apologize. He still wasn't sure where the words had even come from.

"Tim, don't..."

"No, Tony," Tim said. "Let me say it."

"No! What I did was..."

"Wrong. Mean. Cruel. Yeah, I know."

Tony raised an eyebrow, and Tim raised his eyebrow in reply.

"What? Am I wrong?" he asked.

"No, but that's my line."

"Well, you weren't saying it," Tim said.

Tony could tell that Tim really was hurt by what he'd said. And rightly so. He'd been telling himself that it wasn't Tim's fault, and he thought he'd believed it. ...since he knew it was true.

...but he could also see that Tim wasn't falling apart because of it. That gave him the courage to try and get back to the topic they needed to be on.

"So... since we both know that _I'm_ the one who needs to apologize, what are _you_ sorry about?"

Tim smiled. "I'm sorry that I didn't go with my gut. You kept saying that you wanted today to be easy, but I felt like there was something else going on and I was debating whether or not to ask you about it, but because you insisted on today being easy, I felt like I'd be doing it wrong if I brought the hard stuff up again. So I was trying to be normal, but that wasn't working, either. I'm sorry that you got to the point where I know what you're feeling."

"Huh?"

Tim took another deep breath and looked out at the trees around the parking lot.

"You're feeling terrible because you said what you said, but at the same time, there's a little part of you that's celebrating because you've wanted to be able to say something for a long time and you feel like you just got to, but you also know that your timing was way off for it and that it was mean. So you feel bad, and you feel good and you feel bad about feeling even a little good. Am I right?"

"Almost."

"What did I get wrong?"

"I don't feel good. Not at all. Tim, I'm really sorry."

"But it's hard being my friend sometimes, Tony. I know. Every time I think I'm over this whole Gibbs thing, I get shown in the worst way that I'm really not. Something has to happen to prove to me that I'm not." Tim looked at him. "This isn't going away. It can't. Tony..." Tim stopped for a moment. "Tony, I have PTSD."

Tony felt his brow furrow. "You've never said that. I mean... I'm not really surprised based on everything that happened, but you've never given it a name."

"I know."

"When did Dr. Bourning give you that diagnosis?"

Tim sighed. "A few years ago."

"And you never said?"

Tim shook his head. "I didn't want it to be true. I've tried to ignore it, but this is long-term. It's lifelong. I go for long periods without any problems, but I still have my triggers and... seeing Gibbs threw me a bit. It's something I do need to work on. But I know this is hard on you sometimes, and I know that you're having trouble right now. I don't know why my looking at a tree made you mad enough to say what you did, but... just like I have to admit that I have PTSD, Tony, you need to admit that you're burned out... not by your job, but by your family."

"I love my family, Tim," Tony said, feeling a little bit of anger at the implication. "I have no intention of losing them or giving them up."

"That's not what I'm saying."

"Then, what _are_ you saying?"

"I'm saying that you have a hard family, and you got thrown into it all at once. It's a family you love and one you chose to have, but it's still hard and I know it's stressful for you. So admit that it's wearing you down sometimes. Honestly, I think that's what your real issue is. It's not about being who you used to be. It's not about regretting that you're not still a womanizing jerk."

Tony raised an eyebrow at Tim's description. There was a little bite to it.

"Okay, that was a little harsh," Tim said. "But I don't think that's what you want anyway, whether that's what you were or not. You've never said anything about wanting that...but you have said things about how _easy_ it was. It's needing the break you _could_ have if you were who you used to be. Tony, you're worn out. I can see it. You're worn out and worn down, and the harder it gets, the more difficult it is to keep things going. I know how that feels. You needed the escape of a road trip. And my seeing Gibbs turned what should have been fun into something hard again because you couldn't even escape the stress by going on a trip. The trip _caused_ the stress, and I'm really sorry it did."

"Not your fault."

"I know, but I still contributed, even though I would have preferred not to."

Tony couldn't help but laugh at the understatement.

"Tony, I want to help you. You've helped me so many times that I want to be able to return the favor, even though I know I don't have to. I _want_ to. ...I just don't know what to do."

Now, it was Tony's turn to sigh. He leaned forward and stared at the ground.

"I was hoping you would."

"I don't know why. I never do things right when it comes to this kind of stuff."

"Yes, you do. When you talk, Tim... you do it right."

"So am I right, then? I've been talking."

Tony saw that he'd backed himself into a corner, and Tim was trying to get him to say one way or the other.

So he forced himself to really think about what Tim had said. Thinking about the possibility that he was burned out by the family he loved was hard. Burnout didn't happen at home. It happened at work. Home was the escape. He knew that's how it was for Tim.

...but was it really for him? Sometimes, yeah, it definitely was, and it was tempting to stop right there and ignore everything else.

...but mostly, it wasn't an escape from the stress of work. He didn't find work to be very stressful most of the time. Sometimes, it was, but most of the time, he felt like he was in his element at work. Work had always been the easy part of his life because it was all he had to worry about and he knew when he was good at what he did. It was at home that he struggled. He loved Jo. He loved their kids, but sometimes, even now, he wondered what in the world he'd been thinking. And it wasn't really about being free. He just felt like he was only barely staving off complete failure...which would not only hurt him but would hurt the ones he loved.

In that respect, he wasn't really all that different from Tim. The reasons behind the fear were different, but the real stressor was that he'd end up doing something horribly wrong and hurt the ones who mattered the most.

But he didn't want to say it aloud. What could Tim really do about any of that? And after what he'd said to Tim when there was no reason to, Tony didn't want to allow himself to be that way. ...and yet, at the same time, he really wanted it to be about him. Just this once.

"Tony?"

"Yeah."

It wasn't a question. It was an answer.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"There's nothing wrong with that, you know," Tim said.

"Yeah, there is."

"What's wrong?"

"It's my family, Tim. They're supposed to be the good things, not the things that wear me out."

"I don't remember reading that rule anywhere."

Tony laughed a little.

"Tony, your dad did the easy thing. He wasn't there. He coasted through and mostly ignored being a dad, and that's what he did throughout his life from what I can tell. That didn't take effort. It was easy...for him, and you suffered for his decision. What you have now... it's not easy, but it's good. You have to fight for it, and you're fighting to give Daniel and Grace and Ivan a life that is nothing like what you had... nothing like what _they_ had. It's hard, but... man, Tony, you're doing a good thing."

"I don't know what I'm doing," he confessed, leaning forward and staring at the ground. "I'm always fumbling through it all, knowing that I have nothing to fall back on to help me get it right. I don't know how to be a dad, Tim. I'm just pretending I do."

Tony was surprised when Tim squeezed his shoulder and even more surprised when Tim actually laughed. He looked up.

"What?" he asked.

"Tony, do you think I've got it all figured out? I have a great dad, but I don't know what I'm doing half the time, either. The only difference is that I don't assume that everything I do as a dad is wrong, and you do."

"Yeah, right," Tony said. "After all the times I've seen you worrying about what you've done that might have hurt Tommy?"

To his surprise, Tim just smiled. "Yeah, that's why I said only half the time. I know I've made mistakes with Tommy, but not everything I do is a mistake. And not everything you do is a mistake. And it's no shame if you're struggling because you're trying to do something right that you've never seen done right before."

"You're wrong about one thing, Tim."

"What's that?" Tim asked, and for the first time since he'd started talking, Tim looked worried, and Tony realized that, in spite of Tim's eloquence and seeming confidence, he wasn't sure about what he was doing.

Tony smiled and sat up. "I've seen it done right before...because I've seen you."

As he had guessed, Tim reddened a little bit and looked out at the parking lot. It wasn't the most scenic location for one of their serious chats.

"And one more thing, Tim."

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry for what I said. It was mean and it was selfish. It didn't even make sense that I felt that way. It doesn't have to be all about me."

"I've made it all about me often enough, you know," Tim said.

"Yeah, but that was when you were falling apart. I'm not. It's just that..."

Tim turned back to him and looked very earnest.

"No, Tony. Maybe you aren't falling apart, but if you don't know how to deal with it, it's still serious. It still matters. You can't just set it aside and pretend it doesn't. You need the break and you'll get it if I can manage to avoid Gibbs for the rest of the trip...but when you go back, you should talk to Jo about it."

Tony shook his head. "No, she won't understand that, and she'll take it wrong, like I'm trying to get out of my family or something."

"No, she won't. Give her a chance. Maybe she can help you if you're so worried that it's stressing you out. Let her try. She loves you and she wants you to be happy, too."

"Maybe she doesn't," Tony said. "Maybe this would be the thing that makes her give up and..."

Tim shook his head firmly. "No. Tony, you know that's not the case. Jo may not know all the details of what you're thinking, but if you ask her for help, she'll do her best. ...and I know you're worried about being what your father was, but you won't _ever_ do that to your kids. Never. And they don't think you will, either."

Tony scoffed. "How could you know that? After all the crap they've dealt with in their lives, there's no reason to think that. You a mind reader now?"

Tim's smile was surprisingly gentle. "No. I don't have to be. Tony, Daniel wants to start calling you _Dad_."

"What? How... How do you know _that_? They've never wanted to call Jo and me their parents. Their real parents were too awful for that. When we first adopted them, we told them that they could call us whatever they wanted to, and they preferred using our first names. You're wrong, Tim."

"No, I'm not. The morning that we dropped Tommy and Daniel off at the camp, Daniel asked me if I thought you'd mind if he started calling you _Dad_. He's afraid to, but he _wants_ to. I can't speak for Grace, although I'd be surprised if she and Daniel hadn't already talked about it, given how close they are. Daniel wants it... and I think he wants it for himself and it's something he wants to give to you, too."

Tony felt his throat tighten ominously. He stood up and faced away from Tim, trying to get control of himself. He'd told himself over and over that it didn't matter what Daniel and Grace chose to call him. They wanted to be in his family and that was the important thing. Calling someone a dad didn't mean anything. He'd told himself that he'd had a father who didn't deserve the name, but he'd still used it. The name didn't matter.

...but it did, and Tony wasn't sure he could stop himself from tearing up about it, from knowing that Daniel wanted it.

He breathed quickly trying to suppress the overwhelming feeling.

He turned back to face Tim who was still sitting, looking a little worried. Tony tried to smile.

"H-He wants me to be his dad?" Tony asked.

Tim smiled. "Yeah, he does."

Tony laughed and then he felt the tears push forward and he wiped them away.

"Daniel wants me to be his dad," he said.

"Yeah, he does," Tim said again.

"Why did you wait so long to tell me?"

"I was looking for the right moment. And then Gibbs showed up and that pushed it out of my mind for a little bit."

Tim stood up and walked over to Tony. He put his hands on Tony's shoulders and shook him a little.

"You are a great father, Tony. No matter how much you worry that you're doing everything wrong, you're doing a great job. You're helping your kids heal from the way they grew up. You may not do everything right, but you're doing the important things right. Daniel loves you, and he wants you to be his father. You've helped him heal enough that he's not afraid of that anymore. Tony, you're an amazing father to three kids who have had to learn right along with you what a father is supposed to be. You're an amazing father to Sam who is growing up with siblings that he loves. You're doing a great job."

Tony wasn't sure he could even get any words out, but he knew he had to. He had to say something that would help repair the wound he'd given Tim with his callousness before. He didn't know what to say.

He took a deep breath.

"Thanks, Tim," he said, very quietly.

"You're welcome," Tim said simply.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Then, Tim let Tony go and smiled.

"So, you ready to keep going through the park?" he asked, hoping that Tony's happiness would kind of push the other stuff out of his mind. He still hadn't really figured out how he felt about what Tony had said to him. It really had hurt, but he also knew, from personal experience unfortunately, that whatever Tony had said in the heat of the moment wasn't necessarily how he actually felt.

...but it still hurt.

Tony still seemed a little bit shocked by Tim's revelation of Daniel's desire. Tim was surprised at how deeply Tony felt about it, but he was glad that he had been right that Tony would want it. He just hadn't anticipated how _much_ Tony wanted it.

Finally, Tony smiled at him and wiped at his eyes one more time.

"Yeah," he said, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"Good. I'll keep driving."

Tony actually laughed.

"I won't fight you on it, this time."

"Good," Tim said.

They both headed back to the car, and Tim felt like he was going to have to do the best acting he ever had in his life to make sure he didn't mar Tony's current happiness by reminding him what he'd said before. He just needed to get it out of his mind.

They got into the car and Tim started them out of the parking lot.

And right as they were leaving, more cars coming the other way passed them.

"Perfect timing," Tony said.

"Yeah."

"What was the other place the ranger suggested?"

"West Lake Trail, I think," Tim said.

"Oh, yeah."

Tony took another deep breath and opened up the map.

"Looks like about ten miles to the West Lake Trail."

"Okay."

There was a silence in a car. It wasn't as awkward as before, but for Tim, it was mostly because he didn't know what to say. He had to focus on the road and he had no idea what to do to keep away from what had started their last conversation.

"So much for an easy day," Tony said after a minute or two. "I probably shouldn't have pushed it so much. Set up a false expectation...and it didn't really help, did it."

"Not really," Tim said.

"Okay. Maybe we should just try to have fun instead and not worry about easy or not easy. How about that?"

"Sounds fine to me," Tim said. He found that he couldn't muster up much enthusiasm at the moment, but Tony was still mostly thinking about what Tim had told him and so he didn't notice.

"Okay, the turnoff should be coming up soon...on the left."

Tim watched for it and soon enough he saw the sign for West Lake pointing to the left. He signaled and got off. Unlike the Mahogany Hammock trail, they didn't have to drive far off the main park road to get to the parking lot. And unlike the Mahogany Hammock, they didn't luck out with it being momentarily empty. This was full. In fact, they were lucky to get a parking place...and it might not have been one, technically. But there was room for the car and that was all that mattered.

They got out and walked over to the trailhead. It was another boardwalk, like the Mahogany Hammock which was probably why there were so many people here. It was an easy hike. Plus, it looked like there was a boat ramp, too. It must be a popular place to do kayaking or fishing.

"Lots of people here," Tony said.

"Yeah. Guess that means it's worth it."

"Maybe. Let's find out."

"Okay."

They started on the trail, and it was similar to the other trail, only here, they were surrounded by various kinds of mangroves and button trees. Tim found them fascinating and he took pictures, but he didn't linger this time. Over and over again, he could hear Tony saying that Tim needed to think about someone else for once, that he was sick of things being about Tim. It didn't matter how many times he told himself that Tony hadn't really meant it, that he was just frustrated and it had come out in a moment of weakness.

...but the thoughts had to come from somewhere.

...but he didn't want to talk about it. He just wanted to forget it.

He tried to set it aside as they walked on the short trail. They had been stuck in the trees when it suddenly appeared to be getting lighter.

"You see that, Tim?" Tony asked.

"Yeah," Tim said, feeling relieved at the curiosity that was temporarily supplanting his hurt.

"What is it?"

"Didn't the ranger say that the trail went over the lake?"

"Isn't that where we've been walking already?" Tony asked.

"I don't know. I've never been here before," Tim said.

They walked a bit faster and then, suddenly, they were no longer walking in trees. They were walking on the boardwalk, out over the lake itself. The water didn't look very deep but it wasn't the blue of the ocean. It was kind of brown.

"I can see how alligators could hide in this kind of water. It can't be that deep, but it's hard to see the bottom," Tim said.

"Yeah. I don't want to go swimming here," Tony said.

"Yuck. No."

Then, there was some commotion on the other side of the boardwalk. A group of people were pointing down at the water and taking pictures.

"What do you think? More gators?" Tony asked.

"Either that or they're trying to fool us," Tim said, smiling a little.

Tony laughed. "Yeah. Let's find out which."

They walked over and, sure enough, there were three alligators down below, basking in the muddy water right beside the shore. They seemed utterly unconcerned by the people standing above them, and so, Tim and Tony waited patiently as others in the crowd took pictures before moving on. Then, they took a few themselves, and walked back through the mangroves to the parking lot, ready to get on their way once more.

They were going to drive all the way to the Flamingo visitor center and then head on back, and Tim wasn't really as interested in the airboat ride as he had been, not just because of Tony, but because they were seeing more of the Everglades than he had expected to be able to see from a car. This really wasn't half bad, and it would save them a little money if they skipped the airboat.

But he didn't want to say anything just yet. Let them enjoy themselves...if possible. Maybe he'd change his mind.

They got to the Flamingo visitor center and were a little surprised. It looked like the visitor center was blocked off. There were still plenty of cars in the lot, but this wasn't looking like what they'd expected after the other visitor centers they'd been to. It seemed distinctly run down.

"What's happened here, do you think?" Tony asked.

"I don't know. Do you want to stop here or just head back?"

"Well, there are lots of cars. Let's just take a look around and see what there is."

"Okay."

They both got out of the car and first headed over to a trailer that seemed to have some rangers inside.

"Welcome to the hopefully temporary visitor center," one of the rangers said as they got close.

"What's going on? Renovations?" Tim asked.

"Well, not exactly. Hurricane Irma did a number on it and it needs to be rebuilt, but we have to get the money for the rebuild and it'll probably take a couple of years. So this is a temporary center just so that people can still get some information."

"What is there to see here?" Tony asked.

"Lot of people do kayaking and canoeing here. There are a few hikes and a big campground. You can see a lot of wildlife, and there are often some manatees in the water. Here's a map."

"Thanks."

Tim and Tony took the map and walked a little ways away from the rangers, rather than stand there and discuss whether it was worth staying or not.

"What do you think?" Tony asked.

Tim shrugged. "There's a lot here, but nothing we really have time for."

"Yeah. How about we walk over to the marina and see if we can spot any manatees. I've never seen one."

"Sounds good. I haven't seen them, either."

"Okay."

They waved to the rangers and headed to the marina. They kept their eyes peeled, but for a while, they didn't see anything besides people. In fact, Tim was about to suggest that they give up and go back to the car when Tony suddenly pointed.

"Hey, what is that?"

Tim followed his finger to something in the water.

"It doesn't look like an alligator," he said. "Or a crocodile, not that I can tell the difference."

"Let's see if we can get closer," Tony said and started walking along the dock to get closer to whatever he'd seen.

Then, two nostrils poked out of the water, followed by a head that was distinctly cow-like. Tim laughed.

"That's got to be a manatee," he said. "It's funny-looking."

"Yeah, it is. I read once that some people think that manatees are what people used to think were mermaids," Tony said. He stared at the cow-like creature and furrowed his brow. "I'm not seeing it. I see a cow that can swim."

Tim laughed again. "I don't see anything particularly alluring about it, either. Maybe sailors were less picky back then."

"I'm sure they were with all that time at sea, no port of call, but still... a cow?" Tony said.

And for a little while, things felt more normal. Tim was glad of it. They took pictures of the manatee. Tony tried looking up some stuff on his phone and somehow stumbled across a song by a bunch of singing cartoon vegetables called "Barbara Manatee" which featured a cucumber singing to a stuffed manatee. It was so weird that they both hovered over his phone to watch the whole song.

After that, they both decided that it was time to start back to the park entrance. As they drove back, the conversation was fairly easy and simple. Tim couldn't quite get what Tony said out of his mind, but things were easier than they had been. Then, as they drove, there was a brown sign.

"Pa-hay-okee," Tony read. "What is that?"

"Don't know," Tim said. "Want to see?"

"Sure. Let's do it."

Tim nodded and signaled he was turning left. There were plenty of other cars, but it was now get closer to evening. In fact, even with their snacks, Tim was feeling a little hungry. He would be happy to stop somewhere and have a meal, whether it could be called lunch or dinner. He didn't care as long as it was a meal.

But hopefully, this stop wouldn't take too long. However, regardless, Tim wasn't going to say anything about it. He would just go along with whatever Tony wanted. For now, that was all he was going to do.

It was pretty open as they drove along the road toward whatever this stop was, but then, Tony suddenly got a look on his face.

"Hey, Tim."

"Yeah, what?"

"I think your prairie is all covered with water."

"Huh?"

"You talked about things getting flooded and stuff, but I think there's water over all of this stuff we're seeing."

"Huh."

Tony pulled out his phone and did a couple of searches.

"They call the Everglades the River of Grass, and what I'm seeing here is that it is actually a river. It's just really slow moving."

"It would have to be since I can't see it moving at all," Tim said.

"Yeah. Huh."

Tim smiled a little. Tony actually seemed just slightly perplexed.

Then, they got to the parking lot and this one, while there were cars, was not even close to full. That was all to the good, as far as Tim was concerned. He parked in a spot and they walked over to the sign which indicated the Pa-hay-okee Trail. It was a short walk, on boardwalks again, but less than a quarter of a mile and it led to an overlook.

"Want to do it?" Tim asked.

"Yeah. Let's."

"Okay."

Tim wasn't about to admit that he was actually starting to feel tired. Today had been a full day, with both physical and emotional strain. And it kind of irritated him that he was feeling a physical strain after walking on trails that were less than a mile on flat ground. It was ridiculous.

So he said nothing.

They started the walk, but this was actually slightly inclined, which made sense if they were going up to an overlook, but Tim could admit (only to himself) that with the heat and humidity, along with his general tiredness, he was really feeling it.

But he walked along with Tony up to the top of the overlook. When he got there, Tim couldn't pretend anymore. He sat down on a bench in the shade and took a deep breath, maybe a couple of deep breaths. Tony looked at him and Tim saw the concern.

"You okay?" Tony asked.

"Just tired. It's hot," Tim said, trying to pass it off as nothing more than the heat, even though he knew Tony wouldn't be fooled by that.

Tony raised an eyebrow at him, but to Tim's surprise, he said nothing more about it. Instead, he let Tim sit and rest while he walked over to look at the saw grass prairie. Tim could see it from where he was sitting and there were bald cypress trees poking up here and there, looking dead but were, according to the signs, actually dormant. Plus, he could see a few hammocks now that he knew what they were. After a few minutes, he felt better and Tim got up to join Tony at the overlook.

They both took pictures of the view and of each other looking at the view.

"You okay to go back down now?" Tony asked.

"Yeah. Down is easier than up."

"Okay. You're sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

They walked together back down to the parking lot, but the heat was definitely starting to get to Tim. He wanted a rest (a not-driving rest), but he wanted to keep his promise that he'd drive in the Everglades.

He started toward the driver's side, but Tony grabbed his arm.

"Tim, let me drive," he said.

"I can do it," Tim said.

"I know you can, but you look tired. I can get us out of the park. I promise I won't get lost."

Tim smiled, but he knew Tony meant it, and quite frankly, he wanted the break.

"We need to stop at the visitor center to get some other souvenirs," Tony said, "but I can get us there, too. Let me drive."

Tim wanted to say no, but he wanted to say yes, and in this moment, yes was a stronger vote than no. He pulled out the keys and looked at them for a moment. Then, he handed them over.

Tony smiled and took them. They got into the car and started back to the visitor center. When they got to it, they went straight to the gift shop. Tony bought Jo a keychain which she would complain about, but he had decided he would do every time he went on a trip without her. Tim bought a couple of t-shirts for the girls. He also bought a puzzle for Jimmy and Breena. Tony grabbed a shot glass to give to Ducky because it was silly and tacky. All in all, they bought quite a few things, and it was fun, but Tim was still feeling that tiredness from the longer day. He just didn't think he could handle anything else, even just sitting in a boat on a tour. It was annoying but depressingly true.

As they headed out to the car, he paused.

"What is it?" Tony asked.

"Would you mind skipping the airboat ride?" Tim asked. "I'm not sure I can do it."

"Still tired?"

"Yeah. I wish I wasn't, but I am."

"Not a problem," Tony said. "That just leaves one question."

"What?"

"Where do we go from here? This might be the first time we have literally no plans. We don't need to be back to Kennedy for two more days. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know," Tim said.

There was a pause. Then, Tony's expression changed.

"You can make a suggestion, Tim. I really don't mind."

Tim suppressed a grimace at Tony's correct guess and his tentative tone, as if he was genuinely worried.

"I know that," Tim said, trying to sound nonchalant...knowing he failed.

"What do you think, then?"

"I don't know," Tim said again.

"Oh, we still need to get you relaxing on a beach," Tony said.

"That may not happen," Tim admitted.

"Yes, it will. It can," Tony said, now sounding determined. "What if we went onto the west side of Florida somewhere? Oh, I've heard there are beaches up near Fort Myers. We could find a place to stay the night there, near a beach, and then, tomorrow, you could get your picture on the beach. What do you think?"

Tony sounded almost pleading, as if he was asking Tim to let him do this for him. Tim was reluctant, not only because of today, but also because the last time he'd tried, he'd ruined the trip for them both. He didn't want to do that again.

...but Tony clearly wanted to do this for him.

"How far away is Fort Myers?"

"Probably a couple of hours."

"Then, we need to stop and eat something first."

"And you can sleep a little on the way up there. What do you say?"

Tim managed to avoid sighing, but he nodded. "Okay. That works."

"Good. Let's get going. We'll find someplace to eat something to tide us over and then, we can get a good dinner in Fort Myers...or around there. Okay?"

"Okay."

They got in the car and headed out of the Everglades.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Tim fell asleep almost as soon as they were on the road again, and Tony had to admit that he felt bad...about too many things. After the euphoria of knowing that his adopted son actually wanted to be his son had faded a little, he had remembered what came right before that revelation, and he felt terrible about it.

It had become increasingly obvious that Tim hadn't really set it aside. He had stopped making suggestions and he was a lot quieter. After all the times Tony had tried to get Tim to see that it was important for _both_ of them to have a say on these trips and to enjoy their time, he felt like an idiot for essentially throwing all that effort away by accusing Tim of something he always felt guilty of. The problem was that he now didn't know what to do about it. He had apologized more than once, and he had meant it, but what now? Tim didn't really seem over it, and Tony didn't blame him at all.

_Why did I say that to him?_

That was the question that kept rolling around in his head because he genuinely had no idea why he had let that slip out of his mouth. It had to be in his brain somewhere; otherwise, he wouldn't have said it, even in a moment of frustration.

But did he really feel that way about Tim? Certainly, Tim had gone through a lot and it had spilled over into everything else, but this last time, no one had wanted to have that happen, and that applied both to Tim's illness and to Gibbs showing up out of nowhere. But Tony didn't blame Tim for the things he couldn't control.

Did he?

Tony decided he needed to talk to someone who wasn't Tim to help him figure out why in the world he had said that and what he could do to make it up to Tim because he really didn't want to leave it at just saying sorry...since that didn't really seem like enough.

"Tim, are you awake?" he asked, keeping his voice soft.

Tim didn't even stir. In fact, his head tipped back and he started snoring. Tony smiled. No one could snore quite like Tim did. But that pretty much guaranteed that he was sleeping deeply.

In fact, Tony saw a place to pull over, and he decided to see if he could do as he and Tim had done when Tommy and Daniel were sleeping and come to a stop without waking Tim up. It was risky because he'd have to explain himself if Tim did wake up.

It was worth it.

Tony slowed down and pulled off onto the turnout and then put the car in park before pulling out his phone. He kept the car running and the music going so that Tim would be less likely to hear him and then he turned away from Tim and toward the door so he could keep his voice down.

...and then, he quickly called Ducky.

" _Hello, Anthony. I'm surprised to hear from you again so soon."_

"Hey, Ducky. Don't talk so loud, okay?"

" _What's going on?"_

"Tim's sleeping and I don't want to wake him up...but I did something really stupid today and I was hoping you could help me figure out what to do to fix it."

" _I make no promises. What happened?"_

"Well, I was trying to make today be easy... you know, like you said... only it wasn't really working."

" _Oh, no, Anthony. I didn't say to make it. I said to let it. There's quite a difference between forcing something into a particular state and allowing it to move into that state."_

Tony wasn't really in the mood for Ducky's deep philosophical statements.

"Whatever, Ducky. That's not... that's not the problem."

" _I'm sorry. What is it?"_

"Well, we'd gone on a short hike in the Everglades. And for some reason, everything Tim was doing and saying was irritating me."

" _This doesn't sound like it's headed anywhere good."_

"It's not. It's really bad."

" _Well, tell me."_

"Tim had stopped to look at a tree or something and I just wanted to get back to the car, but he wouldn't hurry up... so..." Tony really didn't want to repeat what he'd said, but Ducky couldn't know if he didn't say it. "...suddenly I... I said that I was tired of everything being about him and I wished that he'd think about someone else for once."

There was a long silence. Tony started worrying.

"Ducky?"

" _Anthony... if you don't mind my saying so, that was, indeed, a very stupid thing to say. What ever possessed you?"_

"I don't know. I don't know who was more shocked by it: me or Tim. But I know who was hurt by it."

" _Anthony, that is the worst charge you could lay at Timothy's feet, the one thing he himself has felt he did too much. Why? You can't just say you don't know and leave it at that. There must be something going on in your mind that led you to it, and if you don't figure it out, there's nothing I can do to help you with it."_

"I felt terrible as soon as it slipped out. I apologized almost right after, and I meant it, but I don't think Tim was... I hurt him, Duck. And I really didn't want to. I don't know what to do."

" _Think, Anthony. If you truly wish to do something about it, you must be willing to do some serious thinking about what guided your actions. No matter how hard it is to do it. You must be willing to confront the parts of yourself you may not like to think about."_

Tony didn't like the reprimand or the instruction, but he could see the truth and the wisdom in both. So he thought about it. ...and while it felt like a lame excuse, Tony could start to see what was going on, at least in part.

"I think part of it..."

" _Yes?"_

"Tim was right."

" _About what?"_

"I didn't want him to be, but... he said that he thought I was burned out by all the stuff I have to do with my family, by how hard it is. I told him no, but then, when he pushed... So many of the road trips have been about Tim's problems, and part of me just wanted to have one of them be about me. I wanted Tim to solve my problems the way that I've tried to solve his, and... and I hate myself for saying it, for having thought it..."

" _Yes?"_

"I felt like I was going to be forgotten again. I wanted to let Tim do something for me. I wanted to have him help me through this slump, but he needed me to help him again and it wasn't fair. And you don't have to tell me how stupid that is. I know."

Tony looked over at Tim. He was still snoring.

" _No, Anthony. It's actually not. Your thoughtless reaction was definitely stupid, but your feelings are not at all. Your friendship with Timothy can be taxing at times. Timothy knows it and tries to ameliorate it when he can, but still..."_

"Did you know that his doctor diagnosed him with PTSD?"

" _No, although I'm not at all surprised...nor am I surprised he hasn't shared that out much. His reactions fit that diagnosis far too well. That means these issues may come up throughout his life, although it is certainly not guaranteed. He's in therapy and he has dramatically improved. This is something you will have to accept about him, Anthony. PTSD is generally considered a permanent disorder, even if the severity of it decreases."_

"I know that, and I..." Tony sighed softly. "I was going to say I've accepted that, but maybe I haven't. When I have so much stress at home... maybe..." He looked at Tim again. He didn't want Tim to hear this part. Still snoring. "...maybe I'm afraid that I can't handle stress from other sources, too."

" _Anthony, you sound a trifle overwhelmed."_

Another long, deep sigh. In one sentence, Ducky had managed to say what Tony was feeling. Tim had given him a few pieces, but putting them all together...

"Yeah," he said, almost in a whisper.

" _Honestly, Anthony, that is not unexpected from someone such as yourself."_

"Such as myself? What do you mean?"

" _I mean that you have thrown yourself fully into the life you always wanted, but unlike most people, you didn't get the chance to adjust to the greater responsibilities gradually. You got them all at once, and it's to your credit that you've done so well, but I can hear it in your voice. You're starting to run out of the energy required to face it. That means you have to do something about it. If not... forgive me for saying it, but you'll more than likely let it out in bursts where you say or do something incredibly stupid."_

"But what about right now?" Tony asked. "I... Maybe you're right, but I want to be able to do something for Tim right now. Not later."

" _I don't know what will be best, so I have a suggestion you may not like."_

"What?"

" _Ask Timothy what you can do for him to help him get over his hurt."_

"He'll say that I don't need to do anything, Ducky. He'll just push it away...especially because of _what_ I said," Tony said quickly.

" _He may. That means you have to be a little insistent, and this may, initially make your stress worse, which I regret, but if you persevere, I think you'll find that you feel better afterward. When you know you've done something wrong, it makes everything else seem worse until you do your best to repair that damage. You know about the damage, Anthony. Now, you must do something about it."_

"I know."

" _I know you do. That's why you called. Now, take a deep breath."_

"What?"

" _Just do it."_

Tony shrugged to himself and did as Ducky suggested.

" _Let it out slowly. Repeat that four more times while I'm on the phone with you."_

"This is a little weird."

" _Do it anyway."_

"Okay."

Tony did as he was told. Just sitting there in the car, with Tim snoring sonorously beside him. He sat there and breathed in and out, and, to his surprise, the feeling of hurtling out of control lessened just a little bit. Not that it went away, but it didn't feel quite so impossible to handle it.

" _Feel any better?"_

"A little, yeah."

" _You need to take some time and figure out how to manage your life. Now, since it is your home life that is your major source of stress, that should be done with your wife, but you should do something about it."_

"Yeah."

" _Good. Now, continue on with your vacation and I hope that you will_ allow _tomorrow to be easy, rather than trying to force it."_

Tony laughed a little. "I think you're making that advice up."

" _I may be, but you'll never know if you don't try it."_

"Hah. Thanks, Ducky."

" _Anytime, as I've said before. Good-bye, Anthony."_

"Bye."

Tony hung up, put the car in gear and slowly eased back onto the road.

Tim never even moved. If it wasn't for the snoring, Tony would have thought he might be dead.

The drive up toward Fort Myers went smoothly. As they got closer, Tony decided it was time to find a hotel room. Someplace nice and right on the beach if possible. In fact, he didn't care how much it cost. He'd pay for it if he had to, but he was going to get Tim out on the beach and relaxing. The last time had been ruined and it would be ruined long-term if Tim didn't have a _good_ experience...and Tony needed to make up for what he'd said.

"Okay, Tim. Time to wake up," Tony said.

He reached over and shook Tim gently.

"Tim? We need to find a hotel. We're getting close to Fort Myers."

Tim snorted and jumped a little, but his eyes opened lazily. He sat up and yawned.

"What?" he asked.

Tony smiled. "Get out your phone. We need to find a hotel. Beachfront, and no arguments."

Tim took a deep breath and shook his head as he pulled out his phone.

"Sleep well?" Tony asked.

"Unfortunately, yes," Tim mumbled. "I didn't want to need it that much."

Tony smiled and didn't comment on it.

"Beachfront, remember," he said as Tim started searching.

"We don't have to do that, Tony."

"Yes, we do. You promised your team. We can't let them down."

Tim smiled a little and kept searching without comment. It took longer than Tony expected.

"All the hotels booked?"

"Well, a lot of them and you want beachfront. There are some pretty expensive ones."

"How expensive?"

"Well, here's one for over a thousand."

"Wow. Not that expensive."

Tim smiled and Tony knew he had chosen that one just to push beyond Tony's limits.

"Beachfront, beach view, private balcony. Four hundred. We weren't really going to do the more expensive ones after Key West."

"I know, but we need to tonight. Tomorrow night, we'll be more simple."

"Promise?" Tim asked.

"Yes."

"Okay."

"So get it."

"I did."

"And now, give me directions."

"Well, you're going to have to drive over the ocean again."

"What?"

"There's a causeway, leading to Sanibel Island. But it's not very long."

"Okay, I guess that's worth it," Tony said.

Tim gave him directions and before they knew it, they were pulling up to a fancy resort and checking. It was a two-bedroom suite with a fairly large view of the Gulf of Mexico and a sparkling, white beach just below them.

"Nice choice, Tim. I approve," Tony said as he looked out the window.

"I'm glad," Tim said as he set down his bags.

They were going to get a good dinner, but Tony decided that maybe it would be good to talk here before dinner so that they could (hopefully) enjoy it.

"Hey, Tim?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we talk before we find where we're going to eat?"

To Tim's credit, he didn't try to pretend he had no idea what Tony was referring to. He sighed.

"Please?" Tony asked.

Tim sat down on the couch and raised an eyebrow.

"Okay. What?"

Tony walked over and sat down across from him.

"What can I do to fix things?" he asked.

Tim looked surprised. Tony supposed that he hadn't expected such a blunt question, but that was what he wanted to know and he wanted to get right into it. Tim looked at him for a moment and then stared out the window at the gulf.

"You don't need to fix anything, Tony," he said. "I know you didn't mean it. You apologized."

"And that wasn't enough. We both know it, Tim. I feel terrible about what I said to you. It was just about the worst thing I _could_ have said and I hate that I did it. I apologized and I meant it, but that isn't enough. I've noticed, but I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to... make it better."

Tim took another deep breath and he turned back to Tony, but he didn't say anything. He just looked at Tony with that faint expression of surprise.

"Really, Tim. I want to do something. Anything. Just tell me."

"You could try to explain it to me," he said. "If you didn't mean it, you can explain _why_ you said it... and if you don't actually feel that way, you could tell me that you aren't trying to tell me that you're fed up with me and wished that we weren't friends."

"No, Tim. That didn't even..." Tony stopped. He had to be honest but he wasn't sure how to be honest without hurting Tim again because he _knew_ that Tim had tried to help him, that he wanted to, that Gibbs' appearance had shocked him and thrown him off kilter.

"What?" Tim asked.

"Tim, I..." Tony paused again and then decided to use Ducky's word. "You were right. I'm feeling a little burned out and... I'm a little... overwhelmed by everything. I wanted you to be able to figure out what I should do and... after Gibbs showed up and threw everything out the window..." He sighed and couldn't keep looking at Tim whose expression had now shifted to quizzical. "I felt like everything that I was dealing with was going to be forgotten and I'd just have to deal with it on my own. I shouldn't have felt that way. I know it. But I did, and right at that moment, it took over and came out. It shouldn't have. I'm so... I'm so sorry that it did because it was the worst thing I could have said to you."

There was a long silence.

"No, it wasn't," Tim said softly.

Tony looked up and saw Tim's expression. It was carefully blank for the moment.

"Yes, it was. It was terrible, Tim," Tony said. "It was like everything I've tried to do for you before just got cancelled out by my being an idiot."

"No, it wasn't," Tim said again. He tapped his molars together a few times. "The worst thing you could have said to me was that you were giving up on me, that it wasn't worth knowing me, that our friendship was over. That's the worst thing you could have said... and you didn't."

"No, I didn't."

"And you claim you didn't _want_ to say that, either."

"I definitely didn't."

Tim took a deep breath and looked out the window.

"Good."

That was it for a moment. Then, just when Tony was about to tentatively try to talk again, Tim got up and walked out to the balcony. Tony followed him. Tim leaned on the railing and Tony did, too.

"It hurt, Tony," Tim said. "It really did. I've tried all day to make it _not_ hurt, but it did. I know you didn't mean it, but if you only knew how much I've been trying to figure out what to do for you. I just don't know. I feel like I mess everything up, that when I try to make things better, I make them worse."

"No, Tim, you..."

Tim wasn't done. He interrupted Tony. "And so, when you said that I needed to think about someone else for once, it felt like you'd just slapped me across the face... because I'd been thinking about very little else up to that point. I even called Ducky to see if he could help me help you."

Tony winced. Ducky hadn't mentioned that.

"And so... what you said really hurt because... I know I've been selfish before, wanting everything to be about me, but I didn't this time. I just stopped to look at a tree that I'd never seen before."

And to Tony's surprise, Tim actually sounded a little teary. And he could see that this really had hurt, and that part of what Tim wanted was a chance to say that it hurt, to let Tony know just what he'd done...which meant that one of the most important things he could do right now was let Tim say it.

He moved close enough to put an arm around Tim's shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Tim," he said again. It was repetitious but at the same time, it was important. Tony knew it was important that, as Tim explained more of what hurt, he apologize for that particular aspect. "I know that you like wondering about things, asking the questions whether there's an answer or not. I just let myself forget it."

"I didn't want to take any extra time anywhere else we went...but I just didn't know what to say and you were so happy about Daniel that I didn't want to mess that up, too."

"Thanks. I was... I still am."

"Yeah. You deserve that, Tony."

"And you deserved to be able to enjoy yourself, too. I was wrapped up in myself too much."

"I know how that feels."

"Yeah, but it's no better for me than for you, and I shouldn't have lashed out at you just because I was feeling frustrated...especially when there was absolutely no reason to do it right then... or anytime, really, but definitely not right then. It was wrong of me."

"Yeah, it was," Tim said, almost whispering. Then, he smiled a little, still staring out at the water. "But I forgive you."

And that meant more to Tony than he would have thought, all things considered.

"Thanks," he said.

"Do you forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive, Tim. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Yes, I did. I didn't help you."

"Yeah, you did. You got me to see that I might be needing some help dealing with my life, that I might be burned out by the things I love. And even if it didn't work, I know you were trying to make things easy today, but we were trying too hard. So tomorrow, we're going to lay out on the beach, secure in the knowledge that there's no way Gibbs will be there since the sailing expo is still going on in Key West, and we're going to relax, maybe even go out into the water a little bit... okay?"

"I just don't know if it'll work, Tony."

"It will. I promise. Will you try?"

"Yeah. Don't know what else to do, anyway," Tim said. "What now?"

"Now, we find a good place to get dinner, somewhere close by. Then, you get to sleep, and so will I and we'll wake up tomorrow and start over. How does that sound?"

"It sounds all right," Tim said.

Tony could tell that Tim wasn't all the way over everything, but he was better. It was a start, and they'd talked about it instead of just stewed about it individually. That was important, too.

"So... where should we get dinner?" he asked.

And he tried to let that be all that mattered for the moment.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Tim could see that Tony wanted to help him feel better after helping him feel worse, and Tim wanted to let that happen, but he did feel bad about Tony's worry that his problems would be forgotten. The easy thing would be to fall into guilt about that instead of anything else, but he knew it wasn't the best thing to do.

So he tried to follow Tony's lead and focus on getting a good dinner...which would probably help him feel better anyway.

"I don't know," he said. "Is there anything close to us so that we don't have to drive?"

"How far do you think you can walk? Are you still tired?"

"Yeah, I am, but if we keep close to here, I can get there."

"Okay."

They got out their phones, did a search of nearby restaurants and started looking.

"Wow. I'm vetoing the Thistle Lodge," Tim said.

"Why?"

"The cheapest entree is 30 dollars."

"Oh. Yeah, okay. Fine by me," Tony said. "Maybe the Sandbar?"

"Prices?"

"Most expensive is in the thirties."

"Okay. Maybe. What kind?"

"Mostly seafood but some other stuff. Surf and turf."

"Okay."

"What else do you see?" Tony asked.

"Matzaluna," Tim said.

"What is it?"

"Italian...and seafood."

Tim could see the glint in Tony's eye. He wanted that.

"Prices don't look too bad," Tim said. "They have some seafood specialties. You want to try this one?" Then, he looked at the address. "Oh, it's a bit of a walk from here."

"Too much for you?"

"Yeah, probably," Tim said, hating that it was true.

"Do you want to drive over or just find something else?"

Tim knew that Tony was trying to let him feel comfortable making suggestions again, but he also knew that, stereotypical or not, Tony really liked Italian food, and here was a place that combined local seafood with the Italian that Tony loved...and Tim had no issue with it himself.

"I'd rather walk, but I'd like to try it," he said, trying to be honest while at the same time allowing Tony to have this.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah...but you have to drive."

As he'd thought, Tony grinned and nodded.

"I can do that. Ready?"

"Yeah, I am."

They walked back out to the car and Tony drove them the short distance to the restaurant. It was bustling and they had to wait a while for a table. Eventually, though, they were seated and could look at a menu, although they were momentarily distracted by Tony noticing the crayons and the butcher paper pulled over their table.

"Hey! We get to draw on the table!" he said.

"How do you know?" Tim asked, although he was smiling.

"Because they put crayons here. If we weren't supposed to use them, they wouldn't be here."

"Maybe they just have them out for little kids and adults will get in trouble if they do it."

Tony stuck out his tongue and grabbed a crayon. He started to draw on the table. Tim watched him. Then, Tony looked up.

"Draw, Tim," he ordered.

"I'm not a good artist."

"Not required."

"I don't know what to draw."

"Draw anyway. Grab a crayon and start scribbling humorous anecdotes. I don't care. Just get the crayon!"

"Okay, okay."

Tim started to doodle a little on the table, but then, they did need to look at the menu.

"Okay, what do you want for the appetizer?" Tony asked after getting his fill of drawing.

"Bruschetta?" Tim suggested. "That way we won't fill up on the appetizers too much."

"The menu says our meal comes with free bread, though."

"Oh... Hmmm. How about the fried mozzarella sticks?"

"You sure you want to go that unhealthy?" Tony asked, smiling a little. "It's basically fat deep-fried in more fat."

Tim grinned. "I'm still trying to build up my strength. I could use more fat."

"Yes, you could. All right. We'll get it. What are you going to get to drink?"

"I was thinking of the kombucha. I'm not really in the mood for drinking anything strong tonight," Tim said.

"You never are."

"True. What are you having?"

Tony looked at the menu again.

"You know what? I think I'll have that, too."

Tim chuckled. "Are you sure _you're_ feeling all right?"

"I'm feeling fine, thank you very much," Tony said. "I actually don't know that I've ever had kombucha. It'll be a new experience."

They got their appetizer and drinks ordered and then went back to looking at the menu.

"What do you think?" Tony asked.

"I don't know if I want to do pasta or fish or both," Tim said.

"I don't know which pasta I'm getting."

Tim smiled. Of course. Pasta. After a moment, Tony made a triumphant sound.

"Aha. I'm getting the scallops. They're served over pasta. Best of both worlds. You?"

"I think I'll get the guava salmon."

"No pasta?" Tony asked.

Tim smiled. "No, Tony. I'm not getting pasta. I'm getting salmon with potatoes. I'm not required to get pasta."

Tony laughed. "I know."

"Good. Because I want salmon."

"Okay, okay! I promise. It's fine!"

They waited until the waiter came back and then ordered their entrees and enjoyed the fatty mozzarella sticks.

"This is something from my childhood," Tim said as he dipped one into the pomodoro sauce.

"Fried mozzarella sticks?" Tony asked.

"Yeah. We didn't go out to eat all that much, but these things are at a lot of restaurants and I always tried to get my parents to order them. It didn't happen very often, but it was always special when it did." He smiled. "Those simple things."

Tony nodded and looked a little wistful. Tim could guess why, and he almost apologized for bringing up an experience that Tony never had, but Tony spoke before he could.

"That's what I want to be able to give to Daniel and Grace. Those things that will make them smile when they get older and look back."

"I'll bet you already have, Tony," Tim said. "Otherwise, Daniel wouldn't be asking to call you _Dad_."

That same smile came onto Tony's face again. This was something Tim knew he didn't really understand completely. There was no way to understand how happy Tony was about being called a _Dad_ by the kids he had adopted. Considering how hard it had been for him, how much he worried about being a good father, to know that there was some success must be heady.

"I won't really believe it until it happens," Tony admitted. "And maybe not even then. Are you sure you didn't prompt Daniel at all?"

"Positive. He was talking to me about how many questions Tommy asks and then he said _he_ wanted to ask a question and that was it."

Tony's goofy smile crossed his lips again.

"Believe it, Tony. You're a good dad."

"Thanks, Tim."

"I know you probably think it's silly that I feel this way, but..."

"No, I don't. I can tell how much you want it, and I'm glad that I could be the one to tell you that you can have it...and I'll be even happier to see your face when Daniel does call you _Dad_ for the first time."

Tony laughed and looked a little self-conscious.

"We haven't heard from either one," he said. "How do you think it's going?"

"I'll bet it's going fine. They both probably were a little worried at the beginning but once the activities started, I'll bet they were having a great time and didn't even think about us. Maybe Tommy will have called Delilah instead of me, but I'll bet Daniel would call you if he needed to. He wouldn't want Grace to start worrying about him."

"Maybe," Tony said. "But I'd like to think that Jo would tell me if there was something going wrong. After all, I'm way closer than she is."

"I'm sure she would," Tim said. "Just be ready, because I'm totally going to monopolize your son when we pick them up. I want to hear about all of it."

"Why don't you just do one of these space camp things yourself, Tim?" Tony asked. "I saw that they have adult programs. Even some family programs."

Tim shook his head, even as he was tempted. "The twins are too young. Delilah wouldn't be able to fully participate...and actually, I know she wouldn't want to anyway. It's a childhood dream, and not all childhood dreams have to come true. I'll just continue to live vicariously through my son...and yours."

Tony laughed, but Tim could tell that he didn't like Tim's attitude about it. The thing was, Tim knew he was being honest. Yeah, it was a childhood dream to go to a space camp, but he wanted to go as a child, not as an adult. It wasn't like the Meteor Crater that he could stop and see and have the same kind of experience as he would have when he was younger. There was something different about it, and so Tim didn't mind not doing it.

"Tony, I promise. When I said it was a childhood dream, I meant it. It's not something I want right now. It's something I wanted as a kid. Now, if you could send me back in time and let me go as a teenager, I'd be all over it."

"What's the difference?" Tony asked.

"I can't explain it, but it wouldn't be the same now."

The arrival of their food interrupted the conversation. Tim was okay with that, and besides, it smelled delicious. They both dug in. The salmon was delicious and the kombucha was a nice addition. Tony said his scallops were perfect and the pasta was good. All in all, they really enjoyed the meal. When they finished and the waiter brought by the dessert menu, Tim decided that, even though he wasn't hungry in the slightest, he'd get the tiramasu. Tony got limoncello cheesecake. They tried each other's dishes and agreed they were both good. By the end of the meal, they were both stuffed to bursting, and Tim felt much more relaxed than he had all day long.

Tony insisted on coloring a little bit more before they left, and their table was absolutely covered in drawings by the time their check came. They paid and went back to the hotel, and although he was a little disappointed by it, Tim still felt tired.

"We'd better call home and make sure they know that we're still alive," he said. "But then, I'm going to crash."

"Sounds like a plan," Tony said.

Tim decided to get ready for the evening before calling. He showered and changed and then actually got into bed before he called home. Tony just went out on the balcony and sat on a chair out there.

Tim hesitated before he called. How much was he going to tell Delilah about what had happened today? She would be furious on his behalf about what Tony had said, and Tim didn't want that... well, a part of him did, but most of him didn't. Overall, he didn't want to tell Delilah about that without being able to see her expression and know if she'd really accepted it or not. She might be able to tell he wasn't telling her something but she wouldn't know what it was.

Decision made, he called home.

" _Tim, how are you?"_ Delilah asked when she answered. _"I was wondering if you'd call at all before getting the boys on Friday. Are you feeling okay?"_

"Well... I have determined that it was a really good thing we didn't do Banff."

" _What did you do?"_

"The Everglades, and just a few short walks wiped me out."

" _Tim, you weren't going to overdo it. You promised!"_

"I didn't. I'm just tired, not exhausted. Tony has decided that we're just going to lay out on the beach tomorrow until it's time to head back toward Kennedy. So no hiking. The beach is right outside our hotel."

" _How much is it?"_

"Too much but not extravagant. We needed it tonight."

" _Why? What happened?"_

"Nothing, really."

" _And now, I know you're lying. You always say that when there's something. What is it?"_

"Nothing, Delilah," Tim said, trying to sound firm. "Have you heard from Tommy at all?"

" _Yes, yesterday, they had some kind of call home thing and he was bouncing off the walls in his excitement. Any fear he might have had is gone. You might have to drag him out of there."_

Tim could hear that Delilah was letting him change the subject but she wasn't going to leave it permanently.

"Good. I was hoping that would happen."

" _So where are you?"_

"Fort Myers, well, Sanibel Island. It's right off the coast."

" _Good weather?"_

"Hot and humid."

" _That doesn't sound good."_

"Better than hot and raining or hot and a hurricane."

" _Silver lining?"_

"Nope. No clouds," Tim said, grinning.

" _Ha. Very funny. Well, be safe and don't forget some sunscreen if you're going to lay out on the beach. You're still white."_

"Always and forever," Tim said. "I'll slather it on."

" _Good. Sleep well."_

"Unfortunately, I will."

" _It's a good thing, Tim. That means you're letting your body tell you that it's time to get some energy back. That's a good thing."_

"Yeah, I know."

" _Call earlier tomorrow. Esther was a little morose today, missing you."_

"Okay. I will. Love you."

" _I love you, too. Good-bye."_

"Bye."

Tim hung up and then set his phone on the table. Tony was still talking out on the balcony, so he lay down and closed his eyes.

A sudden thought hit him right as he fell asleep and it made him smile.

Tomorrow morning.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony was just barely waking up when a heavy thump jarred him out of his relaxed state.

"Ha! Got you!"

Tony sat up quickly and looked blearily around.

There was Tim sitting up on his bed, gleefully holding a pillow in his hand. That was the heavy thump on his face, clearly.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"For three years ago when you hit me in the face with a pillow in Maine!"

"What?"

"You heard me," Tim said, looking completely unrepentant.

Tony sighed. "Tim, you are not allowed to save it up for so long."

"Who says?"

"Me!"

Tim laughed at him. "Nope. That's the only possible way I can get you back. I just have to wait until you've forgotten it."

Sometimes, Tim was unexpectedly childish, but Tony could hardly deny that he had been the last one to throw a pillow. It was just that Tim had much too good a memory for this stuff.

The worst part was that if he hit him back right now, he knew Tim would just save it up for another time when Tony wasn't ready for it.

Sensing victory, Tim dropped the pillow on the bed and then went into the bathroom. That made Tony wonder how long Tim had been waiting to hit him.

When Tim came back out, he was dressed for the beach and Tony smiled. For now, things felt pretty normal. He hoped they could stay that way.

"How long were you waiting to hit me?" Tony asked.

"Oh, a while," Tim said. "I didn't really want to wake you up, so I waited until I could tell you were waking up anyway, and I woke up early. Too much sleep."

For some reason, Tony actually felt a little touched that, even in his moment of whimsy, Tim had still made sure he didn't cause any major problem.

 _Man, I'm becoming mushy,_ he thought.

But he didn't say anything. Instead, he went into the bathroom to get ready for the day, a day that would hopefully be truly relaxing this time. They couldn't stay all day, but they could stay for a while. Tony hadn't told Tim, but he'd paid a little extra for a late checkout. That meant that they wouldn't have to rush out. It was only three or four hours over to Kennedy, so they could spend a leisurely morning before heading back over there.

He finished up in the bathroom and came out.

"Okay, Tim. Are you ready for the beach?"

"After breakfast," Tim said.

"Right. Breakfast first and then the beach."

"Okay."

He could see that Tim was still a little ambivalent. Understandable, given what had happened last time, but he still wanted to do it. He felt that Tim would be better off if he really did get to relax a little bit.

So they grabbed towels and some water and headed down to eat breakfast before walking over to the beach.

Tony just prayed that it would go well.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

They found a good spot to set up on the beach. It wasn't a very wide one, but it was sandy and it had a beautiful view into the Gulf of Mexico. At this hour of the morning, it wasn't too busy either. They rented an umbrella. Then, they sat out on the beach.

Tim was tense, at first. He wasn't at all relaxed. He was actually looking at all the people coming onto the beach, as if Gibbs was going to show up again, against all the odds. He wasn't obvious about it, but Tony could tell that Tim wasn't relaxed. There was some temptation to just give up and find something easier. Something that would require less effort. Something that wouldn't make Tony start worrying about Tim again.

But he persisted, simply because Tim needed time. He couldn't relax right away, but he would if nothing happened on the beach. And there was no earthly reason to expect anything this time. ...of course, there had been no reason to suspect it last time, either.

Tony himself wasn't feeling all that relaxed either as he worried about whether or not Tim would relax.

However, after the first hour, the change Tony had been looking for started to occur. Tim started talking more and stopped scrutinizing every person who came close to them.

And that meant that Tony started to relax as well. It wasn't the fun-filled relaxation that they'd had before Gibbs had shown up, but it was a deeper, more meaningful relaxation simply because of how hard it had been to get it.

They both needed this.

Tony thought about how Ducky had just had him sit and breathe for a few seconds. It hadn't been much, but it had helped a little bit. That was the idea now. He wasn't trying to do anything. They talked as they wanted, but they weren't deep or difficult conversations. It was just sitting on the beach and watching the waves.

It was nice.

It got hotter, but they had some good shade from the umbrella. Tim was wearing his sun hat and he had put on plenty of sunscreen. Looking at him now, laying out without a shirt on, he definitely still had some of the signs of his illness. Of course, yesterday hadn't really helped matters much. It had been stressful _and_ Tim had exerted himself for about the first time. Still, if there was any question about how serious it had been, seeing Tim a month later still showing some signs proved it. Tony didn't want to bring that up, given how sensitive Tim was about it, but he was glad they hadn't planned on any real hiking. Tim definitely wasn't ready for it.

Sitting on a beach was the right thing to do on this trip.

"The tide's going out, isn't it?" Tim asked, sounding a little lazy, actually.

Tony looked at the water.

"I don't know."

"Then, watch it for a minute, Tony," Tim said. "I don't think it's coming as far in as it was when we first got here."

"You could look it up. I know there are tide charts." He started to pull out his phone.

"No. Just watch."

Tony looked at Tim for a long moment. Then, Tim looked at him, peeking out from under the sunhat Tony had bought him. He smiled.

"I'm not the ocean, Tony. Look at it. Watch it for a bit."

Tony raised an eyebrow and then looked out at the ocean. He just sat there and watched it.

For about ten minutes while he tried to see what Tim was seeing.

And Tim never said a word. When Tony snuck a glance at him, Tim was just sitting there, staring out at the ocean.

Waiting patiently.

And after a few minutes, Tony thought he could see what Tim meant. It definitely seemed like the waves were receding and not rolling as close to them as they had been initially.

"I think you're right," he said, finally. "I don't think the water's coming in as far."

"Have you ever thought about the people who lived in ancient times, the ones who were experts on things like the ocean, not because they had a phone they could look everything up on but because they just had the experience and knew the world they lived in?"

"Uh...no."

Tim laughed, still sounding lazy and relaxed.

"I'm not surprised, but think about it. It took you a few minutes to notice what people back then would have just known without really even thinking...because it was the experience they had. What would that be like? It really would be like living in a different world."

Tony looked at Tim for a moment, wondering at the trend of this conversation, but Tim looked very relaxed, not at all stressed or worried. Was it an act? It didn't seem to be.

"Come on, Tony. Think about it. Think about living back hundreds, even thousands of years ago, knowing so much less about some things and so much more about others."

"Why?"

"Isn't it interesting?"

"I guess so."

Tim laughed softly again.

"You only say that because you're not really thinking about it. There was a body found in the ice in the mountains on the border of Italy and Austria. Turned out to be a man who had died there 5,000 years ago. They call him the Ötzi man. They did a full analysis on him and they learned about what he ate, how many times he'd been sick, how he died, what he did for a living, all just from analyzing his body and what he had with him. And it shows a world that's different but still a lot the same."

"Is there a point to this?" Tony asked.

Tim smiled. "Nope. Just random thoughts bombarding my brain."

Surprised, Tony laughed.

"You're weird, Tim."

"I know."

For a moment, Tony worried that he'd been too flippant. He looked over at Tim... And he still looked relaxed.

And he needed a picture to show his team, to show them that he could fully relax on the beach. Sneakily, Tony pulled out his phone instead of a camera that would be more obvious. He sat up and took a few. Tim didn't even notice at first, but then, the sun glinted off Tony's phone screen and shone in his face. He looked over.

"Hey!" he said.

"You said you needed a picture of you relaxing on the beach. You're relaxed. You're on the beach. I took your picture," Tony said.

For a moment, Tim looked a little tense again, but then, he relaxed and smiled.

"I don't think my team has ever seen me without a shirt on. They might be disgusted."

"Or amazed at your manly physique," Tony said.

Tim laughed and looked at himself. "Manly physique doesn't describe me in any way, shape or form, Tony. I still look like I was sick. I'm flabby and pale."

"You're not that bad," Tony said. "Well... you _are_ pale, but that's normal. You're always pasty white."

"Thanks. You've done wonders for my self esteem," Tim said, but he smiled.

"That's why we lay out on the beach, so you can get less pasty."

"Can you stop using that particular adjective to describe me?" Tim asked. "It's way worse than just being pale."

"Starts with the same letters."

"Doesn't matter."

Then, the silence fell again, but it was an easy silence, still. The waves still came in and then flowed out, and the longer they were there, the more obvious it was that the tide truly was going out. More people were on the beach as the morning progressed, but there was still a feeling of solitude, as if there was an invisible barrier, keeping the rest of the world away. Somewhere beyond that barrier were things they both could and probably should worry about, but not right here, not in this moment.

"How long do we stay here?" Tim asked.

"I don't know. How long do you _want_ to stay here?"

"I don't know. I don't think we can stay here long enough for me to do anything but flirt with sunburn."

"But you're wearing a sunhat," Tony said.

Tim smiled.

"The hat doesn't cover my whole... pasty white body," he said.

"No, it doesn't. Maybe next time, I'll buy you a sombrero, a really, really big one like they have as costumes in some of the old Westerns."

"No thanks. That would probably be too heavy to walk around in."

"You could do it."

"Not while I'm flabby," Tim said.

In reality, Tim didn't look at all flabby. He had lost too much weight, but it made him look ill, not flabby. What there was of his muscle was tight. It was just that he needed more flesh on his bones to look healthy.

"Tim, I'm going to ask the question, even though you may get irritated. How do you feel? Really."

Tim looked at him, and his expression was a little resigned. Tony knew why, but after how tired he'd been the day before, Tony wanted to know if Tim was feeling recovered from that or not.

"Come on, Tim. You know why I'm asking. You were really tired yesterday. I just want to know if you're feeling it still."

"I wish you wouldn't worry about me so much, Tony," Tim said. "You have enough to worry about without adding me into the mix."

Tony knew that Tim's feeling was, at least partly, leftover from yesterday, from Tony's ill-timed, cruel accusation. Not all of it, probably, but some of it.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"No," Tim said. "I just don't want you to worry about me so much, Tony. You don't have to apologize for doing it. I feel as good as I have been on the trip. I was tired last night, but I'm fine now."

"That's not why I was apologizing," Tony said.

Tim's expression changed, but Tony wasn't sure what it was this time.

"You don't have to apologize for that, either. You already did. More than once."

"I know, but..."

Tim shook his head. "No buts, Tony. You apologized. I accepted your apology. That's enough. Let it go."

Tony sat up and faced Tim directly.

"It's only enough if you don't still feel hurt by it. Do you?"

Tim sighed. "Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Yeah. Maybe. Depends on when you ask me. Right now, all I am is tired... of you asking me if I'm tired." Tim smiled. It was a little fake, but it was still mostly genuine.

Tony smiled back...paused for a moment and then chanced a grin.

"How about now?"

Tim couldn't help but laugh. "Don't push it."

"Right."

"So... how much longer do we stay?" Tim asked.

"You ready to go now?"

"Not necessarily," Tim said. "I'm just wondering. We have to make sure we're back to Kennedy in time tomorrow."

"We only have a few hours' drive to get across the state," Tony said. "I figure that we can get partway there or even all the way there today, get a hotel and then, get there for the graduation thing tomorrow with no trouble."

"Okay."

Then, Tim leaned back again and let the sunhat fall over his face. Tony was surprised to see that he'd relaxed again. And that helped him release a little bit of his own tension. He followed Tim's lead and leaned back.

They both lay there on the beach for another hour, saying almost nothing, but it was now getting closer to noon, and Tony was getting hungry. They hadn't really done anything but at the same time, this was really helping them feel better, and what better way to wrap that up than by getting something for lunch before getting on their way?

Tony sat up and looked around, almost surprised by how many people were now out on the beach. He smiled a little. They'd basically spent the whole morning sitting on the beach doing nothing.

And it had felt great.

"Hey, Tim. Ready to go?"

No response.

Tony looked over and lifted the sunhat. He smiled. Tim was asleep.

"Hey, Tim," he said again and shook him a little bit. "Wake up."

Tim snorted a little and then sat up quickly.

"What?" he asked, blearily.

"Wake up. It's noon. I'm getting hungry."

"Huh?"

"Food, Tim. I want food."

Tim shook his head to wake himself up. Tony chose to be happy about this because it meant Tim was relaxed enough to fall asleep on the beach. He tried _not_ to be worried about the fact that Tim was still tired enough that he could fall asleep on the beach on a bright and sunny morning when he hadn't been doing anything strenuous.

"Food sounds good. I'd like to be fully-clothed, though," Tim said, stretching a little.

"Okay. We go back to the hotel, get our stuff, check out, and then get some food. There's supposed to be a nice little café not far from here. We can stop and get something to eat there."

"Okay, works for me," Tim said.

Tim got up and then bent over to grab his stuff and the beach towel he'd got from the hotel. Tony covertly watched for any lingering weakness, and he was glad to see that there didn't appear to be. Tim had simply been able to relax, perhaps for the first time since seeing Gibbs on the beach in Key West.

They walked back to their hotel. They both showered quickly, just to rinse off the sand. Then, they left the hotel and went to a little café to get lunch. Tim got fish tacos and Tony got a fish sandwich with fresh-caught grouper. They both got some pop as well since it was only lunchtime and they'd be driving. After a good lunch, they went out to the car.

"Tony, let me drive to start, okay?" Tim asked.

Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Think about it. This is when I'm going to be at my best. You can drive later, but let me start."

Tony considered and then decided that part of his current problem really _was_ being unable to stop worrying about Tim. So instead of fighting him on it, Tony just tossed the keys over. Tim almost missed them because he was so surprised, but he ended up catching them okay.

"Don't kill us while you're driving."

"Ha. Not a chance," Tim said.

They got in the car and headed out, and Tony felt like he could chalk up their stay in Fort Myers as a success.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

"Hey, we should stop at Lake Okeechobee," Tony said, looking at the map.

"Why?" Tim asked.

"Because it has a funny name," Tony said. "And you can't make any complaint about that, given that you wanted to stop at a place just to see if your son was longer than the name."

Tim smiled. "As I recall, you also decided to see if _I_ was longer than the name. I'll bet you still have scars on your knees from that."

"It was your son's idea."

"He was six."

"No excuse," Tony said.

Tim laughed. "Fine. We can stop there. Is there anything to see or just the name?"

"I don't know. Let me check."

Tony pulled out his phone and started searching for what there was to do at Lake Okeechobee.

"Well, if we wanted to go fishing or hike, there's lots to do, but I think, for us, it'll be come and look and then go."

"Okay. That's fine. How much farther?"

"About an hour. That okay for you?"

"Yeah, it's fine," Tim said, striving not to be annoyed at Tony's concern. He knew the reason for it and part of him even appreciated it, but still...

For a while, Tim was annoyingly reticent to start a conversation about the things he was noticing. It hadn't been a problem while lying on the beach but for some reason it was now and he was irritated at himself for it. He didn't want Tony to be still worrying about what he'd said. Tim knew he felt bad about it, and he knew that it had mostly been Tony suddenly letting out his personal worries in the form of an attack.

He knew all that, but still...

 _No. I said it was fine, and it is! I'm not going to hold onto this,_ Tim said to himself.

That meant saying something.

What to say?

He looked around, trying to see if they could yet get a look at Lake Okeechobee, but in spite of how flat everything was, he still couldn't see it. They'd even chosen to drive on highway 78 which went closest to the lake. Still, nothing doing. Not yet.

"Man, it's so flat here," he said...and then got just a little tense at what Tony might say.

"Yeah. It was before, too," Tony said.

"Florida so flat," Tim said.

"Is that good or bad...or just interesting?" Tony asked.

Tim glanced over and saw Tony smiling just a little bit. He hesitated and then daringly continued the conversation.

"Interesting. I mean, Florida is really a temporary formation anyway. It's not like the Rockies or Appalachians. It's limestone. It's basically fossilized beaches. It'll erode really easily, and be gone in another few million years."

"Few million?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I think I won't hold my breath waiting for that," Tony said.

Tim glanced over again, still feeling that annoying thread of worry that was driving him nuts. Tony still seemed good-natured about it. Tim knew that Tony didn't care about this kind of thing and he didn't mind that. It was only because of yesterday that he was hesitant. And he didn't _want_ to be that way. He believed that Tony had been sincere in his apology, and he was determined that this wasn't going to continue on.

If he could only get the rest of him to accept it.

"I wouldn't either, but unless there's a major change in landmasses here, Florida won't exist in another few million years. India will pretty much be gone, too, although for a different reason."

"And what reason is that?"

Tim grinned. "It'll be the Himalayas."

"Huh?"

"The formation of the Himalayas is like the longest car crash in history. It's been going on for 70 million years and it's still going on. The Indian plate crashed into the Asian plate and it's still going, crumpling itself against Asia like a sports car running into a Mack truck."

Tony laughed. "Vivid."

"Remember, I have Tommy as a son. I have to know these things," Tim said.

"You _have_ to?" Tony asked.

"Yeah. I'm still the omnipotent dad. I have to keep that title for as long as I can. Eventually, Tommy will grow up and he won't want me to have all the answers," Tim said, feeling a little wistful. "But for now, he does. So when I find out what he's learning about at school, I review it to make sure I'm ready to answer questions he might ask me."

Tony laughed. "Tim, Tommy wouldn't care. I think he likes being with you, not that you know all the answers. I still remember when he asked you about how many cars there are in the world."

"When was that?" Tim asked.

"On our way back from Maine."

"Oh." Tim couldn't remember that particular conversation, no matter how he tried.

"Not as significant for you, I take it," Tony said.

"No. Why was it significant for you? I know I don't know the answer to that question."

"Yeah, and it didn't matter at all. Do you know why?"

"No. Why?"

"Because even though you didn't know the answer, you still spent time thinking about it and walking through what the answer might be. And it didn't matter that you didn't know. It mattered that you cared enough to think about it...just because your son asked a question."

"Oh, it's nothing big, Tony. You've said it yourself. I'm a big nerd and I like thinking about random things."

"No, it is big, Tim. You know what _my_ dad would have done if I'd ever asked him a question like that? If he was even bothering to listen to me, he would have said it didn't matter and that would have been the end of it as far as he was concerned. And maybe Tommy doesn't remember it any more than you do, but he remembers that you care, that he can come to you with any question and you'll pay attention. _That_ is what matters."

Tim was surprised at how vehement Tony sounded. He glanced over again and saw that Tony was serious, but he wasn't upset.

"Tony, I know you think that I'm this amazing father, but if all you're comparing me to is your dad, I'm going to look amazing. I'm really not. You're the one who has the kids who need a father to step in and help them see what a family is like. You've brought Grace and Daniel from two kids who barely dared trust that the adults in their lives might want them around to Daniel being ready to actually call you his dad." Tim paused when he saw Tony's smile. Even in the middle of this discussion, he couldn't help but be happy about it. Tim was glad to see it. "Tony, _that_ is amazing. I don't think I could do what you're doing. I know it's hard for you and I know you worry about it, but as someone watching from the outside, you're amazing. Tommy's never had any reason to think that his parents don't love him. That makes what I'm doing a lot easier."

Tony laughed and didn't even say anything. That made Tim look over at him for a moment and he saw Tony staring hard at him, as if he was trying to decide whether or not Tim was lying.

"You can't be serious, Tim."

"Yeah, I am."

"Okay, then, you're just not thinking about what you're saying."

"Okay... what am I saying?"

"You're saying that you have never given your son reason to doubt that you loved him and that somehow means you have an easy job."

"Yeah. I don't have to undo what other people have done."

"Yeah. Exactly."

"Huh?"

"Okay, Tim. Find a place to pull over. It's clear that you can't focus on what you're saying while you're driving. You need to give me your full, undivided attention."

"Why? What's the big deal, Tony?"

"Find a place to pull over."

"We're almost to the lake, aren't we?" Tim asked.

Tony looked at the map.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Then, can this important statement wait until then?"

"I guess so, but you're not getting out of it, Probie."

"I don't even know what I'm not getting out _of_."

"Ha. The sad thing is that I believe it," Tony said.

Tim really wasn't following. He wasn't sure if Tony was mad at him (although he didn't seem mad, merely incredulous) or if he should feel insulted that Tony seemed to think he wasn't smart enough to get what was going on. He kept going over the conversation and he couldn't see what it was that Tony felt was so important.

They crossed the Kissimee River, Tony ordering Tim to slow down so he could take a picture of the name, and then, Tony directed him to Lake Okeechobee Park. There were plenty of people there, but they found parking just fine. Tim parked and felt a little bemused as Tony led him out onto a large pier that went over the lake. Most of the people on the pier were fishing. Again, Tim couldn't get over how flat everything was. No real hills around the lake, just the water. There was a part of him that wonder why the lake stayed where it was.

"Okay, Tim. I don't know if this is just because you're still worried about what I said yesterday, but we're not in a parenting contest."

"I know that, Tony," Tim said. "I just don't..."

"I'm not done," Tony said. "You're not taking anything away from my being a dad by admitting that you're a good dad."

"I didn't say I was a bad father, Tony," Tim said, but again was interrupted.

"Still not done."

"Okay, but Tony, all I said was that your job is a lot harder than mine because you have to fix what Grace and Daniel's family did to them originally."

"Yeah, and what what I don't get is why you don't see why the fact that Tommy doesn't have to deal with that is really amazing."

Tim laughed, but he still felt confused. "Tony, you've said it yourself. Tommy is a really sweet kid. He's obedient most of the time and he's good-natured. I feel lucky that he's such an easy kid to raise."

Tony grabbed him by the shoulders. "Tim, the very fact that you can't see what you've done boggles my mind."

"The fact that you seem to think I should boggles mine," Tim said.

"Okay, Tim. I'm going to say this one more time and I'm going to say it very slowly so that you understand me."

Tim raised an eyebrow. This was getting a little ridiculous.

"Do you have any idea how many kids _don't_ get what Tommy has?"

"Not numbers, but since I've got to know Jo... I could hardly help but be aware," Tim said.

Tony smiled. "That's for sure. Well, Tim, there are kids who would do anything to have a father like you. It's not because you're perfect. It's because you care. It's because you care so instinctively that you can't even see how wonderful it is. You think that everyone is like you. Well, they're not. Grace and Daniel's parents might have been extreme examples, but there are way too many kids who grow up with parents who don't care, parents who see their children as things that cramp their style, parents who don't want to have to change their lives when the kids show up because they deserve to be free or something, parents who really just want to be able to say they have kids without doing any of the work of having kids." He laughed a little self-consciously. "One of the things my shrink kept harping on was that I refused to say that my dad was a bad father. I would talk about different things he did. I'd say that other people were better, but I never wanted to admit that he was genuinely a bad father. He was. After a year of therapy, I can admit that the way I was treated when I was a kid would probably qualify as emotional abuse. Neglect at the least but abuse, not because he hit me or yelled at me but because he showed me, nearly every day, that he didn't care. And so, yes, Tim, you're amazing. Not just because I can compare you to my dad who pretty much sucked, but because you have made it so that Tommy never _has_ to join the ranks of kids like Daniel and Grace and Ivan. You and Delilah have a family that is amazing. _That_ is what makes you an amazing father. ...and don't you ever forget that."

Finally, Tony let him go, but Tim just stood there, feeling a little weird about Tony's speech. Part of him felt that this was just Tony trying to make up for yesterday. Part of him wanted to start listing out all the things he'd done wrong as a father. There were plenty of them, some of them even serious. Another part of him was still boggled by Tony's declaration. Tim didn't think he was a bad father, but he didn't think there was anything special about him. He made mistakes and he loved his kids. Was it really that rare?

"So...now, that we've got that out of the way," Tony said, "let's look at the lake and then we can keep going."

"Huh?"

"Look at the lake, Tim. It's Lake Okeechobee. It's a fun word to say and the lake is pretty...even if everything around it is flat. Just enjoy."

Tim looked out at the lake, not knowing what else to do. It was pretty, even with all the people fishing off the pier.

The weird thing was that he couldn't think of a single thing to say. He was just following Tony's instructions while trying to wrap his head around Tony's interpretation of his parenting.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Tony could see Tim's surprise, almost shock, at how Tony had described him. It was as if he'd never really thought about it before...and to be fair, he probably hadn't. So much of Tim's life in the last few years had been a struggle that he probably counted what he'd achieved as simply being a normal life, something normal people got to have without effort and he was lucky enough to manage.

As he stared out at Lake Okeechobee, Tim looked more than a little confused. It was almost amusing that he would find the idea that he was amazing difficult to grasp.

Almost.

It shouldn't be so hard to accept, and Tony didn't like that Tim felt that way about himself, even if it wasn't putting himself down, he was almost unwilling to accept that he was really exceptional, not normal. He was what _should_ be normal, but really wasn't.

They both leaned over the pier, looking at the lake for a while, but then, it was time for pictures. Serious discussion or not, Tony wasn't leaving here without photos.

"Okay, Tim. Time for pictures."

"Okay."

Tim still seemed flummoxed, but he posed readily enough. After getting the lake behind them, Tony insisted on finding a sign with the name on it so that he could have a picture with the name of the lake...since that was why he'd wanted to stop here. While he was posing, he made a point of bracketing out how long the name was. Tim even smiled at the obvious reference to their previous time stopping at a lake just because of its name.

As they started back to the car, Tony finally couldn't stand it any longer.

"Tim, you're way too smart to be this confused by what I said," he said. "Can't you just accept it?"

Tim looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Tony, I already told you that I accept your apology for what you said yesterday. There's no reason to start piling on compliments to try to make up for it. It's fine."

And in his head, Tony kicked himself. Of course, Tim was going to think that this was all a ploy to make him feel better after making him feel worse before. A compliment couldn't just be a genuine compliment. He sighed.

"That's not what I'm doing at all, Tim," Tony said.

Tim looked skeptical.

"Really. I'm not. I hadn't even thought of that until you said it right now."

"Oh, come on," Tim said, scoffing. "I don't believe that for a second."

"Believe it, Tim," Tony said. "I really wasn't thinking about that at all. You've always had a hard time believing that you're a great dad. I don't know why, but you do. I was hoping that, just maybe, you'd finally believe me. I forgot that you'd just assume that I was trying to make you feel better. I _should_ have thought of that, but I didn't."

There was another silence as they got to the car. For some reason, neither of them tried to get in. Instead, they leaned on the top of the car and stared at each other for a moment.

"Tim, you don't have to be a perfect father to be an amazing one. I know there are things you hate that you've said and done, but can you at least admit that Tommy loves being with you and that Esther and Evelyn love you?"

"Sure," Tim said, easily.

"Good. The reason they do is because you're amazing."

"They do because I'm their dad."

"Oh, I give up," Tony said, finally.

"Good," Tim said, almost laughing at Tony's frustration.

Tony raised an eyebrow at him.

"Are you just giving me a hard time?"

"Well, not _just_."

Tony sighed again.

"Tony, just leave it, okay? I promise. I don't think I'm a terrible father. I just don't think I'm as amazing you apparently do. And I know that you _are_ an amazing father, and I can't wait until Daniel calls you his dad for the first time because every time it gets mentioned, you smile."

Tony couldn't help but smile again at the reminder. Even if he couldn't truly believe it until it actually happened, he was still thrilled by being told his adopted son wanted to be his son. He hoped that Jo would be included in that, too.

"Now, do you want to drive or do you want me to keep going? I can."

"Nope. My turn, Probie," Tony said and held out his hands for the keys.

Tim tossed them willingly enough...and then, they had to switch sides. They got into the car and they were off.

"So, we're going to get over to Kennedy easy," Tony said. "Anything you want to see?"

"I don't know."

Tim got out the atlas, not his phone. Tony suppressed a smile at that never-ending tendency to use the atlas.

"We should drive through the middle of the state instead of going back over to the coast," Tim said.

"Why? Anything special to see?"

"No, but we've been hugging the coast of Florida. Let's see the interior... besides Lake Okeechobee."

"It might be boring."

"But it'll be something we haven't seen," Tim said.

"Sure, okay. Where do I go?"

"Let's see..."

Tim looked up and around.

"Okay, looks like we're on 441. We stay on that."

"For how long?" Tony asked.

"Almost all the way up. It's a straight shot up through the middle of the state."

"Okay. We'd better get gas, then."

He pulled off into a service station and they quickly filled up and got some snacks. Then, they headed northward.

And it wasn't all that exciting. It was flat and had some trees. Nothing else. No mountains, no lakes in view, no rivers in view. It was green, but that's all it was. Tony had been to the Florida coast many times in his life, but he couldn't think of any time he'd deliberately chosen to eschew the coast in favor of driving through the interior.

"Enough flat for you, Tim?" he asked.

"It's just so weird," Tim said, looking out the window. "I've never thought of Florida as being flat, but it is. It's just flat. It's no wonder there's major flooding every time a hurricane hits. This whole place is only barely above sea level."

"I don't get why this is so fascinating to you," Tony said.

"It's geology. Thinking about what makes it the way it is and why and how long it can last. It's just really interesting."

"I think it's boring."

"It is. I agree."

"Boring, but interesting? How does that work?"

Tim smiled. "You'll never know, Tony."

"That's for sure."

They lapsed into silence, and Tony still thought this was a boring drive. Not a bad one, but there really was very little to see. A few small towns, what looked like they could be ranches, trees. It just wasn't really all that exciting.

"How do you look beyond the mistakes?"

The question came out of left field, and Tony wasn't ready for it.

"Huh?"

He looked over. Tim was leaning his head against the window, not looking at him.

"You keep saying that I'm this amazing person, but Tony, I really don't see it. Sometimes, I still struggle to keep myself on an even keel. Sometimes, all I can see is the horror. I never stay there for very long now, but it's still there. And I know that I've caused pain in other people. How do you see beyond that?"

"I don't," Tony said, hoping for a reaction.

He got it. Tim looked at him. Tony smiled.

"I mean it. I don't. I don't need to. You don't have to be perfect, Tim. I feel like a broken record telling you that, but it's still true. You're not perfect. Big deal. Neither am I. Yesterday being a prime example of that. I feel bad about it, but I don't expect you to ignore it. You've said you forgive me and I'm glad. So now, I'm just working on cleaning up the mess I made."

"Not really much of a mess."

"Still needs to be cleaned up...and no, that's still not why I paid you a compliment. In fact, it's not a compliment. It's just the truth. So there."

As he'd hoped, Tim did laugh a little.

"And no changing the subject now that you brought this up. You're still way too good at that. Why do you think you have to ignore your mistakes in order to be great?"

"I don't."

"Yeah, you do. Because that's all you ever talk about. It's like the mistakes you made forever disqualify you from being a great dad, but you're the only one who sees it that way."

Tim said nothing.

"You just need to look at yourself the way Tommy does."

"No," Tim said, laughing a little. "Tommy sees me as a superhero. I'm pretty sure that's not going to be a good replacement."

"I'll bet he doesn't. He's never asked you to fly or anything, has he?"

"No. You know what I mean. A lot of kids see their parents as invincible. It was hard for Tommy when I was sick. He'd never realized I _could_ be that way before, and he worried a lot. ...because nothing can happen to Dad. But that's not true. A lot of things can and have happened."

"You're just looking at details, Tim. Look at the big picture. It doesn't hurt to look at the good things sometimes. You don't have to forget the things you regret. You just need to balance it out a little bit."

Then, suddenly, Tim looked at him.

"And so do you," he said.

"Huh?"

"Instead of looking at the things you feel like you can't do very well because you didn't have a good example, look at what you're actually doing. Not what your dad _didn't_ do, what _you_ do. Tony, a lot of your stress is coming from thinking that you're at a disadvantage and that you'll mess up. And you don't...not like you think you will."

"Touché, Probie."

Tim smiled a little.

"If you tell me this was all a ploy to..."

"No. I just thought of it."

"You'd better not be lying, Probie."

"Promise."

"Then, well-played."

"Am I right?"

"Am I?" Tony retorted.

"Maybe."

"Oh, come on, Tim. Admit it! I'm right! If you're going to use _my_ arguments against me, then, they've _got_ to be right."

Tim laughed, but Tony could see that he was still reluctant to agree.

"I'm not going to drop this until you admit it, Tim."

"Why not?"

"Because in all of these road trips, you have never once admitted that you're actually a good guy, a great guy, that you do things right most of the time. You always are focused on the wrong things. So this time, no moving on until you admit that I'm right."

There was a long silence, and Tony looked over.

"Tim, why are you afraid of admitting it?"

Thankfully, Tim did answer this question.

"Because if I agree with you, I feel like I'm just jinxing myself to do something colossally stupid that could hurt people around me again."

"You do realize that it doesn't work that way, right?"

"Logically."

"No, Tim. Really, it doesn't work that way. Just say it. Admit that you're a good dad. Tommy isn't suddenly going to hate you if you do."

Another silence.

"Come on, Tim. We can both be good and amazing dads. Just say it. Repeat after me, 'I am a great dad.'"

"You keep moving the goalposts, Tony," Tim said, after a moment.

"No, I don't!"

"Yes, you do. First, it's good. Then, it's amazing. Now, it's great. I can't keep up," Tim said.

Tony glanced over and he could see that Tim was smiling.

"We'll go back to amazing, then. Say it with me, Tim. Repeat after me. I'm an amazing dad."

"Yes, you are," Tim said, still smiling.

"Nope. Not letting this go. Not until you say it, too. I'm an amazing dad. ...and if you don't, I'm going to hit you."

"Abuse isn't really the best way to make your point," Tim said.

"You're being tiresome and I know you're doing it on purpose. So give in because I'm not dropping this one. No matter how long it takes. You might be good at changing the subject when you want to, but I'm better at being annoying," Tony said. "This isn't going to stop until you do what I tell you."

Another silence.

"Say it with me, Tim," Tony said again.

"Tony..."

Tony looked over and he saw, even with Tim trying to keep joking, how uncomfortable he really was with talking about himself that way. He knew it, but he also knew that part of it was because Tim really didn't believe it. Tony couldn't get him to admit that part, but he could force him to say it about himself once. If he said it once, it would be easier a second time. So he forced himself to keep it light.

"I know you were a better student than this, Probie. Repeat after me. I'm an amazing dad."

Finally, Tim sighed. "All right, Tony. Fine. I'm an amazing dad."

"Excellent! I knew you could do it. Took a bit of time, and I'll bet you still don't believe it, but I got you to say it, and that's progress."

He glanced over again and saw Tim looking at him with a suspicious, raised eyebrow. Tony just smiled and kept on driving. It was quiet in the car for the next little while. Not awkward but quiet. However, that couldn't continue because they were making steady progress toward their destination.

"Okay, Tim. We're getting closer to Canaveral again. Find us a place to stay," Tony said.

"Do you want it to be _in_ Canaveral or just close by?" Tim asked while pulling out his phone.

"Same region so we don't have a long drive tomorrow, but that's all."

"Remember that you promised me nothing fancy tonight," Tim said.

"Promise. I won't push for it."

"Good because it's not happening. How about this one? It's the Inn at Cocoa Beach, just south of Canaveral. Two queens. Just a basic room but the pictures look pretty nice."

"How much?"

"Just over a hundred."

"I guess that will do. At least you're not making us stay in a Motel 6."

"I couldn't find one," Tim said drily.

Tony chuckled. "Book the room and tell me how to get there, Probie."

It only took another half an hour to get to the hotel, check in and go into their room. They had made it with at least an hour before they'd be getting dinner. Tony was glad of it. He lay down on the bed, ready to relax a little more.

...but apparently, Tim wasn't.

"Tony, I have a question for you," Tim said after a few minutes of silence.

"What?"

"I know this is going to worry you, and if the answer is no, that's fine."

"What are you talking about, Tim?" Tony asked, sitting up to look at him.

"Would you tell me what you and Gibbs talked about when you visited him in Key West?"

Tony didn't think he could be more shocked.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

"Uh..."

It wasn't the most eloquent thing he'd ever said before, but this was not something he had ever even considered being brought up...and he wasn't sure he wanted it to. This would not be a simple conversation, he was sure, and he really wanted something simple.

Then, he could see Tim realizing it.

"I'm sorry," he said. "You really don't have to. I know it's not really any of my business... and you were starting to relax. I'm sorry."

He stood up and started to walk over to the window.

"Tim... it's okay. It really is, but why do you want to know?"

"I'm... curious."

"Nope. That doesn't cut it. You barely want to talk about Gibbs at all. Even now, you barely ever mention him. Why do you want to know?"

Tim didn't turn around.

"Could you not ask me that?"

Tony felt his brow furrowing.

"Why not?"

Tim turned around, looking earnest.

"I have my reasons...and I don't want to tell you. Part of it really is curiosity, but that's not all of it, you're right. If you don't want to tell me, I'll drop it."

Tony wanted to push to know what Tim was thinking, where this sudden interest had come from, but he could see that Tim wouldn't say. It was either tell him without understanding or don't tell him at all. There would be no explanation at this point.

He didn't want to, really, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to relax _now_. Maybe he could still have some quiet time after this conversation.

"What do you want to know? I'm pretty sure I can't quote exactly what..."

"Did you talk about me?"

"Yeah, a little."

Tim walked back and sat down on his bed.

"What about me?" he asked.

"Tim... will you believe what I tell you?"

"What do you mean? I don't think you'd lie," Tim said, sounding surprised.

"No, I wouldn't, but I know how you feel about Gibbs, and what I tell you... I don't know if you'll want to believe it's true. So if I tell you, will you believe me?"

Tim was quiet for a few moments, and Tony was glad to see that he was thinking about it. Tim occasionally reacted without thinking when it came to Gibbs, and he didn't want that. If he was actually going to share some of this, Tim needed to be open to listening to it.

"Yes," Tim said, finally. "I will."

"Okay. I told Gibbs that we both knew he was intentionally isolating himself, and I said that I thought he was doing it to punish himself since he wasn't getting punished any other way."

Tim was quiet again. He looked down at the floor and then up again.

"And?"

"And he basically admitted it. I told him that I didn't think you would say he had to isolate himself."

Tim laughed a little bitterly. "No, I was very clear about what I thought of it."

Tony wanted to ask what he meant, but he didn't.

"He said that you didn't, but that he still deserved it. He said that he was responsible for Allison Jenkins getting killed, that he was the one who put Admiral Jenkins into the position of feeling the same way he'd felt when his first wife was killed. Until he could let that go, he deserved to be alone."

Tim still didn't say much, but his expression was one that Tony couldn't really read. Actually, it was the same as he'd seen when he'd told Tim that he didn't have to worry about Gibbs popping up again while they were on Key West because he'd decided to stay away from where they were.

"Is that all?" Tim asked.

"He asked if he had ruined your day."

"What did you say?"

"That he had, but only temporarily."

Tim nodded.

"I asked him how he knew about your case, and he wouldn't tell me who told him. He said he hadn't told you, either."

"He didn't...but there aren't too many choices since very few people knew about it."

"Well, very few officially. I'll bet more knew than you realized."

"Probably. Is that it? Nothing else?"

"Not about you. When he left the beach, he told me to take it easy on you, give you a chance to explain about the case and he told me not to hope for something that shouldn't happen."

"Meaning what?" Tim asked.

"That you'd forgive him. He doesn't think you should."

"Is that something you hope for?" Tim asked, a slight edge in his voice.

"Yeah, it is," Tony said, figuring he should be honest about it. "But I'd never push you to it. Tim, I've told you before that I'll support you in what you decide about Gibbs. What he did was far beyond just being wrong, and you're the one who suffered the most for it. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that I hope you can forgive him some day."

Tim just nodded without responding to Tony's declaration. It might have been the first time Tony had ever said it. He wasn't sure.

There was a long silence and Tim didn't say anything. He seemed to be thinking hard, and Tony wasn't sure what else to say...but he felt like there was something hanging in the air that he needed to address. At first, he wasn't sure what it was, but he still felt like there was something... so he just spoke again.

"Tim, you asked and I answered, but I mean it. What Gibbs did was too far, and there is no reason for you to forgive him if you don't feel you can, and there's no reason to feel guilty if you can't. I'm serious."

"I know you are," Tim said, almost absently. He took a deep breath. "Tony, I'm going to go out and sit on the beach for a little while. You can relax and then we'll get something for dinner in a little while."

"Tim..."

Tim just shook his head. "No, I'm fine, Tony. I just need to think for a little while. If you want to go out to the beach, I'll stay in here. Just for a little while."

Tony didn't like it when Tim started repeating phrases. That usually meant he was really bothered by something or preoccupied and was barely listening to anything.

"Tim," he said, trying again.

Tim shook his head again. "I'm not mad at you, Tony. Thanks for telling me. I just want to be by myself for a little while."

Another repetition.

"Half an hour," Tony said. "Then, you need to come back in so we can decide where to go for dinner, okay?"

"Okay."

"If you don't come in, I'm going out there after you," Tony said.

"Okay," Tim said again.

He grabbed his keys and left the room.

Tony sighed. He still had no idea why Tim had pushed to know what they'd talked about, especially when it seemed to have rattled him like that. He didn't know if it had been a good idea for him to answer. He didn't know if it was a good idea to let Tim go off by himself, even _just for a little while._

Deep breaths.

He lay down on the bed again and tried to just relax. Tim hadn't seemed angry at all, and Tony had tried to make it clear that he wasn't going to push Tim to do anything.

Deep breaths.

Relax.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim walked out of the hotel and to the beach. It was crowded. No big surprise there. He paused to take off his shoes and socks and then walked down to the water, weaving in and out of the crowds. He walked slowly, not in a rush, not wanting to get anywhere in particular. He just wanted to walk for a bit.

And try to reason it out in his head.

The thought that had come into his mind was starting to become more and more prominent. He still was resistant, though. He didn't want to do it. He wasn't sure he _could_ do it even if he _did_ want to. But he didn't want it at all.

But if he did...

Tim sighed.

He couldn't tell Tony about this because Tony would take it wrong, and if he failed as spectacularly as he thought he likely would, Tony would only be disappointed.

After a little while of walking in the water, Tim turned around and walked back toward the hotel. He found an empty patch of sand and sat down to stare out at the ocean. He gone for years thinking that there was no way he'd ever forgive Gibbs, that he couldn't even if he wanted to, that it was impossible to change the situation because of how bad it had been. Almost seven years after, and Tim could still put himself back into the house, back into that room...

...back in the echo chamber that had taken over his life.

Nothing Gibbs could do could fix it, and since he hadn't even _tried_ , Tim had never felt any interest in entertaining the thought of forgiveness. Nothing could make him forgive Gibbs. Nothing.

...until the thought had come to him that forgiving Gibbs would help Tony.

He had pushed it away initially. He hadn't ever said a word to anyone about it. Delilah hated Gibbs more than Tim did and she was vehemently against any measure of forgiveness because of what Tim had gone through and what the rest of the family had gone through by extension. Tony wouldn't like the way Tim's thoughts were trending. He'd deny it was necessary. Dr. Bourning... well, Tim didn't even want to know what Dr. Bourning would make of his thought. He'd always said that forgiveness was something that was individual. Some could do it. Some couldn't and there was no definite right or wrong in this situation. And everyone else left Tim feeling at different levels of awkward about even bringing it up.

So he had said nothing to anyone and tried to ignore it, but especially on this trip, when he'd seen how stressed out Tony was by far too many things, he knew that forgiving Gibbs would make Tony's life a little less stressful. Maybe not much, but a little bit.

And Tim still felt incapable of being of any help to Tony in anything at all.

But maybe he could do this.

Maybe.

_I don't want to._

That's what it always came back to. Tim really didn't _want_ to forgive Gibbs. Nothing, up to now, had ever made him consider changing his mind. And even this hadn't changed his mind really. It was just that niggling thought that wouldn't go away.

Tony's life would be easier if Tim could forgive Gibbs.

He didn't want it to be true, but it was. He knew it, and he knew Tony would deny it if he said it. He'd say that it didn't matter because Tim had never demanded anything from him about Gibbs. It was true, but Tim knew that Tony restricted his contact with Gibbs because he knew that Tim hadn't forgiven him...and Tim knew that Tony worried about Gibbs.

_Can I do this?_

Tim really wasn't sure he could. When the mere sight of Gibbs still had the ability to catapult him back into the worst experience of his life, how could he genuinely forgive him?

And yet...

_Gibbs has changed._

He had shown the concern Tim had wished to have seven years ago. He still carried around the photo Tim had sent him. Gibbs was different than he had been.

But...

It always came back to the fact that Tim didn't want to do it. He didn't even want to _try_. He didn't want it for himself. He didn't want it for Gibbs.

...but he did want it for Tony.

He sat there, staring out at the ocean, wondering if he could overcome his own reluctance to do this, not for himself but for his friend. He knew it wasn't for himself because he spent as much of his life as he could not even _thinking_ about Gibbs.

And it wasn't like he could actually lie about it, pretend that he had when he hadn't. Well, probably, he could, but he didn't want to lie about it. Either yes or no, none of this halfway, vacillating stuff. Either he did or he didn't.

Tim sighed and looked at his watch.

He needed to start back to the room so that he didn't make Tony worry more and come out looking for him.

_So I need to be over it by the time I get back._

He got up and started walking across the sand, still in his bare feet. When he got to the boardwalk leading over the dunes back to the hotel, he paused to put his shoes on. Then, he kept walking slowly.

 _Tony doesn't think I'll do it. It will never even cross his mind. Even if it did, he wouldn't ask because he doesn't think it's possible. He has other things to make him happy right now, and I can still look forward to seeing Daniel call him_ Dad _tomorrow._

That thought did make Tim smile. He knew Tony wasn't going to quite believe it until it happened, but just the idea of it made him happy.

_I can do this. I can ignore the Gibbs stuff and focus on what I know is going right._

Nodding to himself, Tim forced himself to increase his pace and he walked back to the room, pulled out his key and let himself in.

Tony was lying on the bed, but he wasn't asleep.

"Hey, Tony. I'm feeling hungry. You ready to find someplace for dinner?" Tim asked.

Tony sat up and looked him.

"Are you sure about that, Probie?"

"Yes. Aren't you hungry, too?" Tim asked, trying to sound completely normal.

The eyebrow went up in a silent (and slightly skeptical) question.

"I'm fine, Tony. I told you I was before...but now, I'm hungry," Tim said. "Any ideas?"

Tony still looked skeptical, but Tim could see that he was choosing to accept it.

"Let's see what there is, then," Tony said, pulling out his phone.

Tim nodded, feeling more relieved than anything.

Dinner was always a good way to feel better. He could hope it helped this time.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

Tony could tell that Tim was deliberately trying to act normal. Whatever was going through his mind, he had zero interest in sharing it at the moment. Tony wasn't particularly happy about that, but he did appreciate that Tim was _trying_ to keep things on an even keel after he'd nearly capsized the boat.

"How about this one?" Tim asked. "SharkPit Bar and Grill. They have a huge aquarium in it."

"Well, unless we're eating _in_ the aquarium, that doesn't tell us what the food is like, Probie," Tony said.

Tim smiled. "Looks like pretty typical sports bar food. Burgers, wings, pizza, sandwiches, some salads if you're feeling healthy."

"Not on this trip," Tony said. "Oh, hey. Look at this one! Rock the Guac. Mexican food. How do you feel about that?"

"It's fine," Tim said, pulling up the restaurant on his own phone.

"They claim to be the best on Space Coast."

"Of course, they do," Tim said, drily.

"Build your own burritos or tacos."

"How far is it from here?"

"Only a few minutes' walk, looks like. What do you think?"

"Sure. Let's do it."

"Great!"

They got their stuff and headed out of the hotel room. It was literally five minutes of walking time to get to the restaurant. It would have been faster but they missed one of the lights and had to wait for it to change.

As nearly all the restaurants had been so far, it was packed. The curse of traveling during peak vacation time. They had to wait for a while but eventually they got a seat. They ordered some chips and guacamole, of course. They couldn't _not_ get guacamole at a restaurant named for guacamole. Then, it was down to deciding what to get for their entrees.

"So what are you going to go for?" Tony asked.

"The quesadilla, I think," Tim said. "What about you?"

"The burrito."

"Let's see, and I want the black beans and white rice...and steak," Tim said as he continued looking over the menu.

Tony smiled as Tim mused over the toppings he was going to get. They both made their order and then waited. They'd decided to get jarritos instead of beer or wine just because. Then, they were sitting at the table and waiting.

Tony could tell that Tim was studiously trying to be normal, and he couldn't decide if he appreciated it or if he was annoyed by it.

"You ready to get the boys tomorrow?" Tim asked.

"Yeah, I am. I really want to know how it went," Tony said.

Tim nodded and smiled, but there was a slight tinge of sadness which took Tony by surprise.

"I'll bet I don't even have to ask Tommy to tell me anything," Tim said. "He'll start talking as soon as we see them."

"Start?" Tony asked. "He won't have stopped talking the entire week. He'll just be midsentence when he gets to us."

Tim laughed and that sadness vanished. Tony debated asking about it but decided he didn't want to at the moment.

"Hey, look. You can buy t-shirts," Tim said, pointing.

Tony looked and grinned.

"We are totally going to buy t-shirts, Tim," he said.

"Okay."

Their food came and they both dug in. It was very tasty even if it wasn't particularly adventurous.

"Good choice, Tony," Tim said. "I like it."

"I do my best."

"I know."

Again, there seemed to be more to it than just dinner choices. It was getting heavy even though they were both trying to keep it light. It wasn't working, so Tony made a decision to see if he could get Tim to talk about _something_. He was starting to see what Ducky had meant. When there was something to talk about, even if it was serious and they didn't want to be, it made things worse when they avoided it.

But it wasn't happening here. No way was Tony going to try to force Tim to talk about something he was clearly trying to avoid in a public space. So instead, they finished eating, paid their bill and bought a few t-shirts before heading out of the restaurant. While Tim was at the register, Tony quickly pulled out his phone to see how close they were to the beach. If they could walk to the beach, then, they could walk back to their hotel that way and maybe Tony could get Tim to talk a little bit. Then, he saw it. The perfect excuse and he was pretty sure Tim wouldn't be able to pass it up.

"What are you looking at, Tony?" Tim asked.

"Look at this, Tim!" Tony said, holding out his phone. "Alan Shepard Park! It's where people watch the rocket launches. It's only about a block from here. You want to see it?"

Tony could see the answer was yes, even if Tim was trying to decide whether or not he _should_ say yes.

"Then, we could just walk back to the hotel on the beach. I didn't get down to the beach today, and I have to walk on Cocoa Beach, just so I can say I did."

Tim smiled.

"Okay, fine. We'll walk on the beach."

"Excellent."

So instead of walking directly back to the hotel, they took a slight detour to Shepard Park. When they got to the entrance, there was a sign.

"Stand by the sign, Tim! It's the closest you'll come to meeting Alan Shepard," Tony said.

"Yeah, since he's been dead for 20 years," Tim said.

"Exactly! Go and pose!"

Tim rolled his eyes a little, but he went and stood by the sign. Tony took his picture and then, they walked down to the beach.

"Too bad there aren't any launches scheduled for today," Tony said.

"Yeah, but there's no way we'd luck out like that," Tim said, staring out at the ocean. "It's not like the whales where they're usually around every day. Launches are a little more rare."

"I know, but it would have been cool to see it."

"Yeah, it would," Tim said. "But not today."

They started walking slowly down the shore. There were still plenty of people out on the beach, but it was getting a little late and so it wasn't quite as packed. The sun was heading down toward the horizon to the west, and it made the sky a beautiful burst of pinks and purples and oranges. They took a few pictures, knowing that it couldn't come close to really showing what they were seeing, but it was gorgeous anyway. There wasn't much conversation. Tony didn't know what Tim was thinking, but he was wondering if he should just blurt out his question or if he should try to ease into it somehow.

"You know, this doesn't look much like cocoa to me," Tony said after a minute or two.

"Huh?" Tim asked. "I wasn't listening. What?"

"I said the beach doesn't look much like cocoa to me. I'd expect the sand to be really brown."

Tim looked down at the sand and then out at the water.

"Maybe it's the water that's supposed to be brown."

"Well, that's not brown, either," Tony said.

"It was probably founded by someone whose nickname was Cocoa or last name was Cocoa, or the first business was selling cocoa," Tim said. "It probably has nothing to do with the color of the beach at all."

"Don't ruin my fun, Probie," Tony said, grinning.

"You're the one who likes to look stuff up on your phone. I'll bet you could find the answer," Tim said.

"Yeah, but the real answer is probably disappointing. So I'm going to take a page from your book and not look it up."

Tim laughed a little, but Tony could tell his heart wasn't in it.

"Okay, Tim. What's up? I'm not even asking about all that other stuff that I know is still something but you don't want to tell me and I'll let you."

Tim's browed furrowed for just a moment.

"What? I'm not following."

"You looked bugged by something when we were in the restaurant. Why?"

Tim looked away from him. "Oh."

"Hey, come on. What's up?"

"Nothing, really."

"Yeah, it is. You always say that when you don't want to lie but you don't want to talk about it. I saw it, Tim! You were upset. It didn't last, but you still seem a little upset now and I can't figure out why."

"It's just..." Tim walked toward the water a little bit. Then, he bent over and took off his shoes so that he could walk in the surf.

"What?"

"I ruined this trip for you." He let out a bitter laugh. "Again."

"What? No, you didn't. The only issue was with Gibbs and that was hardly your fault. Why would you think it was all ruined?"

Tim looked at him. "Because you're ready for this part to be over."

"Huh?"

"I asked if you were ready to pick up the boys and you said you were."

"You're not?"

"You've needed a break," Tim said. "You said that on the first day, but you didn't get it. So I ruined it for you. I really tried not to. I really wanted this to be the break you needed to have and I failed. Just like I always do when I try to do something for you. And we both know it."

"You got all that from me saying I was ready to see my son tomorrow? Tim, that's overboard even for you!"

"No. It was just the last confirmation." Tim sighed and walked away from the water. Then, he plopped down onto the sand and stared out at the surf. "You can deny it all you want, Tony, but we both know that I'm utterly incompetent when it comes to doing anything for you, and I know you don't want to deal with this now, either. So you don't need to. We can just drop it and move on...and look forward to the end of this trip."

Tony rolled his eyes, walked over and took a daring step. He wasn't sure if he should do it or not, or what kind of reaction he'd get. He just knew he'd get something. Maybe it would be enough.

He smacked Tim on the back of the head.

"Hey!" Tim protested, looking more than a little angry at the action.

Tony didn't give him a chance to say more than that. He needed to talk while he had Tim's full attention. Who knew how long it would last.

"Tim, knock it off! I don't know what it will take to break through this... this never-ending loop you seem to have playing in your brain all the time that you're a failure. You're not! Listen to me and listen to me closely. You. Are. Not. A. Failure! You're my friend. You're my brother. You're the only person who has got me to admit that my family is a little overwhelming at the moment. You are the one who broke through my determination not to care about my dad dying. You're the one who gave me a family when I didn't even realize how much it would mean to me. Stop thinking that you're not doing the right thing. I don't think there _is_ a right thing to do in my case, and that's what makes it so hard. Yeah, part of me wanted you to figure it out, but I'm seeing more and more that it won't work that way. This isn't a trauma that's keeping me from seeing reality. It's just life being a little more difficult than I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong. It's hard right now, but there's no easy solution to it. You were right. I need to talk to Jo about it. That will probably do more than anything else I've tried...since I've tried pretty much nothing. And you told me that, too. You were right! So stop thinking you're always wrong! You're not! You say I'm bad about that when I critique my parenting skills. Well, you're worse when it comes to yourself. You're so afraid of being wrong that you can't even admit that you're good at something. And I know some of this is stuff you can't help, but some of it you can. It's got to be because you're not always like this. So snap out of it!"

"I–"

"And if you apologize to me one more time, I'm going to hit you again!" Tony said, interrupting quickly.

There was a moment when they were staring at each other, both upset...and then, almost at the same time, there was a sudden release of the tension and they both laughed a little.

Then, Tim sighed and looked out at the ocean.

"I don't know if I can blame this on my PTSD or if I'm just that stupid," he said.

"You're not stupid."

"I know," Tim said and sighed again. "But it's always right there and it's so easy to fall into it. I try not to, but sometimes, I just can't do anything else. I have to fall in. And I know it makes it harder for you. I don't want to. I really don't."

"Tim, if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that you don't want to make things hard for me," Tony said, drily. "You work so hard at that... that you make things harder for me."

Tim smiled, but he still looked a little disappointed in himself. No big surprise there.

"This is probably one of our worst road trips ever."

"Nah," Tony said. "I wouldn't say it's our best by any means, but it's definitely not the worst. The worst ones, I was worried that you'd kill yourself or completely fall apart or something like that. This time... not the greatest, but you're not in a mental fog. My dad didn't just die. You aren't dealing with severe psychological trauma."

"I'm not?" Tim asked, skeptically.

"Not new stuff. Just old stuff and that's not severe anymore," Tony said, waving his hand in the air. "We saw some cool stuff, had some fun."

"Not enough," Tim said, dourly.

"Shut up. We ate at some great places, and we had a whole morning where we just laid around and relaxed on the beach. That was great. It was only two days that weren't the best, and even then, they weren't uniformly bad, just a little bad and it spilled over onto other things a little."

"Uh-huh," Tim said, still sounding skeptical.

"I'm serious, Tim. Up until two days ago, you were having a lot of fun. This stuff with Gibbs doesn't negate the other fun stuff."

"Feels like it did."

"Well, it didn't, so stop feeling that way."

Tim laughed and sighed again.

"I know," Tony said. "It's not what you wanted. You wanted to do something great to help me, to fix things. You wanted both of us to have a lot of fun on this trip."

"...and it was me getting sick that put us here in the first place," Tim said. "We would have gone to Banff instead. No way would Gibbs be part of sailing expo there. Then, you wouldn't have had to deal with all my crap again."

Tony laughed at the image of Gibbs hauling his sailboat into the Canadian Rockies.

"No, that's true. Well, let me turn something you taught me around on you. Family lesson 101."

Tim looked at him in surprise. Tony grinned.

"You're never too busy for family. And I'll extend that to say that it's never too much... at least if both of you are working on it. I've got a lot on my plate. You've got a lot on your plate. We both do, and it's not a problem if we both need help sometimes. Your stuff isn't the same as my stuff. We can't help each other in the same way. Just isn't going to happen...because your stuff is work stuff. My stuff is home stuff. It can't be the same, Tim. What you have to do is break through my worries about ruining my family and get me to admit that it's what I'm worrying about. I have to break through your worries about yourself. And guess what. We both do a pretty good job of it when it's necessary."

Tim opened his mouth.

"And you're not allowed to disagree," Tony said, quickly.

Tim laughed...and didn't say anything, so Tony knew he was right about what Tim was going to say.

"So...tomorrow, we pick up the boys. You said you had a couple of ideas for stops on our way back up."

"Yeah...but maybe we shouldn't bother," Tim said. "They'll be so happy about all the space camp stuff anything else will seem lackluster in comparison."

"No, we absolutely should," Tony said. "The boys will be excited, and we need some last fun things to do to finish out the trip. What were you thinking?"

"Well, I was thinking that we could take the coastal roads and stop at Kittyhawk and Roanoke," Tim said. "But..."

"No buts. That sounds cool. We should do it. Besides, after learning about rockets, it'll bring them back to earth to learn about the _beginning_ of flying."

"Not to earth," Tim said with a bit of a smile.

"Huh?"

"Not to earth. To the atmosphere. The plane did fly."

Tony smiled, glad that Tim was making a lame science joke.

"Either way, it still sounds cool. I like the idea, and I really _do_ like it. No questioning."

Tim laughed at that, and his smile didn't waver, a sure sign that he was getting back out again.

What surprised Tony was that, even with yet another time when he had to help Tim out of his doldrums, he really didn't feel worse. He was glad to see Tim feeling better. He was glad that Tim had listened to him. He was glad that this might be the end of another lackluster moment, with hope for things getting a lot better.

...and he wasn't worn out by the effort. It was a surprise...and it was a good one.

"You ready to get back to our hotel for one more quiet night?"

"Yeah, but you know, it'll be quiet once Tommy falls asleep."

"Ha. I think he'll keep talking even then."

"He stops. Promise."

Tony got up and then put out his hand. Tim paused and then took it, letting Tony help him up. They brushed off the sand and kept walking.

When they got back to the hotel room, Tim went into the bathroom first. Tony decided to call Jo. If he didn't do this now, he might talk himself out of it by the time he got home.

" _Tony! Daniel called me once and he was a little anxious but he was still having a great time. How's it been going for you?"_

"Good and bad."

" _You didn't say anything about that before."_

"I know. I was trying not to, but I just want to prime the pump before I get home, so I can't weasel out of it."

" _Out of what?"_

"Grace isn't right there eavesdropping is she?"

" _No. She's hanging out with some of her friends. They went to a movie. I'll be prodding her to get home in another hour."_

Tony chuckled. "Good."

" _What is it, Tony?"_

"I've been feeling a little... overwhelmed lately."

" _From what?"_

"This isn't going to sound right. That's why I didn't want to talk about it. So please let me stumble through it and then we can talk more when I'm home."

" _Okay. Shoot."_

"I'm really stressed out about being...a dad."

" _Tony..."_

"Let me get it out."

" _Right. Okay."_

"I love all the kids. I really do, but trying to do everything right is... I don't feel like I am, and I don't know how and... and I'm not sure I can handle it. I just... I think I need some help doing this and figuring out what to do because I'm fumbling."

There was a moment of complete silence.

" _Tony... you've seemed so completely calm and collected... It never even crossed my mind. Why didn't you tell me before?"_

"Because I talked myself into believing that it was nothing, that if I said something, I'd be saying that I didn't want my family. Tim convinced me to admit it."

" _Good. I'm glad he did. Tony, I know you've struggled with this before, but I thought you were doing okay."_

"I was... but I'm not."

Jo chuckled. Tony was relieved.

" _Okay. I'll take this over a mid-life crisis. Tony, we'll talk more when you get home. Thank you for telling me, and we'll get through it."_

"Okay."

" _And Tony?"_

"Yeah?"

" _I love you. Have fun your last couple of days, okay?"_

"I'll try."

" _Good."_

"Love you."

" _Bye, Tony."_

"Bye."

Tony hung up. He sighed with relief. That had gone all right.

Tim came out.

"Tim?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Tim's brow furrowed.

"For what?"

"I talked to Jo. Thanks."

Tim looked confused for a moment, but then, he smiled.

"Oh. You're welcome. Your turn in the bathroom."

"Yeah."

Tony went in and took his time getting ready for bed. By the time he came out, Tim was already asleep. ...or at least pretending to be.

That was a good idea, actually. He got into bed and followed suit.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

Tim opened his eyes when he heard the bathroom door close. It was morning. What time, he didn't know, but there was light outside. He was glad. He'd slept, but as he had somewhat expected, the doldrums had brought on some irregular sleep patterns. He might have to let Tony drive mostly today. He didn't really want to, but it might end up being necessary depending on how quickly his energy flagged. However, they weren't in any rush this morning. The graduation wasn't until later and they couldn't get the boys until then.

So why get up now?

Tim rolled over and closed his eyes again, hoping to get some more sleep.

After a few minutes, he did feel himself relaxing again and he was almost asleep when the bathroom door opened. The sound startled him a little bit, but he tried to stay still and hope that Tony wouldn't decide it was time for him to be up right now. He could still get a little more sleep.

It stayed quiet.

Tim tried to go to sleep, but then, he started worrying about what Tony was doing and whether or not he was feeling impatient. Irritated at himself, he tried to let that go and relax since it was obvious that Tony wasn't going to wake him up. ...but no. Now, that he'd thought of the possibility that Tony might be wishing he was up, Tim couldn't possibly go back to sleep. Mentally kicking himself, he rolled over and opened his eyes.

And then, he mentally kicked himself again.

Tony looked like he had got back in bed. Tim looked at the clock and it wasn't even six a.m. yet. The sun wasn't up. It was just less dark. They hadn't thought to close the heavy blackout curtain.

Doubly-irritated, Tim rolled back over and tried to relax once more. He wasn't sure how long it took, but he started to get rid of his tension the longer he stayed still. As he lay there, his thoughts from the day before began to flit through his mind in the vague way that being half-asleep creates. It bounced around from Gibbs to Tony to himself to Tommy to Daniel, back home to the rest of his family, all over the place, each topic vaguely connected to the one before. How, Tim couldn't really say, but in his half-asleep brain, it was perfectly clear.

And then, as he had feared, it shifted from vague thoughts to vague nightmares. Dearing, Allison Jenkins, the faked kidnapping began to take over and he started to struggle to get out of the dream.

He was stuck fast in it. He couldn't open his eyes, no matter how much he wanted to. He seemed paralyzed, unable to escape. Part of him knew it was just a dream, but most of him was starting to panic that he couldn't get out of it.

"Tim, wake up."

The voice was welcome, but he couldn't open his eyes to see who it was.

"Come on, Tim. Time to wake up. Open your eyes."

There was a light tap on his face. For some reason, that broke through all the bindings and Tim opened his eyes, sitting up quickly and looking around for...

"Tony," he said, breathlessly.

Tony looked a little concerned, but this time, Tim didn't care. He just focused on trying to get rid of that dream...or that series of dreams. He breathed deeply and tried to reconnect with the real world around him.

"You okay?" Tony asked.

"Yeah," Tim said, vaguely.

"Bad dreams?"

"Yeah," Tim said again.

"Tim?"

"Yeah?"

Tony laughed a little.

"Focus, please. What was it you were dreaming?"

Tim blinked a little as the miasma of images faded to their rightful places in his subconscious mind.

"Bits and pieces of the same old," he mumbled. "Don't really want to talk about it. What time is it?"

"Maybe you should," Tony said. "It's after eight."

"Good. I can get up, then," Tim said. "The dreams aren't anything new, Tony. I don't need to discuss them every time they happen. You need the bathroom?"

"Nope. I'm fine. I'll bet you don't discuss them every time."

"No, I don't. I'll be out in a minute."

Then, Tim walked into the bathroom and closed the door. No matter what Tony said, he did _not_ want to be discussing things with Tony right now. Not the morning before they picked up Tommy and Daniel and had to keep things as light as possible. He didn't want to talk about the nightmares he still had, the new ones he was now having, what they might mean, or anything like that. He just wanted to set the dreams aside and look forward to seeing his son.

As he got ready for the day, he was able to relax a little. He took a little longer in the bathroom than he would have normally, but it gave him the time he needed to calm down.

When he left the bathroom, he just hoped that Tony would leave it. Even though the diagnosis wasn't new, Tim still hated being told that his lingering problems were actually PTSD. It made him feel weak because he wasn't a soldier coming back from war. He wasn't anything special. He'd just had a bad experience and he should be able to let it go.

...but the plain fact of the matter was that he couldn't, not completely. Not yet. Maybe not ever. He hated it, but he had to admit it. He just didn't want to have to harp on it all the time.

Tony didn't say anything as he walked by Tim to go into the bathroom. Tim was glad, but they had hours to go before heading to Kennedy. He focused his attention on making sure he had everything, including his souvenirs all neatly packed away.

He heard Tony come out and he continued to studiously check his things.

Then, Tony laughed.

"How long are you going to pretend you're packing, Tim?"

Tim straightened and turned around.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, right. We were only here overnight, not for a week. You barely took anything out of your bag. So you're fine."

"Yes. I am," Tim said, significantly.

Tony sat down.

"Tim, my knowing that your doctor said you have PTSD doesn't make me think any less of you."

"Good," Tim said, still not wanting to get into it. He turned back to his bag.

"So stop trying to ignore things."

Tim spun back around. "I'm not! Tony, I live with this every day! Yes, there are times when it's worse than usual and I need help, but this is not that time. I'm fine! I had a nightmare. It happens. A lot. I'm not ignoring it. I'm putting it to the side because I _can_ this time. I can't always, but this time I can. Please, just let me set it aside."

Tony raised an eyebrow at him. Tim just stared at him, silently begging him to let him escape it this time.

"Okay. As long as you're telling the truth this time and you aren't trying to just deal with something on your own that you know you can't."

"I'm not doing that."

"Okay." Tony suddenly smiled. "Then, stop pretending to pack."

Tim couldn't help it. He laughed and then closed his bag.

"How about breakfast?" Tim suggested.

"Okay. Let's do that."

"Where should we go?"

"Here?"

"Nah. Let's branch out."

Tony smiled and pulled out his phone. He started to search.

"Sunrise Diner, about half a mile from here?"

"Sure. Sounds good. Let's do it," Tim said.

"In a hurry?"

"Yeah. It's already late and I'm hungry."

"Shouldn't have slept so late, then," Tony said.

"Yep. My fault. Let's go."

"You want to walk?"

"First thing in the morning? Absolutely."

"We'd get there faster if we drove."

"We can walk off the calories we're going to eat," Tim said.

He started to pretend to push Tony out of the room.

"Let's go!"

"Okay, okay. Sheesh. You'd think you'd never eaten before."

"I've forgotten," Tim said.

Tony stopped resisting, and Tim stopped pushing. They left the room and walked to the diner. It looked like an old-fashioned diner, and the menu was just like that, too. It looked great to Tim. He really was feeling hungry.

"What are you going to get?" Tony asked.

"A stack of pancakes, maybe with a side of hashbrowns. You?"

"I'm thinking an omelet."

"What kind?"

"Oooh, I'm going Mediterranean. And I'll get a side of home fries."

"Okay."

They both ordered. Tim got milk along with his usual coffee, and Tony ordered orange juice along with his coffee. This wasn't a gourmet place. It was basically a typical American breakfast, even though Tony's omelet was Mediterranean. All in all, it was nice to have something simple and filling. Tim enjoyed it and while they ate, they talked about the route they would take to get back to D.C. Tim was glad that Tony seemed to have taken him seriously in his request to let him set aside the nightmare. It was allowing him to start dislodging the weight in his stomach that had settled in with Gibbs' first appearance and hadn't really ever been allowed to dissipate fully. But now, Tim could honestly say it seemed to be getting better. And if he was right, Tony seemed to be lightening up a bit, too.

They lingered over breakfast, not in any kind of a rush, and then, headed back to the hotel. They took a meandering route, not hurrying at all, and they went back to the beach without even talking about it. It was about mid-morning now, and there were a lot of people out, enjoying the sand and the water. They walked along toward the hotel, and Tim still felt bad about how this trip had turned out. No matter what Tony said, this was different because Tim _wasn't_ in dire straits and he still had managed to ruin things. Even when Tony's dad had died, they'd still had a lot of fun. Tony didn't ruin things when his life took difficult turns. Meanwhile, Tim could ruin it just by being there.

"Knock it off, Tim."

"Huh?"

"I can see it by the expression on your face, you're mentally kicking yourself again," Tony said. "Knock it off."

Tim looked over at Tony, but Tony was just looking out at the ocean. Tim didn't know what to say to that because Tony was absolutely right, but Tim didn't think they needed to talk about it yet again.

"If you want to set aside your nightmares, set that stuff aside, too. It'll make it easier," Tony said. "For both of us."

Tim didn't like that kind of blackmail, but he knew it was true, too. That's what was so frustrating about when he got into these funks. It wasn't that he didn't know it would be better for everyone if he just dropped it.

"I can't," he said, finally, hating to admit it but trying to do what he knew he should. "The nightmares are easier."

"That figures. Only you would find it easier to set aside nightmares of the worst times in your life than to set aside this stupid idea that you ruined our trip."

Interestingly enough, Tony didn't sound upset himself. A little resigned, yes, but not upset. And Tim didn't think he was pretending. Was it just that this was so depressingly normal that...

"Why can't you?" Tony asked, interrupting another litany before it could really get going.

"I don't know," Tim admitted. "It's just easier to believe."

"Well, stop taking the easy way out, then."

"Sometimes, it's just better _because_ it's easier," Tim said.

This whole conversation was weird, Tim decided. Neither of them were expressing any real emotion. It was like they were discussing the weather, not Tim's mental health. It was so calm. It was just weird.

"How much of this does Delilah know?"

"Most of it."

"What about Dr. Bourning?"

"Pretty much all of it."

"What does he say?"

"That I should try to fight against what's easier to believe, but he knows sometimes, I just don't want to."

"And?"

"And as long as I keep trying, it's okay to slip sometimes...but I had really hoped I wouldn't on this trip. I'd been doing so much better, even with that... case. I had hoped that it would be the perfect time to go...and not make you have to do anything for me besides ease off on some of the plans."

"It was working, you know."

"I know. I just didn't think that seeing Gibbs again would be enough to ruin it."

"It wasn't. There was some damage but nothing was permanently ruined."

"Are you sure?" Tim asked...suddenly realizing that, no matter what Tony was thinking, _he_ was thinking about more than just the trip. Was this enough to make Tony give up? But he didn't ask, didn't make it specific.

"Positive. Remember that you don't give up on family, Tim."

Tim glanced over and saw a smile on Tony's face. He knew what Tony was thinking. This was one of the "lessons" Tim had given him on their last road trip, and he knew that Tony was feeling a little bit of satisfaction at being able to turn Tim's lecture back on him. So he knew what Tim meant.

Finally, Tim stopped and faced Tony directly.

"I know it's hard being my friend, Tony. It's even harder being my family sometimes. I don't want to make your life miserable."

Tony smiled a little and put his hands on Tim's shoulders.

"You haven't made my life miserable, Tim. That's what you need to realize. Even if this trip _was_ ruined...which I say it wasn't and since apparently I'm all that matters, then, you have to listen to me when I say that... even _if_ this trip was ruined, it's a week. One week doesn't ruin everything. It doesn't make every moment hard. It doesn't make the whole year difficult. It really doesn't. So just take a breath and relax. Let that worry go along with your nightmares...because it's really not as bad as you seem to think it is. My life has not been ruined just because there were a couple of lackluster days."

"I'll try," Tim said...and that was really all he could promise.

"Good. I'll take that. Now, let's get back to the hotel. We should probably plan on getting over to Kennedy early so we can find a spot to park and a spot to sit. I have no idea how many people will be at this thing."

"Me, neither."

"Okay. Let's go."

Tim nodded and they went back to the hotel, gathered their stuff and headed off to what would be the last leg of the trip, with the boys in the car again.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

The graduation lasted more than an hour, and they had to stay for the whole thing because Daniel was in one age group and Tommy in another. However, it was worth it. Tony watched as Tim excitedly applauded as Tommy's team came onto the small stage, almost all wearing blue flight suits. Tony could see Tim's happiness at how excited Tommy was. When Tommy saw Tim and Tony, his grin got even wider, and it was only with effort that he didn't start waving at them. They moved through all the groups quickly, but it was still a lot of kids and so it took a while. When the older age group came out, Tony could easily spot Daniel, as he was taller than almost all the other kids. Tony was also happy to see that Daniel appeared to be feeling no anxiety. This was one time when he was simply enjoying his experience. Even though it had cost extra, Tony was glad that they'd both decided to pay for the flight suits for Tommy and Daniel. It made everything seem more official somehow.

Finally, the graduation was over and there were masses of kids moving every which way. And even though Tommy and Daniel had been here for a week without any of the family there, Tony was amused to see a little bit of concern on Tim's face as he looked for his son in the chaos. Tony watched out for Daniel and spotted him quickly. He started waving to get his attention, not bothering to shout amid all the other noises.

Eventually, Daniel saw him and smiled widely. He started making his way through the crowd, but he kept looking back and Tony couldn't tell why, until finally, he was almost there and Tony was thrilled to see that he had already tracked down Tommy and was making sure the much shorter boy could keep up. Then, they could both move more quickly and Tommy darted over and grabbed Tim around the waist, hugging him tightly.

"Dad! Did you see me? I was the mission specialist...well, one of the mission specialists! I got to help make a Mars colony! And we went to the International Space Station in a simulation and did you know that the space station is usually just called the ISS? That's the acronym. And..."

Tony watched and saw one of the most interesting silent exchanges ever. As he walked to Tony, Daniel suddenly looked over at Tim and made eye contact. Tim's expression was complete understanding and he nodded encouragingly before refocusing on Tommy's continuing explanation of what he'd done at the space camp.

"Daniel, did you enjoy it?"

"Yeah, I did," Daniel said. He swallowed and looked a little nervous.

"If you wait until Tommy stops talking, we'll be back in D.C.," Tony said. "Come on, let's get out this room to where we can hear each other!"

Daniel nodded and they all made their way out of the building. As they went, Daniel waved to some other kids, Tommy shouted good-bye to some kids that looked to be around his age. One girl wearing a hijab waved and Tony noticed Daniel duck his head a little and then wave back.

"Someone you know?" Tony asked.

"Her name is Muna. She was on my team. She was nice," Daniel said, sounding embarrassed, but he craned his neck to see her again as she walked in the opposite direction.

Finally, they were outside and while it was still packed with people, it was less noisy.

Tommy was still talking.

"And there was a girl in my group. She was so smart! She came up with this really neat idea for a greenhouse in our colony, even though there's not very much sunlight but it would gather the sunlight and..."

"So...um..." Daniel hesitated for a second and then, he smiled hesitantly. "...Dad, did you guys have fun on your trip?"

It was all Tony could do not to just grab his son in a giant hug. He didn't, but he knew that Tim was watching him, even while listening to Tommy, and he couldn't help but smile and then squeeze Daniel's arm for a moment.

"Not as much fun as Tommy, I think," Tony said.

Daniel laughed and relaxed.

"We ate a lot of the meals together, not all of them, but some. He wanted to tell me everything and he wanted me to tell him everything. The others on my team loved him."

"Did he do anything with his own team?"

"Oh, yeah. He did, but he was always excited to see me."

"Okay, Tommy, take a breath for a second," Tim said, suddenly. "Daniel how was your group? What did you do?"

"Dad, can we go to the gift shop? I want to buy a pin!"

"Sure. Tony, you mind?"

"Nope."

"Okay, we can talk while we walk. Did you do any of the Mars stuff?" Tim asked.

"Yeah, we did. We had an extended simulation that lasted almost a full day. We had to plan for everything we needed and how to get around. It was neat."

"What was the best part?"

"The SCUBA diving," Daniel said without hesitation. "We got to feel neutral buoyancy and it's some of the same stuff that real astronauts do in their training. I didn't like the trainer, though. Tommy liked it."

"I loved it!" Tommy said. "We didn't have controls, though, like the real astronauts did. I'll bet I could have fixed it."

They got into the gift shop, and there were a lot of others there, too. Tommy went straight over to the pins and grabbed one. Then, he checked in his pockets for his money. He grabbed Tim's arm and pulled him down to whisper in his ear. Tim grinned and nodded. Then, he got another one. Tony didn't think anything of it. Something else caught his eye.

"Oh, I need to buy some Space Camp tube socks," he said.

"Tube socks? Why?" Daniel asked.

"Because you run faster when you're wearing tube socks."

"Yeah, right."

"Works for me," Tony said. "Pick something for you and something for Ivan and Grace."

"Okay."

Daniel grabbed a football for himself. Then, he picked up a frisbee for Grace and a towel for Ivan. It was soft and fuzzy and would be perfect for him. Tony also got a key chain for Jo so she'd get two from him and then looked over where Tommy was trying to convince Tim to get a bean bag toss game.

"Tommy, we're not spending over 50 dollars on a game like this. You'll use it once and then forget about it. Let's just find something for your mom and your sisters."

"Dad...can we get something for Tim?" Daniel asked.

It wasn't quite natural, but Tony felt a little thrill again. He smiled and looked over.

"I know Tim loves this stuff, but he's trying to be responsible. Can we get him something while he's not looking?"

"Sure. Let's do it. Nothing too expensive. He'll feel like he has to do the same for us."

"Okay."

"And we'll need to wait to give it to him until we drop them off."

"Why?"

"So that he can't protest and make us put it back."

Daniel laughed.

"Okay."

While Tim was helping Tommy pick out some t-shirts and a couple of small gifts for the girls, Tony and Daniel found something perfect for Tim. It wasn't expensive, and it was a little goofy, but it was perfect.

It was a mug with the NASA logo on it and it read _It's not rocket science... Oh, wait. Yes, it is!_ For Tim, it was perfect. Then, Daniel found another insulated camper mug that read _Just give me space_. Again, it was perfect. In the end, they decided to buy both of them. In fact, they took their purchases and bought them all before Tim and Tommy were done.

"Are you going to finish anytime soon?" Tony asked when they were done with their purchases.

Tim looked up.

"Yes. Tommy is just deciding whether Evelyn would want a yellow shirt or a blue shirt. And he has ten seconds to decide."

Tommy looked at Tim and nodded. He started to point at both of them, clearly doing _eenie, meenie, miney, moe_. Tim rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. Tommy ended by pointing at the yellow one. He grabbed it and Tim took it.

"Okay. Nothing else, Tommy. That's all we're getting. Let's get in line."

"We'll wait outside," Tony said, hoping for a couple of minutes with Daniel before they got into the car.

"We'll be there when we get through," Tim said.

Tony gave him the thumbs up and then left the gift shop. When they got out to the parking lot, there was a moment of awkward silence. It was the chance Tony wanted, but he wasn't sure how to address it without making Daniel feel uncomfortable.

Then, to his surprise, Daniel brought it up himself.

"Do you mind?" Daniel asked.

Tony didn't make him say what he meant. He turned to him and shook his head.

"Not even a tiny bit, not even a smidgen," he said, smiling. "Not even whatever the smallest bit of something is."

Daniel laughed but then he looked earnest.

"It's just that... Grace and me were talking about it one night... and Grace said that we should stop thinking of the people who had us as our parents. They weren't parents. They were just people. You guys are. And maybe it would be better if we looked at it that way instead. ...but we weren't sure how to start when we hadn't been. So it's okay?"

Now, Tony didn't care who was watching or anything like that, he set down the bag of their souvenirs and he pulled Daniel into a big hug.

"More than okay, Daniel," he said, trying not to be too mushy. "You've made my whole year."

Daniel hugged him back tightly.

"Thanks, Dad," Daniel whispered.

"You're welcome."

Then, after a moment, Daniel pulled back and he looked almost teary himself.

They stared at each other for a moment and then, the moment ended when Tommy came running over to them and started talking at high speed again. Tony gave Daniel a one-armed side hug and then let him go as Tim caught up. He looked at them and he just smiled without speaking. This was the kind of moment when Tony couldn't figure out how Tim could ever consider himself a failure. He seemed to grasp some things in an instant without any difficulty. He was so good at it. How could he think he wasn't? Then, Tommy proved that Tim had passed a little of that on to Tommy already.

"Daniel, I got you something!" Tommy said.

"Tommy, we were both at the camp together. What could you–?"

Tommy pulled a pin out of the bag of souvenirs.

"I bought myself a pin, but you were so nice about letting me eat with you and so I didn't get scared at all while I was here and you didn't ignore me or anything. So you should have a space camp pin like mine!"

He handed the pin to Daniel who looked at Tim for a moment.

"Tommy bought it with his own money," Tim said. "It was his idea and he had some money left over."

Daniel looked down at Tommy and smiled.

"Thanks, Tommy."

"You're welcome!"

"Okay, let's get going," Tim said. "Tony, are you okay to drive?"

Tony raised an eyebrow and Tim just shrugged without comment.

"Can do. So, you two, we're going to get a little bit of history in on our way back."

"History?" Daniel asked. "We just spent all week doing science! In the summertime!"

"This is cool history," Tim said. "We're just going to stop at a couple of places and see them and we're taking the coast roads so it'll take us a little longer to get home."

"Yes!" Tommy said, happily. "I love the scenic route!"

"The what?" Daniel asked.

"The scenic route! It always takes longer because that means we're on small roads where you have to drive slower and sometimes you get stuck behind a _really_ slow car and so everything takes longer!"

"That doesn't sound like a good thing," Daniel said.

"It is!" And then, Tommy said one of the things that Tony knew always got to Tim. "It means we get to hang out together longer! And that's a good thing!"

Then, Tommy paused for a second.

"Isn't it?" he asked, a hint of uncertainty.

And Daniel stepped up as Tony had hoped he would.

"Yes, it is. You're right. The only time it matters is if we have to get somewhere fast, like when we went to the camp."

"Right!"

"Then, let's get on the road!" Tony said.

They all got into the car and started heading northward.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"How far are we going to go today?" Daniel asked. "It's only just after noon and I'm hungry."

"Not enough freeze-dried ice cream?" Tony asked.

"Tony, they only had that once and no one liked it, remember? Dad already told you," Tommy said.

Tony looked over at Tim who was trying not to laugh.

"How could I forget that? Well, keep on the lookout for a fast food place. We can stop quick and eat it in the car."

"There's a McDonald's!" Tommy said, almost instantly.

"We'll save a little money finally," Tim said in a low voice.

"Not with Daniel in the car," Tony said.

Tim chuckled.

They stopped and got some food at the Golden Arches, and then it was back on their way. Once he'd eaten about half his food, Daniel remembered his first question again.

"So where are we going to stop today?"

"I think we could probably get up to Charleston," Tim said. "What do you think?"

"How far is that?" Tommy asked.

Tim turned back and held out the atlas. "Are you ready to figure it out, Mission Specialist McGee?"

Tommy grinned and took the atlas quickly, forgetting to finish his fries. He opened up to a map of the United States and began studying it to find where they'd started and where they were going. Tim saw Daniel look at him, but he didn't say anything more. Right now, Tommy found this kind of exercise fun. If he did, there was no reason to point out that he was doing math or anything else. It was just fun.

"It's about 400 miles from here to Charleston!" Tommy said after a few minutes of studious silence.

"Okay. Tony, what's the speed limit?" Tim asked.

"Seventy," Tony said. "But I'll bet we don't get that the whole time."

"That's okay. You speed whenever you can," Tim said, grinning.

"Ha."

"Okay, Tommy. We're going 70 mph."

Tommy pulled out a piece of paper and started doing some math. Tim let him use a calculator sometimes, but he wanted Tommy to know how it worked without one, too.

"Five point seven hours," Tommy said. Then, his brow furrowed. "How long is point seven hours?"

"That's doing decimals. You haven't had to do that yet," Tim said.

"Teach me, Dad!"

Tim smiled. It didn't matter how many times it happened. He always loved it when Tommy asked him for help or asked him to do something. No matter how simple or how complex, Tim loved it.

"Okay. It's multiplying that you've started doing, but with fractions...only, we're using the decimal point instead of the fraction. They basically mean the same thing. Now, we need to figure out how much is point seven of sixty. But why sixty?"

Tommy thought for a moment.

"There are 60 minutes in an hour!"

"That's right. So multiply 60 times .7."

"How do I do the point?"

"Just do 60 times 7 first."

Tommy did it.

"It's 420."

"Okay, now, here's how you do the point. You pretend that there's a point after the zero and you move it to the left one place."

Tommy drew a point and then moved it.

"Now, what do you have?"

"Forty-two."

"So .7 of an hour is?"

"It's 42 minutes! So 5 hours and 42 minutes!"

"Good job, Tommy!" Tim said and held out his hand.

Tommy gave him five and looked very pleased with himself...and then promptly went back to munching on his fries. Delilah sometimes asked Tim if he wasn't giving Tommy a little too much...for the sake of his teachers, but Tim said that it would just give him a little head start. A teeny, tiny head start.

"Of course, that probably shaved another ten minutes off the drive," Tony said softly.

"Doesn't matter. He figured it out."

"Daniel is looking at you in awe again," Tony said.

Tim laughed. "No, he's not."

Then, Tim changed the subject quickly.

"So how was it staying overnight every night, Tommy? Did you get scared at all?"

"A little bit," Tommy said. "The first night. I've never done that before, but there were a lot of other kids in the room and we stayed up late the first night, after we were supposed to go to sleep and we talked about what we were going to do. It was fun. Even when the lights were off, it was fun. I just had to get used to it."

"Good. Daniel, were the older kids in the same kinds of rooms?"

"Well, it was two of us per room, on bunks. We were with other people on our team and we were all in the same part. One day, they took us over to see where the rockets launch from."

"Really?" Tim asked, knowing he probably sounded a lot like Tommy did.

"Yeah, and one night, we got to talk to the astronauts on the space station!" Tommy added.

"How did they do that?" Tim asked.

"We were all in the room together. So there were lots of us, and they had it up on a big screen."

"We got to ask questions, too," Daniel said. "Mine didn't get picked, and Tommy's didn't either, but there were a lot of us in there."

"One of the girls asked about how the women astronauts washed their hair in zero gravity," Tommy said. "That was a _long_ answer and it wasn't that interesting."

"The girls liked it," Daniel said, trying to be diplomatic. "I liked when someone asked how they didn't get tired of each other when they have to be together in such a small space for so long."

"What did they say?" Tony asked.

"That they had so much work to do that they didn't have time to get mad at each other."

Tony laughed. Tim was glad that Tony was being a part of the conversation, even though he wasn't as interested.

Further discussions of the space camp carried them most of the way up the coastline. They didn't really stop anywhere except to get gas (and snacks of course). But as they neared Charleston, it was time to find a place to stay and a place to get dinner. Tim quickly did a search and found a hotel that actually had two bedrooms, one with two queens and one with a king. They decided to get that one and there were some restaurants nearby.

Tim navigated them to the hotel so that they could drop their stuff and then go and get some dinner. They decided to go to a steakhouse nearby that they could walk to and wouldn't be too different. It was a little pricy but Tommy ordered off the kids menu which made it a little cheaper. By unspoken agreement, Tony and Tim avoided ordering any alcohol which also cut down on the cost. After dinner, it was back to the hotel and Tim had to convince Tommy that it was time to take off the flight suit and that in the morning, he'd have to wear something different.

...and as soon as Tim got him to lay down, Tommy was down for the count and it was suddenly a lot quieter in the room.

Tim gave a smile and a wave to Tony and Daniel and then closed the door to his bedroom. He hoped that Tony and Daniel would get a chance to talk, but even without it, he could see that Tony was thrilled and Daniel was happy, too. That made it good, no matter what.

But for now, even with as little as he'd done that day, he was tired. He just hoped that he could get some good sleep tonight without disturbing his son.

With that last thought, Tim lay down and went to sleep.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

Tony woke up after a restless night. It wasn't because things were bad. It was because he was still so excited about Daniel calling him _Dad_ that he couldn't settle down. He tried not to let Daniel know he had a hard time falling asleep, especially since Daniel seemed to have slept just fine. Probably for him it was a relief after worrying about it.

For Tony, it was like a little bit of vindication after all the times he'd been afraid that he was screwing up royally as a parent. Granted, the fathers he was replacing were lackluster at best. He still remembered how Grace and Daniel had scoffed at them when Jo had told them they were in this for the long haul. Tony had been worried about it, but Jo had understood simply because she'd seen kids like this before. She understood that it would take time for them to trust that this was real. Tony was afraid that he would ruin these kids even more than they had been before.

The moment that had really made him want to have them as his own kids had actually been when they'd found out that Jo was pregnant. It had taken them completely by surprise, but Tony had seen the looks on Daniel's and Grace's faces. They were terrified of being sent back again, that a biological child would push them out of the space.

They were afraid of being abandoned, left behind. Tony could understand that feeling, at least, and he had really tried to make sure they understood that love wasn't about numbers or even about DNA, but he'd always been unsure if his efforts had made any real difference. Even when he and Jo had asked how they felt about being adopted, he hadn't been sure if it was something they really wanted or something they were settling for because at least it would be permanent.

It was what they wanted. Now, he knew that. And he loved it.

Finally, he opened his eyes and sat up in bed, stretching.

"Dad?"

Tony turned and saw Daniel looking at him, with some concern.

"What's up, Daniel?"

"Tim's sleeping out on the couch. He wasn't there last night when we went to bed. He went to bed before us."

Tony sighed a little. Tim had probably had a nightmare and didn't want to disturb Tommy...or anyone else.

"Is he okay?" Daniel asked. "I didn't stay out there because I didn't want to wake him up."

"Yeah, he's okay."

Daniel sat down and looked at him earnestly.

"Is he really? Why would he be sleeping on the couch instead of on a bed?"

Tony considered whether or not he should break Daniel's view of Tim. Illness notwithstanding, Tony knew that Daniel saw Tim as someone who had an easy life, the kind of life he wanted. He knew Tommy had it, and he assumed that Tim had it, too. ...but maybe it was the right time to do this, to show that even people who looked like things were always good for them could have to struggle...and still end up with a good life. It wasn't about things being perfect. He wasn't sure Tim would like it, though. In fact, he was pretty sure he wouldn't, but unlike Tommy, Daniel knew how to be discreet when the situation called for it.

"He's okay, but... do you know what PTSD is?"

Daniel shook his head.

"It's Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It happens to some people when they go through something really bad. Not everyone, but some. It happens to soldiers a lot, some kids who have been abused, and sometimes cops like Tim."

"What happened?" Daniel asked.

Avoiding as many details as possible without lying, Tony decided to give the basics.

"Tim was the lead agent on a case. Everything was his decision and things went really bad. Someone was killed, and Tim saw it happen. I'm not going to tell you anything more about it, but it was bad. Ever since then, he's had some problems and most of the time, he's fine, but while we were in Key West, he started thinking about that stuff again and he's been struggling a little bit. He has nightmares sometimes. He probably had one last night and didn't want to wake up Tommy."

"When did it happen?"

"About seven years ago."

"And he still has it?"

"Yeah. It's something he'll have for the rest of his life. It doesn't ever go away completely."

Daniel was quiet for a minute, thinking about it.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Dad... Tim's amazing, isn't he."

"What?" Tony asked. That was not the reaction he'd expected.

"When Grace and me were coming to live with you before, we had a hard time and you knew it. You always knew it. We didn't know how to not feel that way and not...show it."

"Of course you didn't," Tony said. "No one would."

"Yeah, but Tim seems so... so normal."

Tony laughed a little. "He is."

"No... I mean, he's... How did he stay good when everything went so bad?"

"It's been hard for him. Sometimes, he really struggles, and he has to ask for help, but it's hard to do that, too."

"But he gets help? He doesn't have to do it by himself?"

"No."

"You probably help him, too, don't you. That's why you worry about him."

"How do you know I worry about him?"

Daniel grinned. "Because I've heard you talking about him sometimes."

"Uh-huh. Well, I try."

"Isn't it hard?"

"Yeah, it can be."

"So he really is your family, then."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I don't think Tim would let you if you weren't. That's what family is. The people you do the hard stuff for. Isn't it?"

Tony hadn't ever heard family described that way, but given Daniel's experiences, he could see why he would think of it that way...and then, he thought about what Tim had said about his own father, how Tony's dad had taken the easy way out, and he thought about how hard Tim had tried to help him even though he didn't know how, was sure he'd fail, and yet still persisted. That was exactly what defined family. It was the people you were willing to go through the hard stuff for. It wasn't _all_ hard stuff, but when it showed up, you did it.

"That's a good way to put it, Daniel. You're right."

"That's what you've done for me."

Tony smiled. "I've tried."

Daniel leaned over and hugged him.

"You've done it."

"Thanks. So...I hope that Jo is included in this."

"Yeah, but we wanted to be careful."

"Good. I think she'd kill me if she wasn't," Tony said, and smiled.

Daniel laughed.

"How long should we let Tim sleep?"

Tony looked at the time. It was getting close to seven. Even if he hadn't slept enough, they should be thinking about getting going. He could start out driving again. It wouldn't be a problem...even if Tim would hate it.

"We'd better get him up. We still have a lot of driving to do."

"I could help drive," Daniel said, slyly.

Tony laughed. "I don't think so. You don't even have a learner's permit yet. No way am I letting you drive us around."

"Okay, okay."

"You go get ready and I'll get Tim up. And don't say anything about that to him, okay?"

Daniel looked relieved at that and nodded.

They went out to the main room, but it turned out that waking Tim up was unnecessary, he was already awake, but Tony could see that he was still tired. He jerked his head toward the bathroom and Daniel nodded. Tony walked over to the couch.

"What happened?" he asked.

Tim looked embarrassed at being caught sleeping somewhere other than his bed. He looked away from Tony and at the floor.

"What you think happened," he said.

"How bad?"

"I didn't wake up Tommy," Tim said. "But I couldn't go back to sleep. So I came out here."

"You'll need me to drive?"

"Yeah, probably. At least for the first bit."

"Okay. That's fine."

"No, it's not," Tim said, sighing.

Tony sighed himself. "Yes, it is, Tim. I don't care if it's easier. I need you to fight against that feeling today."

Tim looked up at him and even managed to smile a little.

"If you can't do it for yourself, do it for the rest of us. I won't even insist that you do it for you."

Tim laughed although his expression was a little pained, and he nodded.

"Good. Now, which one comes first? Roanoke or Kitty Hawk?" Tony asked, trying to move on.

"They're... really close together, if I remember right."

Tim pulled out the atlas and then gave a real smile when he saw Tony's grin. It was a little tired, but it was genuine. They both started looking at the atlas when Daniel came out of the bathroom.

"Hey, Daniel, would you go and wake up Tommy while your dad and I figure out our route today?" Tim asked.

"Sure," Daniel said.

Tony felt himself smiling again and he saw Tim smiling in reaction.

"Believe it, now?" Tim asked.

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Hey, all I did was act as a mediator. I didn't suggest it or anything."

"You were important, Tim, and I don't want you saying anything else. This matters too much to me."

"You know, we're not very far from Norfolk by the time we get to Kitty Hawk. It looks like it's only another hour or so."

Tony looked at the map.

"You're right. So? We still have to get you and Tommy back home, and I'm not giving you my car."

Tim laughed. "I wasn't going to suggest that. I'm the only driver in my family at the moment and I don't need more than one car...or more than one car to pay insurance on."

"Then, what's your idea? I know you must have one."

"What if we got all the way back to Norfolk today and then Tommy and I take the train tomorrow morning back home?"

"You'd have to pay for the tickets on the train, plus a taxi to get back to your place."

"I know. I've done it before. I can do it again. But that would mean that you didn't have to drive an extra four hours each way to get us back."

"That's tempting."

"Come on, Tony. I know this will sound rich coming from me, but make it easy on yourself. Don't give yourself more to do because you're worried about me."

"You're right. That does sound rich coming from you," Tony said. "...but because you're just repeating what I've said before, then, it's very smart and intelligent, and I'll take your idea. ...but only if we really can get there. It's a long drive up to Roanoke from here, and we easily have until tomorrow to get home, so I don't want to push it just for the sake of pushing. Got it?"

"Okay."

"All right, then. Once everyone is ready, we'll have breakfast and get on the road."

"All right."

Then, there was a crashing sound from the bedroom.

...and a quick voice.

"We're okay!"

"Uh oh," Tim said. "I believe that's your son."

"Your son is strangely silent."

Tim laughed and set aside the atlas. They both got up and walked into the room. Daniel and Tommy froze in place. They were both on the floor, trying to pick up the side table and the lamp, both of which had crashed to the floor.

"What were you doing?" Tim asked.

Tommy shuffled his feet for moment and then chanced looking up.

"Flying."

"Flying?" Tony asked.

"Daniel was sure he could do it," Tommy said.

"Tommy's heavier than he looks," Daniel said, looking a little shamefaced.

Tony waited to see what Tim would do, first...and what he could see was Tim trying desperately not to start laughing before he had done his fatherly lecture.

"Did you break anything?" Tim asked.

"I don't think so, Dad," Tommy said. "We were just going to check the lamp."

"Check the lamp, then."

Tim stood there while both Daniel and Tommy quickly picked up the lamp and the table and set the lamp back in its rightful place. There were audible sighs of relief when the lamp turned on.

"It works, Dad."

"Good. Now, you remember what your mother has had to say before?"

"The house is not a gymnasium."

"That's right...and neither is a hotel room. Okay?"

Both Daniel and Tommy nodded.

"Good. Now..." And Tim started to smile. "How high did you get him before you dropped him, Daniel?"

Daniel looked up in surprise and he glanced at Tony to be sure that he really wasn't in more trouble. Tony raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything more.

"Only to my shoulders."

"You'll have to do some weightlifting before you're ready to fly my son," Tim said. "He only asked you because I've given up."

Daniel looked at Tommy. "You didn't tell me that."

"I wanted you to try!" Tommy said. "Just once!"

Tim cleared his throat and Tony knew that there were outright giggles pushing their way out. Tim could not be describing as giggling very often. In fact, that kind of laughter was rare, but this looked to be one of those rare occasions, as much because he was trying desperately _not_ to laugh as anything else.

"Okay. No more flying and, Tommy, no more asking for it, okay?"

"Okay, Dad."

"Good. Now, I'm going to go and get ready. Then, it's your turn, Tommy. Make sure you have all our stuff."

Tim quickly left the room and Tony was sure he heard a snort of laughter before Tim made it into the bathroom.

"Was he really mad?" Daniel asked.

"Not really. You've never seen Tim mad, Daniel."

"I have," Tommy said, softly. "Only once. He wasn't really mad...but he was... in Father mode."

"What?" Tony asked.

"Father mode. It's like when I get in trouble at home and Mom calls me Thomas Allen McGee. When my whole name comes out, I'm in big trouble, and Dad is more Father than Dad."

"So what happens when he's really mad? What did you do?" Daniel asked.

"He wasn't mad at me," Tommy said. "I've never seen Dad mad at me, but it's scary."

"Who was he mad at?" Daniel asked.

Tony knew, but he was curious about what Tommy would say. He figured that he knew when Tommy was thinking of, even though he hadn't even been three years old at the time.

"I don't know. I don't remember anyone else being there. Just him."

Then, Daniel started to ask Tony and he saw Tony's expression and he shook his head. Daniel was pretty quick when he wanted to be and he nodded in understanding.

"Well, I'm glad he wasn't mad, then," Daniel said. "I'll help you get your stuff so we're all ready fast."

"Okay," Tommy said, and his expression cleared.

Daniel and Tommy quickly got to work, and Tony went back out to the main room. It was amazing that Tommy remembered that event. He'd been so young. Tony knew he had no memories from that far back, but then, it had been an extreme situation and Tommy was a sponge, soaking up pretty much everything. But he hoped that it never came up because Tony knew that the one thing Tim couldn't accept about himself and his past actions was the hurt he'd inflicted on his family in his worst moments.

And when Tim was lightening up finally, even with his nightmare, he didn't want anything to upset that.

A few minutes later, Daniel came out and he looked bursting with questions, but then, Tim came out of the bathroom and Daniel didn't say anything at all.

For his part, Tim still had the look of someone who had been laughing until he cried.

"Good shower?" he asked.

Tim cleared his throat. "Yeah. Nice and loud," he said, and almost started laughing again.

"Loud?" Daniel asked.

Tony grinned. Tim grinned back and then looked back to the bedroom.

"Tommy, the bathroom is free. Get going. Tony, do you need to–?"

"I will after Tommy."

"Okay."

Tommy came in and hurried into the bathroom.

"What's the joke?" Daniel asked.

Tony grinned again.

"The joke is that Tim spent most of his time in the bathroom laughing his head off, but he wanted to make sure that Tommy took him seriously...which he did."

"Good."

"He said you were in Father mode."

"Oh, yeah. Once when his mother called him by his full name, he asked what he was supposed to call her. She said Mother. Ever since then..." Tim said. "But I was not laughing my head off. I was chuckling a little."

"Uh-huh," Tony said dubiously.

With the atmosphere lightened considerably, Tony was able to get in after Tommy and not worry that something would upset the new balance. They grabbed breakfast quickly and got into the car, ready to start driving up the coast to Roanoke.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

"Are we there yet?" Tommy asked.

"Almost," Tim said, looking in the rearview mirror. "I think we've got another half hour."

"Good."

Tim laughed. He had taken about an hour-long nap when they'd started going which had helped him make up for the sleep he hadn't got before. They had only stopped a couple of times on their way up the coast. They had got gas a couple of times, stopped for lunch, and had some views of the ocean. Tim had been driving for the last couple of hours, giving Tony a much-needed break, and they were nearly to their first destination: Roanoke Island. Tim hadn't admitted it, but he had always wanted to see this place. He remembered reading a book about it when he was a kid and it had captured his imagination for years afterward. He was sure it wouldn't be as exciting as his childhood self had thought, but it didn't matter. This was just one of those things he wanted to see.

"Okay, Tim. Where are we headed?" Tony asked.

"Fort Raleigh National Historical Site."

"What's the water there? The ocean?" Daniel asked.

"Nope. That's the Croatan Sound. Roanoke Island isn't actually on the ocean. There are some barrier islands in the way," Tim said. "So it doesn't have the same kind of beaches and stuff that islands usually have."

"Man, do you know about everything, Tim?" Daniel asked.

Tim laughed. "No, definitely not. Quiz me on sports and I'm lost, but I do know about Roanoke. Always wanted to see it myself."

"What is it?"

"It's the site of one of the first colonies in the Americas...and all the people disappeared. Some people came from England with supplies and to check on them, and they were all gone. We don't know where they went for sure. It's a mystery that's lasted for centuries."

"And if there's anything you like, it's a mystery," Tony said.

"Yep," Tim said, smiling.

"Dad, weren't there any bodies?" Tommy asked.

"Nope. That's why historians don't think they were killed off or died of sickness. When the people came back from England to check on them, all they found was the word _Croatan_ carved into a board. It's possible that they fled the colony for one reason or another and then joined with the Croatan people. It's also possible that they headed across the Croatan Sound that we're just coming up to here and made a new settlement that was just never found. But we don't know."

"Another bridge over the water?" Tony asked.

Tim smiled. "Yeah, but this one shouldn't be too long. I think I can handle it."

They kept on around to the Virginia Dare Memorial Bridge. When they got to it and saw the sign, Tim smiled, feeling a simple happiness that he hadn't had since Key West.

"This bridge is named after the first child born here in 1587."

"Cool!" Tommy said. "The first person ever?"

"No. The first British colonist," Tim said. "There were a lot of Native American tribes here. In fact, the Croatan tribe had been very friendly with the British colonists and gave them a lot of help."

"That's why they think it's possible that the survivors went with them?" Daniel asked.

"Yep."

"So if you know all this already, Tim," Tony said, slyly.

"Yes, we still need to see it, Tony," Tim said. "A little history is good for you."

"Ha. Well, as long as it gets us out of the car for a while, I'm all for it," Tony said. "Agreed?"

There were shouts of agreement from the back seat.

Tim just laughed and drove carefully over the bridge to Roanoke Island. Once they got over, Tony directed them to the Fort Raleigh National Historical Site. They found a parking spot in a very crowded lot and got out of the car.

"This is the site of the original colony," Tim said. "Not much of it is left, but they've done some reconstructions so we can see what was here." Then, Tim smiled. "And yes, Tony, there's a visitor center, probably with a gift shop."

"Excellent. Then, we can stay."

Predictably, as soon as they started looking at things, Tommy was full of questions about the colony, who the people were, why was Virginia's last name Dare, how much did they look for the colonists when they got there, were there any mean tribes who might have taken them away, and on and on. Luckily, he was old enough now that his questions were actually pretty interesting, and they didn't need to have a guide because Tim knew. In fact, Tim enjoyed acting as the _de facto_ guide while they walked around.

Then, suddenly, Tommy stopped asking questions long enough to notice something else.

"Dad! Look at the trail! Can we go?" he asked.

Tim walked over and read the sign.

"Thomas Hariot Trail," he read aloud. "It's only three-tenths of a mile."

But then, a concerned expression crossed Tommy's face, the one Tim hated to see.

"Can you do it, Dad?" he asked, more hesitantly.

Tim made sure he didn't look at Tony. Instead, he bent over and smiled.

"Yes, I can, Tommy. It's not a long trail and this says it's easy. I can do easy."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Just don't run. You'll leave me behind," Tim said, grinning. "Not that you wouldn't anyway."

Tommy hugged Tim around the waist.

"I'll never leave you behind, Dad. Not even when you're old!"

Tim laughed. "Good. Now, let's see what Thomas Hariot saw when he explored here in 1585."

They started off on the trail. It went right into the forest and it didn't take long before they were surrounded by trees. And not just random, boring trees. They were really interesting, but Tim still found himself hesitant to stop and look for a long time. No matter how much he berated himself for holding onto that moment, he still couldn't help but worry just a tad.

"Wow, look at this oak tree," Tony said, pointing to a particularly interesting one. "It looks like a giant came and sat down in the middle of it."

Daniel and Tommy both laughed.

"I think we need pictures in this tree," Tony said.

Both boys were all for it and ran to the tree. As Tony and Tim followed behind, Tim glanced over at Tony and raised a silent eyebrow. Tony just shrugged and smiled. Then, he hurried over to climb onto the tree himself. Tim took some pictures. Then, Tony made him get into the tree as well. They both made sure that Tommy and Daniel didn't climb too high. Then, they kept along the trail. Daniel ran off on a short spur that turned out to lead them to a beautiful viewpoint of Albemarle Sound and Croatan Sound. More pictures.

As they walked through the short trail, Tony would occasionally point out interesting trees, and they'd get pictures. Tim knew what he was doing, and he knew that Tony knew he knew what he was doing. Quite frankly, Tim was a little touched at the gesture. He didn't say anything since he didn't want to clue Daniel and Tommy into the fact that their dads had not had completely smooth sailing during their vacation.

When they got back to the main path, they were all happy to declare it a success. As they walked back toward the visitor center, Tim saw a sign for another trail.

"The Freedom Trail," Daniel read. "What's that?"

"This area was a place set up as a colony for freed slaves after the Civil War," Tim said. "Some people think that escaped slaves actually came through here, but we don't know that for sure. There was also a major sea battle that the Union army won very close to here." He pulled out the brochure, thinking that Daniel might like this one, but then, he felt a little disappointed. He knew that he didn't have a two-mile hike in him.

"If you guys wanted to go on the hike, I could wait here," Tim said, regretfully. "It's too long for me. I'll bet it's a nice one."

Tony took the brochure and looked at it.

"It says to plan on at least an hour. I don't know if we want to take that much time. Daniel?"

Daniel thought about it, and Tim wasn't sure if he really wanted to go or not. Then, Daniel looked, not at Tim but at Tommy, and he smiled.

"No. We could come here again another time. We should stick together, not leave anyone behind, right, Tommy?"

Tommy smiled happily. "Right!"

"Okay, then, I need some souvenirs," Tony said. "Let's go."

Tony got a couple of t-shirts, another key chain for Jo, and a book about the Freedmen Colony, thinking that Grace might find that interesting. If not, Jo definitely would. Tim bought Tommy a t-shirt and they found two magnets that had Esther's and Evenlyn's names on them. Then, it was time to get going to Kitty Hawk to see where the Wright brothers had the first flight. One they started driving, Tim was happy to see that they were going to the Outer Banks for this drive. They didn't have to backtrack at all.

As they drove along, they saw the signs for the Wright Memorial and they gladly took the turnoff. The road wound around the hill, and there were a lot of people around.

"Will we get a parking spot?" Tommy asked.

"Somewhere," Tim said.

"It's kind of a steep hill, Dad. Will you be able to get up there if we can't get close?"

Tim suppressed a grimace at how much Tommy was worrying. He hated when _anyone_ worried about him, but he _really_ hated when his son did.

"It'll be fine, Tommy," Tim said. "The first space we find, we'll take."

And right as he said that, a car pulled out of a spot. Tim pulled into it as quickly as he could.

"Ha. See? We're fine."

Tim got out of the car quickly before _anyone_ could say anything about whether or not he could manage the walk. It was one thing for him to admit that he couldn't handle a two-mile hike yet, but he could walk up a hill. Even if he got a little breathless, he'd be fine.

He walked quickly away but stopped at the path, not wanting to leave anyone behind. Tony caught up first.

"Tim," he began in a low voice.

"Leave it, Tony," Tim said and then smiled as Tommy and Daniel caught up. "Okay, are you ready to see the memorial to the first flight?"

"Yes! Let's go!" Tommy said. "Dad, can I run?"

"Daniel, are you willing to run with him?" Tony asked.

"Sure, Dad," Daniel said. "Come on, Tommy! I'll race you to the top!"

The two boys took off running, leaving Tim and Tony to come along behind. Tim almost regretted it, because he _knew_ Tony would say something.

Tim took a couple of pictures of his view of Tommy and Daniel running.

"I think Daniel will win," he said.

"He definitely could," Tony said. "He might hold himself back enough that he doesn't have time to lap Tommy."

Tim smiled. "He could lap me three or four times right now."

"Yeah, Tim. That's why Tommy worries."

"I don't _want_ my son worrying about me. Not about this, not about anything," Tim said. "Never again. He's too young to worry like that."

"No, he's not. He's not too young to love his dad."

"That's not what this is about, Tony. He doesn't have to worry about me to love me," Tim said. "All he needs to do is be a kid. There's all the time in the world for him to worry."

"Tim, if you want Tommy not to ever worry about you, then, you're going to have to be a much worse father than you could ever handle being. He worries because he's young enough not to completely understand what's going on when you got sick. All he knows is that he loves his dad and his dad was really sick, and he can't understand that you can be better without being completely healed. Start being a terrible father, Tim, and Tommy will stop worrying about you."

Tim sighed in frustration and sped up his pace just a bit, knowing that he couldn't really leave Tony behind, but wishing he could...just at this moment.

"Dad! Look up here!"

The shout took Tim by surprise and he looked up and smiled and Tommy and Daniel waving from the top of the hill.

"Smile!" he shouted back.

They both waved and smiled. Tim took their pictures and then continued up the hill. It wasn't much, but it was kind of like the trail in the Everglades. Just a little incline and Tim was puffing more than he wanted to admit. He would be _so_ glad when he was back to full form. It was irritating that he felt so normal when he was sitting around but he had lost all his stamina. He was getting better every day, but it was still troublesome, especially when he wanted everyone to treat him normally.

Still, they both got up to the top, and Tim hid his breathlessness by letting Tommy take some pictures while he leaned against the memorial, genuinely needing to. He knew Tony noticed, but he didn't say anything and so Tim didn't, either. Instead, he looked around the area and enjoyed the unencumbered view. It was nice. He could see out to the ocean since they were now on the outer banks and there was a nice breeze blowing which kept it from being as hot as it had been in the Everglades.

"Still too flat for you, Tim?" Tony asked.

Tim laughed and took a deep breath.

"We're on a hill. What are you talking about?"

Tony laughed and pushed Tim to walk a little more. They walked around the memorial and got the view from all sides. Then, Tommy and Daniel were ready to go back down. Tim let Tommy get ahead again while he and Tony came along behind, more slowly. At least going downhill didn't take as much effort.

"Hey, Tim," Tony said.

"Yeah?" Tim asked, feeling resigned to another statement about his current state of mind.

"Don't sound so excited. I was having a thought."

"What?"

"Well, I was thinking that we'll easily get to Norfolk tonight. We'll be there before seven, probably, and it would be nice to avoid another eight hours of driving tomorrow to get you guys home. I mean we could even get to your house tonight, really, although it'd be really late, but..."

"Get to the point, DiNozzo," Tim said, infusing just enough exasperation that Tony looked at him in surprise. Then, Tim smiled. "You're rambling worse than Abby."

"Oh, no, I'm not," Tony said. "Never. No one except Ducky can ramble worse than Abby, and even Ducky's not really worse because you can't beat a British-accented ramble."

Tim laughed. "What is it?"

"My house isn't really all that big, you know, and it's pretty full at the moment. No spare bedrooms and all we've got are a couple of couches. We've talked about getting some pullouts, but we haven't yet."

"So... you're saying you think Tommy and I should get a hotel? We can."

"No! Well...yeah, sort of."

"Sort of?"

"I was thinking that Jo really isn't expecting us back yet, so what if we drive to Norfolk and just get one last hotel room close to the Norfolk Station. Then, Daniel and I can drop you and Tommy off first thing in the morning, and it won't be a lot of driving and we'll be able to give you a proper sendoff."

"You sure you don't want to get home when we're so close?"

"I do, but I like this idea. Then, I'd be home before seven tomorrow. Jo might even still be in bed if Sam doesn't wake up early."

If Tim was honest, he hadn't been really excited about sleeping in Tony's house, just because he was sure that there wouldn't be much sleeping going on with everyone excited about Tony and Daniel getting home. He was still tired at night, and with his latest nightmare, he didn't want to inflict that on the entire DiNozzo family if he could possibly avoid it.

"What do you think?" Tony asked.

"I think... I like it. Let's tell the boys, see if they're on board."

"They will be. One last fling? They'll love it and you can tell Tommy about taking the train tomorrow."

"He'll definitely love _that_ ," Tim said.

"Great. It's decided."

They got back to the car and Tommy and Daniel ran over from across the road where there were some informational signs.

"Well, Tommy, is it better than space camp?" Tony asked.

Tim laughed out loud at the scandalized expression on Tommy's face.

"I think I can answer that, Tony. No way."

"No!" Tommy said. "...but it is nice."

"Trying to be diplomatic, I see," Tony said. "Well, we have a suggestion for our last day."

"What's that?" Daniel asked.

"We're only about an hour and a half from home, but I don't want to make Tim and Tommy camp out in our living room. ...since no one would be sleeping at all," Tony said.

Tim almost laughed at the fact that Tony had said the same thing he'd been thinking.

"So what are we going to do?"

"Tim suggested that he and Tommy take the train back home tomorrow morning and we'll find a hotel in Norfolk close to the station so we can drop them off first thing. So we'll have one more night. What do you two think?"

"We'll take the train home?" Tommy asked.

"Yeah, Tommy. What do you think about that?"

"Just you and me?"

Tim smiled. "Yeah."

"Yes! I want to do that!"

"Daniel?" Tony asked.

"Yeah. Sounds... kinda weird, really...but sure."

"Okay. Then, that's the plan. You two ready to get going?"

"Yes!" Tommy said. "Let's go!"

Tim let Tony take over the driving since they'd be driving in a place he knew very well. It made no sense for Tim to insist, and he'd done his share today. Thank goodness. Once they were on the road, it was down to business for a moment.

"Okay, Tim. Find us a hotel. Another two-bedroom wouldn't go amiss."

"Go amiss?" Tim repeated. "You been taking Ducky lessons or something?"

Tony laughed. "Maybe. I talk to him a lot. Maybe he's just rubbing off on me."

"That took a long time if he's just doing that now," Tim said.

"I'm kind of thick-headed sometimes. Find us a hotel."

"Norfolk is where you live," Tim pointed out.

"Yeah. Where I live. Not where I get hotel rooms. In fact, I don't think I've _ever_ stayed in a hotel in Norfolk before. Not once."

"Me, neither," Tim said.

"Okay. So find us a hotel."

Tim started searching and found a Residence Inn that had a two-bedroom suite. Tim booked it quickly, glad that he'd be paying for this last room.

"Got it."

"Wait. You didn't even let me decide?" Tony asked.

"Nope. You told me to get a hotel room. I did. Two-bedroom suite again."

Tommy leaned in from the back.

"Dad, can Daniel and I share the room tonight and you and Tony share the other room?"

"Only if Daniel wants to and is willing to share the king bed," Tim said. "No way am I sharing a bed with Tony."

"Hey!"

"You don't want to share a bed with me, either. Admit it."

"I'll do nothing of the kind," Tony said. "No pressure, Daniel."

Daniel looked of two minds about it, and Tim understood that, but he actually hoped that Daniel would. That meant that, if Tim had another nightmare, he wouldn't have to worry about disturbing his son. He didn't want to disturb Tony, either, but he'd rather disturb Tony than Tommy.

"Okay, sure. No kicking me in your sleep. Grace used to do that all the time," Daniel said.

"No kicking!" Tommy promised. "It's a huge bed, though. King-sized! We could sleep on it both directions."

"Probably pretty close," Tony said. "Okay, now, while we're driving, start thinking about where to go for dinner. It should be close to the hotel, and I get a say this time."

Tim smiled and started doing some searches. He leaned his seat back enough that Daniel and Tommy could lean up to see some of the options.

Tim just hoped that this last night could be uniformly good. Today had been mostly good. He wanted to end the trip on a high note instead of a low note.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

"No way," Tim said. "We're not going to pay 50 bucks per person to eat at a fancy Mexican restaurant. I don't care how good the reviews are."

Groans from the kids in the back seat. But good-natured groans.

"Tim, you're such a killjoy."

"It's your fault, Tony," Tim said. "You're the one who insisted on expensive hotels. All that would come out of my wallet if I opened it right now is a lone fly."

"What?" Tony asked.

"Looney Tunes...or pretty much any cartoon."

Tony thought about it and then, the image clicked.

"Ah, well, you're just using credit anyway. It's fine."

"Spoken like a true spendthrift," Tim said.

Tony grinned.

"How about this? What _kind_ of food do you want?" Tony asked. "Then, we can look for restaurants with that."

"Pizza!" Tommy said. "We haven't had pizza the entire trip!"

"You're right. We haven't," Tony said. "Well, Dad? What do you think of pizza?"

"Daniel?" Tim asked.

"Sure."

"Okay. Pizza it is. Start looking."

It didn't take long.

"Dad, can we eat it in the hotel room?" Tommy asked, suddenly.

"Why?" Tim asked.

"What if we saw someone Tony and Daniel know while we're there? Then, the trip would be over sooner."

"Why would it?" Daniel asked.

"Because then, you guys would start talking to the people you know instead of to us and it would probably take a long time and then, it would be like the rest of the world is here, not just us."

Tony glanced at Tim who just shrugged.

"If we eat in the hotel room, you can't spill, Tommy," Tim said. "We don't want to have to clean up pizza stains off the sheets."

"It's a two-bedroom place, Dad! We don't have to sit on the beds!"

"True. I don't mind doing it," Tim said.

"I guess I don't, either," Tony said. "All right, we'll eat in our hotel room in Norfolk ten miles from home."

"Yes!" Tommy said, triumphantly.

Tony just laughed. He couldn't figure out why Tommy felt that way, but it could just be the vagaries of a nine-year-old. While it was possible that they'd see someone they knew while in Norfolk, over 200,000 people lived there and it wasn't particularly likely.

"Oh, look at this one," Tim said. "Granby Street Pizza. They even deliver so we could get to our hotel and be done for the day."

"No more being in the car? Great!" Daniel said.

"Okay. That's the plan. When we get to the hotel, we'll decide what pizzas we'll be getting," Tim said.

The rest of the way to Norfolk was easy enough. Tony had been in this area so often that these streets were completely familiar to him. Even though he hadn't stayed at their hotel before, he knew where it was. Easiest driving of the entire trip.

They got to the hotel and took their stuff up to the room. Tommy excitedly ran into the bedroom to put his bag down and then ran back out so that he could make his suggestions about the pizza. Tony knew that Daniel was a big eater, and he knew that Tim didn't eat quite as much but when he had been walking around today, he might be hungry, too. The question was how many pizzas to get.

But if they got two of the bigger ones, that should be enough.

"Okay, guys, what are we getting?"

"Meat!" Daniel said, emphatically.

"Why am I not surprised? They do have a meat lover's pizza," Tony said. "Everyone okay with that?"

"Yes!" Tommy said.

"I think we should also get the Bianca," Tim said. "Three kinds of cheese and then tomato and spinach."

"Spinach? Yuck!" Tommy said.

"You won't even taste it, Tommy," Tim said. "It's just for color."

"And we can get an order of mozzarella sticks, Tim," Tony said.

He was rewarded with a smile.

"Maybe these garlic knots, too," Tim said.

"How about some calamari?" Tony asked, slyly.

"What's calamari?" Tommy asked.

"Fried squid," Daniel said. "Dad made us try it once. It's rubbery."

Tony laughed. "I'm just kidding. I wouldn't waste it on you."

"Yuck, Tony. That's sounds gross," Tommy said.

"It's not, but I'd be surprised if you liked it. Okay, so the meat lover's and the Bianca, mozzarella sticks and garlic knots. Anything else?"

"We should get some cannoli," Tim said. "Just a little dessert."

"All right."

Tony called and ordered the pizza and they ate it quickly when it arrived. Any thought Tony had about maybe having some leftovers to take home was quickly dashed. Tim ate quite a bit. Daniel ate over half a pizza just by himself. Even Tommy had eaten quite a lot considering how small he still was. So all that remained at the end of the meal were a few of the garlic knots and a single slice of the Bianca pizza. (Daniel hadn't liked that one quite as much.)

After the meal, they played some card games for a while. It was fun to have that down time. No pressure to get anywhere or do anything, just hanging out together. Even if Tommy's explanation hadn't been completely clear, Tony could understand the feeling of wanting to keep the vacation going with just the four of them. And this was the only time that they weren't rushing around.

"Okay, time for bed. Remember, Tommy, that we're getting up pretty early tomorrow to catch the train, so don't stay up _too_ late," Tim said.

Tommy just grinned and nodded. Then, suddenly, his grin widened even more.

"What?" Tim asked.

"Dad, you never wore the outfit that Evelyn and Esther got you, did you!"

Tony laughed as Tim groaned and melodramatically hit himself on the forehead. He knew that Tim had completely forgotten about it...unfortunately, for good reason. After seeing Gibbs on Key West, Tim hadn't even mentioned it again.

"Gotta do it tonight, Probie," Tony said, grinning. "Otherwise, it'll be too late. You'll be home."

"Yeah, Dad! Put it on! You _have_ to!"

"Yes, I do, Tommy. You're right," Tim said, without enthusiasm. "Okay. Let me go and change. Take my picture and then it's to bed. No arguments. Got it?"

Tommy started laughing.

Tim sighed and went into the other bedroom. While he was gone, Tony held out his hand to Tommy.

"Way to go for remembering that, Tommy," he said.

Tommy gave him a high five and looked giddy. Daniel was just watching with amusement.

A minute later, Tim came out in his regalia and Tommy busted up laughing. Even Daniel found it funny. Tony laughed.

"Okay, Tim. You want to pose outside?"

Tim raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah... no, DiNozzo. Just take the picture."

Tony could see that Tim was a little bit embarrassed, but that he was also amused, and he decided to give Tim a little bit of a break. After making Tim pose for a few pictures (some with Tommy laughing at him), Tony made a decision.

"Okay, we need one more picture. Who's going to wear the sunglasses?" Tony asked.

"Huh?" Daniel asked.

"We're all going to wear one part of Tim's outfit. He'll keep his shorts on, but we divide up the rest and take one more picture. It'll be the last one of the trip."

"I'll take the sunglasses, Dad!" Tommy said,

Tim looked bemused. "What are you doing, Tony?"

"One last picture, Tim. Give Tommy the sunglasses."

Tim took off the sunglasses and handed them to Tommy who promptly put them on.

"Well, Daniel? Flip flops or shirt?"

"Uh..."

"Tony, this isn't necessary," Tim said.

"Yes, it is, Tim," Tony said, patiently. "Daniel?"

"I..."

"Daniel, take the shoes! Dad has big feet!" Tommy said, enthusiastically.

"I... guess I'll take the flip flops," Daniel said.

Tim shrugged and kicked them off. "I promise, the longest I've worn them is five minutes."

Daniel did smile at that.

"So I guess I'll be taking the shirt, Tim. I'll even let you put on a different shirt so you don't blind us all with your pale skin."

Tim laughed. "Okay. You're weird, Tony, but okay."

He took off the shirt, handed it to Tony and replaced it with a regular t-shirt.

"Okay, one last picture of us all together, and no timer, this time, Tim. We all just crowd together."

They did as Tony instructed and got close enough together that they were all in the photo. Daniel even pulled off one flip flop and held it up so that they could see the shoe in the picture. But then, Tim insisted on doing one timer photo and they were further back and could see more easily that they were all wearing part of Tim's outfit...with Tim shrugging in the middle.

After that, Tim gathered back up his outfit, and sent Tommy to get ready for bed. Tommy did without any urging. Daniel got ready as well and then the door to the other bedroom was closed, although there was still some laughing that could be heard. Tim got ready for bed and so did Tony.

Tim got into bed, and Tony debated whether or not there was anything else they needed to say before the trip was over. Tomorrow, they wouldn't have any time.

But right at this moment, he couldn't think of anything. He wished he could because he felt like there was something more that needed to happen, but he couldn't.

"How much sleep do you think Tommy and Daniel will get?" he asked.

Tim smiled. "The exact right amount... because they'll miss out on sleep but it will be because they're having fun with each other. That means that whatever sleep they get is good sleep."

"Sounds very wise."

"I've been practicing."

Tony smiled. "Good night, Tim."

"G'night."

Then, the lights went out and Tony rolled over to get some sleep.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

" _How could you let them die? I told you!"_

The images were jumbled and confused.

" _Please, don't let him kill me!"_

"No... please..."

"Tim?"

He knew it was a dream, but he couldn't get out of it, either.

" _Daddy, please, come home!"_

" _She's dead."_

"Tim, wake up."

There were hands on his arms, and he grabbed hold of them, hoping that whatever the source, they'd keep him from drowning in the images.

"I've got you, Tim. It's okay."

"Stop..."

"Open your eyes, Tim. Wake up."

He tried. He really did, but it was like there were lead weights on his eyelids. He couldn't do it.

"Come on, Tim. Wake up."

Then, without warning, he was able to move again and his eyes flew open. He was breathing heavily, although he hadn't realized that before, and he was sweating.

"Tim, are you awake now?"

Tim nodded mutely.

"Could you let go of my arms, then?"

Tim took a deep breath and let it out quickly. He let go of the arms he'd been holding and rubbed his hands over his head, trying to calm down. Then, he realized who it was talking to him.

Tony.

Of course.

"What time is it?" he asked, breathlessly.

"About one. What happened?"

"Did I wake anyone else up?"

"Not as far as I can tell. You weren't shouting or anything. What happened?"

Tim lay back down...for a few seconds and then he sat up again. No sleeping yet.

"A dream," he whispered. "I knew it was a dream, but I couldn't get out of it. So heavy... weighing me down. Drowning. Sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. I know you can't help it."

"I was... I was hoping that I wouldn't end this trip on a bad note. I was really hoping that my nightmares were over. They weren't. I'm sorry." He was staring at the bed as he rubbed his hands over his head again.

"Tim, it's okay."

"I wish it was, but it isn't. Not any time it happens. Maybe, it's okay for you, but it isn't for me," Tim said, and was annoyed that he felt like crying. "It never is for me."

He didn't look up, but he heard Tony sit beside him and felt him put an arm around his shoulders.

"Every time it happens, I hate it," he whispered. "Every time. It's never okay. There are dreams I don't like, and I can handle them. I have them and then, they're gone. Not really a problem. Then, there are the nightmares. They're worse. Always worse. Even when I know what's going to happen. Always." The tears were closer and he hated that, too. "And they won't go away, Tony. They just won't go away." He paused, feeling that annoying quiver in his lip. "I...I really want them to just go away. Forever."

And that was it. He couldn't hold back the tears any longer. He was crying but trying not to at the same time, and whatever tears he _was_ shedding, he wanted to keep quiet.

"And I'm sorry," he said, through his tears. "I didn't want this to happen on this trip. I didn't think it would. Everything had been fine. It... But..." He swore. "It's been months since I've felt like this. Months. But when it comes... I can't fight it." He swore again. "I'm sorry it happened here. One more day and I would have been home."

"And then, what?" Tony asked.

"Then, I could have tried to keep it from Delilah so I could get through it without bothering anyone."

He was still crying as the overwhelming feelings from his nightmare just wouldn't dissipate. He knew they wouldn't. When this happened, it lingered for far too long.

"Is that what happened last night?"

"No. It wasn't so bad. It wasn't hard to keep quiet. I moved out to the couch so that I could go back to sleep without worrying about waking up Tommy. I was glad when Tommy wanted to share the room with Daniel. I could feel the possibility of it getting worse, but I'd hoped it wouldn't happen."

There was a long pause, but as Tony sat there, supporting him, the overwhelming emotions began to ebb and Tim found that he could stop crying.

"Tim, haven't you learned anything since all that crap with Dearing?"

"What?"

"Half of your problem back then was thinking that you had to hide what you were feeling because it was wrong. It wasn't wrong then. It's not wrong now. ...just like it wasn't wrong to be upset about Benedict."

Tim lifted his head and stared at Tony in surprise at the mention of Benedict. It had been more than a decade since that event. It wasn't completely dark in the room, but there weren't any lights on. They just had the lights coming in from the window. It was enough that he could see Tony's face.

"You hid it there, too. You didn't need to. I responded in the way that would have helped me. I didn't really think about it not helping you, but I was trying to help."

"I know."

"But after that, after the case was closed, you never said another word, not to anyone. Did you."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I was supposed to be over it," Tim said. "That's how everyone is, but I'm not. I try to be, but I'm not."

"You don't have to be that way, Tim. That's what I'm trying to tell you. How many years did you wait to tell me that you'd been diagnosed with PTSD? Because you didn't want people to know that it was still that much of a problem? How many people have you told? Does your team know?"

"No. It's in my records. Vance knows. Delilah knows."

"No one else?"

"No."

"Tim... Way more than I do, you hide things, but it never helps you. Can't you just accept that it won't help you? That it won't save anyone else? That it's okay to not be perfect? It's okay if you've screwed up. And it's okay if you stumble and need some help sometimes. Like you said, it had been months. That's great. We know why it came up again. Don't we."

"Yeah," Tim said, bitterly, hating anew the coincidence that had led to them running into Gibbs on the beach.

Tony squeezed his shoulders again.

"It sucks, but it's okay. It must have been really bad for you to be so willing to admit that you were feeling so bad."

Tim just nodded.

"Okay, so it was really bad. You needed help and I'm giving it. Would I like to be asleep right now? Yeah, but do you know what's more important? Being there for you. ...just like you did for me when I cried because my dad died. And if you try to say it meant nothing, I'm going to smack you because you don't have the right to tell me what helped me. What you did helped. What I needed was someone to be there. And that's exactly what I got."

"I didn't know if what I was doing did any good," Tim whispered. "I was just trying to do something for you...but I didn't know how. I didn't this time, either. You always seem to know."

"We've talked about this before. I don't always know. I just talk more than you do. Some of my words have to be right."

Tim laughed a little but felt the tears ready to return, so he stopped quickly.

"So right now, I'm going to do what I can. I can't make the nightmares go away. I don't know how to do that. I can't make you not have PTSD. I can't make it so that Gibbs didn't show up at Key West. I can't do any of that. What I'm going to do is sit here with you until you feel like you can sleep again, and I don't want to hear any protest. When you're ready, you tell me. If you want to talk, that's fine. I'll listen. If you want to just sit in silence, that's fine, too. If you want music, fine. If you want the TV, fine. But I am going to sit here with you for as long as you need me."

Tim couldn't honestly say that he didn't need the company. He did. He'd managed without before, but it was always so much easier and faster with someone helping him through. For a while, they just sat there in silence. Tim didn't talk, and neither did Tony. It was silent, but Tony was sitting there with him.

"Sometimes, it's really easy," Tim whispered into the silence.

"What is?"

"Living. I can set it aside. I can go for days, even weeks without thinking about it at all. Then, it all hits me at once and it's like no time has passed all. It's all right there in front of me and I can't see around it. It doesn't happen during the day much anymore, but at night... Like now."

More silence. And Tim knew that Tony wouldn't like it, but he felt like it needed to be said anyway.

"And it shouldn't have happened. I should have been able to stop it. Today had gone well. I thought I was over it, and that I could just have one completely good day, but I couldn't."

"Don't say it," Tony said. "Don't apologize. Don't say you ruined anything. You didn't. We saw some cool things on this trip. We had some fun. You helped me figure out what's wrong with me. I'm thinking that maybe, after I talk to Jo, I'll talk to my shrink again. And none of that was what I'd been willing to do before you were talking to me about it. _I'm_ sorry that I held us back from having fun by being in a funk myself. What I did didn't help us, either. That was my fault, and I know it bothered you."

"It's okay."

"I know, but it wasn't before. Tim, you're not a failure. No matter how many times you tell yourself that you are, you're not. Even Daniel thinks you're amazing, and not just as a dad. He thinks you, as a person, are amazing."

Silence fell again. And after another while, Tim began to feel tired as the dream returned to its rightful place as a dream and he began to relax.

Tony could tell. Without a word, he let Tim go and walked back over to his own bed.

Tim lay down and then turned on the soothing music he sometimes listened to at night. As he relaxed, he heard Tony speak once more.

"You're a good person, Tim. I know it's hard, but you're still a good person."

"Thanks," Tim whispered.

And then, he tried to sleep again.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

Tony woke up and looked over at Tim who was still asleep. He shook his head and hoped that something had truly made a difference. He knew that Tim had problems, that they nearly always affected his perception of himself, but it was still hard, and a little frustrating to have to see him regressing to that same state time after time. So now the question was if he had actually learned something this time.

"Tim, it's time to get up if you're going to catch the train," Tony said.

Tim snorted a little bit, and Tony smiled.

"Wake up, Tim."

Tim opened his eyes and sat up, although he didn't look very chipper. No surprise really. He'd really been stuck in whatever he'd been dreaming. It was rare that Tim simply admitted that it was bad...which meant it had to be _really_ bad.

"Tim, are you okay now?"

Tim just nodded and sighed. He didn't look up at all. On the back end of a really awful experience, Tim just seemed drained by it, and Tony didn't want to have the painful experience of watching Tim try to be okay for his son. He got up and walked over to Tim's bed and sat down beside him. He was surprised when Tim actually leaned against him a little bit. It was almost unheard of for Tim to reach out at all.

...and then, Tim did something he really never did without being forced to do it: He started talking about it.

"When I'm in the middle of it, it's hard to see anything else," Tim said, softly. "And I know it won't last forever, so I try to just get out and not let anyone else know about it. And when I'm not in the middle of it, I know that I need the help and that it's okay, but it's so hard to see that when I'm right in the middle, and sometimes, I get out...or I think I'm out, but I'm not and I get sucked back in again. It's kind of like right after Allison Jenkins was killed. I _know_ that I'm not helping with the way I'm acting, but I can't make myself believe it. I just want it to be over. ...because it's so hard to have to deal with this time after time. But it's not. It won't ever be." He took a deep breath and let it out again. "I just didn't want to put _you_ through it again. And I know it's okay, but I'm sorry I did."

Tony could hear the difference in what Tim was saying. He was clearly coming out of it again and he could look back and see that what he was doing wasn't the best way to deal with it.

"It _is_ okay, and you haven't driven me off or anything. You'll have to work pretty hard to do that. We still need to go to Banff...when you're not recovering from the flu, so we can do some hikes and stuff while we're there. That hasn't changed. We're going to go there. Got it?"

Tim smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I got it."

"Good. Feeling any better?"

"Yeah. I just wish that I could go back and have this stuff not have happened."

"Which stuff?"

"Mostly Allison Jenkins being killed...but even Dearing and all the stuff with him. That... I don't think Allison Jenkins would have been as bad for me if I hadn't already had a breakdown."

"I wish you hadn't gone through them, either, Tim, but..." Tony hesitated for moment, unsure if Tim would understand what he was really saying. "...I got a new family out of it, and I'm not sorry about that."

Tim finally looked at him.

"I'm not sorry about that, either," he said and smiled a real smile. "Can I have it both ways?"

"Nope."

"Yeah, I know." Tim sighed once more and sat up straight again.

"You'd better tell Delilah about this."

"Yeah, I know that, too."

"Good. Now, are you going to want to get breakfast?"

Tim shook his head, clearly glad to move on.

"No, I want to let Tommy have breakfast on the train. It'll have a café on board and he'll love that."

"Yeah, he will."

Tim took one more deep breath and stood up. He started for the door, and Tony stood up.

"Hey, Tim?"

Tim turned.

"Yeah?"

"This was a good road trip."

"No, it wasn't."

"Yeah, it was. Because even if some crappy stuff happened in the middle, I still found out that my son actually wants to be my son. Our kids had a great time. We saw some cool things. We had some fun, relaxed on the beach and... in the way that our road trips always are, we learned important lessons."

Tim laughed a little. "You sound like an '80s after-school special."

Tony grinned. "It's still true. ...as long as we _both_ learned."

"It's the same lesson I've been learning for years," Tim said. "I'm slow."

"Just stubborn, not slow," Tony said. "I'm not sorry about the trip, Tim."

"Thanks, Tony," Tim said.

Then, he went into the bathroom. Tony sighed a little himself. They were definitely due to have a nice light road trip the next time. In fact, he wasn't going to let them wait another three years to do it. This would _have_ to be next year. He wasn't going to stand for anything else. Tim would be better by then and they could take the boys again. Not Ivan, but if they did some kind of a family trip to celebrate the hoped-for adoption, he wouldn't care. Actually, he wouldn't care anyway if no one implied that he should.

That much of a decision made, Tony sat back to wait for Tim to get out. They were up early enough that the boys didn't need to get moving quite yet.

And then, he thought of something. Quickly, he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Delilah, giving a brief update on the way the trip had panned out and telling her his idea. She actually responded quickly and gave him the information he wanted, saying that she loved it. Tim would be flabbergasted but in a good way.

So now, all that needed to happen was giving Tim his present from the gift shop at the space camp and that would be a nice uplift to Tim's day. Tim definitely needed it.

Tim came out of the bathroom and started for the other bedroom.

"Tim, wait until I get in the bathroom," Tony said.

Tim looked back at him and smiled.

"Well, you'd better get in there, then."

A little more peppy but not wonderful.

"Will do."

Tony got into the bathroom, showered quickly, and came back out. Tommy and Daniel were dragging themselves out of the other bedroom. Clearly not enough sleep, but they both smiled a little when Tony said good morning.

"Okay, Tommy, you need to get moving," Tim said. "Remember that we have to catch the train and there's only one today."

Tommy dragged himself into the bathroom and Tim went into the bedroom to make sure he had all his stuff. He brought it out and then went into the other bedroom to make sure Tommy's stuff hadn't exploded out of his bag in the night. It hadn't.

Tony was sorry that Tim's nightmare had pulled him down so much. He was doing the same things he would have been doing regardless, but with no spring in his step at all. Daniel actually looked a little worried as Tim sat down on the couch without saying anything.

"Tim... are you okay?" Daniel asked.

Tim looked up in surprise and forced a smile onto his face.

"Yeah. I didn't sleep very well last night. Good thing I'm not driving."

"Is that really all it is?"

Tony wondered what Tim would say. Tim seemed to be considering how to answer.

"No, but I really am okay. Not wonderful but okay. Thanks for asking."

"Okay. Hey, Dad and I got you something!"

Tony smiled as Tim turned around and looked at him.

"Daniel's idea," Tony said.

Daniel ran off into the bedroom and came out with the camper mug and the regular mug.

"You were so busy making sure Tommy didn't get everything that you didn't get anything for you when we were at the gift shop. So these are for you!"

He handed Tim the mugs and Tim looked at them both.

"You didn't need to..."

"Oh, come on, Tim. It's a gift, it's not supposed to be something you _need_. Just take them."

Tim did take them and look at them, smiling at the statements written on them. And there was more to his smile than just enjoyment of the gifts. Tony knew it. He could tell.

"Thanks, Daniel," Tim said, sounding a little choked up. "They're great. I'll make sure I use this one to go to work."

"You're welcome," Daniel said.

The door to the bathroom opened and Tommy came out looking much more alert.

"Hey, Tommy. Look at what Daniel and Tony got me," Tim said, wiping away a stray tear quickly.

Tommy came over and laughed at them.

"I didn't see those at the gift shop," he said. "They're great!"

"I agree. They're perfect, Daniel. Thank you," Tim said.

Tony could see that Tim was dissembling a little bit for Tommy's sake, but he was just a little bit better for the unexpected gift. Daniel's timing had been absolutely perfect.

Daniel smiled and went into the bathroom.

"Okay, Tommy. Get all your stuff together so that we can go as soon as Daniel gets out of the bathroom. Then, you and I will get breakfast on the train, okay?"

"Really? Cool!" Tommy said and ran off to the bedroom.

Tim watched him go and then took one more breath before pushing himself to his feet. He walked over to other bedroom where Tony was standing by the doorway.

"Tim?"

"I'm okay," Tim said. "It'll just take some time. It always does." Then, he smiled. "Tommy will help. He always does."

Then, he walked into the bedroom to do one last check, and Tony thought about that. There was no question that Tim wanted to protect Tommy from the darker parts of his life, but Tony was seeing an additional reason for that now. Tommy's innocence helped _him_.

It only took a couple of minutes for Daniel to finish in the bathroom. Then, they gathered their stuff, checked out of the hotel and got in the car. Tony drove them over to the Norfolk Station, and then, when he was about to get out of the car, Tim stopped him.

"Tony, you don't need to come in with us. We'll catch the train."

"What if you miss it?" Daniel asked. "Then, you'd be stuck here at the station. We should be here, just in case."

"Listen to my teenager," Tony said. "He knows what's what."

Tim smiled.

"Okay, okay. Let's go, then."

They got out of the car. Tim and Tommy grabbed their bags and they went in. Their train was on time and they weren't going to miss it. So it was time to say their good-byes.

Tony hesitated and then hugged Tim quickly.

"It was a good trip, Tim. Even with the bad parts, it was a good trip. Focus on the good parts," he said quietly.

"Thanks," Tim said. "Enjoy your family, Tony. Focus on what you're doing right."

Tony let him go and raised an eyebrow. Tim did it back.

"If I have something to learn, so do you," he said.

Tony grinned. "You're right."

Tim smiled and took a deep breath.

"I'm glad you wanted to go to the camp, Tommy," Daniel said. "I had fun."

"Me, too!" Tommy said.

Daniel held out his hand and Tommy jumped up to give him a high five...well, it was a high five on Tommy's part.

"See ya later, Tommy," Tony said. "Take care of your dad, okay?"

"I always do!" Tommy said, seriously but still smiling.

"Yes, he does," Tim said. "Okay, Tommy. Let's get on the train!"

"All right!"

Tim gave him a fist bump and they headed off, leaving Tony and Daniel behind.

"All right, Daniel. You ready to get home and wake everyone up?" Tony asked.

Daniel grinned. "Yeah. Let's go."

They left the train station and headed home. It was the shortest drive of the trip.

"Perfect timing, Daniel," Tony said.

"Huh?"

"With the mugs. Good timing on it."

Daniel shrugged a little. "I don't like it when people aren't happy."

"Not everyone notices that," Tony said. "You noticed and that's a good thing."

"People don't notice? Really? But it's so obvious," Daniel said, his brow furrowing.

Tony smiled. "Not to everyone."

"Do you think Tommy doesn't notice, then?"

"I think Tim tries to make sure he doesn't, but Tommy notices more than you might think. He just doesn't know what to do about it yet."

"Oh."

It was quiet for a few minutes.

"...Dad?"

Tony smiled. It still wasn't quite natural, but Daniel was breaking the habit of the last three years, and he was working on it. That was what mattered.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you choose Grace and me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why us? Why not some other kid?"

"I don't know. It just seemed right. We'd tried fostering before and it hadn't really worked out, but when we met you and Grace, something seemed right. We're glad you guys felt the same way."

Daniel smiled and that carried them through the rest of the way home. They grabbed their bags and then crept into the house. It was still quiet. It wasn't even seven yet and it was Sunday, so it made sense, although Sam not being awake yet was a surprise. He didn't tend to let them ever sleep in.

"Why don't we make breakfast for everyone?" Daniel asked.

"Sounds like a plan. You decide what we'll make. I'm going to check on Sam to see if he's going to wake up," Tony said, covering how much he wanted to see his youngest.

Daniel nodded and started to get stuff out to make breakfast.

Tony walked back to the nursery. Once Ivan felt more secure, they might move him in with Sam and let Daniel have his own room, but Daniel had never once complained about sharing a room. In fact, he seemed to like the security of sharing a room with someone.

Tony quietly opened the nursery door and smiled when he saw Sam sitting on his bed, looking at a book.

...with Ivan. It looked like Ivan had slept there that night. Tony stepped into the room and closed the door.

"Hey, guys," he said softly.

Sam looked up and his eyes lit up in the way only little kids' eyes could.

"Daddy! Where did you go?" he said and leapt off the bed and over to Tony who picked him up and tossed him in the air before hugging him.

"I went on a trip with Daniel. Remember?"

"I told you that every day, Sam," Ivan said.

He came over and hugged Tony, too.

"Why are you here so early?" he asked.

"We ended up closer to home that we thought. Tim and Tommy decided to take the train so we didn't have to drive another eight hours there and back."

"Oh."

"Daniel and I are going to make breakfast. Do you two want to help?"

It was always risky to ask for help from a three-year-old, and Ivan could either be a help or a hindrance depending on the task.

"Yes!" Sam said, excitedly.

"Sure," Ivan said.

"Good. Let's go. We'll let the girls sleep in."

Ivan laughed his usual loud laugh while Sam clapped his hands. In reality, that might have awakened Grace or Jo or both. Oh, well. It didn't matter so much.

What did surprise Tony was how glad he was to be home with his family. As stressed out as he felt sometimes, he was really happy to be with them. Maybe he'd needed the time away to remind himself of that.

As he took his sons into the kitchen, Tony felt, just for a moment, that everything was perfect. It wasn't, of course, and it couldn't be, but he would take this perfect moment.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

Tommy was predictably excited about getting breakfast on the train. There was nothing exciting. A bagel, some fruit, juice. But that didn't matter. Tommy loved it. Early on a Sunday morning, the train was not full and that made it even better. It was easy to get around and they had plenty of space to sit down. After breakfast, they found a good seat to sit and watch the scenery going by. About an hour into the trip, Tommy finally drooped as Tim had expected he would. This had been a full week for him and with the downtime, he had given in. He leaned against Tim and fell asleep. Tim just sat there with an arm around his son and smiled. He would never complain about Tommy. Yes, he could be incredibly persistent with his questions. No, he wasn't perfect. No one was, but Tim just loved his son. He loved that Tommy enjoyed spending time with his dad still, and he loved that Tommy was so interested in the world around him. It made spending time with him a joy, even when the questions were interminable. And he had been over the moon with everything he'd done. So the trip had been a major success for Tommy. It had been a success for Daniel, too, since he had got the chance to find out that he could call Tony his father. The two boys? Success.

As he sat there, staring out the window, only his thoughts for company, Tim thought about the trip for himself and Tony. Tony had insisted that it had been a good one. From Tim's perspective, the only thing successful had been letting Tony know just how good a dad he was. He hadn't been able to do anything for Tony before seeing Gibbs and after seeing Gibbs, he'd just been too unstable. The good things that had happened didn't make up for how awful the bad things were. And it was just not fair. Tim had really been set for a great trip, genuinely throwing caution to the winds and just letting himself have fun. ...and it hadn't happened. It had started that way and then crashed and burned.

 _Like Wilbur Wright's first try before Orville actually succeeded,_ Tim thought bitterly to himself.

What had he got out of this trip? Another plunge into those dark parts of his brain, being confronted multiple times with the fact that he _still_ wasn't fully recovered from his bout with the flu, and having to do the thing he hated doing more than anything else in the world. He recognized that Tony was right. He really did, but even though he knew that Tony would help him when he needed it, even though he knew that it wouldn't make Tony walk away, Tim still hated that he kept dragging Tony into his problems. And after the case before, when he'd managed to get through it on his own, he had felt like he was finally getting over it, that maybe Dr. Bourning was wrong, that he'd really recovered, he didn't have PTSD, no lifelong psychological struggle.

Nope.

Not only had he had yet another confirmation of his problems, he'd had it while in the company of the one person who just didn't deserve to deal with it.

He sighed. He was trying to see the bright side, but he was failing.

Big surprise.

"Dad?"

Tim looked down to see Tommy's eyes open, looking at him.

With the worry he hated to see directed at him.

"Yeah, Tommy?"

"What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing important," Tim said.

Tommy sat up.

"You didn't look very happy."

"I wasn't, and I'd rather be happy," Tim said, smiling a little.

Tommy's brow furrowed.

"But, Dad, you said that no one is happy _all_ the time."

"When did I say that?" Tim asked, feeling his own brow furrow. He guessed that he and Tommy probably looked a lot the same in that moment.

"You were talking to Mom and she said something about a person who was always happy. You said that no one is happy _all_ the time," he said, using the exact same emphasis, leading Tim to guess that he was repeating it exactly as Tim had said it.

"It's true."

"So... What makes _you_ not happy?"

"It doesn't matter, Tommy."

"Yes, it does! It matters when people aren't happy. Even if they can't always be. When we were talking to the astronauts on the space station, one person asked what happened if someone got bad news from home. They can't just leave the space station. So what would they do? And the astronauts said that everyone would support the person who needed it and they'd do their best to help. You weren't happy, Dad. I want to help you."

Tim felt that old, familiar tightening of his throat, and he knew he wouldn't be able to put Tommy off this time. The expression on his face was one of childlike determination.

"Are you sure you want to know, Tommy?"

"Yes!"

"Okay." Tim took a breath, considering how to explain something to his nine-year-old son that wouldn't make it worse for him. Tommy was as mature as he could be, but he was still only nine.

"What makes you sad, Daddy?"

Tim smiled at that, at Tommy's earnestness. It was impossible to resist, even in this situation.

"When you were really young, Tommy, something happened when I was at work. We were supposed to be finding some people who had been taken by some really bad guys. And..." Tim hesitated again. He didn't want his son knowing this. He'd managed to hide it for so long.

"What, Dad? What happened?" Tommy asked.

"And one of the people we were supposed to be finding died. And it's something that... I can't forget. When I remember it too much, it's like it just happened and it makes me sad, sometimes, for a while. And I remembered while Tony and I were doing our part of the trip. I've been trying to not remember it as much, but I'm still remembering it. And when I get sad, it's hard for other people to be happy, too."

Tommy sat there with aserious expression. In spite of the seriousness of the conversation, it still made Tim want to smile. He had told Delilah once that Tommy had a "deep contemplation" expression that was the same whether he was considering whether or not to squash a spider or play with his sisters or learn something new. He approached everything with the same fervor.

Then, suddenly, Tommy leaned over and hugged him tightly.

"I love you, Dad," he said.

"I love you, too," Tim said, a little surprised.

Then, after a moment, Tommy sat up and looked at him intently.

"Did that help, Dad?"

"What?"

"Did that help? I can't make you not remember, but I can help you think of something else. And I love you. Does that help?"

Tim didn't like to cry in front of other people. In fact, he rarely did it, except when he was so overloaded he just couldn't help it. It didn't matter if it was tears of joy or pain, he didn't like crying. But his sweet son was doing the only thing he could to make his dad feel better.

And it did help.

Tim teared up a little and smiled. Then, he hugged Tommy tightly.

"Yes, Tommy. That helps," he whispered. "That always helps."

"Then, I'll always love you because you're my dad," Tommy said.

"Thank you, Tommy," Tim said.

Then, Tommy pulled back and pointed out the window.

"Dad, what's that?"

Tim looked out the window.

"That's a train station."

"Is it Union Station?"

"Nope. We have a couple more hours before we'll get there."

"Oh." Tommy gave that due consideration. "Good. Can I have a snack?"

Tim laughed. "You already had breakfast."

"It wasn't very much. I'm hungry again!"

Tim caved. Of course.

"Sure, okay. Let's go see what they have now."

They headed for the dining car.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Breakfast had been a rousing affair with Jo flabbergasted at the twins suddenly calling her Mom and Tony Dad, but she was clearly delighted by it. Tony hadn't mentioned it to her, just on the off-chance that things changed before he had got home. She'd be a little bit upset that he hadn't said anything, but only a little. The funny thing was how much they both had wanted it but how little they'd ever said. Because they'd specifically left it up to the twins, Jo had been determined not to try and influence them but to let them do what made them the most comfortable in their new home. Tony had followed her lead. So this was a real shock to both of them, a joyous shock but still a shock.

Daniel had decided on crepes for breakfast and preparation had taken time. So they had everyone in the kitchen before breakfast was ready, everyone talking at once. Then, during breakfast (during which time Grace parked herself in between Tony and Daniel), everyone was asking about the trip and the space camp.

"Would you do it again, Daniel?" Jo asked during a lull.

Daniel looked contemplative at the question.

"I don't know. It was fun. I met some cool people there, but... I don't know if I care about it as much as others there did," he said. "You should have seen some of them. Some have come every year since they were Tommy's age, and they're intense. A few tried to take charge just because they'd been there before, but the ones who were really in charge didn't let them." Then, he grinned. "In fact, a lot of those guys got put into support positions on the teams to force them to take orders instead of giving orders."

Grace laughed at that. Ivan did, too, but it was because Grace did.

"But I don't know. Maybe."

"Well, I'm glad you had fun," Jo said.

"Did you get to order anyone around?" Grace asked.

"Not really. I was a mission specialist, but that just meant that I had specific jobs I was doing. No one was under me."

"Shucks. I would have liked to have those snooty ones get it good."

Daniel laughed. "It didn't matter. Most of the kids there were cool."

"Well, next week, Grace and I are going to join up with the McGee girls and go on a mini trip ourselves," Jo said.

"What are you going to do?" Daniel asked.

"We're going to a luxury hotel that has a spa for moms and daughters," Jo said. "Grace hasn't decided if she's excited or not...but she's never been to a spa before, so she'll get to see. We're even going to do high tea."

"I don't like tea," Ivan said.

"I don't, either," Grace said.

"You don't have to have _tea_. The twins won't be having tea. You can have juice or hot chocolate. Whatever you want, but it's _called_ high tea in England."

"Oh."

"Give it a chance, Grace. You'll like it," Tony said.

"Maybe," Grace said, sounding a little doubtful.

"You will, and if you don't, listening to Evelyn and Esther be excited about everything will make you like it," Jo said.

Grace smiled grudgingly. She hadn't really done a whole lot with Delilah and Tony knew that it made her a little nervous, not because Delilah had been mean to her at all, but because Grace was just a little uncomfortable about her wheelchair. There was no way around it but to help her see that it was just one aspect of Delilah's life and nothing to be worried about. Tony couldn't help wondering if Grace was reverting to a less independent attitude because she actually could now. She had missed out on being a kid to a large extent, but now, she was seeing more and more that she didn't _have_ to be the strong one, the one who got them through each new trauma. Someone else could help.

Long term, it would be a problem, but maybe this was okay for now.

"Maybe next time _you_ can go to the space camp with Tommy," Daniel said, jokingly. "He'd love to tell you all about it."

That made everyone laugh.

Once they finished breakfast and cleaned up, Tony and Daniel got out their souvenirs and began giving them to everyone else. Ivan was excited at the t-shirt Daniel had picked that had the bright colors Ivan was able to see. Sam just loved all the toys. Grace was hesitant to take the box with the necklace Tony had bought for her at the butterfly conservatory.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Open it and see," Tony said. "I think you'll like it."

Grace opened the box and took out the necklace with the delicate butterfly charm.

"What do you think?" Tony asked.

"Oh, it beautiful, Tony," Jo said.

Grace looked at the butterfly carefully. She seemed almost entranced by it.

"We saw a butterfly that looked almost exactly like that, and it landed on Tim's nose," Tony said, smiling. "When I saw it in the gift shop, I knew it was perfect for you."

Grace looked at it for another moment and then leaned over and hugged him tightly.

"Thanks... Dad," she said, whispered.

"You're welcome," Tony said.

"Put it on, Grace," Jo said.

Grace nodded and put on the necklace. She kept touching the blue butterfly charm. Tony didn't know why it meant so much to her, but it really seemed to.

Other than that one moment, showing souvenirs was simply fun. They showed some of the pictures, although Tony was careful not to linger on the photos during the times that Tim was really feeling down.

But all through the morning, he knew that Jo was waiting to talk to him. But they weren't going to do it while the kids could hear, especially with the topic being what it was. It would have to wait until that night.

However, Tony did hope that Tim and Tommy got home all right and that Tim got what he needed from Delilah.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

Tim decided to splurge and take a taxi the rest of the way home. Tommy was thrilled with that, too, but even he was ready to be home. This had been as full a week for him as it had been for Tim, albeit in different ways.

"Okay, Tommy," Tim said. "Are you ready to surprise Mom and the girls? They don't know to expect us right now."

Tommy grinned. "Yes!"

"All right."

The taxi pulled up to the house. Tim paid the driver and they got their bags.

"Let's go," Tim said.

They ran up to the house and burst inside.

"We're home!" they shouted together.

Instantly, there was chaos.

Evelyn and Esther came running in together, both screaming excitedly. Tim knelt on the floor and hugged them both. (Esther got to him first, as always.) Delilah came rolling in a moment later, asking what all the shouting was about. Tommy ran over to her and hugged her and started talking nonstop about the space camp.

For a while, it was just layers of noise. The girls ran over to see what Tommy was saying and then ran back to Tim. Delilah was trying to listen to Tommy while also trying to (unsuccessfully) calm everyone down a little bit.

Then, after about ten minutes, there was a lull.

"Okay, everyone, let's take a breath," Delilah said. "Tim, where's Tony?"

"We took the train, Mom!" Tommy said.

"You did? Why?"

Tim smiled. "When we finished up what we were seeing, we realized how close we were to Norfolk, so it seemed silly to make Tony drive all the way up here and then have to drive all the way back when we could just catch the Sunday train. Tickets weren't too expensive."

"Well, I'm glad, then," Delilah said. "That would be a long drive. Now, why don't you show us what you bought on the trip?"

The twins reacted loudly again and so Tim and Tommy were happy to get out everything they'd purchased. Esther insisted on sitting on Tim's lap. She didn't do that very much anymore, but Tim didn't mind letting her. He knew she'd missed him. Evelyn had, too, but not in the same way that Esther did. They went through the souvenirs and some of the pictures and it definitely took a while to do so.

Then, it was time to think about getting things put away, laundry started and all the pieces that went with getting back from a trip.

They had dinner together as a family with Delilah making Tommy's favorite macaroni and cheese. They played together for a while and then it was time to get them to bed after an excitement-filled afternoon. After making sure they were all asleep, it was finally just Tim and Delilah. Tim knew a conversation was coming. He expected it.

He walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.

"Are you tired, Tim?" Delilah asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"So tired that you can't talk?"

"No."

Tim looked over at her and she got out of her chair to sit beside him on the couch.

"Are you going to talk about it?" she asked.

"Oh, do I get a choice?" Tim asked.

"Tim."

Tim sighed.

"I never could get out of it completely, Delilah," he said after a few seconds. "I tried. I tried so hard to... not fall down. I just... Once I was down there, I couldn't really get out. Not all the way."

"Tim, I know you hate it. I do, too, for your sake, but you make it worse by denying it."

"I told Tony."

"What?"

"That Dr. Bourning says I have PTSD."

"Not that you do have it, just that he says so?"

Tim smiled a little. He knew she'd picked up on how he chose to describe it.

"I have PTSD," he whispered. "You know... after the case and everything, when I managed to avoid falling, I thought... You'll think it's stupid after all this time, but I thought that I could go to Dr. Bourning and say, 'Look! I didn't fall apart. I'm better.' Then, Gibbs showed up on Key West and I fell apart. Not all at once, but little by little. I just... and then, after Tony..." Tim stopped quickly.

"After Tony what?" Delilah asked.

"Nothing."

"You're lying, Tim. I can tell which means you think that whatever it is will make me mad."

"It will. It upset me. I'm sure you'll be mad."

"What happened, Tim?"

Tim looked at her.

"Tony apologized right after he said it. In fact, he apologized more than once. He was feeling a little burned out and he took it out on me, but he didn't mean it."

Delilah sighed and even laughed a little. "What, Tim? This kind of setup, I'm going to start imagining the worst."

"When we were in the Everglades, I stopped to look at a tree. Tony got frustrated and he said that he wished I would think about someone other than myself for once."

Delilah looked shocked. "Tim..."

Tim grabbed her hands. "Delilah, it was wrong what he said, and he knew it. We talked it out and it's okay."

"Is it?" Delilah asked, sounding more than a little upset. "Is it, really? Or is it just that you _do_ feel bad about that and so you're pretending it's okay?"

"It's a little bit of that, but it's more that I don't want you mad at Tony. I wasn't even going to tell you because I knew how you'd react."

"Tim, what he said was wrong! It was cruel!"

"I know. I told him that. Actually, he told _me_ that. We talked about it more than once. He apologized and I accepted his apology," Tim said earnestly. "Please, Delilah, don't hold onto this. Tony's been really stressed out by things, and in a moment, he took it out on me, and he didn't mean to. I've let it go. That's why I didn't want to tell you."

Delilah took a breath and let it out. "Okay, Tim. ...maybe it's a good thing that Tony's four hours away right now. But okay."

Tim smiled.

"So you said you didn't get out of it," Delilah said, clearly trying to get back on topic.

Tim would rather not have to keep talking about it, but he recognized that he needed to. Besides, if Delilah was willing to move on from what Tony had said, Tim knew he needed to encourage that by getting back to the original conversation.

"No, I didn't."

"And you feel guilty because you couldn't."

"Yeah." Tim sighed. "I tried so hard, but it just... I couldn't do it. I'd start to get out and then I'd fall back down again. I tried to set it aside and help Tony with his problems and I failed. He kept saying that I'd helped but..." He looked at Delilah and then looked away. "...but I know I didn't really. The only help I could give was getting out of that mind set and I never really succeeded."

"Tim, it's not a failure. _You_ are not a failure. You just need to learn to let go of that feeling, even if you can't get rid of everything. Tommy doesn't see you that way. I don't see you that way. Tony doesn't see you that way."

"I know."

"And there's no shame in having PTSD, either," Delilah said. "After everything that's happened, it shouldn't be something you're ashamed of. All it does is explain why you still struggle sometimes. I'm not saying you have to tell every person you meet about it, but you shouldn't let it be something you hide."

"I told Tommy about it. I didn't use the term, but I told him."

"Told him?" Delilah asked in surprise.

"On the train. He asked why I was sad. I tried to put him off, but he wouldn't let me. He said he wanted to help me." Tim felt his throat tighten. "And so I... I tried to tell him without telling him details and... Do you know what he did?"

"No. What?"

"He hugged me and said he loved me. Then, he asked if it had helped because he said... that was all he could do."

"And did it?" Delilah asked softly.

"Yeah. It helped," Tim said.

Delilah scooted closer and put her arms around him.

"Tim, having PTSD doesn't make you a bad person. You have struggles, but it's nothing you should be ashamed of. And now you can see it with your son. Even if Tommy doesn't understand it completely, his reaction was to want to help you. When you fall, it's okay. You probably wouldn't stay down there as long if you stopped expecting so much of yourself. It would be easier for everyone if you just acknowledged it."

Tim leaned on Delilah for a moment and then leaned back on the couch and stared at the ceiling.

"A few years ago, the hardest thing in my life was when you were caught in that bombing. I thought nothing could be harder than that for me. I was wrong. Sometimes, it's easy. Sometimes, I don't think about it at all, but... it always comes back and knocks me down."

"And that's okay," Delilah whispered.

"I ruined this trip, Delilah, and I really tried not to. I didn't ruin it for Tommy and Daniel, thank goodness, but for Tony..."

"And you? Did it ruin it for you?"

"The good stuff doesn't really compensate for the bad. Maybe it would have happened with or without Gibbs showing up, but... He still has way too much power over my life, and it's not even that he's tried to get it. I know you hate him, but this isn't something he wants, either." Tim sighed, but he didn't share what he was thinking with Delilah. He knew what her reaction would be. "I need to find some way to change that."

"Tim, you didn't ruin it," Delilah said. "This whole trip was a detour. It wasn't the original plan. Everything was different than it was going to be. Nothing is ruined. All you need to do is accept that it's not the plan and enjoy what you did do. The real trip will come...maybe next year."

"Too busy," Tim said, shaking his head. "We never go the year after. It takes up too many personal days."

"Well, next year will have to be an exception so you can go on the real trip to Banff and see that you haven't ruined anything, and I think, Tim, in the long run, it might even be better that you did this. And one more thing?"

Tim looked over at her.

"What?"

Delilah leaned in and kissed him.

"I love you, and I'm glad you're back."

Tim smiled and kissed her as well.

"I love you, too."

"Now, let's go to bed, and I don't care if you still have a nightmare tonight. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

Tim smiled again and hugged her tightly. Then, his smile widened and he picked her up off the couch and then deposited her gently into her chair. Delilah laughed and then quickly wheeled in front of him so she got into the bedroom first.

They both got ready for bed and then curled up together. Tim had missed the feeling of holding his wife, and he was glad to be home.

"I never sleep as well when you're gone," Delilah whispered. "It's better with you here, Tim. It's always better. No matter what."

"I love you," Tim said again.

They fell asleep together.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

After spending the day together, everyone got to bed pretty late, but to Tony's surprise, Grace was willing to go to bed in her own room. Things did seem to be improving on that score. Maybe this trip _had_ been as beneficial as he'd claimed it would be.

By mutual consent, both he and Jo stayed up very late. With four kids in the house, it was hard to find time to have a private conversation when they weren't out on a date somewhere. But there were things that needed to be said, and Tony knew it.

They locked the door to the bedroom and sat down on the bed.

Now that the moment was here, Tony didn't really want to talk about it. He just wanted it to go away. He knew it wouldn't, but he wanted it to.

"Tony, you said that you didn't want me to let you weasel out of it," Jo said. "It's time. You need to talk."

"Okay... but I really did tell you what I was thinking," Tony said.

Jo actually smiled a little. "Yeah, you did. You were thinking that you'd try to weasel out of it when the time actually came. And here you are, doing just that. Come on. Talk to me." She paused. "Or is it really that you don't want to be a dad at all?"

"No!" Tony said, instantly, feeling almost afraid of that suggestion. "No, that's not... It's..."

Jo grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Tony, just tell me what's going through your head."

"Jo... you didn't know me the way I used to be. When we met, I was a lot different from how I was before. You wouldn't even have given me the time of day. I was..." Tony sighed as the comparison came to mind and he couldn't avoid it. "I was my dad. Or at least, I was close. I moved around to different jobs every couple of years. It was easy because cops are always needed pretty much everywhere, and I can sweet talk people when I want to. I was a player. One girl one date, a different one the next, sometimes on the same day. I didn't make any close connections and that made it really easy. I worked and then I partied. For years. When Tim and I first started working together, I thought he was a boring and uninteresting computer geek, and he thought I was a shallow jock. And he was right. I was."

Tony stopped talking and ventured a glance at Jo. She was just sitting there. Listening. He looked away again.

"But...well, things changed a little bit. I met someone; we got engaged. I thought I'd be settling down, and I liked the idea. More than I ever thought I would." Tony took a breath. "It fell apart. We broke up, and I went back to how I'd been...except that I stopped moving around. I stayed at NCIS, stayed in one place for the first time in my life. I never had done that before, not even as a kid after Mom died. And I started to change. Not much at first, but a little bit."

Another silence.

"Tony," Jo said after a moment, "I'm glad to know this, but I'm not getting it. What does this have to do with our family?"

Tony sighed. He knew he wasn't explaining himself very well. It was the same thing with Tim, only Jo wouldn't let him end the conversation and he knew he shouldn't anyway. He'd just have to keep trudging through, trying to explain what was only vaguely clear in his head.

"I'm doing a terrible job at explaining," he said. "I know. I'm talking without saying anything."

Jo turned his head to the side so he had to look at her. She was smiling, although there was a hint of concern in her eyes.

"No. You just need to keep going. Tony, I know you don't like doing this. I'm impressed that you're trying to. You want it to be easy, but you're working through that, and I appreciate it."

Tony seized on what she'd said. "That's exactly it. I want it to be easy, and it's just not."

"You want _what_ to be easy? Your life? It's never going to be, you know."

"I know."

"Okay." Jo was still waiting.

"But I've always been able to live my life without any real effort and... and I was good at it. And I've been trying to do it in my family because... you all mean so much to me, more than I ever thought I could feel and..."

"And because it's hard, you think you're failing?" Jo asked, gently.

Tony lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

"Everyone I know seems to get how to do this parenting thing except me. You don't seem to have any trouble figuring out what the right thing to do is. I feel like I'm just limping from crisis to crisis with no clue about how I got through the last one. I don't feel like I'm... good at it. I don't feel competent. I feel like I'm just...barely keeping my head above water, and I'm getting tired of swimming."

Jo lay down on her side, facing him, supporting her head with her hand.

"Tony, everyone struggles. It's just not obvious because you can't see the freak out going on in their heads. I struggle. You _know_ that Tim struggles."

"Not with parenting. He knows what to do. He just questions it. It's just with his self-confidence."

"Tony, when it comes to parenting, that's more _your_ problem, not Tim's."

"Huh?"

Tony turned over on his side, copying Jo's position. She smiled.

"Tony, you seem to have this image built up in your head about how things are _supposed_ to be. You have it about a lot of things. I've noticed."

She rolled over for a moment and grabbed something off the night stand. Then, she rolled back and handed it to him.

"You got the idea in your head that people are supposed to buy keychains as a souvenir. You got the idea that you're supposed to go certain places, do certain things. And generally, I don't mind it. I think the keychains are funny and a nice cheap souvenir. A lot of the things you want to do for the kids are great because they never have had the chance before, but if you don't do them... Tony, that doesn't make you a failure. Not every kid goes to Disneyland. Not every family takes a trip to Mount Rushmore. They're still families and they're still _good_ families. If you're just trying to get through a day because it's been so hard, that doesn't make you a failure. The fact that you keep trying and trying even when you think you're failing... that's a success, not a failure. The only failure is that you fail to see what a great job you're doing."

"But I don't _know_ what I'm doing when I'm trying to be a dad."

"Yes, you do," Jo said. "No, you didn't get a dad who could show you the ins and outs of being a dad, and that put you at a bit of a disadvantage to start. Plus, I threw you right into the deep end, assuming that you already knew how to swim and you struggled a bit there. I'm sorry I didn't think about it. But you know what to do. You've been doing it." Then, she teared up a bit. "Our children are calling us their real parents. And it wasn't just because of me, Tony. It was both of us, and hearing Daniel call you his dad, and having them call me their mom... Tony, it's amazing, and that's for _both_ of us, not just me. They're not wanting to call me Mom and you Dad only by default. It's because of how good you are at being their dad."

Tony reached out and brushed away one of the tears. Jo laughed a little.

"Remember. It's not just you and it's not just me. You called me to task on that with fostering, and I needed the reminder. It's _our_ family. Both of us together. If you're feeling discouraged or that it's too hard, _tell_ me. I won't think you're skipping out on us. I'll know that you're needing the help. That's all I ask you to do. If you want to go back to therapy for a little while, you can. I'll support you. If you want to just deal with it with my help, I'll support you."

"Thanks," Tony said, not knowing what else to say.

"And Tony, there's one thing that you shouldn't forget."

"What?"

"You're not a completely different person from who you were. You're different from what you described to me, absolutely, but you're not a different person. That person you were before knew how to have fun, knew how to find fun in every situation and knew how to let things go. Those aren't bad traits, as long as you learn to moderate them a little. ...because life isn't all about having fun and doing fun things. Some parts of life really are a slog, but it's good to have someone who can have fun so easily. Grace and Daniel need to know how to have fun and you've taught them that... better than I have, actually, since I'm so uptight."

Tony laughed.

"Maybe you should go back to dyeing your hair different colors again," he said. "Now that Sam's getting older."

"Maybe I should, although I don't know if I want to give Grace any ideas."

"I don't think you need to. She's had plenty of examples."

Jo laughed. "Very true." Then, she got serious again. "Are you hearing what I'm saying, Tony?"

"Yeah. I am," Tony said. "Actually, I was thinking that maybe I'll make an appointment with my shrink again and talk to him about it a little bit."

"That might be a good idea. Just keep me in the loop. I love you, Tony, and I want you to tell me what's going on in your head so that I can keep helping you when you need it. You've been completely supportive as I've tried to adjust to being at home instead of yelling at important people all day. I want to support you when you're worried about whether or not you can handle this parenting thing. ...but you can. You really can, and I'll try to make sure you know it."

"Thanks, Jo. I love you."

Jo kissed him and then asked another question.

"So you said that the road trip was good _and_ bad. Was it all about Gibbs showing up?"

"It started there, but I did some stupid things and Tim never quite got back to normal after talking to Gibbs. And...it really sucks because he was as happy as I've seen him in a while at the beginning of the trip. And the end of the trip...well, I'll bet he still thinks he ruined it. And he didn't. Honestly, I did more to ruin the trip than he did."

"What did _you_ do, Tony?"

"I said something I never should have said to Tim when I was feeling frustrated."

"What did you say? I can tell you don't want to tell me, but it doesn't negate anything I said before."

"I accused him of only thinking about himself and not about me," Tony said, looking down. "The worst was that he told me later that he'd been trying to figure out what to do to help me. He really _wasn't_ even thinking about himself at that point. I apologized, and we talked, but I don't think I really fixed it."

"Probably not," Jo said. "That was...not your finest moment, Tony."

"I know. ...which brings me to two things I want to run by you before I try to make them definite."

"What?"

"Normally, I wouldn't suggest another road trip so soon since we both have families and I like to spend time with you guys, too, but I think we need to take another road trip next year so that Tim doesn't feel like he can't do this without ruining it. But that _will_ use up more of my personal days."

"Oh. What would that do for our planned trip with Ivan once we can do it?"

"I don't know. But we only did just over a week this time. And we still have some saved up, so I think it should be okay, regardless."

"Hmm...do you need an answer right now on that?"

"No. Just for you to think about it."

"Okay. What's the other thing?"

"It's more immediate, but it's expensive. Otherwise, I'd just do it and not worry about it."

"What is it?" Jo asked, her brow furrowing a little bit.

"I want to get something for Tim. I could say it's for his birthday, but really, I just want to get it for him because I don't think he'll do it for himself. He'll keep putting it off as something not really important and that he can get around to later, but I know it's something he wants."

"You know what that sounds like, I hope."

Tony smiled. "I'm not trying to buy him off."

"I know, but Tim might go that route, so whatever this is, you'd better include a note or something. What I've learned about Tim in the last few years is that he tends to put the worst possible spin on things dealing with himself and the best possible spin on things dealing with everyone else."

"Very true. But you're right. I'll have to make sure I do that. I would anyway, but I'll remember it."

"So what are you going to get him that will be so expensive? Tim doesn't really have expensive tastes in most things."

"A telescope."

"What?"

"Tim's always wanted a good telescope but he's had so many other things going on that he couldn't afford it or was in the wrong place, but he said that he still wanted to get one someday. Delilah knows what he wants and I want to get it for him, but it would be pricy because Tim wants a _good_ telescope and good ones cost a lot."

"How much is a lot?" Jo asked. "I have to admit that I know pretty much nothing about them."

"Well, what I was looking at, it'll probably be around $3,000."

"Wow. That _is_ expensive. Well, money isn't so tight that we can't afford it. It's not like it's choosing this or paying the bills. Which part of the budget would you take it from?"

"I was thinking I could take it from my car fund. It would put off when I replaced my car, but it's still running fine and there's another year before we have to worry about Grace and Daniel driving."

"Are you sure?" Jo asked. "Your car is getting a little rundown and I know you were wanting to get a new one."

"I'm positive. It doesn't mean I never replace my car. It just means that it might be next year instead of this year. I'm okay with that."

"Okay." Then, Jo smiled. "Tony, you're such a softy, and I don't think that's a new thing. I think you just hid it before. No one could be so mushy as you are sometimes and have it be something you fake."

Tony laughed. "Maybe."

"No, definitely. Now, I know that you need to go to work tomorrow...or rather later today since it's after midnight. So do you think you can get to sleep?"

"Yeah." Then, he reached over and pulled Jo close to him. "As long as I still have you."

"You do. Always."

Tony kissed Jo, but then, he got up and went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. That hadn't been so bad.

When, they were both in bed, Jo slid over close to him. She didn't say anything, but he had always enjoyed feeling her close. Her strength was always obvious and he didn't think he could have found anyone better.

As he lay there, holding his wife, Tony realized that, more than anything, he could never give up the family he now had. That moment in Key West when he'd wondered about whether or not he could just stay there with no troubles... the tradeoff would never have been worth it.

Never.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

Tim watched as his team came into the conference room. He'd asked for a short meeting, but he didn't really want to do it. Still, he felt that he needed to. Maybe it wouldn't even be a surprise to them, all things considered, but whether it was or not, he knew that this was something he probably should have done a while ago.

"So...what's up, Tim?" Weston asked. "Why the conference room?"

"Mostly because I just wanted a little bit of privacy, Weston," Tim said.

"Privacy? What for? What's going on?" Maren asked, looking worried. "Are you getting sick again or something?"

"No, Maren," Tim said, smiling a little. "I'm still not quite up to my usual energy levels but I'm fine."

"Then, what is it?"

"Where's Sarah?"

"Late," Weston said. "She said she'd be right in."

"Okay."

A few seconds later, Sarah came rushing in, full of apologies for her tardiness, as if this kind of thing didn't happen regularly.

"Okay, now that you're all here, there's something I want to tell you. ...well, _want_ is too strong a word, but I need to tell you."

"What's up?" Sarah asked.

"It may not be a surprise, but I don't know, and if it is and this is a deal-breaker for you, I understand."

"Just tell us, Tim," Weston said.

"Weston, you and Sarah were here and went through all the stuff with Allison Jenkins."

They nodded.

"And I know that you were told about it, too, Maren," Tim said.

"Yeah."

"Well, you also know that I never quite got over it. And... I have PTSD. Probably always will."

There was silence for about ten of the longest seconds Tim had ever experienced. He wasn't sure how they'd react. He wasn't sure how much they'd surmised in the past and just never said aloud. So he just had to wait and see.

"Tim...I didn't know, but I'm not surprised," Weston said. "Why are you telling us, now?"

"Because I'm trying not to be ashamed of it," Tim said, honestly. "You three have worked under me for a few years now, and of all the people who deserve to know, you do. It could affect the way I work in the future, maybe in worse ways than it has already."

"You don't need to be ashamed of PTSD," Sarah said, almost indignantly. "My dad has had problems with depression his whole life. He's on medication to help him and there's nothing shameful about that!"

"Yeah, I get why you worried about it, but you should trust us more, Tim," Maren said. "Everyone knows the basics of what happened and even the basics are bad enough. I like being on your team, even when you seem to be in kind of a funk."

Tim smiled. "I've liked leading this team, but it genuinely could have an effect, not a good one."

"It _has_ had an effect," Weston said. "It's shown us more of who you are. Tim, you were really pretty rigid when I first got on your team. I didn't mind so much, because that's the way some people are, but you're really not...when you relax a little bit."

"Hey, I sent you the picture of me on the beach," Tim said, smiling a little bit. "You got proof that I relax."

"But like Weston said, I'm not really surprised," Sarah said, "but I am surprised that you never told us. You should have."

"I know. Telling people made it real," Tim said. "If I told you, that would mean that it was right, that I really do have this problem that will be with me for the rest of my life."

"So what made the difference?" Weston asked.

"Just some things that happened on my vacation. It still took a couple of weeks after I got back to get up the courage to tell you. But like I said, if this is a deal-breaker for you, I understand."

"Did you really think that was all it would take?"

"Well, either having it in the first place or the fact that I never told you I did," Tim said.

"I can't speak for anyone else, but it's not for me," Weston said. "I'm happy where I am."

"Me, neither," Maren said, quickly. "You're the first boss I've had who understands everything I say!"

Tim laughed a little. Then, he looked at Sarah. She still seemed a little bothered. He didn't blame her. In fact, even though they were nothing alike, he still couldn't get over the fact that his first new agent had the same name as his younger sister. It had changed the way he'd treated her, even just because of her name.

"Sarah?" he asked. "I am sorry. Gibbs always said apologies are a sign of weakness. He's right. They are. And I was afraid of showing that."

"Okay." Then, she smiled a little. "Just don't do it again."

"I won't."

"Anything else?" Weston asked.

"Not at the moment."

"Good. Then, we'll get back to work and you can head home. This is your Saturday off, you know."

"Are you trying to take over my position, Weston?" Tim asked.

"Nope. I'm good."

"Okay. Then, I'll see you on Monday...unless you need me today."

"Go home, Tim. We've got this. It's just a cold case today, anyway. I think Vance is taking it easy on us."

"By giving us a cold case?" Sarah asked. "I doubt it. That seems more like punishment."

His team all got up and left the room. Tim stayed where he was for a few minutes. That had gone all right. Dr. Bourning had been encouraging, but Tim had still really been nervous about what would come of it. Sarah was still a little upset, he thought, but it had gone as well as could be expected.

Then, the door to the conference room opened, and Tim stood up quickly.

"Director Vance," he said.

"Agent McGee, I didn't realize that you were in here. Do you have a meeting?" he asked.

"No, I just finished one. I was about to go home."

"Oh, yes. How is that working?"

"Really well, right now."

"Good. May I ask what your meeting was about?" Vance asked.

"I was... telling my team about my PTSD diagnosis...like I should have done a couple of years ago when I first got it."

Vance looked at him for a moment.

"Have a seat, Agent McGee."

"All right," Tim said and sat down, feeling a little worried.

Vance smiled. "You're not in trouble. I just wanted to check up with you. How are things going?"

"I hit a slump a couple of weeks ago, but I'm feeling better again. I decided that it was time to come clean to my team."

"Come clean? You make it sound like you were confessing to a crime rather than informing them about the state of your mental health."

"Well, I did hide it from them. Sarah was bothered by that. I should have told them before."

"Yes, you should have. I understand your reticence, but you shouldn't keep important information like that from your team."

"I know. It's not just about me. It's about their safety, too."

Vance nodded.

"Good. Agent McGee, you've done an admirable job with your team and with putting yourself back together after all the hits you've taken, and I apologize for allowing you to go through that case with Commander Peterson. I was unaware of the situation until it was over, and I would have got the case assigned to someone else if I'd known."

"I couldn't have said no once he asked."

"I know. That's why I should have known about it, so that I could have said no for you."

"I got through it."

"And you did so admirably. I don't know if I could have kept myself from giving him what he deserved," Vance said.

Tim smiled.

"I wish it wasn't this way, though," he said, sighing a little. "Sometimes, it's still really hard."

"I don't blame you in the least, but you really are doing a good job. How would you feel about losing one of your team?"

"I wouldn't like that, I'll admit. We're in a good situation. We all work together well. Who would you take?"

"There's one you'd give up?" Vance asked, with a smile.

Tim smiled back. "Not if it's up to me, but I feel like it's not."

"It's not set in stone, but they could use a good profiler down at the CRFO."

"Agent Gardiner is a good profiler, better now than she was a couple of years ago. She's willing to take criticism. She doesn't assume she knows everything, but she's really good at what she does. I'd hate to lose her, but I know that would be good for her career. Is this going to be a choice or is it just a necessary transfer?"

"A choice at the moment, but I wanted your feelings on it before speaking to Agent Gardiner."

"Well, now, you know," Tim said. "I'll let her go, but I don't want to. I'd rather keep her."

"I'll keep that in mind," Vance said. "All right, go home and enjoy your weekend."

"Thank you, sir."

Tim got up and left the conference room, hoping that he wouldn't have to lose Sarah, but glad that her performance was such that she was seen to have the potential for promotion. She'd been on his team since she'd finished her training at FLETC, and he was glad to know that he'd done a pretty good job.

As he got out to his car, his phone started ringing.

"McGee," he said as he answered.

" _Tim, where are you? I thought this was your Saturday off!"_

"Tony? Where are _you_?" Tim asked.

" _I'm at your house! Where you should be! Delilah said that you had an appointment or something. Where are you?"_

"Oh, well, I had a meeting with my team."

" _Day off! You need to learn how to spend your free weekends, Tim."_

Tim had the feeling that Tony was forcing it a little bit.

"I wasn't coming in to work. I was... doing something I should have done a few years ago."

" _What?"_ Tony asked, sounding more serious.

"I was telling them about my PTSD and apologizing for not telling them."

There was a long pause.

" _Good for you, Probie,"_ Tony said, finally. _"I know that would be hard."_

"Yeah. But it's done and I'm heading home."

" _Good. I have something for you."_

"What?"

" _You'll have to get home to find out. I'm not spoiling the surprise."_

"Okay."

" _No delays, Tim. Hurry home."_

"Okay, okay. See you there."

Tim hung up and sat in his car for a moment, wondering what in the world had brought Tony to his home with no warning. Usually, because of how long the drive was, Tony tended to let Tim know about it and, sometimes, he stayed overnight, although, not usually.

"Well, I'll never find out by sitting here," he said to himself.

He put the car in drive and started home. If he was lucky, he could get there in under half an hour. It all depended on the traffic.

Today, he was lucky. He pulled into the garage, noting Tony's car parked on the road. He was still wondering what was going on. He walked into the house...and then, out to the backyard where all the noise was coming from.

"What's going on out here?" he asked.

"Daddy, you're back!" Esther squealed and ran over to him, as if he'd been gone for far longer than a couple of hours.

Tim grabbed her and picked her up.

"Yes, I am. What are you doing?"

"Passing the time until you got home, of course," Tony said.

"Tony said he brought you a surprise, Dad," Tommy said, "but he wasn't going to let anyone see it until you got home. We were trying to trick him into telling us what it is."

"Did you succeed?"

"Nope," Tony said. "I'm way to good at it. But now that you're here, I'll go and get it. It's in my car."

"Need any help?"

"Nope. Stay here, Tim," Tony said. "I'll be back."

"Okay," Tim said, still wondering what was going on. "Tommy, where's your mom?"

"In your room. She said that she wouldn't be able to keep the secret so she was going to hide until you saw it. No one is allowed to go in."

"Well, I'm going in, then," Tim said, getting up.

He walked into the house with his three children following along behind, all of them riled up by Tony, most likely.

"Delilah, what's going on?"

"Just be patient, Tim! You'll find out!" Delilah called out.

"What's with all the secrecy? It's not my birthday or anything."

The door to their bedroom opened and Delilah came out looking a little gleeful.

"Just wait. You'll find out in a few seconds."

Then, the front door opened and Tony came in, carrying a large and what looked like a fairly heavy package, all covered in paper.

"Tony, what is this?" Tim asked. "It's not Christmas and it's not my birthday. I don't need a present and if this is a gag, I'm not really in the mood for it."

"It's none of those things," Tony said. "I have one more load to get from the car. No peeking while I'm getting it. In fact..." He looked at the kids who were all nearly dancing with excitement. Then, he picked up one twin in each arm and set them on the largest box. "Okay, girls. Your job is to make sure your dad doesn't try to see what's in the box until I get back."

The twins clapped excitedly.

"No peeking, Daddy! No peeking!" Evelyn said.

"I won't peek."

"No peeking!" Esther said.

Then, suddenly, Tommy's eyes got big.

"What, Tommy?" Tim asked.

"It's a..." Then, he stopped.

"What?" Tim asked again.

"I'm not telling! I'm not telling!" Tommy said, now smiling with delight.

Then, Tony was back with more boxes.

"Tony, what in the world is this?" Tim asked.

"Okay, _now_ , you can peek," Tony said. He lifted Evelyn and Esther off the biggest box. "Open it up, Tim."

Tim was a little worried about this. It was big. There were multiple parts to it. Could Tony really be trying to make up for the road trip over a month later?

"Tim, this is something I wanted to do for you. That's all this is," Tony said, correctly reading his silence.

"Whatever this is, Tony... I'm sure it's too much," Tim said.

"Nope. It's just enough. Open it."

"Open it, Dad!" Tommy begged.

Finally, Tim walked over and pulled off the paper. He stopped after he saw the _Orion_ brand written on it. He looked up.

"Tony... you didn't."

Tony grinned.

"What is it, Daddy?" Esther asked. "What is it?"

"Keep going, Tim," Tony said.

Tim slowly reached out and pulled at the paper, revealing the rest of the box declaring it to contain a 180-mm Maksutov-Cassegrain reflector. Exactly what he had been wanting to get for his first high-quality telescope.

"How did you–?"

"You make really good lists, Tim, and your wife knows where they are."

Tim looked at Delilah. She was smiling. He couldn't even wrap his mind around the fact that Tony had gone and bought him an actual telescope. And this one was not cheap. Plus, it looked like he'd bought a mount and there were smaller boxes which probably contained lenses and filters.

"Tony..."

"Daddy, there are lots of boxes!" Evelyn said. "Can I help?"

"Uh... yeah, Evelyn. Just be careful. Some of them will be breakable."

"Me, too! Me, too!" Esther said.

"Go ahead. Tony, you can't just go and..."

"Yeah, I can. I did. Don't worry. Jo didn't mind."

"But... this is... It's not... I would have got around to it. Sometime."

"When? When Esther and Evelyn get married and you can stop worrying?" Tony asked. "You wouldn't ever have done it, and we both know it. You needed someone to do it for you, and I did."

Tim hesitantly pulled off more of the paper.

"I thought about getting the bigger telescope you had researched, that Richey-Chretien thing, but I tracked down a local astronomy club and they recommended the smaller one for your first scope."

"What's this, Daddy?" Evelyn asked.

"That's a set of filters. Don't open them," Tim said faintly.

"What's this, Daddy?" Esther asked.

"That's the finder scope. Be careful with it."

"Dad, can I open the tripod?" Tommy asked, pointing to the longer, narrower box.

"Yeah. Tony, this is... you _can't_ do this for me," Tim said. "It's... It's too expensive. It's not right. It's..."

Tony walked over and put his hands on Tim's shoulders.

"Tim, I know you're still beating yourself up about the road trip. You shouldn't be, but I know you are. I've noticed every time I've talked to you since we got back. Ever since you told me that you wanted to get yourself a really nice telescope, I knew I wanted to get it for you. It _is_ right. You deserve it, and I wanted to be the one to get it for you." Tony smiled. "It's a gift. You need to learn to accept that people can give you things without needing anything in return. Just say thanks and enjoy it."

"It's a frisbee!" Evelyn said.

Distracted, Tim looked over.

"No, Evelyn. That's a solar filter. Don't throw it."

"Oh."

Then, Tim looked back at Tony. This seemed so wrong to him. After everything that had happened, to have Tony spend all that money on a telescope and what looked like half of the possible accessories offered. Tim knew how much it cost. He'd priced everything out himself...which was why he'd never bought it. It was so expensive and it was frivolous. Unnecessary and irresponsible.

"Tim, I promise that this is not the start of a trend of me buying you really expensive stuff. This is me wanting to do something for you, and the timing was perfect because of how down you've been lately. Let yourself be happy about it. You would be if you'd relax a little and stop thinking about everything you've ever done wrong in your life."

"Dad, are you okay?" Tommy asked, from his position on the floor. He looked worried.

"I'm..." Tim was finding it hard to think past the automatic desire to reject all this. "I'm fine, Tommy. It's just... a shock. It's a good shock, but it's a shock."

"Let yourself be happy, Tim," Tony said in a low voice. "You deserve it, no matter how much part of your brain is saying you don't. You deserve to be happy and you deserve this telescope."

"Tony... thank you," Tim said, finally.

Tony smiled. "You're welcome. Now, let's get all this junk out and see how it works!"

Tim finally let himself smile about it and he knelt down on the floor beside Tommy to start getting everything out of the boxes. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up to see Delilah with an understanding smile on her face. She knew how conflicted he was about this.

They spent the next two hours getting all the materials out and assembled and organized. Then, after he was sure he understood the basics, Tim put on the solar filter and took them all outside for an inaugural run, looking at the Sun.

Tony begged off staying longer, wanting to get back home, but Tim stopped him as he was getting into his car.

"Tony, wait."

"I'm not taking this back, Tim," Tony said. "There's no way."

"No, that's not it. You didn't have to do this. I'm okay."

"You deserve more than okay, Tim. And I'm not trying to buy your forgiveness for how stupid I was."

"You were just frustrated. It was okay."

"No, it wasn't. I wanted to get this for you because you deserve to have something that makes you happy."

"I have lots of things that make me happy."

"And you still deserve something else. You're a great guy and this is something I wanted you to have. Oh, and we're going to Banff next year."

"I don't know about that, Tony."

"I do. We are way overdue for an easy road trip. This is it. The closest we've come since Alaska is Route 66. We started out good on this one, but we didn't make it. So next year, we're going. We'll figure out the details later, but we're going to Banff. No arguments."

Tim didn't argue.

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever regret it?"

"Nope," Tony said, without any hesitation. "Not even for a moment...or whatever the shortest bit of time there is."

"Planck time," Tim said, smiling.

"Of course you'd know that," Tony said. He slapped Tim on the back. "I've got to get going, but I don't regret it. Not now, not a month ago, not ever."

"I don't, either," Tim said, almost in a whisper.

Tony's smile changed a little and he gave Tim a one-armed hug.

"Good, because I need all the family I can get and you're part of that."

"How is that going?"

"Better, now that I've talked with Jo. You were right, and I decided to talk to my shrink a few times. It's helped. And that's because of you, Tim. Remember that you help me, too. Now, go on and have fun with your telescope. If you figure out how to take pictures, send me some."

Tim laughed. "Okay. Thanks."

"Anytime."

"Drive safe."

"Always," Tony said. "I have people who will notice if I'm not there. And I love it."

"Bye," Tim said.

"See ya, later," Tony said and drove away.

Tim stood there, watching him go.

And he made a decision.

Then, he went back to his new telescope.


	41. Chapter 41

**Epilogue (and teaser for the next story)**

It had taken a month, but here he was. The kids were back in school, and he was ostensibly on his lunch break. He'd made it here.

Of course, he hadn't yet got out of the car, but he was here.

He hadn't been here in years. And the last time had been all around miserable.

No one knew he was here. Not a single soul.

He hadn't said a word to anyone about it.

He'd only barely convinced himself to do it.

Three times, he'd almost started the car and just driven away.

Three times, he'd stayed.

There were too many reasons why he should do this. He just wasn't sure he was ready.

_I'll never be ready._

So he'd have to do it without being ready.

One more deep breath and he opened the car door. He got out and walked to the front door.

Then, he stood there for a few seconds without moving.

_I can't do this._

He almost turned and walked away.

_I need to do this._

He stayed.

...and finally, he knocked.

...and then, he almost ran back to his car to drive away before the door could open.

He stayed.

The door opened. He straightened and forced himself to make eye contact.

"Hi, Gibbs," Tim said. "Can we talk?"

FINIS!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. This story ends here. I already have plans for the next one in Banff. I'm working on the story and will post once it's finished.


End file.
